[five] years of creide + a letter to my [boy]

Two and a half weeks ago, on September 11th, our little Creide turned the [big 5].
Can you believe it?
Where does the time go?

This little man is super special.
I love his little heart so much.
His care for others.
His constant encouragement.
His joy for life.
His ability to make you laugh - constantly.

I will share more about his actual birthday day soon.
But for now I wanted to share some photos.
[five] years of having this little man in our lives.
[five] years of this joy.
Looking at them makes my heart swell with love.
But also brings a tear to my eye.

I will so miss my little Creide.
My Creidey-Bear.
My baby boy.

But I have joy in the Creide I have today.
I will do my best to soak up each day like a ray of sunshine.
My mama moments.

  

  

 

Despite how this may look - he DOES have a diaper on. :-)

        

  

\

~My Dearest Creide~

You are loved more than you will ever know.
You fill my heart with such joy every day.
Your sweet smile and fun loving spirit bring such a brightness to this world.
A brightness that this world so desperately needs.

You were born on such a special day.
September 11th.
And on that day you brought hope.
Each day since then you have lived that out.

I would not be surprised one bit if this becomes the theme of your life.
Bringing hope to those who need it most.
I can't wait to watch from the sidelines.
I will be your biggest fan.
[Okay, maybe I will share with your daddy.]
And I will cheer you on every step of the way.

You constantly make me laugh.
The things you say.
The things you do.
They belong only to you for you are truly one of a kind.

I love how you still enjoy cuddling with your mama.
Please don't grow out of that too quickly.
I remember when I was sick from my chemo and I would be sleeping -
I would wake up to you in my arms.

You were "quiet like a ninja" and would sneak in to cuddle with me.
You will never know how much that fueled my soul to keep fighting on.

I know my time with you is such a precious gift.
And when you read this on your own someday.
I hope.
- No matter what -
That you can look back on these growing up years.
And feel only love.

Keep on keeping on my little Creide.
The world needs more of you.

With all my love,
Your Mama

My 9/11...

Like every American.
We remember 9/11.
However, we also remember it for a very different reason.
It is our third little man's birthday.

The funny thing is that we have actually had people give us condolences because our son was born on 9.11.07.
My response.
Don't be sad for us.
We aren't.
We rejoice on that day.

Please do not get me wrong.
We deeply respect and honor those who lost their lives in the terrible tragedy.
And those who gave their lives trying to save others.
Our hearts ache for their loved ones.

In this household you will always find respect and honor for those who serve and protect our country.
Period.

It does not matter if they are here on American soil or defending our country in a foreign land - they are thought of often and prayed for often in our home.
It does not matter if they are in a branch of the military or if they are in law enforcement protecting our cities and towns.
Our home will always show them the respect that they deserve.

But we still rejoice
The birth of our son on 09/11, we believe, is what so many of those brave men and women give their lives for.

Hope.

The hope of a future.
The hope that there is something better yet to come.

Our son represents this hope, and so much more, to us.

He is like the rainbow after the flood.
A sign.
A sign of new life.
Our future.
A sign of love.

So, each year for the past 5 (can you believe he is 5! - We'll discuss that more later) we have celebrated on 9/11 without hesitation.
Full hearted.
Rejoicing.

Thank you God for giving us this little man on such a special day to be a reminder to us of the HOPE you have given.

[13]

13.
It seems so much bigger than 12.
Another milestone.
Another bitter/sweet moment.

My oldest boy turned 13 this last month.
And although I am a little late with this post.
I still wanted to take a minute to reflect on my boy young man.

He is just a sweet kid.
We are so blessed.

He is smart.
Funny.
He loves God.
And just loves life.

I cannot imagine my life without him.
And boy, has he been through some stuff.

When he was born he couldn't breath on his own.
It took them 6 hours to get a breathing tube in him.
During that time he stopped breathing countless times.
Each time he would fight back in order to stay in this world.
For that, I am beyond words grateful.

He was little.
Only 5 pounds 15 ounces.
But his strength was indescribable.
To this day.
13 years later.
I am still left in awe.

He has shown me so much about myself.
About being a mom.
About being strong.
How you keep fighting.
No matter what.

He has had 6 surgeries.
A trach for the first 14 months of his life.
Countless doctors appointments.
Therapy of every kind.
He has been misdiagnosed 5 different times.
Yet, he presses on.
No matter what.
And if you look at him now you would never guess that he has had to endure so much.
He is just so solid.

