{rad-i-a-tion}

Tomorrow marks the 3rd week since I have been done with my treatment and I have been tinkering with this blog post for about 2 weeks. I am not quite sure why I haven't finished it by now. Maybe because I was just happy not to be thinking about radiation, treatment in general, and most importantly - cancer.

Whenever you are diagnosed with something like cancer (or really anything major along the same lines) it becomes so much a part of your life - whether you like it or not. It also becomes a part of who you are. It becomes a part of your testimony. But where the true battle comes in is not letting it take over and define who you are.

Yes, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Yes, I went through 6 months of chemotherapy. Yes, I went through a month of radiation. But I am not those things. They are a part of what I have done but they don't define me.

I am certain that there are many of you who can relate to what I am saying. You have these big things that happen to you, they may even change who you are completely, but they don't take over your identity. Or at least you fight like crazy to no let them.

Anyway, I don't quite know why I got off on that little tangent but I will refocus....

October meant a month of radiation for me. 20 treatments to be exact.

Prior to being diagnosed with cancer I was rather clueless as to what most of these treatment terms really meant. Honesty, I had no idea what Hodgkin's Lymphoma (or "Hodgkin's Disease" as so many are use to calling it) really was. Boy, has that changed.

I had heard of  chemo and I knew chemo was not good. EVERYONE knows chemo is not good. But I really had no idea  exactly what chemo entailed. I knew even less about radiation - so I had no idea what to expect. (With the exception of sitting next to a little old lady in a waiting room one time where she informed me that I should be SO grateful that I only had to go through chemo [this was before I knew I had to have radiation] because radiation was SO much worse than chemo. At this point I made up my mind that I never never never wanted to have radiation because if chemo was kicking my tail as badly as it was.... there was no way I could survive radiation. (Hmmm.... this may be the explanation of why I had such issues going into radiation....)

So, obviously I know a lot more about radiation now that I have gone through it myself.

Here is where I always like to include my legal disclaimer..... All cancers are different. Therefore, all cancer treatments are different. And to even complicate things further - we all react differently to our own cancer treatments. So, when I tell you how it was for me that does not mean that it will be this way for the next person. Okay, that is the end of my disclaimer....

I always like to share my experiences - not because I want sympathy for myself - but because I want people to perhaps have a bit more compassion for the next person they encounter that is battling cancer.

I know when any of us hear about someone being diagnosed with the "big C" our hearts always sink. We know the treatment isn't going to be pretty and the road is going to be long and hard but do we really know what the road looks like for them? No. And you aren't going to know from my story either. But you can know what questions to ask. You might just know a little more than you did before and for me, that is what this is all about. Informing one another so that we are better equipped to help one another.

If one person is loved on just a bit more because of what I have gone through - well then it makes it that much better for everyone involved now doesn't it.

So, back to radiation. First of all, I only received a little over half of what someone with say breast cancer would receive. So in that regard, mine was a lot easier. There were several things that concerned me about radiation and I shared many of those on here before. Namely, because of my age, it increases my risk of a secondary cancer. But after spending some time on my knees - okay, let's be honest, a great deal of time on my knees I have surrendered that to God and moved on. Really, what can I do about it? If I can't beat the first cancer, it does me no good to worry about a second one.

However, when I went in to do my "dry run" (yes, they actually do "radiation practice" before they start the real thing) they drew this thing that was the size of Texas on my chest and neck. They had said that it was going to be "spot" radiation. The only place this sucker could have been considered a "spot" is if it was on a horse.

So, again, I had to return to my knees for a great deal of prayer time. Finally I was able to surrender that over to God as well. (Are we picking up on a common theme here? Lots of knee time, lots of surrendering. The story of my life it seems.)

When you go for radiation you have to go everyday (except for weekends). So my treatments took 4 weeks. That was probably the biggest pain of it all. Trying to re-arrange my family's entire schedule just so I could have radiation each day.

At first, I noticed nothing. Then after a few days I began to feel a lump in my throat when I would try to swallow. It wasn't painful - I just had to work a little harder to get the food down. Then it started to really hurt. So, of course when you know it is going to hurt to eat you pretty much lose your appetite. For those of you who are thinking - she should of just cranked up the milk shakes - it hurt to swallow liquids too. Darn it.

However, you cannot lose more than 5 pounds when you are going through radiation or they start to get super cranky at you. Prior to starting radiation they make a mold thingy (I use terms like "thingy" when I don't know what they are really called) that you have to lay in when you get zapped (don't know the technical term here either) and so if you lose weight then you don't fit into your "mold thingy" anymore. Talk about getting stressed out every week when it was "weigh-in day". I ended up losing  6 pounds but they didn't yell at me too much.

It also burns your skin. Mine did not burn too badly. I did break out in blisters about a week or two after I was done. (The side effects of radiation continue to get worse after you are done for a few weeks before they get better - isn't that nice.) But my side effects where no where near what many go through. There was a dear sweet lady that was going through radiation for breast cancer right after me and her skin was literally purple she was burned so bad. It hurt me just looking at her and to this day I still hurt for her.

Finally, there is the fatigue. And that is what I am still dealing with. With the chemo/radiation combo it is going to just take some time for me to be back to my old self again. They guesstimated 6-8 months. So, we will see how it goes.

Sorry this one is so long. Talk to you soon!

Andrea