Day 30: Reflection

So, I am a bit late posting this. Yesterday just seemed to be really busy and by the time I sat down to write this it was late and I figured no one would read it until this morning anyway.... so you will just have to forgive me for posting late.

Anyway, it is so hard to believe that it has been 30 days since all of this began. In some ways, just like a marriage, it seems like it has flown by and in other ways it seems to have been a whole lifetime ago. Of course I would not be referencing my own marriage in this analogy. ;-) (Just giving the hubby a hard time.) I adore him more each and every second I have the privilege of sharing my life with him.

Back to the point at hand.... I  really wanted to use this post as a reflection of what the last month has entailed for me. For those of you who are just reading for the first time here is what has happened in a nutshell:

God has changed my life. 

That is it - in one sentence. You see, it is much less important to me to express through what I have endured to go through the changes God is making in me as I think when I focus on those things I  have the tendency to let those things define me. My focus is totally and completely on what HE IS doing. He IS changing my life and I am doing my best to embrace it every step of the way. 

Here are the ways that He has totally and completely changed my life and my family's as well.

1.) I have experienced the greatest and most complete PEACE that I have ever experienced in my life. 

It is beyond all understanding to even myself who is experiencing it. I have a peace from the most basic thing to the biggest things. I have a huge peace with the treatment plan that He has laid before me and the medical staff He has blessed me with. He provides an everyday peace to help me get through whatever physical or mental obstacles I may have. I absolutely cherish this peace and am so thankful for it as I could not imagine waking through this with fear or bitterness of any kind each and every day of this long road ahead of me. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ~John 14:27

2.) He has been ever so FAITHFUL.

There was a time where we did not know what the future would hold , and we still don't really, but God has been faithful every step of the way in order to, once again, give us the peace we need to walk each day out as needed. When we didn't know what type of Lymphoma I had for sure and didn't know how far it had spread throughout my body - we were very fearful that I would not see my baby girl's first birthday.I was terrified that I would not see my boys grow up and leave them here on this Earth without a mother. God has been so faithful in continually reminding us of his promise and sparing me of a future that didn't look so bright. 

God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. ~ 1 Cor 1:9

3.) He has given us HOPE.

He has given me so much hope along the way. The hope that I will indeed be here to raise my children. I will indeed be here to grow old with my husband. I will indeed be here to continue to have relationships with the family and friends I cherish so much. He has placed this hope so clearly in my heart and I rejoice in it. When I think of it something wells up inside of me and I feel like I am going to explode with excitement for I have hope for a future. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

4.) He has allowed us to SURRENDER it all to Him.

How comforting does that even sound -  "Surrendering it all to Him". He wants our burdens but so often we don't give them to Him. Why? Why do we want to hold onto such things that tear us down and make our walk so much heavier. He is there, he is willing, all we have to do is give it over and how often is it that we don't. I can tell you that I would not be able to walk one step of the journey on my own without His strength. People tell me all of the time how I am so strong. I have news for everyone and I am announcing it here, publicly for all to read- I am weak. I am frail. I am powerless. I am broken. It is only through Jesus Christ that I am able to get through one single second of this. He so graciously allowed me to give this all over to Him and I did. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~ Proverbs 3:5

5.) He has allowed us to SHARE our journey with others.

One of things that has kept me going through this journey is to continually strive to glorify God throughout everything. As I said above, I would not make it one second on my own. It is only because of God that I am able to get through any of this. The fact that I have been able to share that with others has been huge for me. It is my heart that others experience God's love in the way that I have. I am humbled that He has given me the opportunity to share with you all in such a candid and real manner. You all, in turn, have blessed me greatly by your continued pray, support, and love. It has truly been amazing to watch the body of Christ work. You all have been such blessings to us and we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;  I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. ~Psalm 40:10

I could literally write for hours on all that God has and is doing in our lives right now in order to change us and I know for every one thing I realize that He is doing, there are probably hundreds more that I don't have a clue about. I can tell you that even though it isn't an easy journey that I am excited to see what the end result will look like. I know that this has changed me so drastically that I will never be the same - nor would I want to. As a friend of mine so eloquently put it - there is a life before cancer and a life after cancer and through the process God is creating a new life in me.