Until now I have never really talked about this openly.
Not because I am ashamed.
I am actually the opposite.
Not because it was hard.
It was hard but God did so much through it.
But because I never wanted it to define who he was.
Not as a boy and not as the man he is growing into.
I never wanted people to expect any less of him because they knew he had some challenges in the beginning.
I wanted that God given internal strength to shine through no matter what.
And it does.




I will never forget the day he was born.
After taking hours to stabilize him they took him to another hospital that had a NICU.
I had to stay behind.
It was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I just wanted to hold my boy and I couldn't.

It was about 11pm.
His doctor called from the NICU.
He told me that he was stabilized and doing okay.
But that is when he said it.
He said, "This boy is going to be a smart one."
He said he could see it in his eyes.
How right that man was.

He is brilliant.
Wise beyond his years.
And he truly loves to learn.

I am so excited to see how God uses him.
Right now he thinks he may want to be a historian.
A professor somewhere perhaps.
Perhaps a biblical historian.

Whatever he does.
I know he is going to be amazing.
Because he already is amazing.
Each day I thank the Lord for him.
And celebrate these bitter/sweet moments.

Each day he is one step closer to heading out on his own to truly embrace what God has for him.
For that I am so excited.
I am so excited for him.
But I know it will be hard when he is not under the same roof.
It is all just bitter/sweet.

For today I will cherish.
As I know tomorrow will come sooner than I want it to.
And then tomorrow I will rejoice.
For I know I was deliberate in the way I cherished today.

Hello August - You Have Some Big Shoes to Fill!

Yesterday I blogged about July and what a great month it was for our family. 

It was the first month that I would say that I felt halfway normal in a long, long time and I loved every minute of it. 

It is so wonderful not having to struggle to just get out of bed every morning. 

That was my reality for so long...

And if you know me, if you know me at all, you know that COMPLETELY goes against my personality. 

I have always done a million things. One person said it well when he said that I am a "high achiever". That makes me laugh but he was certainly right.

So, when everything is stripped away from you and you struggle day after day, week after week, and month after month - well, it can take its toll. 

But, there is another way of looking at it. If I wouldn't have experienced that depth of fatigue I would not appreciate the energy I have today as much as I do. 

Anyway, back to August...

August, you have some big shoes to fill my friend. However, I think you have a chance. For August represents two of the most precious days in my life. 

The first one to come up is a day I am grateful for and celebrate to the deepest depth of my heart. 

It happened 13 years ago. 

13.

Can you believe it? 

My oldest son will turn [13] in 8 days. 

It is like a dagger in my heart in so many way. The time has flown by and I am counting down the years, months, weeks, days, and minutes I have left with him. Then he will be off to explore the world on his own. 

I am praying it is enough. That we have taught him enough. That we have prepared him enough. But I know it won't be and that is where God comes in. That is where my faith is enough. 

For now, all I can do is cherish. 

Cherish the time. 

Cherish the relationship. 

Cherish the young man that God so graciously blessed our lives with. 

Just cherish him. 

Awe, the emotion of just thinking and writing about it are almost too much! 

The 2nd big day is a day of pure joy. 

August also means an anniversary for J and I. 

So blessed that he chose me. :-) 

I am excited to live life with this man everyday. 

I would choose no other. 

As a homeschool family, we will be back to it at the end of this month. I am truly so excited for this school year. The last two years have been tough with treatment and my low energy level. I am so excited for this year, the curriculum, classes, and other activities. Even though I will be teaching 3 this year with a two year old in tow. :-) 

For now, we are going to soak up what is left of summer. I have to get enough to sustain me through the winter. :-) I may be a Colorado girl but I don't love the cold. 

This means....

More trips to the lake.

More carload drive-in runs.

More BBQ's. 

Really, anything where we can all be together is good with me. And maybe we will see you there too. If so, stop by and say hi. We would love to catch up. 

Wishing you the very best August ever. 

Blessings,

Andrea

Birthday Celebration Part 3: {dinner & dessert}

Okay, I promise. This will be the LAST post about my birthday. But a lot happened this year and this is also a big way in which I document our life. So, bare with me.

After floating the river, we went to dinner with some friends. We went to The Stonehouse - definitely in the top 3 of my favorite places to eat in our town. It was a lot of fun with good food and great conversation. And guess what? I didn't take one photo! Can you believe it?

After dinner we went to our friends' house where they provided the dessert.
And it was sooo good.
Can you say Oreo ice-cream cake?

It tasted as good as it looked! 

Thank you to all my family and friends for making my special day happen. 

A special thank you to my hubby. 

Not just for my birthday. 

But every day.

Related Posts:

Birthday Celebration 1: Can You Say Sushi?

