I haven't even left the doc's office yet. But I wanted to give you all an update.
I am still cancer free.
Still a survivor.
Still in remission.
I am elated.
Beyond grateful.
I received an email update from a friend who is currently battling cancer. Her husband said it best...
God has given me the gift of more time.
Thank you God.
I will write more later but I just wanted you all to know for now that things are good.
Blessings.
Follow Me...
Showing posts with label Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
My Latest Scan Documented: [The Uncut Version]
I have one last post that I wanted to make tonight before tomorrow.
I know once I get the news tomorrow I won't want to share this one.
One, I will either be too excited about my news to think backwards.
Or, two, I will be coping with other things.
Definitely praying for the first option.
But anyway... carrying on.
I mentioned in my last post that I documented my last scan.
So, here you go.
Just in case you ever want to know what one of these is like.
Of course you don't - but here it is anyway.
First, I shared the registration fiasco.
But once I got to the radiology dept. things moved pretty quickly.
Probably because it was 4:45pm and those people wanted to go home.
I don't blame them.
Anyway, I get there and my person calls me back.
Except it is not my normal person.
That threw me off right there.
Julie.
That's her name.
She has done all of my scans here locally.
We have been through a lot together.
She was the one who did the scan when I was diagnosed.
She was expecting then.
Then later on when they did the scan that showed the cancer wasn't completely gone.
Yep, she was there.
Finally, the one that showed I was clear.
Again, Julie was at the wheel.
I don't know Julie.
Other than when she does my scans.
But it is strange.
You just get used to a person and it just kind of throws you off when someone else does it.
The new guy, Daniel, was just as capable.
But I still missed Julie.
It's like the guy who does my pulmonary stuff.
That guy gets so excited about those pulmonary tests.
And thank goodness he does because there is not much there to get excited about and you need all of the encouragement you can get.
He is good at what he does.
And I am used to him.
Back to Julie.
If any of you at the hospital know who I am talking about - tell her she was missed.
On to the scan...
The first thing you have to do is change into your gown.
Thank goodness I get to keep my pants on.
Otherwise it would be even more awkward.
Me.
Looking super happy to have my scan.
But there were pretty flowers in the waiting room.
That was nice.
And yes. I had to take pictures of them.
A little side note here.
My grandpa's favorite flower was the sunflower.
He passed away the day before my birthday 10 years ago.
From cancer.
I was also born in the sunflower state.
Perhaps these were a sign.
A sign of love.
A sign of peace.
A sign of hope.
I can only hope.
Me. Again. Laying in the scan thing. Super comfortable as you can tell. And this is my view. You have to pay a lot of money to get a view like that.
At least where I get my PET scans they have leaf impression things in the roof. Those are interesting for about the first 2 minutes at least.
When the scan starts a man's voice comes on and says, "Don't breath and don't swallow."
Somehow he always times this for when I have just exhaled and I have the shear desire to breath and swallow.
Why is it that when someone tells you NOT to do something it just makes you want to do it that s much more?
And then there is just the whole desire to breathe thing.
Oh, and one last thing. Don't wear bobby pins in your hair.
Had to pull about 20 of those bad boys out of my hair before we could begin.
This is the lovely machine that makes me feel yucky.
Two injections of iodine.
(That is also the stuff that makes you feel like you are peeing your pants - just in case you missed that post.)
Then I am done.
Pretty exciting huh.
Well, I am off to bed to get some sleep.
Hopefully you enjoyed this latest lesson in cancer 101.
Blessings.
I know once I get the news tomorrow I won't want to share this one.
One, I will either be too excited about my news to think backwards.
Or, two, I will be coping with other things.
Definitely praying for the first option.
But anyway... carrying on.
I mentioned in my last post that I documented my last scan.
So, here you go.
Just in case you ever want to know what one of these is like.
Of course you don't - but here it is anyway.
First, I shared the registration fiasco.
But once I got to the radiology dept. things moved pretty quickly.
Probably because it was 4:45pm and those people wanted to go home.
I don't blame them.
Anyway, I get there and my person calls me back.
Except it is not my normal person.
That threw me off right there.
Julie.
That's her name.
She has done all of my scans here locally.
We have been through a lot together.
She was the one who did the scan when I was diagnosed.
She was expecting then.
Then later on when they did the scan that showed the cancer wasn't completely gone.
Yep, she was there.
Finally, the one that showed I was clear.
Again, Julie was at the wheel.
I don't know Julie.
Other than when she does my scans.
But it is strange.
You just get used to a person and it just kind of throws you off when someone else does it.
The new guy, Daniel, was just as capable.
But I still missed Julie.
It's like the guy who does my pulmonary stuff.
That guy gets so excited about those pulmonary tests.
And thank goodness he does because there is not much there to get excited about and you need all of the encouragement you can get.
He is good at what he does.
And I am used to him.
Back to Julie.
If any of you at the hospital know who I am talking about - tell her she was missed.
On to the scan...
The first thing you have to do is change into your gown.
Thank goodness I get to keep my pants on.
Otherwise it would be even more awkward.
Me.
Looking super happy to have my scan.
Me. Again. Waiting in my gown in the hallway for the world to see. Or at least whoever walks down that hallway. Better than last time. There were about 20 guys waiting for some sort of testing for some sort of job. Awesome. Nothing like walking down the hall trying to hold your gown closed in the back. Awk.Ward.
But there were pretty flowers in the waiting room.
That was nice.
And yes. I had to take pictures of them.
A little side note here.
My grandpa's favorite flower was the sunflower.
He passed away the day before my birthday 10 years ago.
From cancer.
I was also born in the sunflower state.
Perhaps these were a sign.
A sign of love.
A sign of peace.
A sign of hope.
I can only hope.
Me. Again. Laying in the scan thing. Super comfortable as you can tell. And this is my view. You have to pay a lot of money to get a view like that.
At least where I get my PET scans they have leaf impression things in the roof. Those are interesting for about the first 2 minutes at least.
When the scan starts a man's voice comes on and says, "Don't breath and don't swallow."
Somehow he always times this for when I have just exhaled and I have the shear desire to breath and swallow.
Why is it that when someone tells you NOT to do something it just makes you want to do it that s much more?
And then there is just the whole desire to breathe thing.
Oh, and one last thing. Don't wear bobby pins in your hair.
Had to pull about 20 of those bad boys out of my hair before we could begin.
This is the lovely machine that makes me feel yucky.
Two injections of iodine.
(That is also the stuff that makes you feel like you are peeing your pants - just in case you missed that post.)
Then I am done.
Pretty exciting huh.
Well, I am off to bed to get some sleep.
Hopefully you enjoyed this latest lesson in cancer 101.
Blessings.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
[the room] - where my world changed forever
While I was at my scan last week I thought it would be interesting to document some of it.
I had never done that before.
I don't know why.
Probably because that was not what I was focusing on at the time.
Why this time was different - I don't know.
However, as I started to take some pictures some things hit me.
Namely, a flood of memories of 2.2.2011.
The day I was diagnosed.
I had never done that before.
I don't know why.
Probably because that was not what I was focusing on at the time.
Why this time was different - I don't know.
However, as I started to take some pictures some things hit me.
Namely, a flood of memories of 2.2.2011.
The day I was diagnosed.
This is the room where we received the news of my diagnosis.
I sat in that very chair that you can see through the door there.
I will never forget those words.
We think you have lymphoma.
5 words.
19 months and 2 days later I can still hear the doctor saying them as if they just happened yesterday.
I had not noticed this room before during my other scans.
I guess it was one of those things where I just kept my head down and did what I needed to do.
This time was different.
It was strange.
And hard.
Like I had to face some of these things to truly move on.
Healing.
Wow.
Just when you think your "good" you realize how far you are from really being "good".
(Pretty sure I just opened myself up to a flood of comments there. Please, just be kind.)
Thanks for hanging in there with me and my weird photos and blog posts.
No one has turned me in yet - so I must still be okay.
Things are looking up yet!
:-)
(Yes, I typically do use sarcasm to mask and deflect my inner most feelings. That's for all my counselor friends out there. You know who you are. :-)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
September: {Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month}
September.
It means many things to our family.
The birthday month of our littlest boy.
Other special birthdays of family members and friends.
An anniversary month for my grandparents.
But it also means that it is the Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month as well.
If I could - I would forget all about this cancer.
But I can't.
And I never will.
Hodgkin's Lymphoma makes up around 1% of all cancers.
It also has a very high survival rate.
If it is caught early.
People constantly ask me what my first symptom was.
For me, it was a lump in my neck.
Right above my color bone.
But that is not the only sign or symptom.
And every situation is different.
I am happy to share my story with anyone who asks.
For now.
I will just ask you to pray.
Not just for my family.
But for the next family that will be diagnosed and doesn't even know if yet.
Pray that God gives them that peace beyond all understanding.
That they cling to Him as the world as they know it is shattered.
Pray that God gives the doctor's and nurses the wisdom to treat them.
And that God gives them the strength to endure.
Even though I do not know that family by name.
My heart breaks for them.
But all I can do is pray.
I don't know if you remember the banner I designed last year. You can take a look at that here: September Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month 2011
I actually think I like this design even better. :-)
Please feel free to download and share.
Spread the awareness.
Spread the love.
Bless you all.
Coping with Fear
I like to document the tough stuff as I am going through it.
This is not easy as it forces me to be very vulnerable.
However, I feel that this is what God wants me to do.
So, I do it.
First, I want to help others.
And it is so much easier for someone to relate to me if they are reading my words as I am going through something.
Not days or even weeks later as I am trying to remember how I was feeling.
They can say - yeah, I feel exactly the same way.
Or, that is a different perspective.
And maybe even the occasional - wow, she's crazy.
But whatever their reaction, they can see that I am coming from a very real and honest place.
