What's Next for {Our} Family?

Yesterday we made our announcement "blog official".
And I didn't realize I would leave so many people hanging about our future plans.
Sorry about that. :-)
It was just a lot to get through that blog alone.

But here we are.
Switching gears.
Again, the bitter/sweet.

For a year or so now we have felt God tugging at our hearts to possibly plant a new church.
We prayed, prayed, and prayed some more because this is something way beyond anything we ever thought we would do.
Jason was pretty clear that he didn't feel like God was asking us to move to another state.
But maybe another town.

We literally started praying over town after town.
It was a pretty awesome process actually.
There were towns I felt okay about.
And towns that J felt okay about.
But there were only two that we both felt good about.
So, we prayed some more.
Then some things happened this summer and we thought everything was going to be put on hold for longer than what we expected.
But a couple of months back God really started pressing on our hearts again.
And eventually it became clear that this was a leap of faith that we needed to take.

So, we were down between the two different towns.
One is only about 10 minutes away from our home.
(Closer than the church we go to now, which is 30 minutes away.)
The other would be about an hour and would require us to move.
We were okay with either.

Finally, God faithfully gave us the exact confirmation that we needed to know this was the right decision.
But, here was our big plan...

We feel like God is calling us to plant a church.
And we have it narrowed down between two towns.

Yeah, that's all we had.
But we knew we had to be obedient to this.
God has already got us through so much.
We knew he would get us through this as well.

So, we took the leap of faith and J turned in his resignation.
That was a Tuesday.
Our prayer - close the doors that we aren't supposed to go through and open the one that we are.
Pretty simple right. ;-)

Two days later he received a call from a pastor.
He actually lives in one of the towns that we were considering.
And it was the town that we only live 10 minutes away from so we wouldn't have to move.

So, after J's conversation with this pastor over the phone it was left that if we wanted to start a church in this particular town he would consider letting us use his church on Saturday evenings to do so.
(Keep in mind, we had never met this pastor before.)

Wow.
A building.

So, we met with him and J laid out his ministry vision.
And he loved it.
The funny thing is that we were really freaked out because everything was going so fast.
We just honestly did not expect everything to fall into place like it was.
And that is when the pastor told us...
He had been praying for 9 years for God to bring him the right people to start this church.

Wow.
The answer to our own prayer was also the answer to someone else's prayer.
And he had been praying for a lot longer then we had.

So, we went and prayed some more.
J went on his shoot and it was so amazing because he planned this shoot like 7 or 8 months ago and it could not have come at a more perfect time.

He was able to have fun, get away, relax, and unwind.
Just what he needed.
When he came home he felt like taking this new church offer was indeed what God wanted him to do.

We have spent a great deal of time praying about what our ministry would look like if we were to ever get there.
So, J shared all of our own ideas that we have been praying about even before we realized that this call on our lives was going to be sooner than later.
And the pastor loved them - all.

Wow.
So much support.
So much encouragement.
We are in awe and overwhelmed by what God has done.

The craziest part -
My hubby is going to start as the senior pastor at this new church in 11 days.
That's right - November 17th at 6pm.

And we are just having so much fun with this.
We really are.

We will be at Grace until the end of the year.
So, J will do his normal duties at Grace and then just the Saturday night service until we are finished up there.

Then we will be off and running at the new church. :-)
And once the congregation is big enough we will branch out and find our own building and be able to offer a Sunday service.

So, that is the plan right now.
We would love your prayers as we go through this transition.
Both our roles will be changing significantly but we know God will work it all out.
Look at how much he has already done in 3 weeks!

Blessings to you all.
Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and just the tremendous amount of love and support you have provided our family throughout it all.
We couldn't have done it without you.

Now, back to the election.

Bad Cancer Day...

My lack of blogging in the last couple of weeks had not been due to bad things.
It has actually been the opposite.

We have been trying to soak up every last minute of summer before we start school.
But more of that later.

Today, however, was not the best day I have ever had.
I am not sharing this because I want to sound selfish in any way.
This is not about me.
This is about sharing my heart every step of this journey to help others.
Even on my bad days when I would prefer to remain quiet.

I feel called to do this to give those who may not have the words a voice to represent what they are gong through.

I feel called to do this to give those who might be looking for a way to help someone in my situation some perspective on some of the things the person they are trying to help may be dealing with.

So, what made this day so difficult? Here is a rundown...

It started with me going to church.
I ran into a friend that I actually went through radiation with.
She gave me the news that her cancer was back.
I tried desperately  to fight back the tears for her.
I failed.

I know her heart.
I know her desire to stay here on this earth to raise her little girl.
I know her fear.
I would do anything to make it all better for her and I can't.
All I can do is pray.

This hit me hard.
It hit me hard for her.
It hit me hard for me.

First, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to know you have to go back into treatment again.
The first time around is hard enough.
But the one thing you do have is ignorance.
Ignorance to the fact of how hard it is really going to be.
The second time around you don't have that anymore.
You know.
And you have to do it anyway.

She is the 4th or 5th person that I was in treatment with that their cancer has come back.
I would be lying if I said that this does not cause me fear for my own cancer journey.
And, this always seems to happen right before I go in for my own scans.

My next scan is only a couple of weeks away.
The battle of the mind began today.
I am praying diligently that I can get it in control again quickly.

Next, our church had a concert tonight where Audrey Assad was the performer.
She shared that last September her husband was diagnosed with cancer.
Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
The same cancer I had.

Then, she shares that she has a friend who is dying this week.
Yes, from cancer.
She has two small children she will be leaving behind.
Even now my tears flow.