Birthday Celebration 2: Floating the River

Birthday Celebration Part 2: Floating the River

My husband is one of kind that is for sure. (Those of you who know him are probably shaking your head in agreement.) First, he loves me on a whole other level that I didn't even know was possible. I feel so very blessed by this man each and every day. So, things like my birthday and our anniversary - he seems to take great joy in because it is another opportunity to show me his love. And it really is amazing.

My hubby does not like to do the ordinary. In fact, if it is something that he thinks would be expected he won't do it. For example, roses on Valentine's Day. That would be a big no-no in his world. Instead, this last year he wrote this giant note out on poster board using different kinds of candy.

Back to my birthday.... He always tries to think of creative and original things to do and this year was no different.

This year he announced that he was taking me to float the river on my birthday. It sounded like fun. I love the outdoors just as much as he does. Okay, not in the survivor man, drop me off in the middle of no-where with only a pocket knife and I will walk 20 miles type of way but in the ohhh, isn't that lake so pretty and look at that butterfly type of way. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to make myself out to be a girly-girl because that is certainly one thing that I am not. But there is still a bit of an extreme between what my husband enjoys out of the wilderness and what I enjoy out of the wilderness. (As you can probably tell by the photos I take.)

Anyway, so we are on our way to float the river. We get on the river and this transformation began to happen in my heart. First of all, it was so stinking quiet! I don't get quiet. I have four children - quiet does not exist. Then there was the fun of working together rowing, avoiding being sucked under and dying, that kind of thing. Just kidding. There was rowing together but it was all pretty mild and not life threatening in any way.

Then, there was the picnic lunch. He was so sweet. He packed all of our favorites and we sat under a big tree just off the river and actually had adult conversation and, again, we just enjoyed the quiet. It was amazing and truly a moment I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life.

On the river again, we made our way the rest of the way down. Almost to the end a friend of ours went by with a group of people and they all yelled happy birthday to me. It was sweet.

We finally go to the end and I swam in the river for a few minutes until my mom picked us and the boat up. It was amazing and definitely one of the very best birthday expenses I have had in 33 years. Thank you Jason for arranging it all and to my family for providing all the extra stuff like dropping off, picking up, and babysitting. Love you all!

These were just a few pics I took/had taken. I didn't take my camera with me because I was afraid it would get wet. I really wish I would have once we were on the river because there were some really amazing photo opportunities....maybe next time.

[the.beginning]



[the.end]

{A+Y Design Gallery}

So, I have been wanting to do a post about {A+Y Design Gallery} since I first stepped into the gallery a couple of weeks ago. First, you have to know that back story. You know me, there is ALWAYS a back story.

Adam and Yesenia Duncan are the owners - hence the whole A+Y thing. Isn't that sweet. I just can just picture that carved in a tree in the Colorado woods somewhere. Anyway, Adam was actually one of my neighbors growing up as a kid. It was great fun for me. Adam and his two brothers did all kinds of crazy stuff that was very entertaining. (When you visit his gallery you should ask him to tell you some of the stories. They are hilarious.)

So, we all grew up and moved our separate ways, got married (order may vary by couple), had kids (some of us more than others), and then moved back to our hometown where we all started to attend the same church together. The same church that my husband is now the youth pastor at.

My husband started to get to know Adam's wife through a ministry outreach that he did at the place where she used to work. So, we started to get to know Yesenia, who is this amazing person and it is very clear why Adam made her his bride. So, now we are at present day...

Adam turned out to be this phenomenal artist/designer and craftsman. (I am hoping I am doing him justice here because there really aren't words for the work that he does. You will see in a minute.)  


Anyway, Adam and Yesenia recently opened their new gallery downtown. I was finally able to visit and I have fallen in love!


There are a few things that I absolutely love in this word:


1.) Almost anything vintage
2.) Handmade items
3.) Unique design using various elements - the more unexpected the better

Adam utilizes ALL of these elements (& more) and creates these amazing pieces. No matter what your style, you will find something there and if not, then he will design it for you.

I am not kidding when I say that his designs are world class quality - heirloom quality. You know, the kind your kids will be handing down to their great-grandkids.

Anyway, the reason why I am also so excited about this place is because this is where Jason bought my birthday gift from. I know, right! But you are going to have to wait for the big reveal on that one. I don't have pictures of it yet but don't you worry, it is making itself quite comfortable in my home.

But I will show you some of the photos I took of the gallery and some of my favorite pieces (other than the birthday gift.)

Please note - First, A+Y Design Gallery also features pieces from other artisans in the area, so some of their pieces are featured below. Second, my photos simply do not come close to giving these pieces the justice they deserve, so please bare with me.

