[13]

13.
It seems so much bigger than 12.
Another milestone.
Another bitter/sweet moment.

My oldest boy turned 13 this last month.
And although I am a little late with this post.
I still wanted to take a minute to reflect on my boy young man.

He is just a sweet kid.
We are so blessed.

He is smart.
Funny.
He loves God.
And just loves life.

I cannot imagine my life without him.
And boy, has he been through some stuff.

When he was born he couldn't breath on his own.
It took them 6 hours to get a breathing tube in him.
During that time he stopped breathing countless times.
Each time he would fight back in order to stay in this world.
For that, I am beyond words grateful.

He was little.
Only 5 pounds 15 ounces.
But his strength was indescribable.
To this day.
13 years later.
I am still left in awe.

He has shown me so much about myself.
About being a mom.
About being strong.
How you keep fighting.
No matter what.

He has had 6 surgeries.
A trach for the first 14 months of his life.
Countless doctors appointments.
Therapy of every kind.
He has been misdiagnosed 5 different times.
Yet, he presses on.
No matter what.
And if you look at him now you would never guess that he has had to endure so much.
He is just so solid.

Until now I have never really talked about this openly.
Not because I am ashamed.
I am actually the opposite.
Not because it was hard.
It was hard but God did so much through it.
But because I never wanted it to define who he was.
Not as a boy and not as the man he is growing into.
I never wanted people to expect any less of him because they knew he had some challenges in the beginning.
I wanted that God given internal strength to shine through no matter what.
And it does.




I will never forget the day he was born.
After taking hours to stabilize him they took him to another hospital that had a NICU.
I had to stay behind.
It was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I just wanted to hold my boy and I couldn't.

It was about 11pm.
His doctor called from the NICU.
He told me that he was stabilized and doing okay.
But that is when he said it.
He said, "This boy is going to be a smart one."
He said he could see it in his eyes.
How right that man was.

He is brilliant.
Wise beyond his years.
And he truly loves to learn.

I am so excited to see how God uses him.
Right now he thinks he may want to be a historian.
A professor somewhere perhaps.
Perhaps a biblical historian.

Whatever he does.
I know he is going to be amazing.
Because he already is amazing.
Each day I thank the Lord for him.
And celebrate these bitter/sweet moments.

Each day he is one step closer to heading out on his own to truly embrace what God has for him.
For that I am so excited.
I am so excited for him.
But I know it will be hard when he is not under the same roof.
It is all just bitter/sweet.

For today I will cherish.
As I know tomorrow will come sooner than I want it to.
And then tomorrow I will rejoice.
For I know I was deliberate in the way I cherished today.