Farewell July - You Will Be Missed!

I can't believe that we are already through July.
Over halfway through 2012.
Over halfway through the summer.

It seems like you just blink and the days are gone.

July was good for us.
July was good for me.

July marked the first month I have had any energy at all since my diagnosis 18 months ago.
July marked our Independence Day as a nation.
But Independence Day also marked 6 months of remission for me.

July marked my 33rd birthday.
A birthday I feel so blessed to have been here for.
The day after my birthday also marked my one year anniversary since my last chemo treatment. 

July also meant family trips to the lake and carload nights at the drive-in.
Good times on a budget - my favorite.

July meant rain, which our state so desperately needed.
And watching my boys play in it without a care in the world.

July meant service and sacrifice as my hubby and oldest set out on a mission trip.

Sadly, July also meant tragedy in the state I call home.
First with the wildfires in Colorado Springs.
Then with the Aurora shooting.
Our hearts continually go out to all those who have been affected.

July meant memories and lots of them.

I am grateful for this July and more importantly, the blessing that God provided in it for my family.
I am continually humbled by his goodness and grace in my life.

~{***}~

I hope your July was just as good as mine was. If you get a minute, drop me a note and let me know about your month.

Blessings,
Andrea

Today is {My} Birthday

Happy Birthday to {ME}

Admittedly, I have never been a huge fan of my birthday. I just really didn't feel comfortable with people making a fuss over me. I felt awkward and unsure of how to respond. The normal person would just say "thank you" and move on but not me. I start analyzing how I should say "thank you". If I say it one way someone may think I am prideful and if I say it another way they may think I am not grateful. Oh the pressures! Why could I not have one of those cute southern accents where everything sounds nice when you say it?

Anyway, in a nutshell - prior to 2011 I had neutral feelings about my birthday. Oh, I also did not like that whole getting older thing either.

Post 2011, I {REJOICE} on my birthday. I am overwhelmingly grateful just to have the opportunity to be here on this earth as a wife and a mother for one more year. I feel beyond blessed.

Now I dream of being 70. For if I am 70 I will have finished what I started here. I will have fulfilled my promise to my husband on our wedding day - the one where I said I would grow old with him. I will have raised my babies and seen them graduate, walk down the aisle, and have babies of their own. I will have even had the bonus of being a grandma myself and perhaps even a great-grandma. Wouldn't that be splendid. All of these things are such wonderful treasures that I long for. I just want to finish well.

So, today I am rejoicing at the fact that God has given me {33} years on this earth. Again, I just feel so grateful to even be here writing this for you to read. It is a good day. :-)

Blessings and Love to All! 


~Andrea

Sunday Scripture: {Psalm 106:1}

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

~ Psalm 106:1, NLT

Resentment...

As you have probably noticed, I have been quiet on here lately. It has been nearly 2 weeks since my last post. I know there have been a few reasons why....

1.) I was just tired of writing about cancer. I was tired of thinking about it - even in a positive light of being past it and being cancer-free. And I kind of feel like you might be tired of reading about it too. I could be wrong.

It has been a year since this disease entered my life and it is definitely something that I want to put behind me completely. Yes, I will use the knowledge, compassion, and experience I have gained from it and do my best to help others. I acknowledge that I will never ever be the same - but beyond that, I do not want it to be the focus of my life.

I hear so often people say that they are grateful they had cancer. I am not one of those people. I think, "good for them" if it transformed their life in such a way. If they found salvation because they went through cancer then praise God for that. If their life was impacted in such a positive way that they can live by that statement - then I am honestly happy for them. I am just not one of those people.

I could have gone through my entire life without the experience of cancer and been perfectly happy. I do have resentment of what the cancer took from me. The precious time with my children, my "normal" life, my energy... but then I realize that is a very dangerous place to live. When we let that resentment camp out in our hearts it can be more destructive than we can possibly imagine. So, then I have to shift the paradigm of my thinking to what I know is real...

