Throughout it all, I know I have never been as bad off as I was on Sunday. I told Jason later that I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes but every time it would start to happen I would wake myself up. I remembered all kinds of things that I had long forgotten. I like to think that God was placing those images in my mind to remind me what I am fighting for but at the time I wasn't taking any chances....
I always tell Jason that the worst part for me is when my brain becomes so cloudy that I can't think straight. I was definitely there - forget about all of the physical symptoms. Time seemed to stand still as I my body agonized to recover.
People always ask me what the chemo is like.... and for that I struggle to find the words....perhaps like the worst flew I have ever had on steroids? And then I get to go through it every other week.... I don't know. And then again, it is so different for everyone. I had a lady tell me the other day that I needed to be happy I had just the chemo (happy would probably never be a word to describe my chemo but that is just a side note) because that was the easy part for her - she "breezed right through it" and it was the radiation that did her in. She had a completely different type of cancer then I have of course. My response to her was, "Well, my chemo is doing a pretty good job of kicking my tail by yes, I am grateful that I don't have to have radiation too." What else can you say? Each battle is our own. Each type of cancer, each treatment plan, the response that each of our bodies has to it, even the treatments vary greatly from one treatment to the next. The only constant is God and I am clinging to him.
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