Day 27: The Little Things

Today I essentially forced myself to get up and around. I was just so tired of being tired! I feel like I am getting a cold which is not good. All of the boys are coming down with it and Creide was especially sick today. It is hard to keep my distance when all my little one wants me to do is take care of him. We have hand sanitizer in every room of the house but it still doesn't seem to help.

Thankfully, he is feeling much better tonight. My symptoms have not progressed but they haven't gotten worse either. I made myself go for a walk today. I walked to the end of the driveway and back, which is a half mile roughly, and it was really good. I loved soaking in the sun. My two little boys went with me and they were just so fun. After our walk Ky rode his bike for me and then Jason and the two boys played baseball while baby Kearyn and I watched. Again, the sun just felt so nice and it is in these moments that I completely forget that there is anything wrong with me or that I just had chemo a few days ago. I can focus on the things that God has set before me and just enjoy the simplicity of it all.

We then went into town as Cale had a basketball game.and we had dinner with Jason's parents before hand. It was just so nice to get out and move around. It is so funny because when we got to the gym there was a J.V. girls game going on. I tried to sit and "just watch" the game but before long I was standing up so I could get the best view possible. It was such a close game and the daughter of some good friends of ours was playing. It was such a close game, even going into overtime, and even though they have a very good and capable coach that I would have coach my kids any day of the week (including Sunday as he is just such a man of God) - I still wanted to get out there any help him. I chuckled to myself because of how silly it seemed. I just had chemo a few days ago, I have been so sick this round, but leave it to a basketball game to lift my spirits and get me back where I need to be. It is amazing what God will use and how He will use it. By the way, the team I was rooting for did win by 1 point in overtime and sent the Grand Junction team packing. Wha-Whoo!

Cale played well too. He is getting better and better each game and it is nice to see him kind of let go and just be a kid. (If you know Cale, he is like an adult trapped in a little kids body. Always analyzing, always thinking, never just throwing caution to the wind. That would be entirely too risky and potentially harm his future endeavors. Yes, he talks like that and even uses much bigger words sometimes. I have to keep a dictionary close by just so I know what he is talking about.) Anyway, he did great and I was thankful at the opportunity to be able to watch him play once again.

Now we are home and the house is quiet. Everyone is tuckered out from the days adventures. I am left to ponder all the little things that happened today and I have a smile on my face. God is just so good and so faithful. I rejoice that He loves me so that he would give me all that I have. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate my family before because I did. I cherished my husband and my children but now it is different. There is a deeper meaning to this life God has given to me here on Earth and I plan on thoroughly ringing out every last drop of enjoyment.

I pray that the little things in your life brighten your day tomorrow, and each day after, as much as the little things in my life have brightened mine.

Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. On to the Funny of the Day (I know that is the only reason some of you read these!)

1.) Jason looked at me today and said, "I am really glad you are awake today to talk to. The last 3 or 4 days have been really quiet. I didn't realize how much of our relationship hinged on your ability to carry on a conversation." Finally, I am appreciated!

2.) When Ky was with me on my walk he would run way out ahead and then run back to me which is a new thing because he use to run about 50 feet max. before he would completely quit for the day. He has actually gotten really fast too. He told me, "Mom, I am like lightening." I told him that I agreed. He then said, "Yes, I was so fast that I think I saw flames coming out from behind me."

Day 26: The Body of Christ

As we have walked this journey I have been truly inspired, amazed, and overwhelmed at the amount of support we have received on every level. Today, four different people spent their time at my house today taking care of my children (and me) so that Jason could resume his ministry work. They sacrificed their time away from their families, their homes, and just gave of their time for us. This isn't the first time this has happened for us either. It seems that every day someone is doing for us in this time when we can't do for ourselves. It is amazing to see the hands and feet of Christ at work first hand.

Today, I am 5 days past chemo. I have had 5 days of feeling yucky and sleeping most of the time. It's these days, when it is hardest for me to see the that there is an end in sight, that you all make the difference. When I see people loving and playing with my children when I can't - there are no words. There is a lot of emotion that comes up in me when writing this as I truly do not know what we would do without you  all.

Your encouraging emails, your loving thoughts, your prayers, anything and everything that you do for my family is cherished in my heart. Jason said the other day that he could work for he rest of his life and never be able to repay all that has been done for us.

Your love for our family helps to keep me going. When I see all that you are doing, I see Christ and I hang onto that image in my weakest moments. Thank you and we love you all.

Funny of the Day:

So many of you have been missing my funny's of the days. Jason kept asking the last couple of days what they were going to be and I kept telling him that you had to be coherent before you could find something funny - unless it happened in a dream which is altogether possible with me because I have some crazy dreams.

Anyway, I do have something funny.... I have heard from a very reliable source that some of you have used my blog for some "bathroom reading." Now don't deny it, I know who you are and I don't want to embarrass you by saying your name or names. I just want you to know that I don't care where you read it as long as you don't start referring to it as the "bathroom blog" or something like that. That would not be such a funny of the day for me.

Love you all!
~Andrea

Day 25: More Rest for the Weary

Today, like yesterday, I slept a lot. It is a hard thing for me to allow myself to do. I have always gone by the philosophy that mom's really don't get sick days but this is a whole different level of being sick. I keep having to tell myself that by not giving myself the rest that my body so desperately needs I could potentially be adding more treatments to this process and there is no way I want to do that. I want to be done with all of this just as quickly as I possibly can.

I am praying diligently that I will only need 8 treatments instead of the 12 but am still prepared to go 12 just in case. It is hard to explain but I feel that if I set my heart on only receiving 8 treatments and then the doctor says, nope, you have to have 12, that will be hugely deflating to me. Some of my friends from church tonight said it best, "Prepare for the worst, pray for best." That is what I am doing. I am prepared to go the distance but praying that I won't have to. I will not limit God in all that He can do and how He can heal me whenever He wants to, however, I know that it all has to be done in His timing and not my own.

I really did not feel like going to church tonight but knew I needed to. I crave that closeness with the Lord now more than ever and one of the ways the enemy keeps me from being close to the Lord is to try to keep me from church. He whispers in my ear that it is okay to miss this one time, you are tired, you are weary, God will understand. But I have to stand firm and I have to go. So, tonight I went and I was so glad that I did. Calvin did a phenomenal job. God used him to meet me right where I am at and this was probably my favorite message Calvin has ever given. So, if you didn't go tonight, make sure you go in the morning! It inspired me to write like 4 or 5 other blog posts that I can hopefully work on over the next couple of days, so be ready!

Anyway, I am going to continue to rest some more. I am praying that tomorrow is the day that I finally make the corner and recover from this round of chemo. Thanks for all your prayers and support! We could not be making this journey without you all behind us.

Blessings,
Andrea

Day 24: A Day of Rest

I didn't do much of anything today. Last night was pretty tough, probably the worst so far since treatment started. The nausea was not too bad but I had a severe stomach ache that would just not go away. I don't think I have ever consumed so much Pepto in my life. But I got through it and then slept most of the day trying to recover.

