{37 Pounds Down}

This is something I have not shared on.
Not sure why.
Just seems like it was one more thing I was battling.
And it seemed like a long time before I could see the hope of victory.
Not sure if that makes sense or not.

Finally, I had to let down my perfectionistic ways (no, that is not a word - I made it up).
And realize that just because I hadn't met my goal 100% does not mean that I have not experienced a victory in this area.
That it was still and achievement that should be celebrated.
And maybe, just maybe, it might inspire someone else.
You know I am all about that.

Enough rambling.

So, since I have finished my cancer treatment, I have now lost 37 pounds.
I am pretty excited about that fact.
I have had a number of people ask how I did it.

The answer.
Old fashioned diet and exercise.
More diet than exercise at this point because until the last couple of months I struggled so immensely with my energy level.
When I struggled to just make my kids breakfast there was no way I was going to have the energy to take a walk.
I know that sounds extreme but that was where I was at.

I also have the added bonus of no longer being in treatment.
No longer being pumped full of steroids - that is always a perk to anyone's weight loss plan right there.

Now I am not bashing the other diet and nutrition plans out there.
I have many friends that have used a variety of those and have had a great deal of success.
In my opinion, you need to use what works as long as it is nutritionally sound.

For me, our budget was a huge obstacle.
With as much as we owe in medical bills I just could not afford many of those options.
However, I cannot afford to be unhealthy either.
So, I had to work something out.

Here I am, 37 pounds lighter and pretty happy about that.

I will share some other helpful tips I found a long the way.
But today, I just wanted to take a moment and celebrate this achievement.

Are you on a weight loss journey?
Do you want to be on a weight loss journey?
Join me in mine!

[13]

13.
It seems so much bigger than 12.
Another milestone.
Another bitter/sweet moment.

My oldest boy turned 13 this last month.
And although I am a little late with this post.
I still wanted to take a minute to reflect on my boy young man.

He is just a sweet kid.
We are so blessed.

He is smart.
Funny.
He loves God.
And just loves life.

I cannot imagine my life without him.
And boy, has he been through some stuff.

When he was born he couldn't breath on his own.
It took them 6 hours to get a breathing tube in him.
During that time he stopped breathing countless times.
Each time he would fight back in order to stay in this world.
For that, I am beyond words grateful.

He was little.
Only 5 pounds 15 ounces.
But his strength was indescribable.
To this day.
13 years later.
I am still left in awe.

He has shown me so much about myself.
About being a mom.
About being strong.
How you keep fighting.
No matter what.

He has had 6 surgeries.
A trach for the first 14 months of his life.
Countless doctors appointments.
Therapy of every kind.
He has been misdiagnosed 5 different times.
Yet, he presses on.
No matter what.
And if you look at him now you would never guess that he has had to endure so much.
He is just so solid.

Until now I have never really talked about this openly.
Not because I am ashamed.
I am actually the opposite.
Not because it was hard.
It was hard but God did so much through it.
But because I never wanted it to define who he was.
Not as a boy and not as the man he is growing into.
I never wanted people to expect any less of him because they knew he had some challenges in the beginning.
I wanted that God given internal strength to shine through no matter what.
And it does.




I will never forget the day he was born.
After taking hours to stabilize him they took him to another hospital that had a NICU.
I had to stay behind.
It was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I just wanted to hold my boy and I couldn't.

It was about 11pm.
His doctor called from the NICU.
He told me that he was stabilized and doing okay.
But that is when he said it.
He said, "This boy is going to be a smart one."
He said he could see it in his eyes.
How right that man was.

He is brilliant.
Wise beyond his years.
And he truly loves to learn.

I am so excited to see how God uses him.
Right now he thinks he may want to be a historian.
A professor somewhere perhaps.
Perhaps a biblical historian.

Whatever he does.
I know he is going to be amazing.
Because he already is amazing.
Each day I thank the Lord for him.
And celebrate these bitter/sweet moments.

Each day he is one step closer to heading out on his own to truly embrace what God has for him.
For that I am so excited.
I am so excited for him.
But I know it will be hard when he is not under the same roof.
It is all just bitter/sweet.