{This is an inlay in the floor of the gallery and is just dripping with sweetness. Another thing that I love about this place is the husband/wife team behind it. Adam is the designer but Yesenia completes her husband in an amazing way and obviously provides a great deal of inspiration to him. You can also see her touches throughout the store as well.}

You can learn more about {A+Y Design Gallery} by vising their website or their Facebook page. Please be sure to give them a "like" for me while you are there. :-)

Birthday Celebration Part 1: Can You Say Sushi?

I was treated to a birthday lunch this week. It was delightful.

The best part....

I was able to share it with this man. :-) 

My [Other] Birthday Today

Yesterday was my birthday and it was amazing. I will share more about that later. But today is another big day for me....

One year ago today I received my last chemo treatment. 

Wow. 1 year has gone by? Really?

I have a ton of emotions today. I am so grateful first of all. There are just really no words that will do this justice. I am grateful that I am still here. I am grateful that I am not in treatment anymore. I am grateful to be a survivor.

I feel an excitement that this is REALLY behind me. Sometimes it is hard to believe that I am really past this and sometimes I am scared to believe it. Like if I really believe it and then I find out it isn't real I don't know if I can withstand the heartbreak. But, that is where faith comes in.

I also feel sick to my stomach when I think about one year ago today and what I was doing. I really do. I honestly hate thinking about it because it brings back how awful I felt. I can even smell and taste how it felt - yes, chemo has a taste - and it is terrible. So, I really try not to go back there for long. However, it does enhance my joy and appreciation of today to do so.

Anyway, I know that many of you have walked along this journey with me. Some in the flesh and others by reading my blog. I appreciate you all. For if it weren't for your prayers and support I know that today could have been very different. And not just for me - but for the four little precious people who call me mama and the one big precious person that calls me wife.

I think I rejoice mostly for them.

Today is {My} Birthday

Happy Birthday to {ME}

Admittedly, I have never been a huge fan of my birthday. I just really didn't feel comfortable with people making a fuss over me. I felt awkward and unsure of how to respond. The normal person would just say "thank you" and move on but not me. I start analyzing how I should say "thank you". If I say it one way someone may think I am prideful and if I say it another way they may think I am not grateful. Oh the pressures! Why could I not have one of those cute southern accents where everything sounds nice when you say it?

Anyway, in a nutshell - prior to 2011 I had neutral feelings about my birthday. Oh, I also did not like that whole getting older thing either.

Post 2011, I {REJOICE} on my birthday. I am overwhelmingly grateful just to have the opportunity to be here on this earth as a wife and a mother for one more year. I feel beyond blessed.

Now I dream of being 70. For if I am 70 I will have finished what I started here. I will have fulfilled my promise to my husband on our wedding day - the one where I said I would grow old with him. I will have raised my babies and seen them graduate, walk down the aisle, and have babies of their own. I will have even had the bonus of being a grandma myself and perhaps even a great-grandma. Wouldn't that be splendid. All of these things are such wonderful treasures that I long for. I just want to finish well.

So, today I am rejoicing at the fact that God has given me {33} years on this earth. Again, I just feel so grateful to even be here writing this for you to read. It is a good day. :-)

Blessings and Love to All! 


~Andrea

I {heart} 4th of July

I have always loved 4th of July and now when I think of why, well, it is actually kind of embarrassing. But I will tell you anyway. 

Sure, I love the BBQ's and some of the funnest memories I have are of all of our friends getting together at the park to play sand volleyball. Then came the fireworks. I love the fireworks. But that was not why I loved 4th of July.... 

I loved the 4th of July because my birthday is 8 days after it. That is 1 week and 1 day in case you didn't know. The 4th of July would arrive and there was always this big celebration and I knew we were just getting warmed up to celebrate my birthday a few days later. :-) 

Then I started to get older and I still loved the 4th but didn't love the birthday part so much. Then I got cancer and now I love the birthday part again too. But I will talk about that more later. 

Anyway, now you know my secret shame. Nothing like announcing it to the world. Good thing my birthday was not actually on the 4th. I would have thought the entire nation was celebrating me. God definitely knew what He was doing there. 

I pray you all have a very blessed holiday filled with family and friends - oh and good food too! That is always a bonus. As for us, we will be sitting by a lake somewhere in the Colorado mountains. Since there will be no fireworks this year that seemed like an acceptable alternative. 

Blessings,

Andrea

Happy Birthday Jason!!!

Today is Jason's birthday. We are so grateful to be able to call this man {husband} and {daddy}. :-)

There are no words to describe the {heart} that this man has. If you know him, you just can't help but to want to know him better. If you don't know him, you don't know what you are missing out on.