Cale had a basketball game tonight and I opted not to go. It was the first game of his that I have ever missed and so that was kind of tough to say no to but I just really feel that the more rest I can give my body right now the sooner the good days will come again. Of course, this is totally against my normal tendencies. Normally I would just press on, make myself go no matter how I feel, but God has me in a very different place right now. I am having to learn new lessons.

I am so thankful that my husband does such a wonderful job taking care of me and that my children are here with me to brighten my day. My favorite part of this day was each time one of children came into see me, even if it was just for a few seconds. I adore my family so much and through them God is giving me the strength and endurance to battle as I need to.

Sorry this is so brief but I am off to continue to rest some more. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and hoping only another day or two of this and then the sun will be shining brightly once again. May God Bless you all!

~Andrea

Day 23: Post Chemo 2

Today I went in for more meds. They are giving me some extra stuff for my nausea as well as my booster shot. The booster shot is synonymous with nap time for Andrea. I sleep a great deal after getting it.

My stomach is doing better than the last round of chemo largely in part to a new drug they gave me. They referred to it as a "Cadillac drug". I thought my self esteem would improve more with being administered such a fancy drug but so far that hasn't happened. Although my stomach is better it is still giving me some fits. I know that it is going to be over soon and so I hang onto that.

My taste buds were absolutely fried yesterday and I had the awful metallic taste in my mouth that the chemo meds cause, which there are no words to describe but that is slowly getting better now. This is where the pudding comes in.

I do get feverish and then cold quite a bit. Jason has a heck of a time trying to keep up with me. But that isn't anything new. :-)

I will keep you posted on how things are going tomorrow. Thanks so much for your prayers. They are so appreciated. Love you all!

Prayer Request

Hi Everyone. I am requesting a prayer request for some dear friends of ours. Their little girl has some medical stuff going on and it may possibly be something like what I have even though it is rare in young children her age. If you could please lift this precious little girl up in prayer along with her family, we would be so grateful.

Thank you all and God Bless!

My Sunday is Coming...

One of the most powerful sermons that I have ever heard was given by our former pastor, Bryan. It was an Easter service and he talked about a message he had heard at one time himself. He gave an account of when Jesus was crucified, but Sunday was coming.  Through all of it, there was hope because Sunday was coming when Jesus would be resurrected. I  remember the power I felt in those words. "Your Sunday is coming."

We have had many challenges in our lives since then and in each of those challenges I have embraced those words over and over again in my mind. "My Sunday is coming." The day where everything will be okay and God's promises will be fulfilled.

When I went through my last chemo treatment I was not surprised that the day that I started to feel better was actually Sunday. So now as I am walking this out I know it in my heart that once again.... my Sunday is coming.

Despite what trials you go through, either now or in the future, your Sunday is coming too.

Day 22: Chemo 2...Part 2 (My Inspiration)

So, as to be expected, my day continued to get worse. The next 72 hours will be the toughest. But knowing something is going is to be tough doesn't mean that you are giving into it. It is simply having the wisdom to say that you are indeed going through hard times and doing what you need to do in order to prepare and perceiver..

By living in denial, you are actually making things harder on yourself because you aren't putting on the armor of God to get yourself through this situation. Utimately you have to acknowledge that there is a problem so that you know how properly prepare. Everyone goes through hard times, it is what you do when your faced with them that makes the difference.I would rather live in Christ instead of living in denial.

These are the times that you press on. You walk it out even if it is one baby step at a time. You never give up. You perceiver and you keep fighting. You turn your tears of sadness and frustration to ones of joy. You rejoice in what you can't see and you cling to the hope that you know is there. Think of Jesus and what he went through for us; beaten, tortured, denied by those who were closest to him. Yet he doesn't deny me and he doesn't deny you. I call out his name and he is here with me, holding my hand, walking it out with me. I am not alone for he is by my side always.

At my weakest, I still have so much to be thankful for. I have life both here and in heaven. I have my husband and my children and there are no words to describe what a gift it is to see each of them every day, even if I can barely raise my head from the pillow. I have the rest of my family, my church family, and friends. With all that I have, the cancer means nothing, the treatment I can endure, and the sickness I can overcome. I am truly blessed.

MY INSPIRATION  

What Is Your Favorite Post and Why?

I am looking for a little feedback from my friends here on the blog for a future project that I am working on. I would like to know what your favorite blog has been so far and why? Go ahead and include a couple if you can't decide. You can either comment directly on here, of Facebook for those of you who know me there, or you can email me directly. andreagressman@gmail.com

Can't wait to hear from you!

Day 22: Chemo 2

I am actually sitting here in my chemo treatment writing this blog. Isn't that poetic.

As I shared last time, I met a girl that is slightly ahead of me in her staging and a little over a month ahead in her treatments. I guess about a month and a half ahead of me. She just found out that she only needs 3 more treatments! I just rejoiced for her. In six more weeks she will be receiving her last treatment and what a celebration that will be for her. She is planning on getting married in June, and what an incredible wedding present from God. 

There are just so many good things happening everywhere I look. I am so grateful to be a part of them. It is through each of these that I gain my energy and it rejuvenates my hope all over again. I look forward to life after chemo just because I see so much to be done to continue to glorify God. I don't want to just go through this and then stop all the work God has done through this experience. I want to carry on witnessing and helping others that are going through tough times as well. 

When we lost our baby boy in 2009 I remember God giving me a scripture that I quickly realized to be my life scripture. It is what I am suppose to do.

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. 2 Cor. 1:3-7

I feel so called to help others as God has helped me. I want to look for opportunities every day in order for this to happen. 

I will most likely blog some more a little bit later on. I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing well and hanging in there. It is just about nap time. :-) 

Love you all and thanks for the prayers. 

Chemo Is Not For Sissies

I was looking for cute hats for when I lose my hair and I found this one and laughed and laughed. I don't know if anyone else will get a kick out of this but I thought I would share.

If you are interested in purchasing this for someone you love you can get one by going to the link below. 

"Chemo Is Not For Sissies" Hat

Day 21:The Race

It is hard to believe that it has been three weeks since this all started and two weeks since my first chemo treatment. Tomorrow it is time to do it all again.

For some reason when I think of this I always picture Diego on Ice Age saying excitedly, "Who's up for round 2?!?" (If you don't know what I am talking about you probably don't have kids or your kids are grown. Just for kicks, rent the movie. It is a good one.) Although, I am not quite as excited as Diego, I am excited to be one step closer to the end. That is the way I look at it anyway.

A lifetime ago I was a middle distance runner. I ran the 800 meter and the mile and every race was broke down into 200 meter chunks. There are 8 - 200 meters sections in a mile and I feel like I have completed the first one, which is always the easy one. You have adrenaline on your side, you are fresh and ready to go. The only thing you have to worry about is not going out to fast because you will have nothing left at the end. If you are a runner, you know what I am saying. The 2nd 200 you try to settle in on your pace. I know it probably seems silly to most but anytime anything tough comes my way, this training always comes back to me.I can hear my coaches voice in my head, his exact words. Again, I am amazed that God provided me with these tools so long ago to apply to the toughest and longest "race" I will face in my life.