I know that it is real that there were blessings throughout my treatment. For example, I have met so many wonderful people and I will be able to cherish their friendship for the rest of my life. In fact, I was at a worship night at our church last night and one sweet girl that I met and have grown close to because of my cancer was there. She gave me a hug and told me that she loved me. My heart immediately went into a condition of thankfulness - yes, for the cancer. For if I would have not gone through that I would not have this delightful person in my life today. And there are countless people that fall into that category.

I have been able to reconnect with old friends from years and years gone by. Who knows why we fall out of touch and really who cares. The important thing is that we are able to draw near to those in our life, lift each other up, and just love one another no matter where we are at in our own lives.

I could really go on and on. No, I am not thankful for the cancer. I don't have a pillow with the saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and a purple ribbon sitting on my bed. What I do have is a grateful heart that even though I went through the darkest time of my life - God never left me and even more amazingly - HE BLESSED ME!

He didn't just get me through it - he gave me gifts of love and provisions beyond my wildest dreams. He gave me family, friends, a church family, and a community that tenderly cared for me when I could not care for myself. No, I am not grateful for the cancer. But I am grateful for what God gave me in the midst of it. Those things I will cherish always.

I know I said there were other reasons I have been absent lately but I think this is enough for today. I am teary eyed upon my reflections and that is always a good place to stop. I will write more about this later... and I will try to make that sooner than later.

Blessings,
Andrea

1 Year Ago Today: The Worst Day Ever!

One year ago today was one of the worst days of my life. If you have been following my story, you know it was the day that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It is amazing how those few words, "We think you have Lymphoma," can turn your entire world upside down in an instant.

I think this past year was the longest year, yet the fastest year of my life. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. But while I was in it, things just seemed to crawl by but now that it is over it seems like it happened in a flash.

It is hard to believe that in one year that I could have such ultimate devastation and in that same year experience such victory.

One thing is for sure, I will never be the same. It has changed me in a way that I never knew possible and I don't even think I have even become aware of the most of these changes yet.

It has also given me a whole new platform to minister from and for that I am grateful.

So, as I look on this past year I feel relief that it is over. I feel joy that I was able to get through it. I feel some sadness at the time that I feel I lost and I feel conviction to make the most of the time I have from here on out. But most of all, I just feel thankful.

I feel thankful to God for being right there with me and for keeping me here for my family. I feel thankful for the amazing husband I have that truly stood by my side and completely lived out that "in sickness and in health" thing. I am so thankful for the hearts that my children have and how they handled "mommy being sick" for so long. I am grateful to my family and friends and for all you did for us this past year. I am thankful for the strangers who have also supported us. It has been truly inspiring. I am thankful for the countless prayers that have been said on our behalf.

I am truly just grateful for life.

As I watch in amazement and wonder how this journey has changed my family, I reflect on my favorite moments from the past year. Here are just a few of them:

1.) When my friends and family surprised me outside of the cancer center after my last chemo treatment.
2.) The staff at the doctor's office throwing confetti and playing a funny song after my radiation was complete.
3.) Hearing the news that I was finally cancer free. Going to lunch with my hubby to celebrate and just sitting there sobbing at the table when it finally hit me - It. Was. Finished.
4.) The prayers from my children throughout the journey - "Please God, make mommy's sickness go away."
5.) The prayers of my children after it was finished, "God, thank you for making mommy's cancer go away."
6.) Connecting with friends from long ago.
7.) Making some new friends along the way.
8.) Being able to share my thoughts, feelings, heartache, joy, and everything else along the way on here with you. :-)

Thank you for reading.

Blessings,
Andrea

If you are interested in reading about my journey starting on this day one year ago, here are the links for the first week. I still can't make it through them as it is so very emotional each time I start to read them. Maybe you will have better luck. :-)

Prayer Request
Day 1: The Shock
Day 2: A Day of Rest
Day 3: A Peace Beyond All Understanding
Day 4: Being "Normal"
Update!
Come Rejoice With Me!!!
Day 5&6: The Whirlwind
Day 7: Fatigue

Happy Reading!