For those of you who don't know {our} story.... Jason and I actually went to the same daycare together. I was 7 and he was 8. I remember him doing things like bouncing his little brother off of the trampoline and giving him a bloody nose. But I also remember him doing things like taking the food that his brother didn't like so his little brother wouldn't get in trouble for not eating it. (Hey, that is sweet when your 8 years old.)

I remember him in middle school and junior high - he was SOOO much taller than the other boys - how could you miss him! People ask if we dated in high school. The answer... Jason would have had to talk to me in order for us to date. You see, Jason was one of the shyest people I have ever met. He definitely didn't talk to girls and since I was a girl - he didn't talk to me. Although, there is a lovely story about him having to run a lap on the baseball field because of me. :-) (Jason - you should have been paying attention to your coach instead of the track girls running behind the backstop. :-) You all can ask him about that the next time you see him. LOL!

The truth is, I was actually the one that had to ask Jason on our first date. (The one and only time I ever asked a boy on a date, thank goodness - and he really wasn't a boy anymore, we were in our early 20's.) What can I say - desperate times called for desperate measures. (Remember the shyness thing...I always say that if I would have waited for him to ask me out on a date then our children still would not have been born.) :-) Needless to say, things worked out. ;-)

The one thing that you have to know about J is that he has always been a good person. He has always been a gentleman. You never heard him say high school boy things (yeah, we don't even need to go there) and to all the youth group high school boys that happen to be reading this (yes, the 1) I, of course, know that you would never say anything like what I am referring to. ;-)

Anyway, J is the most amazing husband and I should know because I have thoroughly tested him. This past year he has taken amazing care of me and our children when I could not even take care of myself - let alone 4 kids! When I was going through chemo he had to be both mom and dad and thank goodness my chemo didn't last any longer because he did such an amazing job I think I was about ready to lose my job. :-)

Here are just a few things that I will continually be thankful to Jason for....

Thank you, Jason, for saying yes to that nervous phone call all those many years ago. (Heck no, I didn't ask him in person - I am WAY too chicken for that.)
Thank you, Jason, for choosing me.
Thank you, Jason, for the sacrifices you have made for us.
Thank you, Jason, for putting up with me. (That in itself is a full-time job.)
Thank you, Jason, for taking care of me in sickness and in health.
Thank you, Jason, for taking care of my children when I could not.
Thank you, Jason, for being that type of daddy that you are.
Thank you, Jason, for modeling what a Godly man is supposed to be for my boys and what a Godly husband is supposed to look like for my daughter - even though she is never going to find a man that will live up to your standards... it is still a nice "theory".
Thank you, Jason, for loving us the way you do.
Thank you, Jason, for just being you.

We are so grateful for you each and everyday. As I was looking back through the pictures, so many memories came flooding back. I have loved every minute of our life together (even though there were some moments I didn't like so much - namely chemo and radiation). I would redo every second of it all over again just so I could be with you.

South Dakota days.

Alaska days.

Ky turning {one}.

Coming back from our camping trip. Creide sporting his new hat that the sheriff's deputy gave him because he felt bad for pulling us over - falsely suspecting that we had stole our camper. (This stuff only happens to us :-)

Our special day.

{us}

Thank you for the memories. We love you dearly.

Favorite September Moments.....{Part 2}

We had a birthday in the house this month which by far one of the most special moments. Our third son - Creide Jaxton turned the BIG 4 on September 11th. I can't believe it. As a mom I think you always revisit the day of their birth - seeing them for the first time, holding them in your arms for the first time and then you think of how fast it has gone by. 

This year we were on our week long camping vacation on Creide's birthday. But does that stop us Gressman's from celebrating? Heck no! We hauled all of his presents up there and I even made him a peach cobbler in my dutch oven with the campfire. This definitely gave me an appreciation for what the pioneer women went through! (I love my oven.)

Creide's birthday fell on the second day of the hunting season. Jason went out early that morning with his dad and brother but came back to camp early to see if Creide wanted to go out again with him. (Totally earning dad-of-the-year points).  It wasn't five minutes later that Jason spotted his buck and Creide got to be there with him. (Earning him even more dad-of-the-year points.) 

When I asked Creide later what the best part of his day was... it wasn't any of the presents, it wasn't the awesome campfire peach cobbler his mom made for him - it was hunting with his daddy. :-) How cute is that!

I feel so blessed to have been here for another one of my children's birthdays. I have always loved their birthdays so much but now - well, it is just different. I want to ring out every minute of each day with them. Thank you God.