Like every American.
We remember 9/11.
However, we also remember it for a very different reason.
It is our third little man's birthday.
The funny thing is that we have actually had people give us condolences because our son was born on 9.11.07.
My response.
Don't be sad for us.
We aren't.
We rejoice on that day.
Please do not get me wrong.
We deeply respect and honor those who lost their lives in the terrible tragedy.
And those who gave their lives trying to save others.
Our hearts ache for their loved ones.
In this household you will always find respect and honor for those who serve and protect our country.
Period.
It does not matter if they are here on American soil or defending our country in a foreign land - they are thought of often and prayed for often in our home.
It does not matter if they are in a branch of the military or if they are in law enforcement protecting our cities and towns.
Our home will always show them the respect that they deserve.
But we still rejoice
The birth of our son on 09/11, we believe, is what so many of those brave men and women give their lives for.
Hope.
The hope of a future.
The hope that there is something better yet to come.
Our son represents this hope, and so much more, to us.
He is like the rainbow after the flood.
A sign.
A sign of new life.
Our future.
A sign of love.
So, each year for the past 5 (can you believe he is 5! - We'll discuss that more later) we have celebrated on 9/11 without hesitation.
Full hearted.
Rejoicing.
Thank you God for giving us this little man on such a special day to be a reminder to us of the HOPE you have given.
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Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Friday, September 14, 2012
Friday, November 18, 2011
It is JUST Plain Hard....
I was going to write a word of encouragement for a special someone that is going through a difficult time right now and I thought I would just post it here in the hopes that it would help some others as well.
It seems like there are so many people who are struggling right now and it is truly heartbreaking. If I could ease the burden for all of you - I would in a heartbeat, but the reality is that I know there is very little I can do to make anything better for anyone. All I can do is share the love that God has so abundantly given me and pray for you. Both I will gladly and eagerly do.
I have spent a great deal of time in the "pit" myself. I know what it is like to claw your way out of the "pit" and then run into someone who says something like.... "You should just be grateful that you are in the pit at all". What? Grateful to be in the pit?!? Are you kidding me? All I want to do is to get out of this dark hole that I am in and you are telling me I should be happy to be here? No. Way!
Later, when you are finally out of the "pit", you then can understand what that person was saying. There are so many lessons to be learned in the "pit". There is so much growth that happens in the "pit" but when you are living it, when you are up close and personal to it, it is hard to see the blessings that are taking place.
I have struggled with this myself more times than I can remember. I vividly recall a particular battle of the mind occurring when I was about half way through my chemo treatments. I was struggling in a bad way. I was cranky and that whole "grace and peace" thing was pretty much non-existent in my world. I was at a very low point physically. Mentally and emotionally I was shot. (Not proud of all of the above.)
A friend of mine ended up coming over and told me that I should feel grateful to be getting chemo at all. That started an additional battle of the mind. Was I not grateful? Did people perceive me as not being grateful? That was never my intention at all. I did not want one person to feel like I was not grateful for every morsel of life I was being given. But I was sick and I hurt so badly - there were not words to describe how awful I felt.
Finally, another friend of mine, one who I had actually gone through treatment with for the same type of cancer (she had finished her treatment before I did). Anyway, she always has this perfect timing. She will send me a text or stop by and see me when I am struggling the most. I shared with her my struggles and she gave me true words of wisdom that I ended up clinging to - well, to this very day.
She said, "It's not that you aren't grateful. It is just hard." (I know. She is brilliant isn't she.)
Being grateful for something does not mean that you can't admit that something is hard. So many times we feel like when we are going through hard times we need to radiate this positive attitude and act like that it is all just rainbows and lollipops. (A term that Jason and I like to use a lot.) It is not rainbows and lollipops. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is... well, it is JUST plain hard.
And on the other hand, just because something is hard doesn't mean that we aren't going to receive blessings for it or aren't receiving blessings for it this very moment that we don't even realize.
When you are going through a trial (or are in the "pit" as I like to call it) it is impossible to see the big picture. Actually, we won't see the "big picture" until we finally meet Jesus. But we can't lose faith. In fact, that is the very definition of faith. Believing in what we can't see.
I know for those of you who are struggling this means very little. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is a tiny bread crumb of hope that you can cling to. It's not that you aren't grateful, it is just hard.
Blessings,
Andrea
It seems like there are so many people who are struggling right now and it is truly heartbreaking. If I could ease the burden for all of you - I would in a heartbeat, but the reality is that I know there is very little I can do to make anything better for anyone. All I can do is share the love that God has so abundantly given me and pray for you. Both I will gladly and eagerly do.