For today I will cherish.
As I know tomorrow will come sooner than I want it to.
And then tomorrow I will rejoice.
For I know I was deliberate in the way I cherished today.

life with him.

This is going to be difficult to get through.

I am already crying.

He has a way of bringing that out in me.

Tomorrow is a special day for us.

It is the anniversary of our wedding day.

We have lots of special days.

And he never forgets any of them. 

But I thought I would take a few minutes to reflect upon my life with him. 

Share.

Remember.

{Love.}

Life with him is pure joy.

Sure, we have had our share of trials.

(You have been here for many of them.)

But they have always been things that happened to us - not things between us.

(I hope that makes sense.)

Loving this man is so easy.

I delight in it each day.

And, in turn, I feel so loved by him.

There are no words to describe it. 

I wake up every morning and thank the Lord that he chose me.

Our life has been messy.

4 kids has a tendency to make life interesting anyway. 

But then there was more. 

Multiple job transfers.

Lots of moving. 

Many miscarriages.

Cancer.

And the list can go on and on. 

Anyone of those things could have been enough to take our marriage down.

But instead...

We have drawn closer.

Steadfast.

Unwavering.

And through all of this messiness I believe we have truly achieved the oneness that God speaks of. 

When I was diagnosed the thought of leaving this man was beyond heartbreaking. 

I knew he would make it through it. 

It would be hard - especially with the kids.

But he is strong.

He is faithful.

But I never want him to hurt.

And.

I had made a promise.

I promised him I would grow old with him.

Sure, it was made when we were young and thought we would live 100 years.

But it was still a promise.

Until that moment it never occurred to me that it could be any different. 

Questions would race through my mind.

Did he know how much I really loved him?

Did I love him well enough?

Did I love him enough to get him through the time we would be apart if I did leave this world so soon?

Did I honor him as I have been called to do?

Did I show my children the depth of my love for their father?

Did I model the love of a devoted wife so my daughter would know how to love her husband someday?

Did I receive his love the way I was supposed to so my son's would know how to love their wives someday?

I know these questions may not make sense to some.

Or may seem obsessive. 

But when I thought of not being here much longer I just wanted to make sure I was leaving those that I love with what they needed from me. 

Nothing else mattered. 

Not me. 

Not the pain I went through.

Just them.

Just him.

As we celebrate tomorrow I can honestly say....

There is no place I would rather be.

Next to him.

Loved by him.

Doing this life together. 

Serving One as One.

J - I love you so dearly. I delight in being your wife. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for choosing this. Thank you for raising our children with me. Thank you for being the man you are - for leading our household the way you do. Thank you for always standing firm for what is right and continually shining the light of Jesus for me, our children, and all those around us. In the dark nights you have been my light - reminding me of how much Jesus loves me through your love. Thank you for cherishing me and nourishing me the way you do and for always showering me with the word of the Lord through your words, actions, and love. 

Your loving wife. 

Hello August - You Have Some Big Shoes to Fill!

Yesterday I blogged about July and what a great month it was for our family. 

It was the first month that I would say that I felt halfway normal in a long, long time and I loved every minute of it. 

It is so wonderful not having to struggle to just get out of bed every morning. 

That was my reality for so long...

And if you know me, if you know me at all, you know that COMPLETELY goes against my personality. 

I have always done a million things. One person said it well when he said that I am a "high achiever". That makes me laugh but he was certainly right.

So, when everything is stripped away from you and you struggle day after day, week after week, and month after month - well, it can take its toll. 

But, there is another way of looking at it. If I wouldn't have experienced that depth of fatigue I would not appreciate the energy I have today as much as I do. 

Anyway, back to August...

August, you have some big shoes to fill my friend. However, I think you have a chance. For August represents two of the most precious days in my life. 

The first one to come up is a day I am grateful for and celebrate to the deepest depth of my heart. 

It happened 13 years ago. 

13.

Can you believe it? 

My oldest son will turn [13] in 8 days. 

