My Compulsion: {Editing} (I Know, Crazy Right?)

So, I kind of feel like writing tonight.
For fun.
Not for work.
I end up writing around 5,000 words day right now for my work and so it is such a release for me to be able to come on here and just write.
And not edit.
Well, okay, edit a little.
Who am I kidding?
I edit almost everything.
Including the marquee signs as I am driving by.
I can just see it now....

Officer: Ma'am, can you tell me again why you hit the tree?
Me: Well Sir, they used the wrong from of "their". They said "there" and they needed to use "their". I mean, [insert nervous laugh] who does that?
Officer: Well, THERE you go. Your ticket for careless driving and a $250 fine.
That would not be awesome.

Oh.
But I never edit emails from my friends. ;-)
Or Facebook messages.
Or Facebook posts for that matter.
Or my blog comments.
Or texts.
(I was on my way to never getting another email or any other form of communication from my friends again there for a second.)
Whew. That was close.

However, I am one of those freaky people that capitalize correctly AND uses correct punctuation when I am texting.
And I did it before my phone did it for me and if my phone messes up now I will go back and fix it before I send it.
Don't judge me.

Okay, I. Am. Hopeless....

Some of you may be wondering if I am so edit crazy why do I write in fragment sentences all the time.
Well.
That is my way of rebelling against my editing compulsion I guess.
I know.
Such a rebel.

The funniest thing is when I go back and re-read my chemo posts.
I will be like, wow, someone needed to spell check.
Or, how many commas can you miss in one paragraph?
It doesn't matter that I am talking about the fact that I feel like I am going to die or that I was in a chemo induced coma.
No excuses, right?

So, what are you compulsive about?
Oh, and I promise, I won't edit your comments. ;-)

Thanks for reading and giving me a little release tonight.
Now you know my secret shame.

Birthday Celebration Part 3: {dinner & dessert}

Okay, I promise. This will be the LAST post about my birthday. But a lot happened this year and this is also a big way in which I document our life. So, bare with me.

After floating the river, we went to dinner with some friends. We went to The Stonehouse - definitely in the top 3 of my favorite places to eat in our town. It was a lot of fun with good food and great conversation. And guess what? I didn't take one photo! Can you believe it?

After dinner we went to our friends' house where they provided the dessert.
And it was sooo good.
Can you say Oreo ice-cream cake?

It tasted as good as it looked! 

Thank you to all my family and friends for making my special day happen. 

A special thank you to my hubby. 

Not just for my birthday. 

But every day.

Related Posts:

Birthday Celebration 1: Can You Say Sushi?

Birthday Celebration 2: Floating the River

Birthday Celebration Part 2: Floating the River

My husband is one of kind that is for sure. (Those of you who know him are probably shaking your head in agreement.) First, he loves me on a whole other level that I didn't even know was possible. I feel so very blessed by this man each and every day. So, things like my birthday and our anniversary - he seems to take great joy in because it is another opportunity to show me his love. And it really is amazing.

My hubby does not like to do the ordinary. In fact, if it is something that he thinks would be expected he won't do it. For example, roses on Valentine's Day. That would be a big no-no in his world. Instead, this last year he wrote this giant note out on poster board using different kinds of candy.

Back to my birthday.... He always tries to think of creative and original things to do and this year was no different.

This year he announced that he was taking me to float the river on my birthday. It sounded like fun. I love the outdoors just as much as he does. Okay, not in the survivor man, drop me off in the middle of no-where with only a pocket knife and I will walk 20 miles type of way but in the ohhh, isn't that lake so pretty and look at that butterfly type of way. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to make myself out to be a girly-girl because that is certainly one thing that I am not. But there is still a bit of an extreme between what my husband enjoys out of the wilderness and what I enjoy out of the wilderness. (As you can probably tell by the photos I take.)

Anyway, so we are on our way to float the river. We get on the river and this transformation began to happen in my heart. First of all, it was so stinking quiet! I don't get quiet. I have four children - quiet does not exist. Then there was the fun of working together rowing, avoiding being sucked under and dying, that kind of thing. Just kidding. There was rowing together but it was all pretty mild and not life threatening in any way.

Then, there was the picnic lunch. He was so sweet. He packed all of our favorites and we sat under a big tree just off the river and actually had adult conversation and, again, we just enjoyed the quiet. It was amazing and truly a moment I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life.

On the river again, we made our way the rest of the way down. Almost to the end a friend of ours went by with a group of people and they all yelled happy birthday to me. It was sweet.