I have spent a great deal of time in the "pit" myself. I know what it is like to claw your way out of the "pit" and then run into someone who says something like.... "You should just be grateful that you are in the pit at all". What? Grateful to be in the pit?!? Are you kidding me? All I want to do is to get out of this dark hole that I am in and you are telling me I should be happy to be here? No. Way!
Later, when you are finally out of the "pit", you then can understand what that person was saying. There are so many lessons to be learned in the "pit". There is so much growth that happens in the "pit" but when you are living it, when you are up close and personal to it, it is hard to see the blessings that are taking place.
I have struggled with this myself more times than I can remember. I vividly recall a particular battle of the mind occurring when I was about half way through my chemo treatments. I was struggling in a bad way. I was cranky and that whole "grace and peace" thing was pretty much non-existent in my world. I was at a very low point physically. Mentally and emotionally I was shot. (Not proud of all of the above.)
A friend of mine ended up coming over and told me that I should feel grateful to be getting chemo at all. That started an additional battle of the mind. Was I not grateful? Did people perceive me as not being grateful? That was never my intention at all. I did not want one person to feel like I was not grateful for every morsel of life I was being given. But I was sick and I hurt so badly - there were not words to describe how awful I felt.
Finally, another friend of mine, one who I had actually gone through treatment with for the same type of cancer (she had finished her treatment before I did). Anyway, she always has this perfect timing. She will send me a text or stop by and see me when I am struggling the most. I shared with her my struggles and she gave me true words of wisdom that I ended up clinging to - well, to this very day.
She said, "It's not that you aren't grateful. It is just hard." (I know. She is brilliant isn't she.)
Being grateful for something does not mean that you can't admit that something is hard. So many times we feel like when we are going through hard times we need to radiate this positive attitude and act like that it is all just rainbows and lollipops. (A term that Jason and I like to use a lot.) It is not rainbows and lollipops. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is... well, it is JUST plain hard.
And on the other hand, just because something is hard doesn't mean that we aren't going to receive blessings for it or aren't receiving blessings for it this very moment that we don't even realize.
When you are going through a trial (or are in the "pit" as I like to call it) it is impossible to see the big picture. Actually, we won't see the "big picture" until we finally meet Jesus. But we can't lose faith. In fact, that is the very definition of faith. Believing in what we can't see.
I know for those of you who are struggling this means very little. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is a tiny bread crumb of hope that you can cling to. It's not that you aren't grateful, it is just hard.
Blessings,
Andrea
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Could it be any worse?
I actually try not to do that much research about my cancer which is very difficult for me because I am kind of a research junkie. I know, I know... weird. I love to learn about new things and I like to be informed as much as possible - especially when it comes to the health of my family. But with the cancer stuff it just gets to be depressing and the once vibrant ray of hope starts to fade as you read all these other stories of what people have had to go through - and when you are going through something like this you can't afford for that to happen.
Today, however, I could not resist and started reading some other "cancer blogs". It was then that I saw a lady who also has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think she was about my age and she had two children. But this is what broke my heart... she was 26 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child.... I felt like my heart stopped for a second when I read this.
Can you imagine that being your situation? This sweet mama being over half-way through her pregnancy and being diagnosed with cancer. She also stated that she was starting chemo that very next week and my heart stopped again. At that moment I praised God that he had spared me from having to make that decision because that very well could have been me.
When I was pregnant with my second son they found cancer cells and thought that I had cervical cancer. The one doctor told me that I would need to start treatment immediately. When I asked her what would happen to my baby - she said I would most likely lose him. This was just a thought I could not bare. I had lost four babies prior to finally getting pregnant with this baby and now they were expecting me to do this! I felt like they were asking me to choose between my two children - the one I had and the one that I was carrying inside me.
I quickly sought a second opinion and the second doctor said that they would just monitor me carefully throughout my pregnancy and as long as it didn't start spreading I would be fine - and I was. We now have our five year old son Ky and I can't imagine life without him. As tough as this situation was for me at the time - I cannot imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and diagnosed with something like Hodgkin's.
For those of you who are wondering what happened to the cervical cancer thing - well that was a God thing too. After I had Ky, they still found the cancer cells. In fact, for over a year every time I went in they found them. So what do I do.... I decided I wanted another baby. My fear was that if they did decide to treat me I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. So, I got pregnant with our third son and I fully expected to go through this whole thing all over again. But I went in and there were no cancer cells to be found. Perhaps that explains my shear belief this time around that God is going to heal me from this cancer too. He did it once - I know he can do it again.
I am sure I have shared this with you but I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's when my baby girl was just 2 weeks old. The next day I went into the doctor and they ran some tests and said that the lump (what we later found out was a tumor) in my neck was just a cyst. But the point is that my baby girl was only 2 weeks old. If we moved all of this up even a few months I would have been faced with this very similar situation.
My heart just ached for this mom. She only made one post and her last words were, "I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome...." I don't know this lady's name, I don't know where she lives, but I am praying that same prayer for her as well. I am praying that same prayer for all of us who are facing cancer or anyone else who is facing tough a situation. And I am just grateful to God that this was not my own reality.
Today, however, I could not resist and started reading some other "cancer blogs". It was then that I saw a lady who also has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think she was about my age and she had two children. But this is what broke my heart... she was 26 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child.... I felt like my heart stopped for a second when I read this.
Can you imagine that being your situation? This sweet mama being over half-way through her pregnancy and being diagnosed with cancer. She also stated that she was starting chemo that very next week and my heart stopped again. At that moment I praised God that he had spared me from having to make that decision because that very well could have been me.
When I was pregnant with my second son they found cancer cells and thought that I had cervical cancer. The one doctor told me that I would need to start treatment immediately. When I asked her what would happen to my baby - she said I would most likely lose him. This was just a thought I could not bare. I had lost four babies prior to finally getting pregnant with this baby and now they were expecting me to do this! I felt like they were asking me to choose between my two children - the one I had and the one that I was carrying inside me.
I quickly sought a second opinion and the second doctor said that they would just monitor me carefully throughout my pregnancy and as long as it didn't start spreading I would be fine - and I was. We now have our five year old son Ky and I can't imagine life without him. As tough as this situation was for me at the time - I cannot imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and diagnosed with something like Hodgkin's.
For those of you who are wondering what happened to the cervical cancer thing - well that was a God thing too. After I had Ky, they still found the cancer cells. In fact, for over a year every time I went in they found them. So what do I do.... I decided I wanted another baby. My fear was that if they did decide to treat me I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. So, I got pregnant with our third son and I fully expected to go through this whole thing all over again. But I went in and there were no cancer cells to be found. Perhaps that explains my shear belief this time around that God is going to heal me from this cancer too. He did it once - I know he can do it again.
I am sure I have shared this with you but I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's when my baby girl was just 2 weeks old. The next day I went into the doctor and they ran some tests and said that the lump (what we later found out was a tumor) in my neck was just a cyst. But the point is that my baby girl was only 2 weeks old. If we moved all of this up even a few months I would have been faced with this very similar situation.
My heart just ached for this mom. She only made one post and her last words were, "I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome...." I don't know this lady's name, I don't know where she lives, but I am praying that same prayer for her as well. I am praying that same prayer for all of us who are facing cancer or anyone else who is facing tough a situation. And I am just grateful to God that this was not my own reality.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 42: Is there another word for tired?
I feel like I have used all of the words that have the meaning of "tired" up and yet, I am still tired. I didn't post this last night as I went to bed so early. I am also still feeling a bit nauseated as well. I am really looking forward to that going away.
I still feel like I am in a very dark and isolated place. I realized today that I have not done anything creative in a while and that is probably why I am feeling so blah. My creativity is such an avenue of expression for me and I realize quickly that when I don't use my creativity for something, I start to get grumpy. My writing hasn't even worked. I have an account that I have to turn in an article each morning and I feel like I am barely getting through them.
I keep seeking God in this and I keep asking for His mercy - His relief in all of this. I have faith that He will answer....I just hope it is soon.
I still feel like I am in a very dark and isolated place. I realized today that I have not done anything creative in a while and that is probably why I am feeling so blah. My creativity is such an avenue of expression for me and I realize quickly that when I don't use my creativity for something, I start to get grumpy. My writing hasn't even worked. I have an account that I have to turn in an article each morning and I feel like I am barely getting through them.
I keep seeking God in this and I keep asking for His mercy - His relief in all of this. I have faith that He will answer....I just hope it is soon.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Song for the Soul.........."Hope Now" by Addison Road
As I posted yesterday, music has always been incredibly important to me in my life. When I am down, it lifts me up. When I rejoice, it is there to help me do that to.
