Monday was a long day. Kearyn was really sick and it is just so hard to see your little ones not feel good. She would only sleep in my arms and I didn't mind at all but I really just wanted her to feel better. She got the cold that the boys had AND is teething all at the same time so it is not fun in her world.
I have really been struggling with the idea of my chemo this week. I just don't feel prepared. Yesterday I felt like I had a really bad attitude towards it and I have been asking God to change it. I asked God to change my heart and change my mind.
This is one area that I know I have changed a lot in my life. I use to pray that I wouldn't have to go through things because I think I was afraid I wasn't strong enough to go through it. And I was right. I wasn't. But that was because I was trying to stand on my own strength and not on God's. But now I know that I am going to have to go through it whether I want to or not and it is critical that I stand on God's strength and hand it all over to him. So now I just ask God to prepare my heart condition and my mind condition in order to get through it the way I need to.
I can already tell that He is working on me in this way. I am starting to feel a bit better about it. I am excited that it is my 3rd treatment. As that means that I am getting closer to the end. It is actually going by fairly fast for me and that is so surprising. Usually when you go through something like this it seems to go on and on with no end in sight. I can see God working in so many ways.
For now, I am going to keep praying for a prepared heart.
Follow Me...
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Write Way to Worship...
Do you ever have one of those God moments and your just think to yourself, "Why did I not think of that before?" Well, I seem to have those all of the time but one of these moments happened to me very recently that I wanted to share with you.
If you are a regular visitor to my blog you probably have noticed that my postings have kicked it up a notch in frequency. I have always been a writer. I LOVE writing. Most of you probably didn't know about that because I have kept it pretty quiet throughout my life. My mom is probably reading this right now going...huh, I never knew that. Just kidding Mom!
Since I was in 2nd grade I remember vividly thinking that it would truly be my hearts dream to be a writer and even publish a book someday. Of course I never shared this with anyone and then you start hearing how hard it is to make it as a "writer." You hear how hard it is to get published and so on and so forth until, like a lot of aspiring writers, your dream fizzles out into a distant memory.
I would have people periodically encourage me throughout the years that I did need to pursue this venture after reading something I wrote but I didn't pay much attention. After all, if it was so hard to get published then I didn't stand a chance. So, I just wrote for my own pleasure or lack there of. I would mostly write when I was frustrated or hurting. That was really how I would cope with most anything throughout my life. Jason, my dear husband, could always tell when something was wrong because I would be frantically writing in one of my journals and I can just imagine what was going through his mind....."Here we go again...." (I thank God daily that He gave me such a patient and tolerant man!)
A little over six months ago I just felt it pressed upon my heart that I needed to write more. If I would have heard God audibly it probably would have sounded something close to this...."write, write, write." Something so basic, so simple, nothing flashy. Just one word, one command. I was obedient. I started writing about anything and everything that came to mind. I literally have hundreds of things written, stored up for whatever reason or no reason at all. For some reason though (of course we know the reason) I started writing lots of devotionals. I loved it! I had never written like that before and it felt amazing. This was exactly what God wanted me to do.
So, here we are. (Fast forward six months later....) I have this incredible desire to write but wait...I am a wife and a mom of four kids. I have other obligations. Certainly I don't have time for writing. I should be doing more important things like laundry......(sounds silly to some of you....laundry over being obedient to God.....others are agreeing with me :-) That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is my form of worship. I know, I know...painfully simplistic and really quite embarrassing. I had heard about people that had other forms of worship other than the traditional music form that comes to mind but that really couldn't apply to me, right? Wrong.
Here is where you come in. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you for your encouraging thoughts, words and prayers. It is my hearts desire to glorify God in all that I do and all that I write. It is my prayer that through the words that God gives me that He can inspire, touch, and give hope. If you can join me in prayer for that I would be so grateful. I want to get my story out there. I want to share how God's love has changed my life so drastically and more importantly I want others to know and experience God's love for themselves. I am praying for platforms and opportunities to do just that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading this participating in my worship to the Lord. There are no words....
If you are a regular visitor to my blog you probably have noticed that my postings have kicked it up a notch in frequency. I have always been a writer. I LOVE writing. Most of you probably didn't know about that because I have kept it pretty quiet throughout my life. My mom is probably reading this right now going...huh, I never knew that. Just kidding Mom!
Since I was in 2nd grade I remember vividly thinking that it would truly be my hearts dream to be a writer and even publish a book someday. Of course I never shared this with anyone and then you start hearing how hard it is to make it as a "writer." You hear how hard it is to get published and so on and so forth until, like a lot of aspiring writers, your dream fizzles out into a distant memory.
I would have people periodically encourage me throughout the years that I did need to pursue this venture after reading something I wrote but I didn't pay much attention. After all, if it was so hard to get published then I didn't stand a chance. So, I just wrote for my own pleasure or lack there of. I would mostly write when I was frustrated or hurting. That was really how I would cope with most anything throughout my life. Jason, my dear husband, could always tell when something was wrong because I would be frantically writing in one of my journals and I can just imagine what was going through his mind....."Here we go again...." (I thank God daily that He gave me such a patient and tolerant man!)
A little over six months ago I just felt it pressed upon my heart that I needed to write more. If I would have heard God audibly it probably would have sounded something close to this...."write, write, write." Something so basic, so simple, nothing flashy. Just one word, one command. I was obedient. I started writing about anything and everything that came to mind. I literally have hundreds of things written, stored up for whatever reason or no reason at all. For some reason though (of course we know the reason) I started writing lots of devotionals. I loved it! I had never written like that before and it felt amazing. This was exactly what God wanted me to do.