And that is important to me.
Second, this helps me greatly to process what I am going through.
It forces me to look at the real issues behind whatever I am facing.
Deal with them.
Pray about them.
And.
Hopefully.
Experience healing.
Help for others.
Healing for me.
Those are good things and when you deal with cancer you need all the good things your can get.
So, the issue.
I have been dealing with fear lately.
Namely - the fear that the cancer is back.
This is a common fear I know.
Nearly every person that has battled cancer has shared the same fear at one point or another.
This fear also accompanies the fear of dying.
At least for me it does.
I don't want to speak for anyone else.
Honestly, I am just not ready to die.
Pure and simple.
That is as honest as I can be right there.
But I do realize how little control I have over that...
Anyway, I have been dealing with this fear thing.
And I wanted to share how I really cope with it.
What works for me and maybe even what doesn't.
Not sure where this is going really.
I have identified my fear as the fear of the unknown.
I don't know if the cancer is still gone or if it is back.
If it is back, will I die?
Might as well cut to the chase and be brutally honest.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Strangely, I don't fear treatment.
Treatment stinks.
In fact, if I were to ever choose a time to use stronger language that would be entirely inappropriate - this would probably be that time.
But I will refrain.
I know, such a rebel.
But I honestly can go through any treatment that is thrown at me...
As long as I live.
That is my heart right there.
I want to see my babies grow up.
I want to see them graduate.
I want to see them get married.
I want to be a grandma.
I want to have old people problems.
Whatever those are.
I want them.
I want to see my husband's hair turn gray.
I want to hold his wrinkled hand.
I want to have piles and piles of precious memories.
And when I finally get to the end of my days my family can celebrate because I lived enough.
Right now I just don't feel like I have lived enough yet.
Yes, I am crying.
So, if you are crying too then we will just cry together.
I have a few more days before I officially find out my results.
(Wednesday, for those of you who are wondering.)
So, I have a choice.
I can spend those days consumed by fear, crying non-stop.
Thinking of the "what-if's" and "unknowns".
Isolating myself from the world - and maybe even my family.
But, honestly, what good is that going to do?
None.
So, how do I get control of it?
Here is what I do...
For me, I focus on the known.
1.) I just had my blood work done in June and it looked good. There was no cause of concern then.
2.) We were prayerful and thoughtful about my treatment. God gave us a peace about it and I walked it out 100%.
3.) Just because I know people who are going back into treatment does not mean I will have to go back into treatment. Everyone is different. Every case is unique. Each cancer is different.
4.) The cure rate for the cancer I had is very high. Almost the best you can get when it comes to cancer.
5.) Even if the cancer is back that does not automatically mean that I am going to die. (This is a big one here.)
6.) Ultimately God is in control. Whether the cancer is still gone or it is back - God will give me the strength I need to get through it and do what I need to do.
It is important to realize that because I am struggling with this issue does not mean that I am having a crisis in faith.
I say that because when you are standing on this end and you receive people's reactions - it feels like that is sometimes implied.
I know God's goodness.
Even today.
What this does mean is that I am human.
It does mean that I understand that God's will may be different than my will.
It means that I respect that just because I am a Christian that does not mean that my life is going to be rainbows and lollipops.
I am going to go through hard things.
Life is going to be hard sometimes.
After all, look at what Jesus endured.
Without sin.
He died for our sin.
The ultimate.
If He went through that, what makes me think that I won't have to go through hard things too.
After all, He was the son of God.
Yes, I cling to my faith.
I cling to my hope.
And God gives me the courage.
I pray for peace.
And I know I will find it.
Sometimes it just takes a little time.
And focusing on what I KNOW.
And what I know is...
That God is Good.
All the Time.
Thanks for reading.
This is not easy as it forces me to be very vulnerable.
However, I feel that this is what God wants me to do.
So, I do it.
First, I want to help others.
And it is so much easier for someone to relate to me if they are reading my words as I am going through something.
Not days or even weeks later as I am trying to remember how I was feeling.
They can say - yeah, I feel exactly the same way.
Or, that is a different perspective.
And maybe even the occasional - wow, she's crazy.
But whatever their reaction, they can see that I am coming from a very real and honest place.
And that is important to me.
Second, this helps me greatly to process what I am going through.
It forces me to look at the real issues behind whatever I am facing.
Deal with them.
Pray about them.
And.
Hopefully.
Experience healing.
Help for others.
Healing for me.
Those are good things and when you deal with cancer you need all the good things your can get.
So, the issue.
I have been dealing with fear lately.
Namely - the fear that the cancer is back.
This is a common fear I know.
Nearly every person that has battled cancer has shared the same fear at one point or another.
This fear also accompanies the fear of dying.
At least for me it does.
I don't want to speak for anyone else.
Honestly, I am just not ready to die.
Pure and simple.
That is as honest as I can be right there.
But I do realize how little control I have over that...
Anyway, I have been dealing with this fear thing.
And I wanted to share how I really cope with it.
What works for me and maybe even what doesn't.
Not sure where this is going really.
I have identified my fear as the fear of the unknown.
I don't know if the cancer is still gone or if it is back.
If it is back, will I die?
Might as well cut to the chase and be brutally honest.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Strangely, I don't fear treatment.
Treatment stinks.
In fact, if I were to ever choose a time to use stronger language that would be entirely inappropriate - this would probably be that time.
But I will refrain.
I know, such a rebel.
But I honestly can go through any treatment that is thrown at me...
As long as I live.
That is my heart right there.
I want to see my babies grow up.
I want to see them graduate.
I want to see them get married.
I want to be a grandma.
I want to have old people problems.
Whatever those are.
I want them.
I want to see my husband's hair turn gray.
I want to hold his wrinkled hand.
I want to have piles and piles of precious memories.
And when I finally get to the end of my days my family can celebrate because I lived enough.
Right now I just don't feel like I have lived enough yet.
Yes, I am crying.
So, if you are crying too then we will just cry together.
I have a few more days before I officially find out my results.
(Wednesday, for those of you who are wondering.)
So, I have a choice.
I can spend those days consumed by fear, crying non-stop.
Thinking of the "what-if's" and "unknowns".
Isolating myself from the world - and maybe even my family.
But, honestly, what good is that going to do?
None.
So, how do I get control of it?
Here is what I do...
For me, I focus on the known.
1.) I just had my blood work done in June and it looked good. There was no cause of concern then.
2.) We were prayerful and thoughtful about my treatment. God gave us a peace about it and I walked it out 100%.
3.) Just because I know people who are going back into treatment does not mean I will have to go back into treatment. Everyone is different. Every case is unique. Each cancer is different.
4.) The cure rate for the cancer I had is very high. Almost the best you can get when it comes to cancer.
5.) Even if the cancer is back that does not automatically mean that I am going to die. (This is a big one here.)
6.) Ultimately God is in control. Whether the cancer is still gone or it is back - God will give me the strength I need to get through it and do what I need to do.
It is important to realize that because I am struggling with this issue does not mean that I am having a crisis in faith.
I say that because when you are standing on this end and you receive people's reactions - it feels like that is sometimes implied.
I know God's goodness.
Even today.
What this does mean is that I am human.
It does mean that I understand that God's will may be different than my will.
It means that I respect that just because I am a Christian that does not mean that my life is going to be rainbows and lollipops.
I am going to go through hard things.
Life is going to be hard sometimes.
After all, look at what Jesus endured.
Without sin.
He died for our sin.
The ultimate.
If He went through that, what makes me think that I won't have to go through hard things too.
After all, He was the son of God.
Yes, I cling to my faith.
I cling to my hope.
And God gives me the courage.
I pray for peace.
And I know I will find it.
Sometimes it just takes a little time.
And focusing on what I KNOW.
And what I know is...
That God is Good.
All the Time.
Thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Bad Cancer Day...
My lack of blogging in the last couple of weeks had not been due to bad things.
It has actually been the opposite.
We have been trying to soak up every last minute of summer before we start school.
But more of that later.
Today, however, was not the best day I have ever had.
I am not sharing this because I want to sound selfish in any way.
This is not about me.
This is about sharing my heart every step of this journey to help others.
Even on my bad days when I would prefer to remain quiet.
I feel called to do this to give those who may not have the words a voice to represent what they are gong through.
I feel called to do this to give those who might be looking for a way to help someone in my situation some perspective on some of the things the person they are trying to help may be dealing with.
So, what made this day so difficult? Here is a rundown...
It started with me going to church.
I ran into a friend that I actually went through radiation with.
She gave me the news that her cancer was back.
I tried desperately to fight back the tears for her.
I failed.
I know her heart.
I know her desire to stay here on this earth to raise her little girl.
I know her fear.
I would do anything to make it all better for her and I can't.
All I can do is pray.
This hit me hard.
It hit me hard for her.
It hit me hard for me.
First, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to know you have to go back into treatment again.
The first time around is hard enough.
But the one thing you do have is ignorance.
Ignorance to the fact of how hard it is really going to be.
The second time around you don't have that anymore.
You know.
And you have to do it anyway.
She is the 4th or 5th person that I was in treatment with that their cancer has come back.
I would be lying if I said that this does not cause me fear for my own cancer journey.
And, this always seems to happen right before I go in for my own scans.
My next scan is only a couple of weeks away.
The battle of the mind began today.
I am praying diligently that I can get it in control again quickly.
Next, our church had a concert tonight where Audrey Assad was the performer.
She shared that last September her husband was diagnosed with cancer.
Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The same cancer I had.
Then, she shares that she has a friend who is dying this week.
Yes, from cancer.
She has two small children she will be leaving behind.
Even now my tears flow.
My heart just hurts so badly for that family.
My heart also screams, "No, please don't let this happen to me!"
Please God, allow me to stay here.
I just want to raise my children.
I just want to be a wife to my husband.
Finally, we were driving home...
I was just about to ask Jason about his thoughts on all this mention of cancer.
Just at that moment a mom came on the radio and started talking about her 3 year old having cancer.
So, my heart is heavy with so many things tonight.
Sadness.
Worry.
Fear.
Yet, all I can do is remain hopeful.
Keep my faith.
Know that God has already gone before me.
Pray.
And as my husband so gently reminded me of a couple of different times today....
Don't limit God.
It has actually been the opposite.
We have been trying to soak up every last minute of summer before we start school.
But more of that later.
Today, however, was not the best day I have ever had.
I am not sharing this because I want to sound selfish in any way.
This is not about me.
This is about sharing my heart every step of this journey to help others.
Even on my bad days when I would prefer to remain quiet.
I feel called to do this to give those who may not have the words a voice to represent what they are gong through.
I feel called to do this to give those who might be looking for a way to help someone in my situation some perspective on some of the things the person they are trying to help may be dealing with.
So, what made this day so difficult? Here is a rundown...
It started with me going to church.
I ran into a friend that I actually went through radiation with.
She gave me the news that her cancer was back.
I tried desperately to fight back the tears for her.
I failed.
I know her heart.
I know her desire to stay here on this earth to raise her little girl.
I know her fear.
I would do anything to make it all better for her and I can't.
All I can do is pray.
This hit me hard.
It hit me hard for her.
It hit me hard for me.
First, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to know you have to go back into treatment again.
The first time around is hard enough.
But the one thing you do have is ignorance.
Ignorance to the fact of how hard it is really going to be.
The second time around you don't have that anymore.
You know.
And you have to do it anyway.
She is the 4th or 5th person that I was in treatment with that their cancer has come back.
I would be lying if I said that this does not cause me fear for my own cancer journey.
And, this always seems to happen right before I go in for my own scans.
My next scan is only a couple of weeks away.
The battle of the mind began today.
I am praying diligently that I can get it in control again quickly.
Next, our church had a concert tonight where Audrey Assad was the performer.
She shared that last September her husband was diagnosed with cancer.
Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The same cancer I had.
Then, she shares that she has a friend who is dying this week.
Yes, from cancer.
She has two small children she will be leaving behind.
Even now my tears flow.
My heart just hurts so badly for that family.
My heart also screams, "No, please don't let this happen to me!"
Please God, allow me to stay here.
I just want to raise my children.
I just want to be a wife to my husband.
Finally, we were driving home...
I was just about to ask Jason about his thoughts on all this mention of cancer.
Just at that moment a mom came on the radio and started talking about her 3 year old having cancer.
So, my heart is heavy with so many things tonight.
Sadness.
Worry.
Fear.
Yet, all I can do is remain hopeful.
Keep my faith.
Know that God has already gone before me.
Pray.
And as my husband so gently reminded me of a couple of different times today....
Don't limit God.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Cancer Update
We have been busy here at the Gressman house. But I am finally feeling like things might slow down a little so we can have a peaceful summer. I need to play catch-up on some past events - things like Kearyn's 2nd birthday :-).
Anyway, just a quick update on the cancer stuff. I met with the doc again today and everything seems fine. He set my next scan for September. He said I passed with an A+ today and that made me happy. A's always made me happy in school and I guess life is no different. Jason calls me a nerd and says a B would not kill me but in the case of cancer - I am going to stick with being a nerd and continue to try to get those A's. ;-)
Hope you all are well.
Blessings,
Andrea
P.S. Please keep all those who are currently battling in your thoughts and prayers. I have recently been made aware of several people going back in a 2nd, 3rd, 4th+ times for treatment again. It breaks my heart to see them having to go through that and I pray for them so often. Please join me in prayer for them and for all of those we don't know by name.
Anyway, just a quick update on the cancer stuff. I met with the doc again today and everything seems fine. He set my next scan for September. He said I passed with an A+ today and that made me happy. A's always made me happy in school and I guess life is no different. Jason calls me a nerd and says a B would not kill me but in the case of cancer - I am going to stick with being a nerd and continue to try to get those A's. ;-)
Hope you all are well.
Blessings,
Andrea
P.S. Please keep all those who are currently battling in your thoughts and prayers. I have recently been made aware of several people going back in a 2nd, 3rd, 4th+ times for treatment again. It breaks my heart to see them having to go through that and I pray for them so often. Please join me in prayer for them and for all of those we don't know by name.
Monday, April 30, 2012
6 Months Past Treatment
It dawned on me a couple of days ago that I am actually 6 months past treatment. Man, that has really gone by fast. I thought it would be a nice time to give an update on how I am feeling.
Physically
Physically I am probably doing as well as could be expected. I do struggle daily with my energy level but I think I am getting better at not overdoing it and acknowledging when I do overdo it that it is just going to take me time to recover. I don't let the expectations of others dictate my level of activity and I have gotten better at being honest and just saying, "I am tired," or "I am going to be too tired to do that." Basically I am just learning to give myself more grace.
My diet is a critical component to my energy level. I get lax on it every once in a while and then I am like, "Why am I feeling so bad lately?" Then that little voice says, "Have you checked out what you have been eating lately?" Oh yeah. Then I get back to where I need to be or at least closer to where I need to be.
Right now is a very busy season in our lives (now that I think about it, is there ever a slow season?) and keeping up with my kids takes pretty much everything out of me but I am just so grateful that I am here to even have that struggle.
I don't really have any other physical symptoms other than the fatigue to worry about. About 50% of my hair has grown back. I don't know if it will ever be like it was before but I don't even worry about that. I have always had a ton of hair and it is actually kind of nice not to have to blow dry it for two hours just to get it dry. :-)
Emotionally
Emotionally I think I handle things really well. I rarely worry about the cancer coming back. I find that a day or two before any testing I do get some butterflies in my stomach and then a day or two before I get the results the same thing happens. It takes a conscious effort to keep the fear in check when those moments come but I think overall I do a pretty good job at it.
My personal philosophy on this is that I do not know how many days God has given me. So, if I spend half of them or even all of them worrying about when that day is going to come it is a complete waste of those precious days. Worrying does nothing for today and it will not change tomorrow so why get caught up in that hamster wheel?
There was a lady that was diagnosed shortly before I was last year. She went through treatment last year and they recently found a couple of more spots indicating that she will most likely have to go back in treatment. When I hear of these situations my heart always breaks for that person. Treatment is nasty no matter how you look at it and if I could have my way no one would ever have to endure it. My heart breaks for them because I know the fear and uncertainty that they are undoubtedly facing - then there is their family and what they are going through as well. But after I get through all of that there is a tinge in my own heart - what if that is me? But then again, you just cannot let yourself go there...
Spiritually
This is kind of a hard one to explain. In many ways I feel stronger than ever but in other ways I feel a bit lost. It is kind of like I had this huge build-up of adrenaline for the past year and now it is over and I need to find my normal spiritual routine again.
For the last year I felt like I was white knuckling the cross - hanging on so tight and if I let go for even one second I would be lost forever. Now it is different. Maybe instead of white knuckling it I have my arms wrapped around it as I am completely out of energy and it alone is giving me the strength and energy to keep standing. I told you it was hard to explain. :-)
I just finished two book studies with two different groups of ladies and they were amazing. I am so glad I did each of them as it was a really good way to fellowship and just reconnect with the world again. I also learned a lot about myself and the person that I am today which is much different than the person I was a year ago.
Ultimately I am still just grateful to be done with treatment. It is the little things that continually remind me of this. Right now we are frequenting the field for baseball practices and games and I keep thinking of how hard it was last year to drag myself to the different sporting events my kids had. (Don't get me wrong - I am so glad I did and would do it all over again if I had to but it was still just hard.) My daughter's birthday is coming up in a month (a whole different post) but it is so nice to not have to plan her party around my chemo treatments. Like I said, it really is the little things.
Anyway, thanks for hanging in there and reading my rambles. I appreciate you more than you know. Praying you all have a very blessed week and here is to more days of being cancer free! (Saying that still gives me chills and makes me smile. :-)
Physically
Physically I am probably doing as well as could be expected. I do struggle daily with my energy level but I think I am getting better at not overdoing it and acknowledging when I do overdo it that it is just going to take me time to recover. I don't let the expectations of others dictate my level of activity and I have gotten better at being honest and just saying, "I am tired," or "I am going to be too tired to do that." Basically I am just learning to give myself more grace.
My diet is a critical component to my energy level. I get lax on it every once in a while and then I am like, "Why am I feeling so bad lately?" Then that little voice says, "Have you checked out what you have been eating lately?" Oh yeah. Then I get back to where I need to be or at least closer to where I need to be.
Right now is a very busy season in our lives (now that I think about it, is there ever a slow season?) and keeping up with my kids takes pretty much everything out of me but I am just so grateful that I am here to even have that struggle.
I don't really have any other physical symptoms other than the fatigue to worry about. About 50% of my hair has grown back. I don't know if it will ever be like it was before but I don't even worry about that. I have always had a ton of hair and it is actually kind of nice not to have to blow dry it for two hours just to get it dry. :-)
Emotionally
Emotionally I think I handle things really well. I rarely worry about the cancer coming back. I find that a day or two before any testing I do get some butterflies in my stomach and then a day or two before I get the results the same thing happens. It takes a conscious effort to keep the fear in check when those moments come but I think overall I do a pretty good job at it.
My personal philosophy on this is that I do not know how many days God has given me. So, if I spend half of them or even all of them worrying about when that day is going to come it is a complete waste of those precious days. Worrying does nothing for today and it will not change tomorrow so why get caught up in that hamster wheel?
There was a lady that was diagnosed shortly before I was last year. She went through treatment last year and they recently found a couple of more spots indicating that she will most likely have to go back in treatment. When I hear of these situations my heart always breaks for that person. Treatment is nasty no matter how you look at it and if I could have my way no one would ever have to endure it. My heart breaks for them because I know the fear and uncertainty that they are undoubtedly facing - then there is their family and what they are going through as well. But after I get through all of that there is a tinge in my own heart - what if that is me? But then again, you just cannot let yourself go there...
Spiritually
This is kind of a hard one to explain. In many ways I feel stronger than ever but in other ways I feel a bit lost. It is kind of like I had this huge build-up of adrenaline for the past year and now it is over and I need to find my normal spiritual routine again.
For the last year I felt like I was white knuckling the cross - hanging on so tight and if I let go for even one second I would be lost forever. Now it is different. Maybe instead of white knuckling it I have my arms wrapped around it as I am completely out of energy and it alone is giving me the strength and energy to keep standing. I told you it was hard to explain. :-)
I just finished two book studies with two different groups of ladies and they were amazing. I am so glad I did each of them as it was a really good way to fellowship and just reconnect with the world again. I also learned a lot about myself and the person that I am today which is much different than the person I was a year ago.
Ultimately I am still just grateful to be done with treatment. It is the little things that continually remind me of this. Right now we are frequenting the field for baseball practices and games and I keep thinking of how hard it was last year to drag myself to the different sporting events my kids had. (Don't get me wrong - I am so glad I did and would do it all over again if I had to but it was still just hard.) My daughter's birthday is coming up in a month (a whole different post) but it is so nice to not have to plan her party around my chemo treatments. Like I said, it really is the little things.
Anyway, thanks for hanging in there and reading my rambles. I appreciate you more than you know. Praying you all have a very blessed week and here is to more days of being cancer free! (Saying that still gives me chills and makes me smile. :-)
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
A Heartbreaking Story....
As I wrote earlier tonight, I am preparing for my news tomorrow and admittedly I was feeling a little bit "blah" getting ready to face another day of the post-cancer life. I was surfing through the blogs I keep up on tonight passing the time before my brain would finally be ready to turn off and welcome sleep. I went to a blog of a girl who is currently going through chemo right now. You can find her at Little Blue Boo . Even though I can feel every single thing she is going through right now to the very core of my body, she has an amazing attitude about it and I love it.
However, today she had a little blurb about another family that she is doing a fund-raiser for. I just could not resist reading about them even though I knew it was going to be sad. It became a sharp reminder that no matter how bad things are for you - someone else is always going through something worse. You can read more about the family here.
The mama was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in January 2011 (I was diagnosed Feb. 2011). But here is the kicker - their baby girl was diagnosed with another type of cancer in May of 2011 at 11 months old (she was just a few weeks younger than my baby girl). Their baby girl passed away in Dec. 2011 at 18 months old. My heart literally breaks for them. I cannot imagine what they have or are going through.
I remember standing in my kitchen just a few days after my diagnosis staring off into nothingness. That is when it hit me - I was so grateful it was me and not one of my children. I literally thanked God in that very moment.
You see, I remember what it was like going through all of the surgeries and medical stuff with my oldest boy, Cale. I remember sitting in a rocking chair, holding his tiny little body, and praying that God would give me his pain. He and I did that for the first 14 months of his life (4 surgeries and a tracheotomy tube for those 14 months) and then 2 more surgeries later on and it was the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced in my life. As a mom I was supposed to make things better for him and I couldn't. All I could do was hold him and love him...
12 years later it still takes my breath away and I am so grateful that he made it through it. I cannot imagine life without him.
Anyway, I just felt convicted to share a little bit about this other family. I will be lifting them up in prayer and thought maybe you could too.
Blessings,
Andrea
However, today she had a little blurb about another family that she is doing a fund-raiser for. I just could not resist reading about them even though I knew it was going to be sad. It became a sharp reminder that no matter how bad things are for you - someone else is always going through something worse. You can read more about the family here.
The mama was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in January 2011 (I was diagnosed Feb. 2011). But here is the kicker - their baby girl was diagnosed with another type of cancer in May of 2011 at 11 months old (she was just a few weeks younger than my baby girl). Their baby girl passed away in Dec. 2011 at 18 months old. My heart literally breaks for them. I cannot imagine what they have or are going through.
I remember standing in my kitchen just a few days after my diagnosis staring off into nothingness. That is when it hit me - I was so grateful it was me and not one of my children. I literally thanked God in that very moment.
You see, I remember what it was like going through all of the surgeries and medical stuff with my oldest boy, Cale. I remember sitting in a rocking chair, holding his tiny little body, and praying that God would give me his pain. He and I did that for the first 14 months of his life (4 surgeries and a tracheotomy tube for those 14 months) and then 2 more surgeries later on and it was the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced in my life. As a mom I was supposed to make things better for him and I couldn't. All I could do was hold him and love him...
12 years later it still takes my breath away and I am so grateful that he made it through it. I cannot imagine life without him.
Anyway, I just felt convicted to share a little bit about this other family. I will be lifting them up in prayer and thought maybe you could too.
Blessings,
Andrea
Thursday, February 2, 2012
1 Year Ago Today: The Worst Day Ever!
One year ago today was one of the worst days of my life. If you have been following my story, you know it was the day that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It is amazing how those few words, "We think you have Lymphoma," can turn your entire world upside down in an instant.
I think this past year was the longest year, yet the fastest year of my life. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. But while I was in it, things just seemed to crawl by but now that it is over it seems like it happened in a flash.
It is hard to believe that in one year that I could have such ultimate devastation and in that same year experience such victory.
One thing is for sure, I will never be the same. It has changed me in a way that I never knew possible and I don't even think I have even become aware of the most of these changes yet.
It has also given me a whole new platform to minister from and for that I am grateful.
So, as I look on this past year I feel relief that it is over. I feel joy that I was able to get through it. I feel some sadness at the time that I feel I lost and I feel conviction to make the most of the time I have from here on out. But most of all, I just feel thankful.
I feel thankful to God for being right there with me and for keeping me here for my family. I feel thankful for the amazing husband I have that truly stood by my side and completely lived out that "in sickness and in health" thing. I am so thankful for the hearts that my children have and how they handled "mommy being sick" for so long. I am grateful to my family and friends and for all you did for us this past year. I am thankful for the strangers who have also supported us. It has been truly inspiring. I am thankful for the countless prayers that have been said on our behalf.
I am truly just grateful for life.
As I watch in amazement and wonder how this journey has changed my family, I reflect on my favorite moments from the past year. Here are just a few of them:
1.) When my friends and family surprised me outside of the cancer center after my last chemo treatment.
2.) The staff at the doctor's office throwing confetti and playing a funny song after my radiation was complete.
3.) Hearing the news that I was finally cancer free. Going to lunch with my hubby to celebrate and just sitting there sobbing at the table when it finally hit me - It. Was. Finished.
4.) The prayers from my children throughout the journey - "Please God, make mommy's sickness go away."
5.) The prayers of my children after it was finished, "God, thank you for making mommy's cancer go away."
6.) Connecting with friends from long ago.
7.) Making some new friends along the way.
8.) Being able to share my thoughts, feelings, heartache, joy, and everything else along the way on here with you. :-)
Thank you for reading.
Blessings,
Andrea
If you are interested in reading about my journey starting on this day one year ago, here are the links for the first week. I still can't make it through them as it is so very emotional each time I start to read them. Maybe you will have better luck. :-)
Prayer Request
Day 1: The Shock
Day 2: A Day of Rest
Day 3: A Peace Beyond All Understanding
Day 4: Being "Normal"
Update!
Come Rejoice With Me!!!
Day 5&6: The Whirlwind
Day 7: Fatigue
Happy Reading!
I think this past year was the longest year, yet the fastest year of my life. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. But while I was in it, things just seemed to crawl by but now that it is over it seems like it happened in a flash.
It is hard to believe that in one year that I could have such ultimate devastation and in that same year experience such victory.
One thing is for sure, I will never be the same. It has changed me in a way that I never knew possible and I don't even think I have even become aware of the most of these changes yet.
It has also given me a whole new platform to minister from and for that I am grateful.
So, as I look on this past year I feel relief that it is over. I feel joy that I was able to get through it. I feel some sadness at the time that I feel I lost and I feel conviction to make the most of the time I have from here on out. But most of all, I just feel thankful.
I feel thankful to God for being right there with me and for keeping me here for my family. I feel thankful for the amazing husband I have that truly stood by my side and completely lived out that "in sickness and in health" thing. I am so thankful for the hearts that my children have and how they handled "mommy being sick" for so long. I am grateful to my family and friends and for all you did for us this past year. I am thankful for the strangers who have also supported us. It has been truly inspiring. I am thankful for the countless prayers that have been said on our behalf.
I am truly just grateful for life.
As I watch in amazement and wonder how this journey has changed my family, I reflect on my favorite moments from the past year. Here are just a few of them:
1.) When my friends and family surprised me outside of the cancer center after my last chemo treatment.
2.) The staff at the doctor's office throwing confetti and playing a funny song after my radiation was complete.
3.) Hearing the news that I was finally cancer free. Going to lunch with my hubby to celebrate and just sitting there sobbing at the table when it finally hit me - It. Was. Finished.
4.) The prayers from my children throughout the journey - "Please God, make mommy's sickness go away."
5.) The prayers of my children after it was finished, "God, thank you for making mommy's cancer go away."
6.) Connecting with friends from long ago.
7.) Making some new friends along the way.
8.) Being able to share my thoughts, feelings, heartache, joy, and everything else along the way on here with you. :-)
Thank you for reading.
Blessings,
Andrea
If you are interested in reading about my journey starting on this day one year ago, here are the links for the first week. I still can't make it through them as it is so very emotional each time I start to read them. Maybe you will have better luck. :-)
Prayer Request
Day 1: The Shock
Day 2: A Day of Rest
Day 3: A Peace Beyond All Understanding
Day 4: Being "Normal"
Update!