We finally go to the end and I swam in the river for a few minutes until my mom picked us and the boat up. It was amazing and definitely one of the very best birthday expenses I have had in 33 years. Thank you Jason for arranging it all and to my family for providing all the extra stuff like dropping off, picking up, and babysitting. Love you all!

These were just a few pics I took/had taken. I didn't take my camera with me because I was afraid it would get wet. I really wish I would have once we were on the river because there were some really amazing photo opportunities....maybe next time.

[the.beginning]



[the.end]

Birthday Celebration Part 1: Can You Say Sushi?

I was treated to a birthday lunch this week. It was delightful.

The best part....

I was able to share it with this man. :-) 

My [Other] Birthday Today

Yesterday was my birthday and it was amazing. I will share more about that later. But today is another big day for me....

One year ago today I received my last chemo treatment. 

Wow. 1 year has gone by? Really?

I have a ton of emotions today. I am so grateful first of all. There are just really no words that will do this justice. I am grateful that I am still here. I am grateful that I am not in treatment anymore. I am grateful to be a survivor.

I feel an excitement that this is REALLY behind me. Sometimes it is hard to believe that I am really past this and sometimes I am scared to believe it. Like if I really believe it and then I find out it isn't real I don't know if I can withstand the heartbreak. But, that is where faith comes in.

I also feel sick to my stomach when I think about one year ago today and what I was doing. I really do. I honestly hate thinking about it because it brings back how awful I felt. I can even smell and taste how it felt - yes, chemo has a taste - and it is terrible. So, I really try not to go back there for long. However, it does enhance my joy and appreciation of today to do so.

Anyway, I know that many of you have walked along this journey with me. Some in the flesh and others by reading my blog. I appreciate you all. For if it weren't for your prayers and support I know that today could have been very different. And not just for me - but for the four little precious people who call me mama and the one big precious person that calls me wife.

I think I rejoice mostly for them.

Today is {My} Birthday

Happy Birthday to {ME}

Admittedly, I have never been a huge fan of my birthday. I just really didn't feel comfortable with people making a fuss over me. I felt awkward and unsure of how to respond. The normal person would just say "thank you" and move on but not me. I start analyzing how I should say "thank you". If I say it one way someone may think I am prideful and if I say it another way they may think I am not grateful. Oh the pressures! Why could I not have one of those cute southern accents where everything sounds nice when you say it?

Anyway, in a nutshell - prior to 2011 I had neutral feelings about my birthday. Oh, I also did not like that whole getting older thing either.

Post 2011, I {REJOICE} on my birthday. I am overwhelmingly grateful just to have the opportunity to be here on this earth as a wife and a mother for one more year. I feel beyond blessed.

Now I dream of being 70. For if I am 70 I will have finished what I started here. I will have fulfilled my promise to my husband on our wedding day - the one where I said I would grow old with him. I will have raised my babies and seen them graduate, walk down the aisle, and have babies of their own. I will have even had the bonus of being a grandma myself and perhaps even a great-grandma. Wouldn't that be splendid. All of these things are such wonderful treasures that I long for. I just want to finish well.

So, today I am rejoicing at the fact that God has given me {33} years on this earth. Again, I just feel so grateful to even be here writing this for you to read. It is a good day. :-)

Blessings and Love to All! 


~Andrea

I {heart} 4th of July

I have always loved 4th of July and now when I think of why, well, it is actually kind of embarrassing. But I will tell you anyway. 

Sure, I love the BBQ's and some of the funnest memories I have are of all of our friends getting together at the park to play sand volleyball. Then came the fireworks. I love the fireworks. But that was not why I loved 4th of July.... 

I loved the 4th of July because my birthday is 8 days after it. That is 1 week and 1 day in case you didn't know. The 4th of July would arrive and there was always this big celebration and I knew we were just getting warmed up to celebrate my birthday a few days later. :-) 

Then I started to get older and I still loved the 4th but didn't love the birthday part so much. Then I got cancer and now I love the birthday part again too. But I will talk about that more later. 

Anyway, now you know my secret shame. Nothing like announcing it to the world. Good thing my birthday was not actually on the 4th. I would have thought the entire nation was celebrating me. God definitely knew what He was doing there. 

I pray you all have a very blessed holiday filled with family and friends - oh and good food too! That is always a bonus. As for us, we will be sitting by a lake somewhere in the Colorado mountains. Since there will be no fireworks this year that seemed like an acceptable alternative. 

Blessings,

Andrea

Update....