It is like a dagger in my heart in so many way. The time has flown by and I am counting down the years, months, weeks, days, and minutes I have left with him. Then he will be off to explore the world on his own. 

I am praying it is enough. That we have taught him enough. That we have prepared him enough. But I know it won't be and that is where God comes in. That is where my faith is enough. 

For now, all I can do is cherish. 

Cherish the time. 

Cherish the relationship. 

Cherish the young man that God so graciously blessed our lives with. 

Just cherish him. 

Awe, the emotion of just thinking and writing about it are almost too much! 

The 2nd big day is a day of pure joy. 

August also means an anniversary for J and I. 

So blessed that he chose me. :-) 

I am excited to live life with this man everyday. 

I would choose no other. 

As a homeschool family, we will be back to it at the end of this month. I am truly so excited for this school year. The last two years have been tough with treatment and my low energy level. I am so excited for this year, the curriculum, classes, and other activities. Even though I will be teaching 3 this year with a two year old in tow. :-) 

For now, we are going to soak up what is left of summer. I have to get enough to sustain me through the winter. :-) I may be a Colorado girl but I don't love the cold. 

This means....

More trips to the lake.

More carload drive-in runs.

More BBQ's. 

Really, anything where we can all be together is good with me. And maybe we will see you there too. If so, stop by and say hi. We would love to catch up. 

Wishing you the very best August ever. 

Blessings,

Andrea

Birthday Celebration Part 3: {dinner & dessert}

Okay, I promise. This will be the LAST post about my birthday. But a lot happened this year and this is also a big way in which I document our life. So, bare with me.

After floating the river, we went to dinner with some friends. We went to The Stonehouse - definitely in the top 3 of my favorite places to eat in our town. It was a lot of fun with good food and great conversation. And guess what? I didn't take one photo! Can you believe it?

After dinner we went to our friends' house where they provided the dessert.
And it was sooo good.
Can you say Oreo ice-cream cake?

It tasted as good as it looked! 

Thank you to all my family and friends for making my special day happen. 

A special thank you to my hubby. 

Not just for my birthday. 

But every day.

Related Posts:

Birthday Celebration 1: Can You Say Sushi?

Birthday Celebration 2: Floating the River

{mitch+audra} ~ est. 7.31.2010

Today is my little sister and brother-in-laws 2 year anniversary. 

It is hard to believe that it has been 2 years already.

I love seeing their happiness and joy....

....as they build their life together. 

Happy Anniversary Mitch and Audra.  

Love you two. 

Birthday Celebration Part 2: Floating the River

My husband is one of kind that is for sure. (Those of you who know him are probably shaking your head in agreement.) First, he loves me on a whole other level that I didn't even know was possible. I feel so very blessed by this man each and every day. So, things like my birthday and our anniversary - he seems to take great joy in because it is another opportunity to show me his love. And it really is amazing.

My hubby does not like to do the ordinary. In fact, if it is something that he thinks would be expected he won't do it. For example, roses on Valentine's Day. That would be a big no-no in his world. Instead, this last year he wrote this giant note out on poster board using different kinds of candy.

Back to my birthday.... He always tries to think of creative and original things to do and this year was no different.

This year he announced that he was taking me to float the river on my birthday. It sounded like fun. I love the outdoors just as much as he does. Okay, not in the survivor man, drop me off in the middle of no-where with only a pocket knife and I will walk 20 miles type of way but in the ohhh, isn't that lake so pretty and look at that butterfly type of way. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to make myself out to be a girly-girl because that is certainly one thing that I am not. But there is still a bit of an extreme between what my husband enjoys out of the wilderness and what I enjoy out of the wilderness. (As you can probably tell by the photos I take.)

Anyway, so we are on our way to float the river. We get on the river and this transformation began to happen in my heart. First of all, it was so stinking quiet! I don't get quiet. I have four children - quiet does not exist. Then there was the fun of working together rowing, avoiding being sucked under and dying, that kind of thing. Just kidding. There was rowing together but it was all pretty mild and not life threatening in any way.