My heart just hurts so badly for that family.
My heart also screams, "No, please don't let this happen to me!"
Please God, allow me to stay here.

I just want to raise my children.
I just want to be a wife to my husband.

Finally, we were driving home...
I was just about to ask Jason about his thoughts on all this mention of cancer.
Just at that moment a mom came on the radio and started talking about her 3 year old having cancer.

So, my heart is heavy with so many things tonight.
Sadness.
Worry.
Fear.

Yet, all I can do is remain hopeful.
Keep my faith.
Know that God has already gone before me.
Pray.

And as my husband so gently reminded me of a couple of different times today....

Don't limit God.

My Difficult Day

This has been a difficult day. I wrote my blog post earlier to only find that I was being blocked from sharing the link on Facebook. Evidently someone had flagged my blog as "abusive and/or spammy". I have to tell you that this really hurt my feelings more than anything else, so if that was what the person was going for - well then they succeeded.

As I have written each word on here I have literally poured out my heart. I have been as authentic as I could possibly be - in a way that wasn't always comfortable. It has definitely gotten me "out of my box" that is for sure.

Most of you probably won't believe this but I am actually a very private person. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve and generally Jason is the only one who can really tell if I am upset by something. God has worked on me a bit in all of those areas to say the least and from the very beginning I knew this was something I had to do. I had to share. I had to share for all of those who couldn't, for all of those who were about to go through the same journey I have been on, and for those who love someone going through something similar as to what I am going through.

People have to know how hard it is and for those who are going through something difficult - they have to know that they aren't alone. If God can use me to do those things then it is worth it to me to go through such struggles. So, to have someone classify this as "abusive or spammy" was tough for me.

I have moved past that (and got it worked out with Facebook). I just realized that it was the enemy trying to keep me from doing what I do and we all know that it isn't going to stop me from writing. It is too much of who I am. I would be lost without this form of expression.

So, now on to the rest of my day... we do what we call a "circle prayer" at dinner time. We join hands and each person at the table prays. My children love this.

For the last 11 months I have listened to my children pray for me over and over. "Please God, make my mommy's sickness go away." I tried so hard to protect them from all of this but even at their young ages they knew what was at stake without us even having to tell them.

After my scan on Wednesday, the following day my 6-year-old asked me if I would need any more treatment or if my sickness had gone away. I didn't even realize that he knew I was having a scan done.

Tonight though, it was my 12-year-old. He said that his only prayer was for me to be cancer-free. He prayed so hard and so passionately for me. I know that if I don't get the results that we are hoping for tomorrow that it isn't just going to affect me.... and I think that is the hardest of all. I want them to have their life back too. I want them to have their mom back. I don't want them to have to say these types of prayers anymore. But I have no control over any of that.

Tonight as everyone sleeps - I am still awake. Wondering... and yes, worrying a bit. (I have to be honest.) I remember our former pastor giving a sermon one time and he said that, "worrying is temporary atheism." And he is right. He explained that when we are worrying we are doubting that God is in control. So, each time I start to worry, that pops in my head and it is like being stabbed in the heart. I love God so much and I know He has got this. He has gone before me and is with me now. It is not God that I doubt. It is me. Can I really do this? Can I really go through more treatment if I have to?....

The answer is yes. All you have to do is look at the top of this page and see those four beautiful faces. That is all the inspiration I need. I will do what I need to do. I will fight until my last breath. No matter what tomorrow brings - it will not mean defeat. There will be victory as God will be glorified no matter what.

So, tonight there is a great deal of prayer in my future and once again - like I have done a thousand times before - I will be surrendering it all.

Thank you for reading. I bet you had no idea that you would be reading something so offensive that it would be banned from Facebook because we all know what kind of things can appear on Facebook. I know, I am such a trouble-maker. ;-)

Blessings,
Andrea

6 Months Ago Today....

Have you ever tried to think about where you were six months ago? Well, today I put a lot of thought into where I was. Six months ago today I had just been diagnosed with what they thought was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I will never forget those words..."We think it's Lymphoma." Oddly enough I had never even heard of Lymphoma or if I had I had never paid any attention to it before that moment. Now, it is a completely different story. I have battled for the past 6 months not only for my life but for the life that I do have not to be defined by that word....Lymphoma. 

No, it is critical that my life not be defined by that but instead by what it was intended to be defined by.... God. 

I have walked this path for six months now - stumbling more times than I can count. But each time I got up and kept going - not because of my own strength....no, God definitely deserves all of the glory that is for sure. If would have been up to me I think that I would have been curled up in the fetal position in the corner somewhere. Here I am though, six months later and I am still here, still alive, and still kicking. That is an accomplishment in itself and one that I am pretty happy about to say the least. 

Is my journey over - not even close. My body has endured quite the beating and it will take time to allow it to heal. It will take patience - which is harder for me than I thought it would be. It annoys me that I have to lay down and take a nap everyday. I use to dream of such luxuries but now I long for the day that it doesn't have to be. 

It was six months ago today - almost to this hour that I sobbed in my husbands arms. Fear gripped me and the only thing I could think of at that moment was that I didn't want to die. It was then that my husband whispered in my ear....."Don't limit God." Those words have stayed with me every since.

Who knows what the next six months will bring. I can't imagine that it would be any harder - I pray that it isn't anyway. But all you can really do is let go and let God - enjoy each day to its fullest and never miss an opportunity to tell those that mean the most to you that you love them. God bless you all. 

Love,

Andrea