Come Rejoice With Me!!!
Day 5&6: The Whirlwind
Day 7: Fatigue
Happy Reading!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
{rad-i-a-tion}
Tomorrow marks the 3rd week since I have been done with my treatment and I have been tinkering with this blog post for about 2 weeks. I am not quite sure why I haven't finished it by now. Maybe because I was just happy not to be thinking about radiation, treatment in general, and most importantly - cancer.
Whenever you are diagnosed with something like cancer (or really anything major along the same lines) it becomes so much a part of your life - whether you like it or not. It also becomes a part of who you are. It becomes a part of your testimony. But where the true battle comes in is not letting it take over and define who you are.
Yes, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Yes, I went through 6 months of chemotherapy. Yes, I went through a month of radiation. But I am not those things. They are a part of what I have done but they don't define me.
I am certain that there are many of you who can relate to what I am saying. You have these big things that happen to you, they may even change who you are completely, but they don't take over your identity. Or at least you fight like crazy to no let them.
Anyway, I don't quite know why I got off on that little tangent but I will refocus....
October meant a month of radiation for me. 20 treatments to be exact.
Prior to being diagnosed with cancer I was rather clueless as to what most of these treatment terms really meant. Honesty, I had no idea what Hodgkin's Lymphoma (or "Hodgkin's Disease" as so many are use to calling it) really was. Boy, has that changed.
I had heard of chemo and I knew chemo was not good. EVERYONE knows chemo is not good. But I really had no idea exactly what chemo entailed. I knew even less about radiation - so I had no idea what to expect. (With the exception of sitting next to a little old lady in a waiting room one time where she informed me that I should be SO grateful that I only had to go through chemo [this was before I knew I had to have radiation] because radiation was SO much worse than chemo. At this point I made up my mind that I never never never wanted to have radiation because if chemo was kicking my tail as badly as it was.... there was no way I could survive radiation. (Hmmm.... this may be the explanation of why I had such issues going into radiation....)
So, obviously I know a lot more about radiation now that I have gone through it myself.
Here is where I always like to include my legal disclaimer..... All cancers are different. Therefore, all cancer treatments are different. And to even complicate things further - we all react differently to our own cancer treatments. So, when I tell you how it was for me that does not mean that it will be this way for the next person. Okay, that is the end of my disclaimer....
I always like to share my experiences - not because I want sympathy for myself - but because I want people to perhaps have a bit more compassion for the next person they encounter that is battling cancer.
I know when any of us hear about someone being diagnosed with the "big C" our hearts always sink. We know the treatment isn't going to be pretty and the road is going to be long and hard but do we really know what the road looks like for them? No. And you aren't going to know from my story either. But you can know what questions to ask. You might just know a little more than you did before and for me, that is what this is all about. Informing one another so that we are better equipped to help one another.
If one person is loved on just a bit more because of what I have gone through - well then it makes it that much better for everyone involved now doesn't it.
So, back to radiation. First of all, I only received a little over half of what someone with say breast cancer would receive. So in that regard, mine was a lot easier. There were several things that concerned me about radiation and I shared many of those on here before. Namely, because of my age, it increases my risk of a secondary cancer. But after spending some time on my knees - okay, let's be honest, a great deal of time on my knees I have surrendered that to God and moved on. Really, what can I do about it? If I can't beat the first cancer, it does me no good to worry about a second one.
However, when I went in to do my "dry run" (yes, they actually do "radiation practice" before they start the real thing) they drew this thing that was the size of Texas on my chest and neck. They had said that it was going to be "spot" radiation. The only place this sucker could have been considered a "spot" is if it was on a horse.
So, again, I had to return to my knees for a great deal of prayer time. Finally I was able to surrender that over to God as well. (Are we picking up on a common theme here? Lots of knee time, lots of surrendering. The story of my life it seems.)
When you go for radiation you have to go everyday (except for weekends). So my treatments took 4 weeks. That was probably the biggest pain of it all. Trying to re-arrange my family's entire schedule just so I could have radiation each day.
At first, I noticed nothing. Then after a few days I began to feel a lump in my throat when I would try to swallow. It wasn't painful - I just had to work a little harder to get the food down. Then it started to really hurt. So, of course when you know it is going to hurt to eat you pretty much lose your appetite. For those of you who are thinking - she should of just cranked up the milk shakes - it hurt to swallow liquids too. Darn it.
However, you cannot lose more than 5 pounds when you are going through radiation or they start to get super cranky at you. Prior to starting radiation they make a mold thingy (I use terms like "thingy" when I don't know what they are really called) that you have to lay in when you get zapped (don't know the technical term here either) and so if you lose weight then you don't fit into your "mold thingy" anymore. Talk about getting stressed out every week when it was "weigh-in day". I ended up losing 6 pounds but they didn't yell at me too much.
It also burns your skin. Mine did not burn too badly. I did break out in blisters about a week or two after I was done. (The side effects of radiation continue to get worse after you are done for a few weeks before they get better - isn't that nice.) But my side effects where no where near what many go through. There was a dear sweet lady that was going through radiation for breast cancer right after me and her skin was literally purple she was burned so bad. It hurt me just looking at her and to this day I still hurt for her.
Finally, there is the fatigue. And that is what I am still dealing with. With the chemo/radiation combo it is going to just take some time for me to be back to my old self again. They guesstimated 6-8 months. So, we will see how it goes.
Sorry this one is so long. Talk to you soon!
Andrea
Whenever you are diagnosed with something like cancer (or really anything major along the same lines) it becomes so much a part of your life - whether you like it or not. It also becomes a part of who you are. It becomes a part of your testimony. But where the true battle comes in is not letting it take over and define who you are.
Yes, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Yes, I went through 6 months of chemotherapy. Yes, I went through a month of radiation. But I am not those things. They are a part of what I have done but they don't define me.
I am certain that there are many of you who can relate to what I am saying. You have these big things that happen to you, they may even change who you are completely, but they don't take over your identity. Or at least you fight like crazy to no let them.
Anyway, I don't quite know why I got off on that little tangent but I will refocus....
October meant a month of radiation for me. 20 treatments to be exact.
Prior to being diagnosed with cancer I was rather clueless as to what most of these treatment terms really meant. Honesty, I had no idea what Hodgkin's Lymphoma (or "Hodgkin's Disease" as so many are use to calling it) really was. Boy, has that changed.
I had heard of chemo and I knew chemo was not good. EVERYONE knows chemo is not good. But I really had no idea exactly what chemo entailed. I knew even less about radiation - so I had no idea what to expect. (With the exception of sitting next to a little old lady in a waiting room one time where she informed me that I should be SO grateful that I only had to go through chemo [this was before I knew I had to have radiation] because radiation was SO much worse than chemo. At this point I made up my mind that I never never never wanted to have radiation because if chemo was kicking my tail as badly as it was.... there was no way I could survive radiation. (Hmmm.... this may be the explanation of why I had such issues going into radiation....)
So, obviously I know a lot more about radiation now that I have gone through it myself.
Here is where I always like to include my legal disclaimer..... All cancers are different. Therefore, all cancer treatments are different. And to even complicate things further - we all react differently to our own cancer treatments. So, when I tell you how it was for me that does not mean that it will be this way for the next person. Okay, that is the end of my disclaimer....
I always like to share my experiences - not because I want sympathy for myself - but because I want people to perhaps have a bit more compassion for the next person they encounter that is battling cancer.
I know when any of us hear about someone being diagnosed with the "big C" our hearts always sink. We know the treatment isn't going to be pretty and the road is going to be long and hard but do we really know what the road looks like for them? No. And you aren't going to know from my story either. But you can know what questions to ask. You might just know a little more than you did before and for me, that is what this is all about. Informing one another so that we are better equipped to help one another.
If one person is loved on just a bit more because of what I have gone through - well then it makes it that much better for everyone involved now doesn't it.
So, back to radiation. First of all, I only received a little over half of what someone with say breast cancer would receive. So in that regard, mine was a lot easier. There were several things that concerned me about radiation and I shared many of those on here before. Namely, because of my age, it increases my risk of a secondary cancer. But after spending some time on my knees - okay, let's be honest, a great deal of time on my knees I have surrendered that to God and moved on. Really, what can I do about it? If I can't beat the first cancer, it does me no good to worry about a second one.
However, when I went in to do my "dry run" (yes, they actually do "radiation practice" before they start the real thing) they drew this thing that was the size of Texas on my chest and neck. They had said that it was going to be "spot" radiation. The only place this sucker could have been considered a "spot" is if it was on a horse.
So, again, I had to return to my knees for a great deal of prayer time. Finally I was able to surrender that over to God as well. (Are we picking up on a common theme here? Lots of knee time, lots of surrendering. The story of my life it seems.)
When you go for radiation you have to go everyday (except for weekends). So my treatments took 4 weeks. That was probably the biggest pain of it all. Trying to re-arrange my family's entire schedule just so I could have radiation each day.
At first, I noticed nothing. Then after a few days I began to feel a lump in my throat when I would try to swallow. It wasn't painful - I just had to work a little harder to get the food down. Then it started to really hurt. So, of course when you know it is going to hurt to eat you pretty much lose your appetite. For those of you who are thinking - she should of just cranked up the milk shakes - it hurt to swallow liquids too. Darn it.
However, you cannot lose more than 5 pounds when you are going through radiation or they start to get super cranky at you. Prior to starting radiation they make a mold thingy (I use terms like "thingy" when I don't know what they are really called) that you have to lay in when you get zapped (don't know the technical term here either) and so if you lose weight then you don't fit into your "mold thingy" anymore. Talk about getting stressed out every week when it was "weigh-in day". I ended up losing 6 pounds but they didn't yell at me too much.