Then, there was the picnic lunch. He was so sweet. He packed all of our favorites and we sat under a big tree just off the river and actually had adult conversation and, again, we just enjoyed the quiet. It was amazing and truly a moment I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life.

On the river again, we made our way the rest of the way down. Almost to the end a friend of ours went by with a group of people and they all yelled happy birthday to me. It was sweet.

We finally go to the end and I swam in the river for a few minutes until my mom picked us and the boat up. It was amazing and definitely one of the very best birthday expenses I have had in 33 years. Thank you Jason for arranging it all and to my family for providing all the extra stuff like dropping off, picking up, and babysitting. Love you all!

These were just a few pics I took/had taken. I didn't take my camera with me because I was afraid it would get wet. I really wish I would have once we were on the river because there were some really amazing photo opportunities....maybe next time.

[the.beginning]



[the.end]

Birthday Celebration Part 1: Can You Say Sushi?

I was treated to a birthday lunch this week. It was delightful.

The best part....

I was able to share it with this man. :-) 

Photo of the Day: {happy 4th of july}

Little Brother's Birthday!!!

So, today my (not so)little brother turned 17. (He is now way taller than I am. Not hard to do, I know.) I can remember when he was born and I just cannot believe that he is 17! I wanted to take a minute to say a few things about my liitle brother...

Today is kind of a bitter-sweet day. I know I have made a lot of references to that this year...the "bitter-sweets". I am overjoyed that we get to celebrate this birthday with him but I am sad because I know he only has one more year at home with my parents and then he will stretch his wings and fly off to some distant land. Sounds a bit dramatic or cliche but I really believe that he is going to travel the world (or at least the United States) before he settles down somewhere. He just likes adventure and travel too much to stay put in one place for long, at least right now anyway. I can tell you that I will miss him dearly.

Cole is my only brother and has always been different than my two sisters and I. It is hard to explain and if he reads this he will probably be totally mad at me but he was always more sensitive. (Not in a girly sort of way, just a caring sort of way.) To this day, there isn't a time that I see him that he doesn't give me a hug.

He is also so funny! He loves to make people laugh and he is just fun to be around. He has been teaching himself to play the guitar for the past couple of years and he is so talented! I love to hear him play. He is a great uncle to my kids. They just adore him and can't wait for their Uncle Co-Co (as they affectionately call him) to come over again and play with him. I know he will be a wonderful dad someday.

I pray for my brother all the time. That God gives him wisdom and the courage to pursue what God has planned for him. I know God has amazing things planned for him and I can't wait to see him live those out even if it does mean that he is a little further away from us then I would like.

So, I just want to say that I love you Brother and I wish you a very Happy Birthday!

This picture collage generated with Smilebox

Kearyn's Story....Part 3 (The Delivery)

This is part 3 to a series I am writing about my 6 month old baby girl, Kearyn. If you would like to read the first parts you can do so by selecting the links below:

Kearyn's Story...
Kearyn's Story....Part 1
Kearyn's Story....Part 2

So, I shared with you all how we decided to try again for our fourth child despite losing our son just months before. I also shared what a dark time it was for me as I walked along the pregnancy path. Each day was a battle and each day I just tried to be okay so I could get through to the next day. After nine long months of just existing I joyously knew that it was getting close to the arrival of our baby girl.

On May 30, 2010, which happened to be a Sunday, I began to feel that "feeling" despite my due date not being until June 11th.. If you haven't ever had a baby I don't think there really is a way to describe it. In fact, I really didn't know how to recognize this "feeling" until I had my third child. It is just something you have to experience to know. I knew that I was getting close. Jason suggested that we just stay home from church that day and I said no, it would be okay if we went. At least we would be in town if something did happen. (We live about 30 minutes from the hospital.) Jason gave me a funny look and knew that it was getting close. When he saw me put my hospital bag in the car "just in case" it really heightened his senses.

We went to church and I made it through the service without incident. While back home we continued about our day. I remember thinking that I absolutely had to get my garden planted before she arrived. (Funny how you think of those types of things especially since my garden didn't do worth a darn this year anyway.) So I worked in my garden until right at 9pm that night. The only reason I stopped was because it just got too dark to continue to work. I had no idea how exciting the next 12 hours of my life was going to be.