Anyway, I don't what brought that up but I feel I am ready, as ready as I can ever be anyway. It was a little difficult tonight. I made dinner and we all ate as a family at the table. This is something we cherish but will most likely not happen for the next few days. I caught Jason looking at me with his concerned eyes and he told me loved me. I said, "You are preparing to lose your wife again for a little while aren't you?" He said nothing. I reassured him that I would be back soon.

So, I will be seeking the Lord tonight steadily. Asking Him to provide me with the provisions I need to get through this for the 2nd time, armed with the wisdom I gained from last time. I am praying that the adjustments they are making in my medication will keep the nausea at bay. I am praying that the bad days are over soon - even if it is just like last time, that is okay. But despite it all, I know I will be okay no matter what. God is on my side.

Funny's of the Day:

Evidently Creide provides us the majority of our entertainment around here because here are two more from this 3 year old firecracker.

1.) Taking his finger and sticking it up his nose he asks me as serious as can be, "Mommy, why don't we do this?"

2.) We had to go to the store and get some medication for me and he started in on how he didn't want to go and how he was going to stay home by himself and on and on and on.... It was then that like any good mother does I used reverse psychology. (Just kidding, any good parent would tell you that this is not the proper parenting technique to use.) Anyway, I told him that was fine he could stay here and that daddy and I would simply enjoy our ice cream without him. He quickly changed his mind about the whole staying home alone thing. Jason being the dad he is said, "Oh no, it is too late, you have to stay here." Creide started laughing at him cause Jason is just SO believable. Jason says, "Look at my face, I am serious." Without skipping a beat Creide says to his daddy, "Look at MY face, I'm serious." It was hilarious to hear that come out of his 3 year old. God help us! What will 4 look like?

Day 20: Praying for Strength

Today was another really good day. I did a lot of writing today. Believe it or not I actually do a lot of writing that doesn't even make it on here. I guess I am trying to get in as much as I can before my next treatment.

I can't believe it has been nearly two weeks since my first treatment. Only 5 1/2 months to go. Each day that I feel good, I am grateful.

My mental preparation for Wednesday is starting to increase. I am feeling a bit more anxious about it. The unknown is still hard for me to deal with. I know how it is to go through it once but I can't help to wonder if it is going to be worse this time? I hold on to the thought that in my weakness God will provide me the strength I need to get through it, even if He has to carry me himself.

Some of our good friends came over for dinner tonight. It is good to have times of fellowship like that. That truly helps so much.

If you could all pray for strength for me I would really appreciate it. It takes a lot for me to get through what I need to get through in order for me to feel okay again. Thanks guys, I appreciate it!

Funny of the Days:

1.) I am doing some dishes today and I look over at Creide and I kid you not he winks at me. And it wasn't just a little wink, it was one of those exaggerated winks. It was so cute!

2.) Jason was doing something outside and when he came in Creide said, "Dad, I kept an eye on your girl for you." It was so funny. That is a joke that Jason always goes back and forth with him about. Jason always tells him to get away from "his girl". Creide always giggles that cute little giggle and says something like, "I am going to kiss your girl daddy."

A Guy After My Own Heart...

I like reading other people's blogs to begin with and since my recent diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma I have now switched to reading people's blogs who have HL for an added twist. I ran across a guy's blog and he was hilarious. I would post the link and give him total credit for his work but he used a small amount of inappropriate language which I cannot endorse. So, I am just sharing part of his blog. Hopefully he won't sue me and if he does hopefully I get an understanding judge who doesn't like cursing either. :-)

If you haven't noticed, I am determined to laugh my way through this as much as I possibly can. I feel like a positive attitude and laughter are great doses of "medicine" that will help me get through this. I know not everyone "gets" my sense of humor. Please know that it is not my heart to make "light" of the situation, offend anyone else that may be going through this, or has a loved one going through this. It sincerely is just me trying to make the most of each situation and get through it the best way I know how.

Anyway..... this guy was talking about the wonderful med's he was taking post chemo to help him with all of the side effects. I have never been known to take a lot of med's myself. (Jason jokes with me all the time that I can sniff a Nyquill bottle and wake up 2 days later.) So this whole med thing, to me, is a lot. To be honest, I am terrible at it. Keeping track of what I have to take, when I have to take it, and how much I have to take...please!

So, this is a little dialog regarding how the drugs get their names because as we all know, we can't pronounce any of them....I was ROFL (for those who are not up on the lingo that means ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING :-) after I read this and just had to share:

Scientist: "We've discovered a powerful new anti sickness drug that will greatly improve the lives of lymphoma patients undergoing chemotherapy."

Marketing: "Great. We will make lots of money now. What is it called?"

Scientist: "(RS)-9-methyl-3-[(2-methyl-1H-imidazol-1-yl)methyl]-2,3-dihydro-1H-carbazol-4(9H)-one"

Marketing: "Needs a catchier name. What is the target market for cancer these days?"

Scientist: "Hodgkin's lymphoma often strikes young adults, between the ages of 18-35."

Marketing: "Perfect. The kids these days are into dance music. We'll called it Ondance."

Scientist: "I think dance is spelled with an 's'. Also, if you add tron to the end we can tap into that 80's retro movie vibe."

          Marketing: "Killer."

My Mommy's Sick Today....A Children's Story

I had a few minutes after my last doctor's appointment and as I waited for Jason to get me I just felt so inspired to write this little story about what my kids might be going through. When I told Jason he said, "Who does that? They have 5 minutes and just write a story like that?" Well, it isn't me. They are God's words, I just feel like I have to get them down on paper as fast as I possibly can. In this case I was putting it in my iPhone as fast as I could.

I have thought about writing a children's book for a long time. Who knows, maybe this will lead to something in the future and God is just getting me warmed up. Anyway, here it is.

My Mommy's Sick Today

My mommy is sick today.
Not like tummy sick or cough sick.
She is a different kind of sick.

My daddy told me she has what they call cancer.
I don't understand everything they talk about
and at first I was very afraid.
But my mommy told me that everything was going to be okay.

"Don't be afraid," my mommy told me.
"I will be sick for a while but the Lord will protect me and keep me safe."
She went on to say, "By your next birthday Mommy will be okay."

At night when I lay there and try to sleep-
I ask God to make my birthday come very fast.
Not so I can get presents like I normally want,
bu so my mommy will be all better again.

My daddy told me that my mommy has to go through something called chemotherapy.
This is where they give my mommy medicine to make her better.
She gets very tired for a while and sleeps a lot.
But after a while she starts to feel better again.

When she is sleeping I tip toe into her room.
I make sure she is okay.
Sometimes she is awake and I sit with her on the bed.
Sometimes she even reads me a book or just lay there and snuggle.
Those are my favorite times.

I wish my mommy wasn't so sick.
But just like when I am sick and she takes care of me-
I am going to take care of her.