It also burns your skin. Mine did not burn too badly. I did break out in blisters about a week or two after I was done. (The side effects of radiation continue to get worse after you are done for a few weeks before they get better - isn't that nice.) But my side effects where no where near what many go through. There was a dear sweet lady that was going through radiation for breast cancer right after me and her skin was literally purple she was burned so bad. It hurt me just looking at her and to this day I still hurt for her.
Finally, there is the fatigue. And that is what I am still dealing with. With the chemo/radiation combo it is going to just take some time for me to be back to my old self again. They guesstimated 6-8 months. So, we will see how it goes.
Sorry this one is so long. Talk to you soon!
Andrea
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Got My Tattoos & I Am Ready to Go!
This week marked more preparation for my radiation. And for those of you who are wondering what in the world the whole "tattoo" comment is about - no, I am not getting sleeved. They actually have to tattoo you for radiation. Yes, I know. Strange.
But, the machine has to hit the exact same spots every single time and I guess the only way they can do that is by actually tattooing the spots. It is nothing exciting - just 3 tiny dots. 1 on each of my sides and one on my chest. However, one of my pastors (Calvin) said that I could play connect the dots later on. Of course he would say that. :-)
Anyway, evidently I go through a "dry run" tomorrow where I get to lay there why they practice and draw all over me with a purple sharpie. How come I am now having done to me everything I have told my children not to? "No tattoos while you live under my roof." (When I told Kearyn this she was not happy but is dealing with it.) "Don't draw on yourself - especially with purple sharpies." (This one made Cale mad.) "And most importantly - don't play around with radiation." Okay, so I have never said that particular statement but it IS important nonetheless.
I will officially start my radiation on Monday. I will go everyday - 5 days a week. They say they give me weekends off but I really think this is because the doctors don't want to work. Not that I am complaining.
I will go for 3.5 to 4 weeks. I guess I will find that out on Monday for sure.
There are a slew of risks that go along with the radiation that I have discussed here before. However, I feel that it is not the time to focus on those but instead - hand them over to God. I will walk through this hand-in-hand with Him. There is no other place I would rather be.
But, the machine has to hit the exact same spots every single time and I guess the only way they can do that is by actually tattooing the spots. It is nothing exciting - just 3 tiny dots. 1 on each of my sides and one on my chest. However, one of my pastors (Calvin) said that I could play connect the dots later on. Of course he would say that. :-)
Anyway, evidently I go through a "dry run" tomorrow where I get to lay there why they practice and draw all over me with a purple sharpie. How come I am now having done to me everything I have told my children not to? "No tattoos while you live under my roof." (When I told Kearyn this she was not happy but is dealing with it.) "Don't draw on yourself - especially with purple sharpies." (This one made Cale mad.) "And most importantly - don't play around with radiation." Okay, so I have never said that particular statement but it IS important nonetheless.
I will officially start my radiation on Monday. I will go everyday - 5 days a week. They say they give me weekends off but I really think this is because the doctors don't want to work. Not that I am complaining.
I will go for 3.5 to 4 weeks. I guess I will find that out on Monday for sure.
There are a slew of risks that go along with the radiation that I have discussed here before. However, I feel that it is not the time to focus on those but instead - hand them over to God. I will walk through this hand-in-hand with Him. There is no other place I would rather be.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
My Cancer Journey is Not Over...
Many of you have been emailing, texting, calling, etc. wondering what in the world is going on with my cancer. I am sorry for the delay but it just took some time to get everything figured out and prayed about. We also took some time away where we did just that - had time away.
As I started meeting with my doctors at the end of August I was just very adamant that I needed this time away with my family before we could proceed with anything. They (a couple of them reluctantly) agreed to let me have that time and I. am. grateful! I will be posting some pictures about that soon and telling some fun stories as well. But for now... on with the update...
Here is the situation.... they can't tell me for sure if the cancer is there but evidently when you get a result like I have, that is a strong indication that the cancer is not gone.
Jason and I have spent hours praying for what my best option is right now. We have also been praying diligently for God to give the doctors the wisdom needed to make the best recommendations for my situation and so this is what has been decided as a result of all of that...
The biopsy that they wanted to do initially... that is out now. We are not doing it. After meeting with the surgeon and talking with him for over an hour we did not have a good feeling about this - which I think I can say the surgeon felt as well. I don't want to put words in his mouth or anything but he did say, "Well, you aren't going to make it easy on me are you...." It may just be me, but when surgeon says that... it doesn't give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside and you don't just automatically say, "Oh yes please, cut me open." Especially for something like I was going to have. Basically they were going to have to go in the front of my neck, miss the carotid artery, the nerve that keeps me breathing and my heart beating, the nerve to my voice box and then behind my thyroid to get to it.... So, after my multi-doctor team got together, they agreed that it is too risky and too invasive for the results that they were going to get from it. So .... the biopsy is out.
However, radiation is now in. I think many of you remember this post (Bad News Good News) where we initially decided not to go through the radiation and I ended up going through 12 treatments of chemo to try to avoid it. Well, that didn't completely work and so we need to do what we need to do in order to make sure we get this all taken care of the first time around. The risk is still there for secondary cancers, heart damage, lung damage, etc. However, we are just praying for God's protection against those things.
Moving right along to chemo.... There are actually only 4 more treatments that the doctor can give me of this particular chemo treatment and after discussing the possibility of using these yesterday with my doc he is not convinced that using these at this time is the best option. I have to tell you that I am not sad about that in the slightest. I would do it if it was necessary but I am relieved to not have to go that route - right now at least.
So, how I am doing... well I feel mentally exhausted. I find that it takes a great deal of mental energy to take all of the information in, ask the questions that need to be asked, and then process it all. Then you have to take all of that and seek God.
When I was first diagnosed....(you remember Day 1: Shock) the decision was SOOOO easy. I like to call it a PASS/FAIL type of situation. God clearly provided the path and it was like you need to do this or your going to die. So we did it because that was a pretty simple decision to make when you are doing all you can do to stay here for your husband and your children.
Now, it is much different - much harder. There are so many more things that have to be considered and I feel a bit like I am walking a tight rope. You are thinking about the fact that you haven't had enough treatment to get rid of this cancer and what can potentially happen there, then you think about getting too much treatment and getting a secondary cancer that could be even worse. All the while you are desperately trying to hear God's voice in it all so you can truly follow His will. Finally, you just have to release it all... surrender it all to the Lord and say God, I have no idea what I am suppose to do here or if I am even hearing you correctly right now. But I do know that if I am not hearing you correctly that you will have grace for me because that is who you are.
He is ultimately in control of all of this..... radiation or no radiation, chemo or no chemo, cancer or no cancer. And as hard as it is to realize sometimes... if He wants me here He will keep me here and if He wants to take me home - well then He will take me home... All you can do is trust Him and love Him regardless.
Please just keep praying. I hear everyday from people on how they are praying for me and I am just so grateful for that. I am encouraged and amazed at the network of fellow believers that God has so faithfully surrounded me with. Blessings to you all.
~Andrea
As I started meeting with my doctors at the end of August I was just very adamant that I needed this time away with my family before we could proceed with anything. They (a couple of them reluctantly) agreed to let me have that time and I. am. grateful! I will be posting some pictures about that soon and telling some fun stories as well. But for now... on with the update...
Here is the situation.... they can't tell me for sure if the cancer is there but evidently when you get a result like I have, that is a strong indication that the cancer is not gone.
Jason and I have spent hours praying for what my best option is right now. We have also been praying diligently for God to give the doctors the wisdom needed to make the best recommendations for my situation and so this is what has been decided as a result of all of that...
The biopsy that they wanted to do initially... that is out now. We are not doing it. After meeting with the surgeon and talking with him for over an hour we did not have a good feeling about this - which I think I can say the surgeon felt as well. I don't want to put words in his mouth or anything but he did say, "Well, you aren't going to make it easy on me are you...." It may just be me, but when surgeon says that... it doesn't give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside and you don't just automatically say, "Oh yes please, cut me open." Especially for something like I was going to have. Basically they were going to have to go in the front of my neck, miss the carotid artery, the nerve that keeps me breathing and my heart beating, the nerve to my voice box and then behind my thyroid to get to it.... So, after my multi-doctor team got together, they agreed that it is too risky and too invasive for the results that they were going to get from it. So .... the biopsy is out.
However, radiation is now in. I think many of you remember this post (Bad News Good News) where we initially decided not to go through the radiation and I ended up going through 12 treatments of chemo to try to avoid it. Well, that didn't completely work and so we need to do what we need to do in order to make sure we get this all taken care of the first time around. The risk is still there for secondary cancers, heart damage, lung damage, etc. However, we are just praying for God's protection against those things.
Moving right along to chemo.... There are actually only 4 more treatments that the doctor can give me of this particular chemo treatment and after discussing the possibility of using these yesterday with my doc he is not convinced that using these at this time is the best option. I have to tell you that I am not sad about that in the slightest. I would do it if it was necessary but I am relieved to not have to go that route - right now at least.
So, how I am doing... well I feel mentally exhausted. I find that it takes a great deal of mental energy to take all of the information in, ask the questions that need to be asked, and then process it all. Then you have to take all of that and seek God.
When I was first diagnosed....(you remember Day 1: Shock) the decision was SOOOO easy. I like to call it a PASS/FAIL type of situation. God clearly provided the path and it was like you need to do this or your going to die. So we did it because that was a pretty simple decision to make when you are doing all you can do to stay here for your husband and your children.