We headed in and Jason went to bed and I watched movies as I just couldn't fall asleep. About 1:30 or 2:00am the contractions started slow at first like they always do. I decided to jump in the shower to determine whether those suckers were the real deal or not. Sure enough, they didn't go away. Around 2:30am Jason woke up and looked at me as I was quietly timing my contractions. Because I was doing it with my iPhone he could tell exactly how long each contraction was AND how long in between each contraction. (Darn iPhones!) They were 3 minutes apart at that point and at least a minute long. "Andrea," he said in his Jason voice, "don't you think it is time to go in?" .......................................................................................................................................................................................(this is me saying nothing....I know, it rarely happens. In any other circumstance he would have been happy about this, not so much this time though.) Jason just rolled over, got up and started getting the boys ready to go to Grandma's house.

After loading everyone up, taking them to Grandma's, and then heading to the hospital it seemed like it took forever. (Amazing what 3 kids does to you.) I can't tell you exactly what time we got there as I wasn't really paying that close attention to the clock. I remember the nurse giving me the same instructions as all the times before and me answering a thousand questions.

Nurse: "Has your water broke?"
Andrea: "No."
Nurse: "How long have you been timing your contractions?
Andrea: "About an hour and a half or so."
Nurse: "But your sure your water didn't break?"
Andrea: "Yes. I mean, no it hasn't broke."

Finally the nurse checked and with a surprised tone......"Huh? You ARE in labor. You are actually at a 5. Wow! By the way you looked I was going to send you home. I would have never guessed you were in labor."

Andrea: "Okkkaaayyyyyyy........."

(That was just a little dialog to show you how things got started. Don't worry, it gets funnier from there.)

So, I did the whole hot tub thing. (My labors are generally so fast that I have never gotten to do that before. That was pretty neat. We don't have a hot tub at the house so it is kind of funny to me that you have to go to the hospital and actually be in labor to enjoy this little perk.) Then I walked the halls for a bit. (I am telling you that they totally need to re-think the design of the maternity ward. Next time think "circle track" or maybe even an "obstacle course" not "long, straight, boring hall.) Around 5:30am I was pretty tired so I decided to lay down and take a nap. (At this point I was at a 7 and keep in mind my water still hasn't broke. This is typical as this happens with each of my babies.) The nurse asked me if the doctor came in and broke my water if I thought I would have the baby. I said, "Yes, in about 30 minutes." So she kindly went to call the doctor for me.

We waited for the doctor for about an hour and a half and during that time I slept to save up my energy for the final stages of the delivery. The doctor came in and said that the nurses were doing their shift change and it would be just a few minutes. So we waited....and we waited....and we waited. Finally someone came in and let us know that the nurse coming on duty had received a phone call from her husband. He had locked his keys in the house and she had to run home and let him in. (No, I'm not kidding.) So we waited.....and we waited....and we waited. Finally the nurse arrived, the doctor was there and everything was ready to go. He broke my water and said he was going to make some rounds. I told him not to go too far as I would be ready in a few minutes. Sure enough, exactly 30 minutes later I delivered baby girl Gressman. Sure enough, the doctor got there late, wasn't dressed from head to toe in latex yet, and the nurse had to reach over and catch the baby.

All funniness aside, when they placed my baby girl on my chest everything that I had gone through over the past year suddenly melted away. My heart overflowed with joy. She was so beautiful with all of her black hair and her intense eyes. She had the tiniest little cry. My little princess.....

Kearyn Jaedance Gressman was born

May 31, 2010 at 9:00am. 

She weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces 

and was 18 1/4 inches long. 

Within 20 minutes there were over 20 people in our hospital room. That day over 75 people came to see the long awaited for baby Gressman. I had no idea how many people had been praying right along with us for her healthy and safe arrival. I will never forget that day. Not just because it is her birthday but because of all of the people who joined us in the celebration of our little miracle.

Stay tuned for more of Kearyn's story.....