I have always thought I was a very grateful person. But cancer gave me a whole knew meaning on the word "grateful".
I wanted to make a list of the little things I am grateful for. This obviously has to be a running list because there are just too many things to list in one post.
Nice Cashiers at Stores - nothing can change your mood faster than a cashier it seems. You get a nice one....your mood improves. You get one that is in a bad mood... your mood goes south right along with his or hers. I am so grateful for the nice cashiers of the world. I know they have a difficult job.
My Washer and Dryer - I know I have shared this with you all before but Jason and I have participated in the Laundry Love Project (you can read more about that here). This program is where you actually do the laundry for the homeless or for those who are struggling financially to the point where paying for their laundry to be done at the laundry mat is a severe financial burden. So, every time I put my clothes in my washing machine I literally thank God for it.
My Laptop and WiFi - there were so many days where I did not even have the strength to get out of bed. But because I had a laptop (and WiFi) I could still blog. This form of expression has been amazing for me. There are so many emotions that I was able to process just because of this media and I am grateful for it.
Old Photos - I have always loved photos but I have discovered a new found appreciation for them. I forgot so much of this past year because of the chemo but I can go back through the photos we took and it helps me remember all of the good times too....not just the icky stuff.
Sweaters - There is just something about a nice sweater on a cold winter day. :-)
Naps - I never used to take naps. I always had too much to do. Well, now my body forces me to shut down for a certain amount of time during the day to "recharge". Now it has become one of my favorite times because I lay down when my baby girl lays down. She snuggles up to me and it has become this wonderful time for us. Something I know I will cherish forever.
There is nothing like thinking of these things on a day when you are feeling down or gloomy. As I start filling my life with all that I have to be thankful for it just makes me smile.
May your life be filled with blessings and moments that you too can be grateful for.
~Andrea
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Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Monday, November 28, 2011
{Thankfulness}....6 Things I Am Truly {Thankful} For
For those who know me best - you have probably noticed that I have not written about being {thankful} yet, despite it being the theme for this wonderful month. I honestly have been trying... I have started several posts. But I have so many things to be thankful for that it seemed impossible to do this subject any justice.
So, here is a feeble attempt to cover some of the things that I am so thankful for. I know I will not be able to cover it all but it is at least a start...
2. {My Husband.}
One of the greatest blessings that God has given me is the man that I call my husband. He has seen me at my absolute worst and still loves me anyway. He has continually put himself last time and time again to take care of me, our children, his ministry, and everything else God has called him to do.
There are no words to describe how this man has loved me so well. He has held me when my body has hurt so badly I thought I would crawl out of my skin. He has sat by my side as I have gotten sick time and time again. He has rubbed my feet and hands for hours because he knew it made me feel just a little bit better. My husband has not just loved me with words, he has loved me with is actions, his selflessness and unconditional giving. I am so truly thankful for him each and every day. If I could choose all over again - I would DEFINITELY choose him. :-)
3. {My Children.}
There are no words to describe how much I love my children and how thankful I am for them. I could literally write a book just about my kids. Probably 4 of them - one for each of them. :-) I am overwhelmed that God chose me to be their mother. I am truly honored.
Each of my children are so different and I am thankful for that as well. I love witnessing how uniquely God has made each of them. I love watching their gifts and their talents grow and develop and I can't wait to see how God ends up using each of them.
I am thankful for each day, each hour, each minute, and each second with them. One of the most heartbreaking parts of my diagnosis was not knowing how many of these I would have left. In all honesty - none of us know how much time we have left and I am determined not to squander mine on things that do not matter. My children matter.
When each of them give me those special hugs throughout the day I find myself squeezing them for another second - soaking up the cherished moment. There is no place I would rather be. :-)
4. {Our Family.}
We are very blessed to live so close to so much of our family. They are there in a moments notice. They have definitely filled the gaps these last few months where we fell short. Their love for us is amazing and we are so thankful for it.
They are key fixtures in my children's lives. The time they get to spend with them is truly precious. The things that they learn from each of them and the memories that they are able to create are priceless and I know they will carry them with them for all of their days.
5. {My Friends.}
Wow. Where do I begin? Thank you to my friends who have loved me even when I was unlovable. Thank you to my friends who stood by my side no matter what. Some of you came to my house and scrubbed my floors. Some of you sat there by my side while they injected me with my chemo cocktail. You called and left messages even though you knew I was too weak to return them. You sent emails even though you knew I was too tired to reply. You cooked for my family when I could not. You took care of my children when I had no energy to do so. You listened to me when I complained and felt sorry for myself. You read my blog. :-) You gave me grace. You were my friend even though I couldn't be your friend back. I am SO thankful for you. You are a true treasure. (You know who you are.)
5. {Our Church Body.}
There are no words to describe the love and support that our church family and friends have given us. They have stood by our sides through loss and sickness, through broken arms and ER visits. They have met us on this road called life countless times and they have helped us to keep moving forward, closer to the cross all the while growing closer to our Lord Jesus.