Every day I make sure I say my prayers.
God, please take care of my mommy and make her okay.
And if it's not too much to ask - make her cancer go away.

Blog Face Lift...

No you are not in the wrong place! I tend to get bored with things staying the same for too long, at least color wise anyway. So, I decided to make a few adjustments? What do you think? Is it too much, not enough? Am I talking about a blog here or a fashion show? 

If you want to receive all of my posts in one email daily you can subscribe by entering your email in the little box to the right. You will then get a confirmation email. Don't forget to confirm or you won't get on the mailing list. Happy reading! 

Hope you are all having a great day! 

Superheros For Breakfast

I feel blessed multiple times a day to have children but not just any children. My children - hand picked by God to be apart of our family - each of them so uniquely made to complete us. Their personalities shining through and I see little glimpses of the men my boys will grow up to be and I know my baby girl will reveal her personality more and more each day as well.

My oldest, the analyst, always thinking, pondering, and questioning - always two steps ahead of me, if not more. He has such a deep understanding of God and His affect not only on his own life but in this world as well and yet he is still so young. I am amazed and grateful all at the same time. Adversity is something this child knows well and yet he always presses on. I have learned so much from him. Yes, a mother learning from her son.

My middle son is my steadfast warrior with such a gentle spirit. His personality is most like his dad's. A quiet observer but there in a second to help someone in need. The protector of all who need him but especially babies and animals.

My youngest, the smallest of the three brothers, but full of an energy that just doesn't quit. Always pressing on to push his little body to keep up with his brothers. He continually adds his own personal flair to each adventure and each thing is truly an adventure to this little boy.

My baby girl - the princess. Already realizing that she has three extremely capable entertainers that will surely provide their protective skills to her at every step. Already filled with a femininity, a gentleness, and a delicate touch. Always willing to lean in for a snuggle showing her love and affection in her own special way.

These are my children. My gifts from God. 

This morning my youngest son was up early as he is every morning. As soon as the sun peaks through his curtains his little body is alerted that it is time to start a new day - a new adventure, and everyday is an adventure. We travel to far off lands to slay dragons, we build the Eiffel Tower in our living room and that is all before breakfast. It takes a lot to keep this little man busy and I understand why God made him the third son in this family. If he didn't have two ahead of him life would have been thoroughly boring.

Anyway, we paused for breakfast this morning, because that is another thing this child can do....He can eat. Not even 30 pounds yet he often consumes more than his brothers combined. Pancakes are a delicacy to this young one and he actually held the record number of pancakes eaten for the longest time in the Gressman household when one morning he effortlessly consumed 9 of them. This, brought a great deal of shame to his oldest brother until he mustard up the courage one morning to consume 11 of them deliberately reclaiming the record from his 3 year old brother. The 3 year old was oblivious as he was already on to his next adventure.

So we are having breakfast this morning and one of the things that just makes me laugh about this little boy is how serious he is when he talks about all his adventures. We were sitting there and he is going on and on about superheros.  He is telling me how high they can jump and the things they can push on their belts. He is explaining how they can protect you - all with the most serious face ever. I never knew before I became a mom that I would have conversations about superheros over breakfast. This adds a whole new pressure to motherhood. What if I mess up the conversation? What if I get the wrong superhero with the wrong set of superhero powers? Well, just like we have taught our children about God and how forgiving He is to us, my boys are graciously forgiving to me. They may give me a funny look or say, "No mom! Batman is the one that can do that," and then they move on to the next superhero topic of conversation. They never hold this over my head to use at later times, bringing it up a year for now saying something like, "Oh yeah, well I would have been able to have true happiness in life if you would have known your superheros better." I know this sounds silly but how often do we do this to others in our life - holding silly things against them for years to come.

I have to ask myself, is this what God had in mind when He talked about a child-like faith? Is there such a things as a child-like forgiveness? Don't children seem to be far more forgiving than we adults are sometimes? So, as we concluded our superhero conversation over breakfast I realized that yet again God taught me something else through my children and for that I am so grateful.

³ People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:13-15

Day 19: My Miracle

Today, if I didn't know better, I wouldn't have even known I was sick. It was so enjoyable to just be in my home and spend time with my husband and my children. I couldn't help to think that it was God giving me a glimpse of what life will be like again after all of this is over with.

 I had a conversation with Jason the other day and I wanted to share part of it with you. We were talking about how so many people were praying for a miracle in that I wouldn't have cancer. I know we prayed for that same miracle but we also prepared ourselves for the reality that I did.

It was then that it hit me that I was witnessing a different kind of miracle. The way our family, friends and community have rallied around us has been amazing. It has been a miracle. The way that people respond to this blog, it has been a miracle. In the last month this blog has received over 3,200 hits from 8 different countries. That is a miracle.

I told Jason that I knew why God didn't give us that miracle - He had a completely different miracle in mind. If He would have given me that miracle, everyone would have rejoiced and then in a month (or less) it would have been forgotten by most. He has far more that He wants to accomplish through this. Out of 3,200 hits if even one of those people was not a believer and just experienced God's love, even for a second....now that is a miracle and I feel so blessed to be apart of it.

Funny's of the Day

1.) Our sink drips. We got a new faucet right before my diagnosis and of course Jason hasn't had time to install it because he is taking care of the fam all of the time. :-) So, it was dripping more steadily than normal and Jason reached over with his big bear paw and cranks it down. It makes one of those breaking sounds - hinting that it is just about to break if it hasn't already. We waited for a second and water didn't spew. I give him the look look - you know the one. The one that says, "you are so lucky." He smiles and of all he things he can say he says, "feel the power behind that." What? I started laughing at him and said, "You just earned your spot onto the Funny of the Day." His response: "Great, that is just where I want to be."

2.) So we have a "tween" in the house which is a whole new experience. It is always different when you are dealing with other people's kids. You can send them home. I tried that once with Cale and he was just waiting there for me when I got there. (That was a joke.) Anyway, we have sensed a new source of laziness with this pre-teenage status. For example, he drank a Gatorade and Jason asked him to rinse out the bottle because he was going to save it for something. Cale does it but then doesn't know where to put the clean bottle. So he walks over to the refrigerator, opens it, and says, "I am just going to stick it back in here." What? I know, I know, it is only going to get worse.

Through a Child's Eyes.......by Cale

I asked my 11 year old son to write a blog of his own today about how he has felt during this situation. Here are his words....

The news came one afternoon when I was at my great-grandma's house when my mom and dad appeared at the door. I heard that she had cancer and I was in tears. [Later] when they told me she had Hodgkin's and that it could be cured I had hope that she would be okay. It is because of God that she is going to be okay. I still pray for her but I have hope.

-Cale

It makes tears come to your eyes doesn't it. I am so proud of my son and I think he is a future writer in the making, don't you?

Love him.

Another wonderful photo by Jess Pollard. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

Choices

One thing that people continually comment on is my attitude throughout this whole ordeal. For the most part, with exception to the first couple of days, I feel that I have been able to maintain a fairly positive attitude about it all. There is no way I would be able to do this on my own strength. This is truly because of the peace God has so delicately placed on my heart.