Grateful for the Little Things....{part.1}

I have always thought I was a very grateful person. But cancer gave me a whole knew meaning on the word "grateful".

I wanted to make a list of the little things I am grateful for. This obviously has to be a running list because there are just too many things to list in one post.

Nice Cashiers at Stores - nothing can change your mood faster than a cashier it seems. You get a nice one....your mood improves. You get one that is in a bad mood... your mood goes south right along with his or hers. I am so grateful for the nice cashiers of the world. I know they have a difficult job.

My Washer and Dryer - I know I have shared this with you all before but Jason and I have participated in the Laundry Love Project (you can read more about that here). This program is where you actually do the laundry for the homeless or for those who are struggling financially to the point where paying for their laundry to be done at the laundry mat is a severe financial burden. So, every time I put my clothes in my washing machine I literally thank God for it.

My Laptop and WiFi - there were so many days where I did not even have the strength to get out of bed. But because I had a laptop (and WiFi) I could still blog. This form of expression has been amazing for me. There are so many emotions that I was able to process just because of this media and I am grateful for it.

Old Photos - I have always loved photos but I have discovered a new found appreciation for them. I forgot so much of this past year because of the chemo but I can go back through the photos we took and it helps me remember all of the good times too....not just the icky stuff.

Sweaters - There is just something about a nice sweater on a cold winter day. :-)

Naps - I never used to take naps. I always had too much to do. Well, now my body forces me to shut down for a certain amount of time during the day to "recharge". Now it has become one of my favorite times because I lay down when my baby girl lays down. She snuggles up to me and it has become this wonderful time for us. Something I know I will cherish forever.

There is nothing like thinking of these things on a day when you are feeling down or gloomy. As I start filling my life with all that I have to be thankful for it just makes me smile.

May your life be filled with blessings and moments that you too can be grateful for.

~Andrea

The "Official" Cancer Update & Prayer Request

So, we were so overjoyed at the news that I am now a "cancer survivor" that I realized I never did a complete update on my situation. I know there are some of you who are wanting to know what is going on exactly so here it is...

As far as the PET scan is concerned I am at what they call a "complete response" - which meas that there is not any cancer being detected.

I do, however, have a spot in my chest. Evidently it is an enlarged lymph node and I guess this is common for the type of Hodgkin's Lymphoma that I had. So, they will basically just watch this spot until it goes away or if it doesn't go away I guess they will just keep watching it for the rest of my life.

I have my next CT scan on 2/20 and then meet with my oncologist a week or so after that. If I get a clear scan then, my oncologist will let me get my port out. That will be a happy day because this thing honestly drives me crazy.

From there I will see my oncologist every 3 month with a scan every 6 months. Once I hit the 2 year mark my risk for the HL to come back goes down significantly. When I hit 5 years it goes down even more. In 8 years they will start watching me closely for breast cancer as my risk for that is up due to the radiation.

So, if you would like to continue to pray for me I would of course appreciate that. Please pray that my scans continue to be clear and that the spot in my chest just goes away so we don't have to worry about that.

Anyway, that is the situation for now. It really does feel so good to know that I won't have to have anymore treatment. I really don't know what to do with myself right now but I am sure I will figure something out. As of now, I am just trying to give myself the rest that I need. They say that it takes just as long to recover as it did to go through treatment so I am looking at another 8 months or so in order to get back to normal.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and other support so many of you have offered over this past year. We couldn't have done this without you and, of course, without God. For He receives all of the glory for giving me the strength and will to get to this point and for placing so many wonderful people in my life to help us in our time of need. I am truly grateful for each and every second HE has given me. They are a precious gift.

Blessings and Love,
Andrea

{Thankfulness}....6 Things I Am Truly {Thankful} For

For those who know me best - you have probably noticed that I have not written about being {thankful} yet, despite it being the theme for this wonderful month. I honestly have been trying... I have started several posts. But I have so many things to be thankful for that it seemed impossible to do this subject any justice.