6. {Our Community.}
The support we have received from our community has been overwhelming. People that I do not even know personally will stop me and ask me my name. They will then say something like, "I have been praying for you," or "I have been reading your blog." They hear our story from a variety of ways - our family, our friends, friends of friends. They take time out of their lives to follow our journey and truly care and for that I will be forever grateful.
So, I have to tell you this was not an easy one to write. It was very emotional for me to think of these and try to put into words how I feel about each of them. This is only a small piece of all that I am thankful for and, like I said, I could go on and on but I will spare you from that.
I am thankful for you - all who read this as well. You have allowed me to process all of the emotions and feelings that I could have so easily stuffed down deep somewhere. You have supported me and I am grateful.
Blessings,
Andrea
So, here is a feeble attempt to cover some of the things that I am so thankful for. I know I will not be able to cover it all but it is at least a start...
- {God.}
2. {My Husband.}
One of the greatest blessings that God has given me is the man that I call my husband. He has seen me at my absolute worst and still loves me anyway. He has continually put himself last time and time again to take care of me, our children, his ministry, and everything else God has called him to do.
There are no words to describe how this man has loved me so well. He has held me when my body has hurt so badly I thought I would crawl out of my skin. He has sat by my side as I have gotten sick time and time again. He has rubbed my feet and hands for hours because he knew it made me feel just a little bit better. My husband has not just loved me with words, he has loved me with is actions, his selflessness and unconditional giving. I am so truly thankful for him each and every day. If I could choose all over again - I would DEFINITELY choose him. :-)
3. {My Children.}
There are no words to describe how much I love my children and how thankful I am for them. I could literally write a book just about my kids. Probably 4 of them - one for each of them. :-) I am overwhelmed that God chose me to be their mother. I am truly honored.
Each of my children are so different and I am thankful for that as well. I love witnessing how uniquely God has made each of them. I love watching their gifts and their talents grow and develop and I can't wait to see how God ends up using each of them.
I am thankful for each day, each hour, each minute, and each second with them. One of the most heartbreaking parts of my diagnosis was not knowing how many of these I would have left. In all honesty - none of us know how much time we have left and I am determined not to squander mine on things that do not matter. My children matter.
When each of them give me those special hugs throughout the day I find myself squeezing them for another second - soaking up the cherished moment. There is no place I would rather be. :-)
4. {Our Family.}
We are very blessed to live so close to so much of our family. They are there in a moments notice. They have definitely filled the gaps these last few months where we fell short. Their love for us is amazing and we are so thankful for it.
They are key fixtures in my children's lives. The time they get to spend with them is truly precious. The things that they learn from each of them and the memories that they are able to create are priceless and I know they will carry them with them for all of their days.
5. {My Friends.}
Wow. Where do I begin? Thank you to my friends who have loved me even when I was unlovable. Thank you to my friends who stood by my side no matter what. Some of you came to my house and scrubbed my floors. Some of you sat there by my side while they injected me with my chemo cocktail. You called and left messages even though you knew I was too weak to return them. You sent emails even though you knew I was too tired to reply. You cooked for my family when I could not. You took care of my children when I had no energy to do so. You listened to me when I complained and felt sorry for myself. You read my blog. :-) You gave me grace. You were my friend even though I couldn't be your friend back. I am SO thankful for you. You are a true treasure. (You know who you are.)
5. {Our Church Body.}
There are no words to describe the love and support that our church family and friends have given us. They have stood by our sides through loss and sickness, through broken arms and ER visits. They have met us on this road called life countless times and they have helped us to keep moving forward, closer to the cross all the while growing closer to our Lord Jesus.
6. {Our Community.}
The support we have received from our community has been overwhelming. People that I do not even know personally will stop me and ask me my name. They will then say something like, "I have been praying for you," or "I have been reading your blog." They hear our story from a variety of ways - our family, our friends, friends of friends. They take time out of their lives to follow our journey and truly care and for that I will be forever grateful.
So, I have to tell you this was not an easy one to write. It was very emotional for me to think of these and try to put into words how I feel about each of them. This is only a small piece of all that I am thankful for and, like I said, I could go on and on but I will spare you from that.
I am thankful for you - all who read this as well. You have allowed me to process all of the emotions and feelings that I could have so easily stuffed down deep somewhere. You have supported me and I am grateful.
Blessings,
Andrea
Friday, November 18, 2011
It is JUST Plain Hard....
I was going to write a word of encouragement for a special someone that is going through a difficult time right now and I thought I would just post it here in the hopes that it would help some others as well.
It seems like there are so many people who are struggling right now and it is truly heartbreaking. If I could ease the burden for all of you - I would in a heartbeat, but the reality is that I know there is very little I can do to make anything better for anyone. All I can do is share the love that God has so abundantly given me and pray for you. Both I will gladly and eagerly do.
I have spent a great deal of time in the "pit" myself. I know what it is like to claw your way out of the "pit" and then run into someone who says something like.... "You should just be grateful that you are in the pit at all". What? Grateful to be in the pit?!? Are you kidding me? All I want to do is to get out of this dark hole that I am in and you are telling me I should be happy to be here? No. Way!
Later, when you are finally out of the "pit", you then can understand what that person was saying. There are so many lessons to be learned in the "pit". There is so much growth that happens in the "pit" but when you are living it, when you are up close and personal to it, it is hard to see the blessings that are taking place.