Well, we met with the doctors today and we still really don't have all of the answers - plus it is just kind of difficult to explain but I will do my best because if I don't I think there are a large majority of you who are going to show up at my house tomorrow and demand an explanation anyway... so here it goes.

Way back when, February 4, 2011 to be exact (seems like a lifetime ago) when I had my first PET Scan my SUV level was a 25. And no, I am not referring to my vehicle rating (is there even such a thing?) Anyway....unless you have been through the cancer scene yourself or are in the medical field this probably means nothing to you so I thought I would provide a little explanation of what it does mean....

You are probably aware that cancerous cells multiply at a faster rate than normal cells making them more active - and of course more dangerous because they like to take over all the good stuff. Anyway, when I go for a PET scan it shows what the cells activity rate is and it measures the value in SUV's or standardized uptake value (just in case you were interested). So the PET scan will determine the SUV of one spot in comparison to everywhere else in the body. The baseline for a person without cancer is usually a 1 (one) and they start to worry if a person is between 3 to 5 - remember, mine was a 25 which was not good - obviously -  hence the chemo thing for the past 6 months, etc. etc.

So, here is where the tricky part comes in. In my last PET scan (last Thursday) it was determined that I have a spot in my neck that is still showing a reading of 3.3 SUV's. It is wonderfully amazing that I have gone from a 25 all the way down to a 3.3 but it still puts me in that area of "concern". They can't really tell me if it is still the cancer or not and they don't think it can be ignored. I know... it is a bummer.

Basically we have options coming out of our ears. Some of them are not good options - like the one I have to sell all of my worldly belongings and live out my days on a beach somewhere - but nonetheless, they are still options and now it is time for Jason and I to really seek the Lord and find out what His will is for us at this time.

The first thing that they want to do is take a biopsy of the lymph node that is causing the issue here. This would be a surgical procedure and they would take the whole lymph node for examination. The one thing that may prevent this from happening is the location of the lymph node that needs to be biopsied. There are all kinds of arteries, tendons, etc. that I am really pretty attached to and would like to keep in one piece for obvious reasons. I will meet with the surgeon next week to see if the biopsy is even a possibility and if it is - well that will be the first of many decisions we have to make.

We are praying for large neon lit, billboard sized signs from God right now. I think the hardest thing is really just praying through every option and listening for God's voice to say, "Yep, that is the one!" But we are being very diligent through this process and know that God will do his thing when he is ready.

As for how I am doing  with all of this?  I am actually doing well. I had a peace going into this and I have that same peace now. It is so hard to explain but I just know God is going to heal me. I feel like I have already faced the lion on this one - 7 tumors in my neck, cancer in 3 different places in my body - so one little spot in my neck in the scope of life is just that.... one little spot. Yes, it needs to be addressed and we will walk it out as God calls us to but I do feel like I have faced a lot worse. Hopefully that makes sense.

So, that is the update for now... Thanks so much for all of the prayers!

Blessings and Love!
Andrea

Kearyn 5: My Best Memorial Day Memory

First and foremost, the Gressman family wants to say thank you to all who have served our country so bravely and honorably. We know that we would not know the freedoms that we have today if it weren't for your sacrifices. For those of you who are currently serving  - we pray for you often as well as for the loved ones who support you.

As I was thinking about Memorial Day I started to think about my favorite Memorial Day memory. Well hand down it was Memorial Day of 2010 and it was the birth of my baby girl. Yes, it was quite the Memorial Day for our family - a memory that we can never forget. A perfect day - Kearyn's Day.

Mommy and Kearyn ~ only minutes old

What is your favorite Memorial Day memory? Comment here, email me, or Facebook me and I will post it here - anonymously if preferred.

The Anniversary

Jason and I celebrated our anniversary today. All I can say is that it has been a pure joy to be married to this man. I feel so blessed each and every day that God has blessed me with the love of my life. I cannot imagine walking through what I am walking through right now without him.

When the bible called him to love me as Christ loves the church - he has done just that. Each and every day  as my husband loves me the way he does - I see Christ.

Thanks for loving me as you do Jason - through sickness and in health, until death do us part. 

The Little Things About Me....{Part 1}

Some of you have known me my whole life, (Mom I am referring to you on this one) and some of you only know me from the words that I write here on this blog. Many of you lie somewhere in between that thirty-one year spectrum. I was thinking, pondering I like to call it, today about some different posts I can write as I feel like I have been short changing you guys a bit lately. (Don't worry, I don't lie awake stressing about my blog. I don't want a bunch of you to email me telling me how I should not be stressing about my blog when I am in the condition that I am in. You can email me, just don't email me about that ;-)

Anyway, I was thinking about things that are in my life that you may or may not be surprised to know about me besides what you read everyday on my blog. This was partially inspired by a list that my friend Georgia placed on our family help blog (jchelpinghands.blogspot.com).

