I actually try not to do that much research about my cancer which is very difficult for me because I am kind of a research junkie. I know, I know... weird. I love to learn about new things and I like to be informed as much as possible - especially when it comes to the health of my family. But with the cancer stuff it just gets to be depressing and the once vibrant ray of hope starts to fade as you read all these other stories of what people have had to go through - and when you are going through something like this you can't afford for that to happen.
Today, however, I could not resist and started reading some other "cancer blogs". It was then that I saw a lady who also has Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I think she was about my age and she had two children. But this is what broke my heart... she was 26 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child.... I felt like my heart stopped for a second when I read this.
Can you imagine that being your situation? This sweet mama being over half-way through her pregnancy and being diagnosed with cancer. She also stated that she was starting chemo that very next week and my heart stopped again. At that moment I praised God that he had spared me from having to make that decision because that very well could have been me.
When I was pregnant with my second son they found cancer cells and thought that I had cervical cancer. The one doctor told me that I would need to start treatment immediately. When I asked her what would happen to my baby - she said I would most likely lose him. This was just a thought I could not bare. I had lost four babies prior to finally getting pregnant with this baby and now they were expecting me to do this! I felt like they were asking me to choose between my two children - the one I had and the one that I was carrying inside me.
I quickly sought a second opinion and the second doctor said that they would just monitor me carefully throughout my pregnancy and as long as it didn't start spreading I would be fine - and I was. We now have our five year old son Ky and I can't imagine life without him. As tough as this situation was for me at the time - I cannot imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and diagnosed with something like Hodgkin's.
For those of you who are wondering what happened to the cervical cancer thing - well that was a God thing too. After I had Ky, they still found the cancer cells. In fact, for over a year every time I went in they found them. So what do I do.... I decided I wanted another baby. My fear was that if they did decide to treat me I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. So, I got pregnant with our third son and I fully expected to go through this whole thing all over again. But I went in and there were no cancer cells to be found. Perhaps that explains my shear belief this time around that God is going to heal me from this cancer too. He did it once - I know he can do it again.
I am sure I have shared this with you but I found my first symptom of Hodgkin's when my baby girl was just 2 weeks old. The next day I went into the doctor and they ran some tests and said that the lump (what we later found out was a tumor) in my neck was just a cyst. But the point is that my baby girl was only 2 weeks old. If we moved all of this up even a few months I would have been faced with this very similar situation.
My heart just ached for this mom. She only made one post and her last words were, "I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome...." I don't know this lady's name, I don't know where she lives, but I am praying that same prayer for her as well. I am praying that same prayer for all of us who are facing cancer or anyone else who is facing tough a situation. And I am just grateful to God that this was not my own reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment