Today I completed the tests that I was suppose to complete yesterday, which consisted of another CT-scan and a PET-scan. These were done to see what other areas of my body this has spread to. Hopefully this is a big fat none but we won't know until Monday.
My spirits are good today. God has given me a huge peace over all of this and that has been wonderful. Escaping the fear an worry, for however brief, is definitely a blessing.
After so much prayer and meditation I am just holding everything with very open hands, surrendering it all to God, that includes my life. I know I have surrendered my life to God before but it wasn't until now that I realized that was the service and actions of my life. Surrendering the very breath that keeps my body alive, every heartbeat that keeps my body going is something entirely different.
So as I sit here with palms open, surrendering it all to God, the only thing that I hold with clinched fists is my faith. As a reward, my faithful Father in Heaven has given me an intense peace "beyond all understanding" which I am grateful for.
Yesterday I had to wait an hour before the scan so that the stuff they gave me could sufficiently travel through my body. I used that quiet time to just seek the Lord. There was one song verse that played over and over in my mind, "I surrender all....I surrender all." The most amazing thing happened. I fell asleep. I truly felt as if I was just resting in the arms of the Lord. Even though it wasn't for long, it was truly the most refreshing sleep I have ever experienced in my life.
When I was "ready" for the scans they laid me down on the table thing and started the process. I truly didn't know what to pray as the fear began to set in for what they might find so I just kept saying the Lord's name over and over in my mind. Within a few minutes I just felt this warmth consume my body and that is when the peace came. I was, and still am, grateful.
We won't find out any information until Monday but at that time we should know everything including my treatment plan. So we will enjoy our weekend and then get to work Monday mentally and spiritually preparing for what lies ahead.
Thank you for all the notes of encouragement, offers of help and support, and most importantly the prayers. I know I cannot respond to each and everyone of you but please know that they do give my heart so much joy to hear from you. I love you all.
Today I received the following blessings:
- Again, just receiving the peace that God has given me has been huge. Normally I would be freaking out with worry waiting over the weekend without the results from all the testing but I am totally at peace. I know God's timing is the perfect timing. The peace may be the "calm before the storm" but I am hanging onto it anyway.
- I just have the most amazing friends and family. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
- I was able to nurse Kearyn this morning until my test and now I cannot nurse her again for 24 hours. But she actually took a bottle today. Praise God!
- I was able to connect with several loved ones today and I enjoyed visiting with them no matter how brief the conversation was.
- I was able to meditate and pray today and even rest in the Lord's arms while waiting for my test.
Prayer Requests:
- Just for continued peace and guidance from the Lord.
- I pray Monday goes "well".
- The mass in my neck is pressing on my trachea and esophagus which could cause some breathing problems in the near future as well as some swallowing issues. Please pray that the treatment plan is put into place and the mass reduced before these problems affect me in a significant way.
Funny of the Day:
I know that these things may not seem funny when reading them but when going through such a thing I find it is refreshing to hang onto any and all laughter that comes my way. So thanks for putting up with my little funny or not so funny stories.
After my test the guy that completed the test mentions to me me that if I happen to need to go to the airport or the dump today that I would "set stuff off." Although these "to do" items had not made my list for that day, I thought it would be so cool for Jason to take me to the airport so I could give it a try. It isn't everyday God gives you the ability to "set stuff off" with your own body. Jason was not amused by this and wouldn't take me to the airport as I suggested, however, he did think taking me to the dump to "set stuff off" was a fun idea....uh no.
No comments:
Post a Comment