Today was the most "normal" day I have had since this all began. When I think of it only being the fourth day, it is almost unbelievable. It seems like it should be day 40, not just day 4.
Today was good though. I rested a lot. Worked on my writing a lot. I know it seems crazy to "work" at a time like this but as I wrote an article for someone on the 7 most exciting places to visit in Europe it was nice to just think about something else for a while. There were many times where both Jason and I didn't even think of the situation we are in at all.
I was able to nurse Kearyn as of 12:30pm today. That was really nice. I know it probably seems like I have a real hang-up letting this part go and to be honest ,I do. It was just something I never planned on, weaning her this early, but we are following a different plan now and each day it does get easier for both of us. I am thankful that God gave us 8 months and 5 days.
Jason is taking such good care of me. He loves me so well. I wish I could shout from the roof tops what a wonderful husband he is and I pray everyone has a love that is so true and intense such as ours. It is my prayer for each of my children to find someone they can love so passionately and, in turn, their spouse will love them the same way. Such a love is one that only God can bring into someone's life and only God can sustain.
I made Jason take me to church this evening. I just had such a sheer desire to do things "normally" for just one more weekend. The worship was hard to get through. My heart is always the most raw when I listen to worship music. I know that is definitely how God connects with me and so often he brings me to my knees with His music. It is both bitter sweet. It is hard to feel emotion so intensely but I am so glad I am able to do so.
I am doing fairly well at keeping the negative thoughts at bay. When one tries to creep in, I just very deliberately replace it with a positive one. When I don't have a positive thought, I just keep saying God's name over and over until the negative thought passes. The one negative thought that is trying to creep in the most right now is that I am being overly optimistic on how things are going to turn out. I truly believe God can heal me. I know HE can heal me. Jeremiah 29:11 just flows through my mind over and over again. He has a plan for me. He wants to prosper me. He does not want to harm me. That is what I cling to throughout this. Not only does he not want to harm me but he doesn't want to harm my husband or my children either.
It was nice to connect with good friends at church as well. With so many prayers coming my way, it is overwhelming. I just feel so blessed. Thank you all and I love you so much.
Blessing of Today:
- That we were able to just keep things simple today.
- So blessed to have such a wonderful church and church family.
- Able to nurse Kearyn again, no matter how brief a time this gets to happen, I still cherish it.
- All of the prayers and offers of support.
- Thank you for my wonderful family.
Prayer Requests:
- That Monday goes "well". That I have the courage to face what the situation is and the ability to hear and understand what the doctors are telling so that I move forward to the path of recovery.
- Prayers for my family, that God gives them the same peace He has given me and helps them just as much as He is helping me.
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