So, here is a feeble attempt to cover some of the things that I am so thankful for. I know I will not be able to cover it all but it is at least a start...

1. {God.} 

For those of you who are reading this - I have no idea if you believe in God or not. But for me, there is no other way but the way of the Lord. He has blessed me so abundantly - even when I did not deserve it (which is most of the time :-). I would not have survived all that I have in my life if it weren't for His grace, mercy and love.

     2.  {My Husband.} 

One of the greatest blessings that God has given me is the man that I call my husband.  He has seen me at my absolute worst and still loves me anyway. He has continually put himself last time and time again to take care of me, our children, his ministry, and everything else God has called him to do.

There are no words to describe how this man has loved me so well. He has held me when my body has hurt so badly I thought I would crawl out of my skin. He has sat by my side as I have gotten sick time and time again. He has rubbed my feet and hands for hours because he knew it made me feel just a little bit better. My husband has not just loved me with words, he has loved me with is actions, his selflessness and unconditional giving. I am so truly thankful for him each and every day. If I could choose all over again - I would DEFINITELY choose him. :-)

     3.  {My Children.} 

There are no words to describe how much I love my children and how thankful I am for them. I could literally write a book just about my kids. Probably 4 of them - one for each of them. :-) I am overwhelmed that God chose me to be their mother. I am truly honored.

Each of my children are so different and I am thankful for that as well. I love witnessing how uniquely God has made each of them. I love watching their gifts and their talents grow and develop and I can't wait to see how God ends up using each of them.

I am thankful for each day, each hour, each minute, and each second with them. One of the most heartbreaking parts of my diagnosis was not knowing how many of these I would have left. In all honesty - none of us know how much time we have left and I am determined not to squander mine on things that do not matter. My children matter.

 When each of them give me those special hugs throughout the day I find myself squeezing them for another second - soaking up the cherished moment. There is no place I would rather be. :-)

     4.  {Our Family.}

We are very blessed to live so close to so much of our family. They are there in a moments notice. They have definitely filled the gaps these last few months where we fell short. Their love for us is amazing and we are so thankful for it.

They are key fixtures in my children's lives. The time they get to spend with them is truly precious. The things that they learn from each of them and the memories that they are able to create are priceless and I know they will carry them with them for all of their days.

     5.   {My Friends.} 

Wow. Where do I begin? Thank you to my friends who have loved me even when I was unlovable. Thank you to my friends who stood by my side no matter what. Some of you came to my house and scrubbed my floors. Some of you sat there by my side while they injected me with my chemo cocktail. You called and left messages even though you knew I was too weak to return them. You sent emails even though you knew I was too tired to reply. You cooked for my family when I could not. You took care of my children when I had no energy to do so. You listened to me when I complained and felt sorry for myself. You read my blog. :-) You gave me grace. You were my friend even though I couldn't be your friend back. I am SO thankful for you. You are a true treasure. (You know who you are.)

     5.   {Our Church Body.}

There are no words to describe the love and support that our church family and friends have given us. They have stood by our sides through loss and sickness, through broken arms and ER visits. They have met us on this road called life countless times and they have helped us to keep moving forward, closer to the cross all the while growing closer to our Lord Jesus.

     6.    {Our Community.} 

The support we have received from our community has been overwhelming. People that I do not even know personally will stop me and ask me my name. They will then say something like, "I have been praying for you," or "I have been reading your blog." They hear our story from a variety of ways - our family, our friends, friends of friends. They take time out of their lives to follow our journey and truly care and for that I will be forever grateful.

So, I have to tell you this was not an easy one to write. It was very emotional for me to think of these  and try to put into words how I feel about each of them. This is only a small piece of all that I am thankful for and, like I said, I could go on and on but I will spare you from that.

I am thankful for you - all who read this as well. You have allowed me to process all of the emotions and feelings that I could have so easily stuffed down deep somewhere. You have supported me and I am grateful.

Blessings,
Andrea