In the midst of it all, I have realized several things. First and foremost, as much as we try to battle Him for it from time to time, God is very much in control. He is here in the present and has gone before us in the future. He has it all mapped out and there is no sense in fighting Him for that control. I know that I am in much better hands leaving it up to Him and when I try to do things on my own, I just mess stuff up anyway.

But there is something I do have control over.....my choices. I can choose to have a positive attitude about this instead of filling my heart with anger and resentment. I can choose to fight until God tells me to stop fighting. I can choose to seek God in all that I do today, tomorrow, and each day from here on out. You see, even though He has control, we have free will and that "free will" can either glorify God or not.

Me and My Girl...

It was a little over a year ago when the doctor delivered us some shocking news... we were having a girl! As a mom of three boys at the time, this was almost unbelievable to me. Unlike what most people think, we didn't keep trying until we had a girl. We kept trying until we had four children. That was the promise that had been delivered to my heart so many years ago. I truly expected, and as our track record well demonstrated, that we would have another boy. Boy was I surprised to find out otherwise.

I am delighted that God delivered our little Kearyn girl to our family. She truly completes it. I always say what a blessing she has been to our family but it occurred to me what a blessing she has been to each of her brothers as well. She has brought out qualities in them that weren't there before. She has brought out a gentleness in them as well as a protective element in each of them. It has been so fun to witness. I can't help but to think how different their lives would have been without their baby sister, not just my husband's life and not just my life. She has truly been a gift to our whole family.

Subsequently, it has probably been the most difficult with her regarding my treatment. She is my last baby and having to wean her early was hard. On the other hand, I am grateful to even have her here in the first place to have to wean. God's timing was just so amazing in all of this. I know I keep saying that I will be blogging about that soon and I will, so stay tuned! :-) Not having as much energy, I feel like I can't take care of her like I use to. On the other hand, this has given Jason some great time to bond with his baby girl. As you can see, if you look close enough, for every down side - there is an up side.

Me and My Girl....

Another wonderful photo by Jess Pollard. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

Popular Posts of the Week

From time to time I like to post the most popular posts of the week just as an overview of what happened. Here are this past weeks most popular just in case you missed one of them.

#1 - We Are the Gressman's...the Mighty Mighty Gressman's

#2 - Ten Things God Wants You To Remember....Part 1

#3 -  Day 14: Exhaustion

#4 - Day 16: Post Surgery...(Lot's of Funny's of the Day) 

#5 - Day 15: Project Save the Veins

Day 18: Preparation

I am feeling pretty good today. The fatigue is kind of a constant factor. I feel like I am 3 years old again and need my nap each day in order to function.

A lot of neat stuff happened today. Our dear friends, Karin and Bill, came over and helped us paint our office. We have never really had time to set this space up properly and since Jason is going to have to work from home more now to take care of me, it is critical that we get this done so he can do this efficiently. In the next couple of days we are hoping to add French doors to the room so that he can have some quiet study time when needed as our house is rarely quiet.

The neatest part of the day for me was at the end of the painting time I was able to sit and talk with both Karin and Bill about all that I was going through. They had a lot of questions about the side effects the chemo brings and how I felt during the process. I find that I really enjoy educating people about this as I really don't think people realize all of what goes into actually receiving treatment. I am not doing this for my own sake but my thoughts keep going back to my grandpa that battled cancer for three years, receiving treatments the majority of the time, and I was clueless to all that he had to deal with. I knew it was rough on him but I had no idea how rough. My heart breaks because I didn't know these things. I want to educate others so that when someone else comes into their lives that has cancer they know what they are going through and can provide support in the areas that are truly needed. I know that there are some great programs out there that already provide this type of support but I think the more we all can be educated about these things the better.

I have already started mentally preparing for Wednesday. I am still really trying to enjoy the last few days before my treatment but I can't help but to start gearing up for it. I tell myself that I can do it, it will only be a few days and then I will feel better. I visualize all of the cancer cells in my body dying because of the treatment. (I have to tell you the truth, this visualization helps a lot!) It reminds me of the days when I use to run competitively. So much went into preparing mentally for the race. Who knew that God was actually preparing me for so much more than just a race at the time.

I have continued to receive so much encouragement for my writings here on the blog. Thank you so much. Sometimes I think that no one could possibly want to read these but the encouragement keeps me going. I wanted to give a shout out to all of my friends that I saw at church tonight. Thanks for loving on me and just continuing to lift me up throughout this whole thing. I love you all!

Okay, so I know some of you are just waiting for the Funny of the Day's so I will get to it!

1.) My sister and brother came over to continue to paint my kitchen for me so I am blessed to receive my sister's beautiful painting ability and my brother's sense of humor. He was painting one of the walls in the kitchen and he doesn't even bother taking down the curtain. He paints right up to it and then stops. My sister tells him, "Cole, you need to take down the curtain and paint there too." He says, "Why? No one will see it." She tells him of course people will see it she sees it. He comes back with, "Well, I am actually saving my sister money by not wasting the paint to paint there."

2.) My wonderful husband let the youth group kids shave his head because I will soon be losing my own hair and he wanted to show his support. By the way, there is a great deal of footage of this on Jason's Facebook page if you are interested. Anyway, he is explaining to the boys that he did this for me because the medicine the doctors are giving mommy will make her lose her hair. Creide, the ever so funny 3 year old, comes up to me and says, "Mommy, I have been sick and daddy gave me some medicine and now my hair is going to fall out too!"

Faith and Fear

For a couple of weeks now I have felt like I needed to write about "fear". But I just felt like God was telling me it wasn't the right time. Well tonight, while at church, I felt it very clearly laid on my heart to write about fear but also include the faith factor in this as well.

I have been very honest about the fear that Jason and I have felt during this ordeal. I can tell you when the doctor first told me that he thought I had Lymphoma I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. There was no way this was happening to me. I forced myself to listen to his words and take in as much information as I could. I forced myself not to cry. You see, I have had lots of practice at that throughout my life.

The icing on the cake was when my oldest son was born with some very serious special needs at birth and after going through 6 surgeries with him, I have learned to control my emotions at all cost in order for me to get the information I needed to make the decisions I needed to make. Then I would break down later. This situation was no different. My life's training kicked in.

I remember deliriously walking down the hall to the waiting room and rounding the corner to see my sister and her husband along with two of our closest friends holding my baby girl. I could not hold it in any more. The fear gripped me. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed quietly. At that moment I lived in fear and fear alone. My only prayer over and over again was, "God, please don't let me die."

That night was a rough one to say the least. I was controlled by fear. It consumed me. It owned every thought that went through my mind. Then I began to realize what it was doing. It was robbing me of the faith that I so desperately needed to have at that time in God and God alone. If there was ever a time that I needed to have faith, it was now. So, I changed my prayers. I sought God in all that I did and I surrendered it all to Him. I literally visualized giving Him every last breath in my body, every heartbeat, everything....all to God, no questions asked.

