Updates - Scan and Overall

Scan Update

Sorry for the delay in updating all of you. After my appointment this a.m. I grabbed lunch and by the time I got home with my kids I was absolutely exhausted so I attempted to rest a bit between adhering to the needs of a 6, 4, and 21 month old. Anyway, I feel like I somewhat got my second wind for the day. (This is a long day for us as Jason doesn't get home from work until late tonight.)

Anyway, the doc appointment went well. The spot in my chest that they are watching is smaller but not gone. Ultimately they would like to see it go away completely so I will definitely be praying that it does.  I got some of the details of my future care ironed out for the most part - what type of testing I will need and when. These are just general guidelines of course, it will ultimately depend on how I do.

Overall Update

Overall I am doing pretty well I think. On my good days I feel like I am operating on about 50% of my optimal energy level. When I have a bad day it feels like I go back down to the 10-15% range and that is pretty rough.

I am now 4 months past treatment and they say that it will take at least 6 more months to feel "back to normal" again. I find that having patience to allow my body to recover is one of my biggest struggles. I just want to feel better already!

Another hard part, as I have said before, is that my outsides don't match my insides. I can feel really bad on the inside but people just see that I look so much better than I did during treatment, so they think I am all better. (Really, it is not hard to look better when you looked like you were dying before.)

It takes a lot of honesty on my part to admit that I am not "super-woman" and that I am still struggling. My first instinct is to say, "Oh no, I am fine. Yep, feel great! Want to see me do a back-flip?" Then wind up in bed for 3 days because of that back-flip. :-)

It is also funny because I can now really see this in other people who are hurting or going through treatment as well. I can see that they really don't feel good at all - even though they are putting on a brave face and it has made me much more sympathetic to those situations.

Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you all for the prayers! Love you all!

Oh, I almost forgot (and I really did almost forget silly me after making such a big deal about this...)

I do get my port out! 

I don't have a date yet but I will definitely let you know. And then I think a "PORT PARTY" is in order.... Anyone want to help me plan it???

Blessings, 
Andrea

Pre-Test Result Jitters

Tomorrow is another big day for me. I find out if my scan results are clear again. If they are, I should be able to get my port out in the near future which makes me super happy. If not - well then that will mean treatment of some kind but I really haven't let my mind go there.

I have detected a pattern to my testing and results. This has been the longest I have had to wait for results. Usually I find out in a week or less but I had my scan on Feb. 20 and I will get the results tomorrow so that is over two weeks. However, I actually do not even think about the testing or the results until about 2 days before I have either. That is when the jitters start to set in a bit and I have to be much more diligent about not letting the "what-if's" kick in. There is just no point in going there. It does nothing for today and certainly does nothing for tomorrow - except rob my joy.

So, I busy myself with a thousand other things that deserve my energy more than worrying does. I truly have gotten much better at this over the past year that is for sure. Learning to surrender is never easy but is well worth it.

If you happen to think of it, if you could pray for me tomorrow a.m. that would be delightful.

Blessings,
Andrea

Tomorrow: Test Result Day

As I hold my sleeping daughter, I am experiencing all kinds of emotions about tomorrow. Tomorrow will decide a lot of things. Tomorrow will mean that I either get my life back and can once again establish a normal routine for living or I will continue on as a patient with more treatment. I am obviously routing for the first option.

In the meantime, I have been spending as much time with my husband and children as possible. One thing that I have realized through all of this is that so many times we focus on a certain event in time - whether it is the wedding day, the due date, the birthday,..... or the test result day..... whatever it is... we focus on that day so much that we miss all of the joy in the days leading up to that moment. For the past 11 months I have been very deliberate in not doing this.

If I would have spent the last two months worrying about tomorrow - I would have missed so many incredible moments. I would have just been existing and not really living.

So, tomorrow can go one of two ways and I have done my best to prepare my heart for both. I know some of you will think that my preparing for either result may be a reflection of a lack of faith. However, this is not a faith issue at all. I have faith in God and that has never wavered. It is just about being realistic.

Of course I have hope that God has healed me through the treatment I have already received. I hope that with all my heart. But I am also realistic that God may not have that in store for me just yet and I need to be obedient in whatever he calls me to do. And I will. 


In the meantime I dream of a joy that I have never experienced before. A cancer-free joy. For until you walk through the valley you can never experience the joy of the mountain top.

Blessings and love to all who read this.

Andrea

Update....

Well, we met with the doctors today and we still really don't have all of the answers - plus it is just kind of difficult to explain but I will do my best because if I don't I think there are a large majority of you who are going to show up at my house tomorrow and demand an explanation anyway... so here it goes.

Way back when, February 4, 2011 to be exact (seems like a lifetime ago) when I had my first PET Scan my SUV level was a 25. And no, I am not referring to my vehicle rating (is there even such a thing?) Anyway....unless you have been through the cancer scene yourself or are in the medical field this probably means nothing to you so I thought I would provide a little explanation of what it does mean....

You are probably aware that cancerous cells multiply at a faster rate than normal cells making them more active - and of course more dangerous because they like to take over all the good stuff. Anyway, when I go for a PET scan it shows what the cells activity rate is and it measures the value in SUV's or standardized uptake value (just in case you were interested). So the PET scan will determine the SUV of one spot in comparison to everywhere else in the body. The baseline for a person without cancer is usually a 1 (one) and they start to worry if a person is between 3 to 5 - remember, mine was a 25 which was not good - obviously -  hence the chemo thing for the past 6 months, etc. etc.

So, here is where the tricky part comes in. In my last PET scan (last Thursday) it was determined that I have a spot in my neck that is still showing a reading of 3.3 SUV's. It is wonderfully amazing that I have gone from a 25 all the way down to a 3.3 but it still puts me in that area of "concern". They can't really tell me if it is still the cancer or not and they don't think it can be ignored. I know... it is a bummer.

Basically we have options coming out of our ears. Some of them are not good options - like the one I have to sell all of my worldly belongings and live out my days on a beach somewhere - but nonetheless, they are still options and now it is time for Jason and I to really seek the Lord and find out what His will is for us at this time.

The first thing that they want to do is take a biopsy of the lymph node that is causing the issue here. This would be a surgical procedure and they would take the whole lymph node for examination. The one thing that may prevent this from happening is the location of the lymph node that needs to be biopsied. There are all kinds of arteries, tendons, etc. that I am really pretty attached to and would like to keep in one piece for obvious reasons. I will meet with the surgeon next week to see if the biopsy is even a possibility and if it is - well that will be the first of many decisions we have to make.

We are praying for large neon lit, billboard sized signs from God right now. I think the hardest thing is really just praying through every option and listening for God's voice to say, "Yep, that is the one!" But we are being very diligent through this process and know that God will do his thing when he is ready.

As for how I am doing  with all of this?  I am actually doing well. I had a peace going into this and I have that same peace now. It is so hard to explain but I just know God is going to heal me. I feel like I have already faced the lion on this one - 7 tumors in my neck, cancer in 3 different places in my body - so one little spot in my neck in the scope of life is just that.... one little spot. Yes, it needs to be addressed and we will walk it out as God calls us to but I do feel like I have faced a lot worse. Hopefully that makes sense.

So, that is the update for now... Thanks so much for all of the prayers!

Blessings and Love!
Andrea