It has been on my heart for a while to share some of the songs that have touch my heart and why. The first one I wanted to start with is one I have loved for a very long time. If you were at church this last weekend you probably heard Erin sing this so beautifully for us. Erin, if you are reading this, you did such a wonderful job! It definitely brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. Thank you for using the gift God has given you to bless us all so much.
The song is "Hope Now" by Addison Road. If you have never heard it before, or if you just love it like I do, take a minute to listen to it now.
I just love this song. Even before I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's, this song always touched my heart, but now...wow! I usually can't make it through the song without getting teared up.
Here are the lyrics:
(VERSE 1)
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours
(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(VERSE 2)
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(PRE-CHORUS)
I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(CHORUS 2)
You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free
(Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
(You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
Just as the song says, how quickly we forget that we are God's and not our own. He has truly sheltered me from so many storms and is continuing to shelter me from this storm and His love truly has set me free. I could go on forever on how many ways this song touches my soul. How about you? Does this song touch yours? I would love to hear about it if it does. :-)
It has been on my heart for a while to share some of the songs that have touch my heart and why. The first one I wanted to start with is one I have loved for a very long time. If you were at church this last weekend you probably heard Erin sing this so beautifully for us. Erin, if you are reading this, you did such a wonderful job! It definitely brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. Thank you for using the gift God has given you to bless us all so much.
The song is "Hope Now" by Addison Road. If you have never heard it before, or if you just love it like I do, take a minute to listen to it now.
I just love this song. Even before I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's, this song always touched my heart, but now...wow! I usually can't make it through the song without getting teared up.
Here are the lyrics:
(VERSE 1)
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours
(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(VERSE 2)
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(PRE-CHORUS)
I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(CHORUS 2)
You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free
(Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
(You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
Just as the song says, how quickly we forget that we are God's and not our own. He has truly sheltered me from so many storms and is continuing to shelter me from this storm and His love truly has set me free. I could go on forever on how many ways this song touches my soul. How about you? Does this song touch yours? I would love to hear about it if it does. :-)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 10: When the Road Gets Tough...
It seems crazy to think that only 10 days have passed since the initial diagnosis. In that 10 days many tests have been ran (I have lost count), the diagnosis was confirmed, and chemo has started. I can't imagine living in limbo for several weeks wondering what the future might bring. I am so grateful that my family and I did not have to endure that.
Today was probably the hardest day I have had yet with regards to my treatment. That is not saying much because we are barely into this journey. I woke feeling pretty rough and I am still trying to learn how to manage the nausea. I also slept a lot today.
My three year old is still sick and the baby is either teething again or not responding well to her new formula. Maybe a combination of both, I am not sure. Jason is definitely being kept on his toes. He is very good at taking care of us all and I am so grateful that he is the man God chose for me. I do not know what I would do without him.
I did start to feel slightly sorry for myself this morning when I felt so icky and then God brought me my baby girl via Jason's arms. I looked at her precious baby face and remembered instantly what it's all for. It is for the future that God has planned for my family and I. One in which we will prosper. This was not a promise that things will always be easy but it is a promise of hope and His undying love for us.
Another swift reminder came by means of a simple piece of paper taped to a restaurant window. It was of a man needing help as he was just diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma. I whispered to Jason, "This could have been me." It is so sobering and humbling all at the same time. So, in the midst of the new dynamic our family is facing, trying to figure out how to do this all over again, I am continually grateful for all that I have. Including the promise and the hope of a prosperous future.
Today was probably the hardest day I have had yet with regards to my treatment. That is not saying much because we are barely into this journey. I woke feeling pretty rough and I am still trying to learn how to manage the nausea. I also slept a lot today.
My three year old is still sick and the baby is either teething again or not responding well to her new formula. Maybe a combination of both, I am not sure. Jason is definitely being kept on his toes. He is very good at taking care of us all and I am so grateful that he is the man God chose for me. I do not know what I would do without him.
I did start to feel slightly sorry for myself this morning when I felt so icky and then God brought me my baby girl via Jason's arms. I looked at her precious baby face and remembered instantly what it's all for. It is for the future that God has planned for my family and I. One in which we will prosper. This was not a promise that things will always be easy but it is a promise of hope and His undying love for us.
Another swift reminder came by means of a simple piece of paper taped to a restaurant window. It was of a man needing help as he was just diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma. I whispered to Jason, "This could have been me." It is so sobering and humbling all at the same time. So, in the midst of the new dynamic our family is facing, trying to figure out how to do this all over again, I am continually grateful for all that I have. Including the promise and the hope of a prosperous future.
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