Now, it is much different - much harder. There are so many more things that have to be considered and I feel a bit like I am walking a tight rope. You are thinking about the fact that you haven't had enough treatment to get rid of this cancer and what can potentially happen there, then you think about getting too much treatment and getting a secondary cancer that could be even worse. All the while you are desperately trying to hear God's voice in it all so you can truly follow His will. Finally, you just have to release it all... surrender it all to the Lord and say God, I have no idea what I am suppose to do here or if I am even hearing you correctly right now. But I do know that if I am not hearing you correctly that you will have grace for me because that is who you are.
He is ultimately in control of all of this..... radiation or no radiation, chemo or no chemo, cancer or no cancer. And as hard as it is to realize sometimes... if He wants me here He will keep me here and if He wants to take me home - well then He will take me home... All you can do is trust Him and love Him regardless.
Please just keep praying. I hear everyday from people on how they are praying for me and I am just so grateful for that. I am encouraged and amazed at the network of fellow believers that God has so faithfully surrounded me with. Blessings to you all.
~Andrea
Saturday, September 3, 2011
September: Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month
September is Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month and so I changed up the blog look accordingly. However, I saw a t-shirt the other day that really defined this well. It said:
September Hodgkin's Awareness Month
For my family Hodgkin's Awareness Month is also:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
October
November
December
That sums it up pretty well I think.
I made up this banner below and it will spend the majority of its time this month as my Facebook profile picture. (The only time it will come down is for my son's 4th birthday this month.) I would love if you would all join me in pasting this banner as your FB profile - even if it is just for a day.
I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 months before I was officially diagnosed. When I went to the doctor I was told that lump was a cyst. Please do not get me wrong - I am not angry about this in any way. I know that I was diagnosed according to God's timing and I am totally at peace with that. However, I do know that by getting the word out about my story and the symptoms of Hodgkin's that perhaps someone else will be diagnosed that much sooner - and that just may save someone's life.
Thank you all for continuing to read my blog and for support in prayer and love.
Blessings,
Andrea
(In order to use the banner for you FB profile or wherever else you would like to use it just right-click and select "save picture as".)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Could it be any worse?
I actually try not to do that much research about my cancer which is very difficult for me because I am kind of a research junkie. I know, I know... weird. I love to learn about new things and I like to be informed as much as possible - especially when it comes to the health of my family. But with the cancer stuff it just gets to be depressing and the once vibrant ray of hope starts to fade as you read all these other stories of what people have had to go through - and when you are going through something like this you can't afford for that to happen.
Today, however, I could not resist and started reading some other "cancer blogs". It was then that I saw a lady who also has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think she was about my age and she had two children. But this is what broke my heart... she was 26 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child.... I felt like my heart stopped for a second when I read this.
Can you imagine that being your situation? This sweet mama being over half-way through her pregnancy and being diagnosed with cancer. She also stated that she was starting chemo that very next week and my heart stopped again. At that moment I praised God that he had spared me from having to make that decision because that very well could have been me.
When I was pregnant with my second son they found cancer cells and thought that I had cervical cancer. The one doctor told me that I would need to start treatment immediately. When I asked her what would happen to my baby - she said I would most likely lose him. This was just a thought I could not bare. I had lost four babies prior to finally getting pregnant with this baby and now they were expecting me to do this! I felt like they were asking me to choose between my two children - the one I had and the one that I was carrying inside me.
I quickly sought a second opinion and the second doctor said that they would just monitor me carefully throughout my pregnancy and as long as it didn't start spreading I would be fine - and I was. We now have our five year old son Ky and I can't imagine life without him. As tough as this situation was for me at the time - I cannot imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and diagnosed with something like Hodgkin's.
For those of you who are wondering what happened to the cervical cancer thing - well that was a God thing too. After I had Ky, they still found the cancer cells. In fact, for over a year every time I went in they found them. So what do I do.... I decided I wanted another baby. My fear was that if they did decide to treat me I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. So, I got pregnant with our third son and I fully expected to go through this whole thing all over again. But I went in and there were no cancer cells to be found. Perhaps that explains my shear belief this time around that God is going to heal me from this cancer too. He did it once - I know he can do it again.
I am sure I have shared this with you but I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's when my baby girl was just 2 weeks old. The next day I went into the doctor and they ran some tests and said that the lump (what we later found out was a tumor) in my neck was just a cyst. But the point is that my baby girl was only 2 weeks old. If we moved all of this up even a few months I would have been faced with this very similar situation.
My heart just ached for this mom. She only made one post and her last words were, "I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome...." I don't know this lady's name, I don't know where she lives, but I am praying that same prayer for her as well. I am praying that same prayer for all of us who are facing cancer or anyone else who is facing tough a situation. And I am just grateful to God that this was not my own reality.
Today, however, I could not resist and started reading some other "cancer blogs". It was then that I saw a lady who also has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think she was about my age and she had two children. But this is what broke my heart... she was 26 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child.... I felt like my heart stopped for a second when I read this.
Can you imagine that being your situation? This sweet mama being over half-way through her pregnancy and being diagnosed with cancer. She also stated that she was starting chemo that very next week and my heart stopped again. At that moment I praised God that he had spared me from having to make that decision because that very well could have been me.
When I was pregnant with my second son they found cancer cells and thought that I had cervical cancer. The one doctor told me that I would need to start treatment immediately. When I asked her what would happen to my baby - she said I would most likely lose him. This was just a thought I could not bare. I had lost four babies prior to finally getting pregnant with this baby and now they were expecting me to do this! I felt like they were asking me to choose between my two children - the one I had and the one that I was carrying inside me.
I quickly sought a second opinion and the second doctor said that they would just monitor me carefully throughout my pregnancy and as long as it didn't start spreading I would be fine - and I was. We now have our five year old son Ky and I can't imagine life without him. As tough as this situation was for me at the time - I cannot imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and diagnosed with something like Hodgkin's.
For those of you who are wondering what happened to the cervical cancer thing - well that was a God thing too. After I had Ky, they still found the cancer cells. In fact, for over a year every time I went in they found them. So what do I do.... I decided I wanted another baby. My fear was that if they did decide to treat me I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. So, I got pregnant with our third son and I fully expected to go through this whole thing all over again. But I went in and there were no cancer cells to be found. Perhaps that explains my shear belief this time around that God is going to heal me from this cancer too. He did it once - I know he can do it again.
I am sure I have shared this with you but I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's when my baby girl was just 2 weeks old. The next day I went into the doctor and they ran some tests and said that the lump (what we later found out was a tumor) in my neck was just a cyst. But the point is that my baby girl was only 2 weeks old. If we moved all of this up even a few months I would have been faced with this very similar situation.
My heart just ached for this mom. She only made one post and her last words were, "I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome...." I don't know this lady's name, I don't know where she lives, but I am praying that same prayer for her as well. I am praying that same prayer for all of us who are facing cancer or anyone else who is facing tough a situation. And I am just grateful to God that this was not my own reality.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Update....
Well, we met with the doctors today and we still really don't have all of the answers - plus it is just kind of difficult to explain but I will do my best because if I don't I think there are a large majority of you who are going to show up at my house tomorrow and demand an explanation anyway... so here it goes.
Way back when, February 4, 2011 to be exact (seems like a lifetime ago) when I had my first PET Scan my SUV level was a 25. And no, I am not referring to my vehicle rating (is there even such a thing?) Anyway....unless you have been through the cancer scene yourself or are in the medical field this probably means nothing to you so I thought I would provide a little explanation of what it does mean....
You are probably aware that cancerous cells multiply at a faster rate than normal cells making them more active - and of course more dangerous because they like to take over all the good stuff. Anyway, when I go for a PET scan it shows what the cells activity rate is and it measures the value in SUV's or standardized uptake value (just in case you were interested). So the PET scan will determine the SUV of one spot in comparison to everywhere else in the body. The baseline for a person without cancer is usually a 1 (one) and they start to worry if a person is between 3 to 5 - remember, mine was a 25 which was not good - obviously - hence the chemo thing for the past 6 months, etc. etc.
So, here is where the tricky part comes in. In my last PET scan (last Thursday) it was determined that I have a spot in my neck that is still showing a reading of 3.3 SUV's. It is wonderfully amazing that I have gone from a 25 all the way down to a 3.3 but it still puts me in that area of "concern". They can't really tell me if it is still the cancer or not and they don't think it can be ignored. I know... it is a bummer.
Basically we have options coming out of our ears. Some of them are not good options - like the one I have to sell all of my worldly belongings and live out my days on a beach somewhere - but nonetheless, they are still options and now it is time for Jason and I to really seek the Lord and find out what His will is for us at this time.
The first thing that they want to do is take a biopsy of the lymph node that is causing the issue here. This would be a surgical procedure and they would take the whole lymph node for examination. The one thing that may prevent this from happening is the location of the lymph node that needs to be biopsied. There are all kinds of arteries, tendons, etc. that I am really pretty attached to and would like to keep in one piece for obvious reasons. I will meet with the surgeon next week to see if the biopsy is even a possibility and if it is - well that will be the first of many decisions we have to make.
We are praying for large neon lit, billboard sized signs from God right now. I think the hardest thing is really just praying through every option and listening for God's voice to say, "Yep, that is the one!" But we are being very diligent through this process and know that God will do his thing when he is ready.
As for how I am doing with all of this? I am actually doing well. I had a peace going into this and I have that same peace now. It is so hard to explain but I just know God is going to heal me. I feel like I have already faced the lion on this one - 7 tumors in my neck, cancer in 3 different places in my body - so one little spot in my neck in the scope of life is just that.... one little spot. Yes, it needs to be addressed and we will walk it out as God calls us to but I do feel like I have faced a lot worse. Hopefully that makes sense.
So, that is the update for now... Thanks so much for all of the prayers!
Blessings and Love!
Andrea
Way back when, February 4, 2011 to be exact (seems like a lifetime ago) when I had my first PET Scan my SUV level was a 25. And no, I am not referring to my vehicle rating (is there even such a thing?) Anyway....unless you have been through the cancer scene yourself or are in the medical field this probably means nothing to you so I thought I would provide a little explanation of what it does mean....