So, here we are. (Fast forward six months later....) I have this incredible desire to write but wait...I am a wife and a mom of four kids. I have other obligations. Certainly I don't have time for writing. I should be doing more important things like laundry......(sounds silly to some of you....laundry over being obedient to God.....others are agreeing with me :-) That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is my form of worship. I know, I know...painfully simplistic and really quite embarrassing. I had heard about people that had other forms of worship other than the traditional music form that comes to mind but that really couldn't apply to me, right? Wrong.
Here is where you come in. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you for your encouraging thoughts, words and prayers. It is my hearts desire to glorify God in all that I do and all that I write. It is my prayer that through the words that God gives me that He can inspire, touch, and give hope. If you can join me in prayer for that I would be so grateful. I want to get my story out there. I want to share how God's love has changed my life so drastically and more importantly I want others to know and experience God's love for themselves. I am praying for platforms and opportunities to do just that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading this participating in my worship to the Lord. There are no words....
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Ky....
Kylind, or Ky as we affectionately call him, arrived on October 30th nearly five years ago in Fairbanks, Alaska. Every since we found out we were going to have him he has been such a huge blessing to us.
There are so many things about our middle son that are hard to explain. He has the most amazing blue eyes that you can literally get lost in. Even though he has this rough and tough demeanor on the outside he is actually extremely thoughtful and caring (a lot like his dad.) Lately he has become a lot more sensitive and gets his feeling hurt far more then he once did. He loves babies, which was a huge surprise to me, and he is very sensitive to animals. If he thinks an animal doesn’t have a home he is the first one to want to adopt it. He absolutely adores his baby sister and says that he is her “tector” (as in protector) and I don’t doubt it for a minute. I pity anyone who tries to mess with Ky’s baby sister.
From the minute his sister was born he has had a comfort level with her that is just
so amazing to me. He will pick her up and put her on his shoulder and just pat
away without a worry even though I am a nervous wreck fearful that he is going to
drop her. He always gives me these funny looks as I am doing acrobatic moves to
ensure my hands are just in the right place just in case. Yet, he has never dropped her, never even bobbled her. He just has this confidence with her that is beyond his years. This always makes me smile because I think of what a wonderful daddy he will be someday.
One of my favorite things about Ky are his questions. He has the most thoughtful
questions and he will just rapid fire them at you whether you know the answers or
not. I also love his chubby little hands with his dimpled knuckles, especially
watching him fold them together with squinted eyes as he prays. He has become
so thoughtful in his prayers and his relationship with God and this has been so wonderful to watch. One day he looked at me with those deep
blue eyes and said, “You know mom, God is in charge.” All I could do was chuckle at him
and say, “Yes He is Ky....yes He is...."
Even though Ky just has this natural popularity about him and he just draws
people to him he is actually relatively shy. He gets embarrassed easily and does not like doing things in front of others if he isn’t absolutely 100% sure of himself. Again, all of this reminds me so much of his dad.
When I think of Ky, I think of the following scripture.... "Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior." Psalm 24:3-5 Ky just has this way about him that is so pure and innocent. His wonderful questions are such a reflection of this. He looks up at you with those big crystal blue eyes and you can't help but to see goodness. You can't help but to imagine what looking in the eyes of Jesus might be like. In my heart I can't imagine it being far off then lookin in the eyes of my dear sweet boy......
There are so many things about our middle son that are hard to explain. He has the most amazing blue eyes that you can literally get lost in. Even though he has this rough and tough demeanor on the outside he is actually extremely thoughtful and caring (a lot like his dad.) Lately he has become a lot more sensitive and gets his feeling hurt far more then he once did. He loves babies, which was a huge surprise to me, and he is very sensitive to animals. If he thinks an animal doesn’t have a home he is the first one to want to adopt it. He absolutely adores his baby sister and says that he is her “tector” (as in protector) and I don’t doubt it for a minute. I pity anyone who tries to mess with Ky’s baby sister.
From the minute his sister was born he has had a comfort level with her that is just
so amazing to me. He will pick her up and put her on his shoulder and just pat
away without a worry even though I am a nervous wreck fearful that he is going to
drop her. He always gives me these funny looks as I am doing acrobatic moves to
ensure my hands are just in the right place just in case. Yet, he has never dropped her, never even bobbled her. He just has this confidence with her that is beyond his years. This always makes me smile because I think of what a wonderful daddy he will be someday.
One of my favorite things about Ky are his questions. He has the most thoughtful
questions and he will just rapid fire them at you whether you know the answers or
not. I also love his chubby little hands with his dimpled knuckles, especially
watching him fold them together with squinted eyes as he prays. He has become
so thoughtful in his prayers and his relationship with God and this has been so wonderful to watch. One day he looked at me with those deep
blue eyes and said, “You know mom, God is in charge.” All I could do was chuckle at him
and say, “Yes He is Ky....yes He is...."
Even though Ky just has this natural popularity about him and he just draws
people to him he is actually relatively shy. He gets embarrassed easily and does not like doing things in front of others if he isn’t absolutely 100% sure of himself. Again, all of this reminds me so much of his dad.
When I think of Ky, I think of the following scripture.... "Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior." Psalm 24:3-5 Ky just has this way about him that is so pure and innocent. His wonderful questions are such a reflection of this. He looks up at you with those big crystal blue eyes and you can't help but to see goodness. You can't help but to imagine what looking in the eyes of Jesus might be like. In my heart I can't imagine it being far off then lookin in the eyes of my dear sweet boy......
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