I also remembered a phrase that Maryann, the women's pastor at my church had told me during some coaching that I had done with her. She had told me that FEAR = False. Evidence. Appearing. Real. This may be confusing to some as I was being diagnosed with cancer and that is pretty real. But I wasn't afraid of the cancer. I was afraid of the unknown and my God is the known. I know Him. I know His heart condition for me. I know His love for me. I have said it time and time again, my thoughts would go right to Jeremiah 29:11. Once I began to lay down this fear and think rationally about the things I knew to be true, God was so faithful to me once again and granted me the most intense peace I have ever known in my life. A conviction that I knew I would be okay and I carry that peace with me still today.

The reason that I am talking so openly about this is that when I talk to some people that I am particularly close with, and some that I am not, I can see the fear in their eyes. I can sense it when they talk. I can read it in their actions. I just want to say, don't be fearful for me and my future. I am in the Lord's hands. The true fear would have been if I did not believe in God and had to walk this out alone and faithless. That would have been the true tragedy.

Being Real and Really Being

One of the things God has really called me to be on this blog is be AUTHENTIC. I feel like when I have a bad day, He wants me to tell you I have had a bad day -  don't sugar coat it, don't pretend, don't act like I don't have any problems.Don't tell everyone everything is rainbows and sunshine and then close my blinds and fall apart as long as no one is looking. I have cancer for goodness sake, there is just a new REALITY here that I must face. 


In turn, when I am REJOICING for the simplest thing - He wants me to share that too. He wants me to tell you that I am GRATEFUL to just be alive, to take this very breath and I don't care if I lose every hair on my head, I really don't. It is such a small price to pay for the reward He is giving me. He wants me to tell you how this, and every other hard time I have gone through has CHANGED me forever and that there is no going back to the person I was before. I don't even remember who that person was as it seems to have been a lifetime ago.  I feel that He is telling me that I must BE REAL at all times and by being real, I am REALLY BEING. Yes, I am broken all of the time but in my brokenness He is GLORIFIED. Yes, I cry and feel sorry for myself from time to time but HE has accounted for every single one of my tear and in my selfishness he brings me to a whole new level of really being for Him and Him alone. A whole new level of FAITH and a whole new level of SURRENDERING it all to Him. 


I don't know what this means to you, maybe nothing or maybe everything. Only God can speak these things into your heart as they need to be spoken. 

Day 17: Post Surgery (Day 2)

Late last night the wonderful pain med's that the doctor had injected me with slowly faded away into the land of "no pain" as I slowly entered the land of "pain". I am not kidding you, I could not even move my arm. I felt like a pitcher who had just pitched a "no hitter" in the World Series. Not that I would know what his arm actually felt like but I can definitely use my imagination, and in my mind that is the way I felt.

So, I laid there for a long time not able to sleep because, believe it or not, I could not get into my favorite sleeping position. How silly we are with our little preferences. But it is what it is and so I laid there watching Netflix, which joined our house about a month and a half ago, and boy am I grateful!

Don't ask me what I was watching because it is embarrassing. Okay, I will tell you. I was watching Prison Break.I know I know. You were thinking it was something girly like "What Not to Wear" weren't you? Maybe next time. But for now I am hooked on this little show and really it is so silly. I am only on season 1 but I think I saw something like 5 seasons available. My goodness, how does it take 5 years to break out of prison and can anything else go wrong for that guy. If I had that much bad luck I think I would have hung it up by the end of season 1. And seriously, you know the prison system is totally not ran that way. Those guys just wonder around doing whatever they want, whenever they want. Then that guy goes behind the toilet that he so cleverly removed to break the wall out of in his prison cell which leads into the prison abyss for like the thousandth time and yet he never gets caught! And yet, I keep watching. Crazy how these little shows just suck you right in isn't it.

Today was good despite the shoulder pain. Some friends came over to see me and that was so nice. I hadn't seen her since all of this happened. She did some cleaning on my house, which it is hard for me to get use to other people cleaning my house but is such a blessing right now. The kids were able to play together and that was a good break for them.

Then, another wonderful thing happened. I don't know how many of you have been to our house but our driveway was terrible. We live out in the country and we have super long driveway, probably at least a quarter of a mile, and it was just rough. Anyway, our dear sweet neighbors called some friends of theirs who own an excavation company and they came over and graded our road for us. I just cried. We have been blessed so much by our family, friends, and now people we don't even know, it is overwhelming. I know to some it is just a driveway, but it is so much more. The thought that someone would take the time out of their day to make a difference in ours....well, I am getting all teared up again. To be honest, I feel so undeserving of all of this. Jason and I see so many bigger needs in our town that it is hard to have this much focus on us but man, we do feel loved. Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for all you are doing. For the meals, the devotionals, the gifts that just light up my day, helping us with our home, babysitting our children, grading our road, praying for us, the list goes on and on and I know I am forgetting so much more that has been done for us. We love you all so much and as Jason said, we could work for the rest of our lives and there would be no way we could repay what has been given to us.

Okay, on to something a little lighter. Here are a couple of "Funny of the Day's" that will hopefully make you laugh.

1.) Ky saw a dead bug somewhere and was telling Creide, "Don't touch it, you might get bug guts on you." Creide looked at him and in the most serious tone said, "If I do, will I turn into a bug?"

2.) Because of my shoulder being like it is I could not put on my own deodorant. So, I do what any wife does and call my husband in to give me a hand. He has the baby in one arm and the deodorant in his other hand and he is trying his best to hit the pit. Finally, he gets the job done and I thank him for his time. He says, "Well at least I am good for something." It truly is the little things in life you take for granted like putting on your own deodorant.

:-)

Day 16: Post Surgery...(Lots of Funny of the Day's)

I had surgery today. When I went to the hospital to check in I felt so incredibly blessed once again. My friend Shayna, who lives in Denver, sent some ginger drops (to help with my nausea) with her mom to give to me. Her mom works in admissions and she happened to be the one to check me in. She gets up for a minute and brings back this bag for me. I was just so overwhelmed that so many people are thinking and praying for me!

Surgery went just fine today. I am not in much pain at all and I am glad for that. I felt like I knew 90% of the hospital staff that took care of me today so that was neat. It is like one big happy family. I met some new people too. One of my nurses heard my husband was a youth pastor and asked what church he was with. When I told her she got all excited and said that she and her husband were just talking about trying Grace. Again, it was so neat to see God orchestrating all of this. Maybe my personal invitation will be another reason to give Grace a try.

Another one of my nurses said she had visited Grace before and had really enjoyed it and when I was leaving she said she might stop back by again. She also said she would be praying for me. :-) God is so good!

I had told Jason a few days back that I felt like God was placing so many new people in my life to share God's love with and today was no exception.

There have been so many funny things that have happened lately, I have been forgetting to share. Here are a few:

1.) I took each of the little boys in with me to my doctor's appointments yesterday, one on the way and one leaving, so that they could see where mom was going when she had her appointments. Basically so they would know that I was in good hands and that they didn't need to be scared. Well, they have a water machine there and Creide wanted a drink. Of course it did that bubble thing and he says, "It's going to eat me!"