You are probably aware that cancerous cells multiply at a faster rate than normal cells making them more active - and of course more dangerous because they like to take over all the good stuff. Anyway, when I go for a PET scan it shows what the cells activity rate is and it measures the value in SUV's or standardized uptake value (just in case you were interested). So the PET scan will determine the SUV of one spot in comparison to everywhere else in the body. The baseline for a person without cancer is usually a 1 (one) and they start to worry if a person is between 3 to 5 - remember, mine was a 25 which was not good - obviously - hence the chemo thing for the past 6 months, etc. etc.
So, here is where the tricky part comes in. In my last PET scan (last Thursday) it was determined that I have a spot in my neck that is still showing a reading of 3.3 SUV's. It is wonderfully amazing that I have gone from a 25 all the way down to a 3.3 but it still puts me in that area of "concern". They can't really tell me if it is still the cancer or not and they don't think it can be ignored. I know... it is a bummer.
Basically we have options coming out of our ears. Some of them are not good options - like the one I have to sell all of my worldly belongings and live out my days on a beach somewhere - but nonetheless, they are still options and now it is time for Jason and I to really seek the Lord and find out what His will is for us at this time.
The first thing that they want to do is take a biopsy of the lymph node that is causing the issue here. This would be a surgical procedure and they would take the whole lymph node for examination. The one thing that may prevent this from happening is the location of the lymph node that needs to be biopsied. There are all kinds of arteries, tendons, etc. that I am really pretty attached to and would like to keep in one piece for obvious reasons. I will meet with the surgeon next week to see if the biopsy is even a possibility and if it is - well that will be the first of many decisions we have to make.
We are praying for large neon lit, billboard sized signs from God right now. I think the hardest thing is really just praying through every option and listening for God's voice to say, "Yep, that is the one!" But we are being very diligent through this process and know that God will do his thing when he is ready.
As for how I am doing with all of this? I am actually doing well. I had a peace going into this and I have that same peace now. It is so hard to explain but I just know God is going to heal me. I feel like I have already faced the lion on this one - 7 tumors in my neck, cancer in 3 different places in my body - so one little spot in my neck in the scope of life is just that.... one little spot. Yes, it needs to be addressed and we will walk it out as God calls us to but I do feel like I have faced a lot worse. Hopefully that makes sense.
So, that is the update for now... Thanks so much for all of the prayers!
Blessings and Love!
Andrea
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Waiting...
So, most of you know I had my scan about 2 weeks ago and my doctor called me to tell me that there was still a spot in my neck and they couldn't tell what it was with that scan so I had to go in for a PET Scan this past Thursday.
For all of you hold your breath we still don't have the results. Oh, you can stop holding your breath too because you will probably pass out before I get the results. :-)
Anyway, it has become clear to me that the waiting is very hard on you all. I think it is harder on you than it is for Jason and me. This does however make me feel very loved knowing that you all care so much. But really, I am doing really well. I am at peace with everything (even if I get results that are not exactly what we hoped for.)
I know God is going to heal me. It is this overwhelming feeling I feel in my chest - it is so great that it makes me feel like my chest is going to explode actually. I don't know how he is going to heal me. I don't know when he is going to heal me. I just know that he will - and maybe he already has.
Thank you for reading and God bless you all!
For all of you hold your breath we still don't have the results. Oh, you can stop holding your breath too because you will probably pass out before I get the results. :-)
Anyway, it has become clear to me that the waiting is very hard on you all. I think it is harder on you than it is for Jason and me. This does however make me feel very loved knowing that you all care so much. But really, I am doing really well. I am at peace with everything (even if I get results that are not exactly what we hoped for.)
I know God is going to heal me. It is this overwhelming feeling I feel in my chest - it is so great that it makes me feel like my chest is going to explode actually. I don't know how he is going to heal me. I don't know when he is going to heal me. I just know that he will - and maybe he already has.
Thank you for reading and God bless you all!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
6 Months Ago Today....
Have you ever tried to think about where you were six months ago? Well, today I put a lot of thought into where I was. Six months ago today I had just been diagnosed with what they thought was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I will never forget those words..."We think it's Lymphoma." Oddly enough I had never even heard of Lymphoma or if I had I had never paid any attention to it before that moment. Now, it is a completely different story. I have battled for the past 6 months not only for my life but for the life that I do have not to be defined by that word....Lymphoma.
No, it is critical that my life not be defined by that but instead by what it was intended to be defined by.... God.
I have walked this path for six months now - stumbling more times than I can count. But each time I got up and kept going - not because of my own strength....no, God definitely deserves all of the glory that is for sure. If would have been up to me I think that I would have been curled up in the fetal position in the corner somewhere. Here I am though, six months later and I am still here, still alive, and still kicking. That is an accomplishment in itself and one that I am pretty happy about to say the least.
Is my journey over - not even close. My body has endured quite the beating and it will take time to allow it to heal. It will take patience - which is harder for me than I thought it would be. It annoys me that I have to lay down and take a nap everyday. I use to dream of such luxuries but now I long for the day that it doesn't have to be.
It was six months ago today - almost to this hour that I sobbed in my husbands arms. Fear gripped me and the only thing I could think of at that moment was that I didn't want to die. It was then that my husband whispered in my ear....."Don't limit God." Those words have stayed with me every since.
Who knows what the next six months will bring. I can't imagine that it would be any harder - I pray that it isn't anyway. But all you can really do is let go and let God - enjoy each day to its fullest and never miss an opportunity to tell those that mean the most to you that you love them. God bless you all.
Love,
Andrea
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Chemo #12....{Hopefully My Last}
Chemo #12 was pretty rough. It was rough right out of the gate - far worse than any other treatment. I was very weak even before I left the cancer center. I am always weak when I am done with my treatments but this time I was even more so.
Upon leaving the cancer center......I was surprised by this.
These are the the friends and family that decided to surprise me outside the cancer treatment center to celebrate my last treatment {hopefully}. The crazy thing is that it was like a million degrees out there and my treatment ran late so they all waited like 45 minutes in the blazing heat! I feel so loved.
They brought me balloons, flowers, even cupcakes! I was overwhelmed of course at the thought of all of these people taking time out of their busy day to wait for me. Thank you and I love you all! It was such a blessing to have you all there.
After my treatment I was pretty much bed-ridden for the next 5 days. I couldn't hold my eyes open with toothpicks I was so exhausted. At least I wasn't throwing up though. I would much rather sleep for 5 days than throw up.
Now, I am still recovering. They told me it would take 6-8 months. I feel like I have had to dedicate so much time to this stupid disease but I know God has a plan.
So now I have to wait for the next set of tests to determine whether or not my cancer is gone and I am truly in remission. In the meantime I am enjoying the time that I have regardless. I refuse to sit and think the worst all of the time and waste my days away. Whether I need more treatments or not these days are still gifts from God and I intend to enjoy them to the fullest.
Love you all and thanks for reading.
~Andrea
Upon leaving the cancer center......I was surprised by this.
These are the the friends and family that decided to surprise me outside the cancer treatment center to celebrate my last treatment {hopefully}. The crazy thing is that it was like a million degrees out there and my treatment ran late so they all waited like 45 minutes in the blazing heat! I feel so loved.
They brought me balloons, flowers, even cupcakes! I was overwhelmed of course at the thought of all of these people taking time out of their busy day to wait for me. Thank you and I love you all! It was such a blessing to have you all there.
After my treatment I was pretty much bed-ridden for the next 5 days. I couldn't hold my eyes open with toothpicks I was so exhausted. At least I wasn't throwing up though. I would much rather sleep for 5 days than throw up.
Now, I am still recovering. They told me it would take 6-8 months. I feel like I have had to dedicate so much time to this stupid disease but I know God has a plan.
So now I have to wait for the next set of tests to determine whether or not my cancer is gone and I am truly in remission. In the meantime I am enjoying the time that I have regardless. I refuse to sit and think the worst all of the time and waste my days away. Whether I need more treatments or not these days are still gifts from God and I intend to enjoy them to the fullest.
Love you all and thanks for reading.
~Andrea
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
{7 Days}.....and Counting!
I am finally through treatment #11. It was by far the toughest one yet. It was so bad that on Sunday Jason had to take me to the E.R. because I couldn't even keep a sip of fluid down. I always marvel at the timing of things. Of course that could not occur on a day when the cancer center was open. No....these things always have to happen on a night or a weekend don't they.
Throughout it all, I know I have never been as bad off as I was on Sunday. I told Jason later that I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes but every time it would start to happen I would wake myself up. I remembered all kinds of things that I had long forgotten. I like to think that God was placing those images in my mind to remind me what I am fighting for but at the time I wasn't taking any chances....
I always tell Jason that the worst part for me is when my brain becomes so cloudy that I can't think straight. I was definitely there - forget about all of the physical symptoms. Time seemed to stand still as I my body agonized to recover.
People always ask me what the chemo is like.... and for that I struggle to find the words....perhaps like the worst flew I have ever had on steroids? And then I get to go through it every other week.... I don't know. And then again, it is so different for everyone. I had a lady tell me the other day that I needed to be happy I had just the chemo (happy would probably never be a word to describe my chemo but that is just a side note) because that was the easy part for her - she "breezed right through it" and it was the radiation that did her in. She had a completely different type of cancer then I have of course. My response to her was, "Well, my chemo is doing a pretty good job of kicking my tail by yes, I am grateful that I don't have to have radiation too." What else can you say? Each battle is our own. Each type of cancer, each treatment plan, the response that each of our bodies has to it, even the treatments vary greatly from one treatment to the next. The only constant is God and I am clinging to him.
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