So, here it goes. I hope I don't live to regret this. My reader count may drop drastically once you all start to get to know me better. LOL

I actually love politics. Many are surprised to hear this I know because I don't really talk about it "in public" that often. But for example, did you all realize that the 2012 Presidential Election is only 20 months away? I know, I know - there is no hope for me.

One of my favorite things to do is talk politics with my dad. He is like the Yoda of all politics. You can ask him about any politician and he will start quoting statistics and where they stand on this or that. It is really quite impressive and I just really enjoy it. (He would be so mad knowing I was talking about him like this. He is also a very humble man. Hey, I have cancer and am going through chemo. Maybe he won't get too upset with me.:-)

Anyway, I know I inherited the political bug from him. As I said, I just don't talk about it in public a lot, unless asked. Then I will gently state my opinion. I was told a long time ago that if you want to maintain friendships you need to avoid religion and politics - well the first one kind of went out the window when Jason became a pastor - occupational hazard you can call it :-) but the second I try to hang on to.

Anyone surprised by this?

Through a Child's Eyes.......by Cale

I asked my 11 year old son to write a blog of his own today about how he has felt during this situation. Here are his words....

The news came one afternoon when I was at my great-grandma's house when my mom and dad appeared at the door. I heard that she had cancer and I was in tears. [Later] when they told me she had Hodgkin's and that it could be cured I had hope that she would be okay. It is because of God that she is going to be okay. I still pray for her but I have hope.

-Cale

It makes tears come to your eyes doesn't it. I am so proud of my son and I think he is a future writer in the making, don't you?

Love him.

Another wonderful photo by Jess Pollard. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

Me and My Girl...

It was a little over a year ago when the doctor delivered us some shocking news... we were having a girl! As a mom of three boys at the time, this was almost unbelievable to me. Unlike what most people think, we didn't keep trying until we had a girl. We kept trying until we had four children. That was the promise that had been delivered to my heart so many years ago. I truly expected, and as our track record well demonstrated, that we would have another boy. Boy was I surprised to find out otherwise.

I am delighted that God delivered our little Kearyn girl to our family. She truly completes it. I always say what a blessing she has been to our family but it occurred to me what a blessing she has been to each of her brothers as well. She has brought out qualities in them that weren't there before. She has brought out a gentleness in them as well as a protective element in each of them. It has been so fun to witness. I can't help but to think how different their lives would have been without their baby sister, not just my husband's life and not just my life. She has truly been a gift to our whole family.

Subsequently, it has probably been the most difficult with her regarding my treatment. She is my last baby and having to wean her early was hard. On the other hand, I am grateful to even have her here in the first place to have to wean. God's timing was just so amazing in all of this. I know I keep saying that I will be blogging about that soon and I will, so stay tuned! :-) Not having as much energy, I feel like I can't take care of her like I use to. On the other hand, this has given Jason some great time to bond with his baby girl. As you can see, if you look close enough, for every down side - there is an up side.

Me and My Girl....

Another wonderful photo by Jess Pollard. 

If you want to check out more of Jess' work you can check out her web site at http://www.jesspollardphotography.com/

We are the Gressman's.....

We are the Gressman's....Jason-31, Andrea-31, Cale-10, Kylind "Ky"-4, Creide-2, and Kearyn-2 months. Yes, we are a family of 6 which from the reactions I get in the grocery store seems to be something of a rarity these days.

The first thing and most important thing we can say about our family is that we absolutely love the Lord. We do our best to serve as a family whenever we can. Our family motto: "Serve One as one." The story of how God revealed that to us will be told at another time.

Jason is a youth pastor and I work part-time for the church as an event coordinator. We love both positions. The kids that God brings into our lives each week on either a Wednesday or Thursday night for youth group are absolutely amazing. We do our best to love them as Christ loves us. This task is easy and challenging all at the same time but we embrace it as we know God has called us to do this.

Our children are amazing as well. Truly miracles from God and each and everyday I look at them and I am overwhelmed that God would entrust them to me. I am so grateful that God chose me to be their mom. I am truly left speechless and overwhelmed. Each and everyday I feel so blessed to have the husband that I have, the three handsome boys that I call "my sons" and my beautiful baby girl. Yes indeed, I am blessed.

We are the Gressman's.....