2.) Today Creide comes in carrying his cat and said, "She's under arrest."

3.) After my surgery today my surgeon comes into my recovery room to check on me and he has something in his hand. I said, "Is that ice cream?" He kind of dropped his head and said, "No, it's pudding." He then goes on to say, "You weren't suppose to see that." You see, I had not had anything to eat since midnight last night and it was now 3:30pm.

4.) Creide asked me if he could have one of my Ginger Ale's. I said no because I was saving those for when my tummy was messed up. He said, "Mom, I have a dollar here with your name on it if you will give me one." He reaches in his little pocket and pulls out a dollar! It was so funny.

5.) I am in surgery today and of course I am just laying there. They must have thought I was asleep because they started talking about lunch. Of course I can't leave this one alone so I pipe up, "Are you seriously going to talk about food right now when I haven't eaten for hours."

6.) As they were preparing me for surgery I instructed them that I did not want to hear anyone say "oops" or make any references to the "five second rule" while I was in there. They said they did not have the "five second rule" in surgery only a "two second rule." That made me feel so much better. 

Ten Things God Wants You To Remember...Part 2

I shared yesterday how a beautiful card my friend Vicki gave me inspired me to write this series. These are the 10 things God wants us to remember. With a bible packed full of information sometimes it is hard to even know where to begin when times get tough or even when times aren't tough. We try to make things so much more complicated than they really are.

The second thing God wants us to remember....

I love you. 

There is so much scripture that backs up these three little words that God wants to tell us over and over but how often we forget how much he really loves us. 

We love because HE first loved us. ~ 1 John 4:19 

A new command I give you: Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ~John 13:34

The Gressman Family......Hand In Hand

I don't think I have hid the fact for a second that I could not get through any of this without my family. My husband takes such good care of me and leads our household so well. My children, there are just no words to describe my love for them. Just one look at them and it gives me the strength to get through what I need to.

This is MY FAMILY, hand in hand. 
There is NO place I would rather be. 

Family Motto: "Serve One as one"

Another wonderful photo by Jess Pollard. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

Day 15: Project Save the Veins

Today is the best I have felt since my chemo treatment a week ago. I am still tired but my stomach felt much better. So, if you have been praying, thank you. I feel like I am back in the land of the living actually and so glad to be here. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and I guess everything looked good. I am still getting use to the "lingo" and what "good" really means when you have cancer. There was a young man in the lobby when I got there that was actually on his last treatment. I couldn't help but to dream for a minute about what that feeling might be like. I know God placed him there to continue to give me the strength and the hope that I need to press on.

I do have a minor surgery tomorrow. If you could pray for that I would be grateful. I call it "Project Save the Veins" as they are actually putting a port in so I no longer have to have I.V.'s constantly put in. I never thought that I would be so happy about having a permanent I.V. but after feeling like pin cushions over the past two weeks, I am ready! .

My spirits have been really good today. I am just so grateful to be feeling better. I guess I didn't realize how badly I felt before. LOL!  I still can't do a lot. I folded a load of laundry and picked up the kids' toys twice and I was wiped out but we are getting there. I plan on cherishing every minute that I can for the next week until my next treatment and then we will start all over again. But this time, I will at least know what to expect. I think the fact that I didn't have a clue what to expect made it hard last time. I didn't know what to prepare for and if you know me, I like to prepare for everything! :-)

Thanks again for all your prayers. Talk to you again soon!

Love,
Andrea

Ten Things God Wants You To Remember...Part 1

So, I have another little story to share. Today I went to the doctor's office, as I will every Wednesday for a very long time and as I am on my way back to the second waiting room. You know, the one that you graduate to after you have spent your time in the first waiting room. Just kidding. This doctor's office is really good about keeping you on track. They would have to be to have me completely diagnosed in less than 3 business days and have my treatment started in less than a week.

Anyway, I am on my way back when one of the nurses stops me and hands me a cute little pink gift bag. She said that it was dropped off for me at the receptionist down the stairs. No way! Who goes to the doctor's office and gets a present?!? I tell you what, it totally changed my day! My friend Vicki had so thoughtfully done this for me. Tears literally came to my eyes! In the gift bag there was a beautiful card and that is what inspired this series. At the top it said "Ten Things God Wants You To Remember." How cool is that! Sometimes we try to make it so complicated but it doesn't really have to be.

Here is the first thing God wants us to remember....

I am for you.

When was the last time someone said that to you in such simple terms? When I imagine God's voice saying this to me, I get goose bumps. 

This amazing little fact is confirmed throughout scripture. Remember Romans 8:31 - ""What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? - that I talked about last week - a scripture my friend Julie sent me....(yeah, that was no coincidence that God placed that on her heart to send over to me.)  He isn't looking over our shoulder the whole time just waiting for us to mess up.  He wants us to succeed. He wants good things for us. It is just up to us to remember it. 

We Are the Gressman's the Mighty Mighty Gressman's

So I blogged yesterday about how we had some family pictures taken. I couldn't wait to give you a sneak peak of the festivities- and festivities they were! As you can tell from the the picture below, with three little boys and a baby girl, things don't always turn out just like you plan them....they turn out better!

We are The Gressman's, the mighty, mighty Gressman's and this is how we roll. :-)

My friend Jess Pollard from Jess Pollard Photography graciously agreed to take our pictures (we'll see if she ever agrees to again ;-). She was so patient with all of the meltdowns and more! Despite it all she was able to truly capture "our family" in the process. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Jess. There are no words to say how grateful I am for capturing these memories for me. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

A Little Help From My Friends....Part 1

I wanted to share a couple of things that have just touched my heart recently. There have been so many things, I could literally blog for days and days but I just thought I would start with these for now.

My friend Autumn dropped a book of devotionals off for me at church recently, which Jason brought home for me yesterday. If you know me, you know I love devotionals. I think that my heart is drawn to the "real life" approach that devotionals often bring. Anyway, I am laying on the couch, tired and weary to say the least, and he hands me this leather bound book. It is one of those books that has a devotional for each specific day. I kid you not, I opened the book EXACTLY to February 15th. That isn't even the best part though... Here is what this little book of treasures had to say to me:

"Come to Me with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me. 


Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me. Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine. Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, seek to attune yourself to what I am already doing. 


When anxiety attempts to wedge its way into your thoughts, remind yourself that I am your Shepherd. The bottom lin is that I am taking care of you; therefore, you needn't be afraid of anything. Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will. Though this may feel frightening-even dangerous, the safest place to be is in My will." 


At the very least I felt as this had been written for me by God himself for that very moment in time. It never ceases to amaze me that he is ready and willing to meet us right where we are, despite where we are. All we have to do is turn to him.

There was another factor that I was extremely thankful for in all of this. My friend Autumn. If she wouldn't have gotten this book for me, I wouldn't have received this message from God - at least not in that way and this was a very powerful way for me.

I have been so thankful for all my friends and family that have done things just like this in order for me to hear, see, and witness God's love for me first hand. These are truly the things that keep me going. Love you all!

~Andrea

P.S. For those of you who are interested in getting a copy of your own devotional mentioned above it is called Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace In His Presence by Sarah Young. Click here to order a copy of yourself.

Day 14: Exhaustion

Exhaustion is the word of the day. I have been trying to will myself to do a little more each day and that isn't working. This is such new territory for me as I have always just done what I needed to do despite fatigue, illness, or anything else for that fact. God obviously has a new lesson for me here. Isn't it funny the little lessons that we learn through different situations we are in. Sometimes they are so little that if we blink we will miss them but they are equally important to the bigger, more obvious lessons.

We did accomplish something today that was on my "must do" list. We went and had family pictures taken. I was quickly reminded why we don't have these taken often as we seemed to rotate one meltdown after another. We got through it though and I was grateful that my husband and children hung in there for me to get the pictures we did.

I knew when this all started that these pictures had to be taken. This moment in our lives had to be documented. I knew from the beginning that regardless of the outcome that my family would either need these pictures or I would need these pictures. As it turns out, I will be the one clinging to the portrait of my family in my darkest hours. The images of joy which are so clearly etched on my heart. The joy that not only God has promised me but shown me repeatedly day after day and a joy that I know I will see once again.

Day 13: My Husband

Today I did not feel well most of the day. This is very hard for me because I feel like I have so much to do and want to be doing it. I have never been good at "sitting still" and I am the worst patient on the planet. I can't even watch t.v. without doing something else at the same time so I don't feel like I am totally wasting my time.

When my mom offered to watch the kids for us so we could go to dinner or order take-out I really wanted to take advantage so I could do something to celebrate with my hubby. Despite the icky feelings, I willed myself to feel better enough to go. (If you are a mom, you totally know what I am talking about here.) We ended up having a wonderful, quiet time. This was the first "date night" that we had since before Kearyn was born, which was over 8 1/2 months ago. It was really good to have that adult conversation without having a baby meltdown or food thrown at you. Well, there was that one time that Jason got a little rowdy with his dessert but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. (Just kidding.)

I know if it weren't for Jason that I wouldn't be able to deal with any of this. God truly blessed me so greatly when he put him in my life and God continues to bless me daily with Jason's presence. He helps to keep me strong when I am weak. When I sobbed in his arms when I first got the news that I had cancer because I was so scared to die and leave my children, he was there and he reminded me that I couldn't limit God in what He could do. He whispered to me over and over, "Don't limit God, don't limit God...." until my heart heard what he was telling me.

There are no words to express what it is like to have someone like that in your corner, constantly reminding me of my faith. I just hope and pray that I am the same light for him as he has been for me.

I love you Jason, more than you could ever know. Thank you for being my husband. Happy Valentine's Day my love.

Love Always,
Andrea

Baking Disasters

I have email subscriptions to a couple of different sites that send me daily recipes. Today, being that it is the big V-day, the recipes featured sweet treats that you can bake for your loved ones. When I saw this cake, it brought a total flashback of the ONE and ONLY time Jason TRIED to bake a cake for me. He is probably not going to be happy that I shared this with you but it is so funny I just couldn't resist.

Our first Valentine's Day together I decided to make Jason a Pineapple Upside Down Cake (his favorite at the time) and of course, it was in a heart shape. (Yes, I know...the heart shape may have been a bit much but it was very good and he married me anyway, so no harm done right?)

Being that I set the bar pretty high with my stunning cake creation he was feeling the pressure. It is notable at this time to mention that Jason is a phenomenal cook.... baker.....not so much. In actuality, before this event, he had never baked anything in his life.

So, my birthday roles around and feeling the pressure he decides to bake a cake for me. Really, how hard can it be, he tells himself. Well, he started out strong, mixed everything accordingly, poured it up in a pan, and put it in the oven. He checked it at 30 minutes and it wasn't done. He checked it at 45 minutes and it still wasn't done. Finally, he calls me in at the hour mark and it still wasn't done. I instantly noticed the issue. Instead of pouring it into two 8-inch rounds he poured it all into ONE 8-inch round. It had risen about two inches above the pan on the outside but was completely gooey in the middle. Actually, gooey doesn't really describe it- it was still liquid form to be honest.

Sadly, that was the last time that Jason ever tried to bake for me. :-(

This is a picture of what the cake looked like in Jason's mind. I don't have a picture of the ACTUAL cake as I was not allowed to document the casualty. 

If you would like the recipe to this lovely cake to bake for your sweety, select the link below. Just make sure you read what the pan specifications very carefully. :-) 

Double Chocolate Cake Recipe

If you would like to share your baking disasters feel free to email me at andreagressman@gmail.com and I just may feature your story on my next "Baking Disaster" post. 

Love

Being that it is Valentine's Day I have been inspired to write about.......you guessed it.....

Love

I know that some feel today was designed as a clever marketing tactic to sucker more money out of the consumer but my response to that...

Everyday should be Valentine's Day! By that I mean that you can forgo the flowers, chocolates, and fancy dinners but you should take the time and opportunity to show those in your life how much you love them each and every day. Love isn't designed by how much you spend but instead, the heart condition behind what you do to show them how much you love them.

One of my greatest acts of showing my boys that I love them costs me pennies. Literally. Every time I clean their bathroom I am showing how deep my love goes for them. I hate cleaning the bathroom and always have. Cleaning my own isn't so bad but cleaning up after other people, entirely different story. Especially when three boys ages 11, 5, and 3 years old dominate the bathroom usage. But I realize that by giving them a clean bathroom I am showing them that I love them, whether they realize it or not. It is critical that I do this with a loving heart condition and not out of a heart condition of bitterness or resentment.

I ended up looking up what "LOVE" means according to good ol' Mr. Webster and there were actually a few different definitions. These are a couple that I chose to share with you:


love
noun \ˈləv\

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.

love

verb \ˈləv\

1. To hold dear: cherish
2. To thrive in. 

As you can see, there is "LOVE" as a noun and then there is "LOVE" as a verb and this really got me  thinking about what type of "love" I am showing and giving. (As you all know a noun is a person, place, or thing and then the verb is an action.) I am sincerely hoping that my "love" for my family, friends, and more importantly God, is more than just a "thing". I hope people can see the love that I have in all that I do. I  pray that I do the things I need to in order to show those that I do love just how much I love them.

One of my favorite all time scriptures:

"We love because he first loved us." 1John 4:19

Once again, we owe it all to God. When I became a wife and a mother I realized what true love really was from a human perspective. The fact that I would walk into a burning building to save my children, that I would give one of my organs if it meant saving my husband's life or one of my children's lives, that I will continually lay down my own will to honor my husband as the leader of our household; this is a love that I never realized before God gave me these gifts. To think of all those things and then realize that God loves us exponentially more is truly humbling. How does anything that I have compare to that? Thank God that He totally understands how "human" we really are and loves us anyway.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35