I have struggled with this myself more times than I can remember. I vividly recall a particular battle of the mind occurring when I was about half way through my chemo treatments. I was struggling in a bad way. I was cranky and that whole "grace and peace" thing was pretty much non-existent in my world. I was at a very low point physically. Mentally and emotionally I was shot. (Not proud of all of the above.)
A friend of mine ended up coming over and told me that I should feel grateful to be getting chemo at all. That started an additional battle of the mind. Was I not grateful? Did people perceive me as not being grateful? That was never my intention at all. I did not want one person to feel like I was not grateful for every morsel of life I was being given. But I was sick and I hurt so badly - there were not words to describe how awful I felt.
Finally, another friend of mine, one who I had actually gone through treatment with for the same type of cancer (she had finished her treatment before I did). Anyway, she always has this perfect timing. She will send me a text or stop by and see me when I am struggling the most. I shared with her my struggles and she gave me true words of wisdom that I ended up clinging to - well, to this very day.
She said, "It's not that you aren't grateful. It is just hard." (I know. She is brilliant isn't she.)
Being grateful for something does not mean that you can't admit that something is hard. So many times we feel like when we are going through hard times we need to radiate this positive attitude and act like that it is all just rainbows and lollipops. (A term that Jason and I like to use a lot.) It is not rainbows and lollipops. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is... well, it is JUST plain hard.
And on the other hand, just because something is hard doesn't mean that we aren't going to receive blessings for it or aren't receiving blessings for it this very moment that we don't even realize.
When you are going through a trial (or are in the "pit" as I like to call it) it is impossible to see the big picture. Actually, we won't see the "big picture" until we finally meet Jesus. But we can't lose faith. In fact, that is the very definition of faith. Believing in what we can't see.
I know for those of you who are struggling this means very little. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is a tiny bread crumb of hope that you can cling to. It's not that you aren't grateful, it is just hard.
Blessings,
Andrea
It seems like there are so many people who are struggling right now and it is truly heartbreaking. If I could ease the burden for all of you - I would in a heartbeat, but the reality is that I know there is very little I can do to make anything better for anyone. All I can do is share the love that God has so abundantly given me and pray for you. Both I will gladly and eagerly do.
I have spent a great deal of time in the "pit" myself. I know what it is like to claw your way out of the "pit" and then run into someone who says something like.... "You should just be grateful that you are in the pit at all". What? Grateful to be in the pit?!? Are you kidding me? All I want to do is to get out of this dark hole that I am in and you are telling me I should be happy to be here? No. Way!
Later, when you are finally out of the "pit", you then can understand what that person was saying. There are so many lessons to be learned in the "pit". There is so much growth that happens in the "pit" but when you are living it, when you are up close and personal to it, it is hard to see the blessings that are taking place.
I have struggled with this myself more times than I can remember. I vividly recall a particular battle of the mind occurring when I was about half way through my chemo treatments. I was struggling in a bad way. I was cranky and that whole "grace and peace" thing was pretty much non-existent in my world. I was at a very low point physically. Mentally and emotionally I was shot. (Not proud of all of the above.)
A friend of mine ended up coming over and told me that I should feel grateful to be getting chemo at all. That started an additional battle of the mind. Was I not grateful? Did people perceive me as not being grateful? That was never my intention at all. I did not want one person to feel like I was not grateful for every morsel of life I was being given. But I was sick and I hurt so badly - there were not words to describe how awful I felt.
Finally, another friend of mine, one who I had actually gone through treatment with for the same type of cancer (she had finished her treatment before I did). Anyway, she always has this perfect timing. She will send me a text or stop by and see me when I am struggling the most. I shared with her my struggles and she gave me true words of wisdom that I ended up clinging to - well, to this very day.
She said, "It's not that you aren't grateful. It is just hard." (I know. She is brilliant isn't she.)
Being grateful for something does not mean that you can't admit that something is hard. So many times we feel like when we are going through hard times we need to radiate this positive attitude and act like that it is all just rainbows and lollipops. (A term that Jason and I like to use a lot.) It is not rainbows and lollipops. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is... well, it is JUST plain hard.
And on the other hand, just because something is hard doesn't mean that we aren't going to receive blessings for it or aren't receiving blessings for it this very moment that we don't even realize.
When you are going through a trial (or are in the "pit" as I like to call it) it is impossible to see the big picture. Actually, we won't see the "big picture" until we finally meet Jesus. But we can't lose faith. In fact, that is the very definition of faith. Believing in what we can't see.
I know for those of you who are struggling this means very little. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is a tiny bread crumb of hope that you can cling to. It's not that you aren't grateful, it is just hard.
Blessings,
Andrea
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Now What?
One of the things that I am struggling with the most lately is with the question - now what? My diagnosis happened 9 months ago and I have been in treatment most of that time (with the exception of the small break I got between chemo and radiation) and my life is definitely not the same as it was 9 months ago. I am also definitely not the same person as well.
I let go of all of my ministry activities. I stopped every hobby that I enjoyed. I could no longer maintain friendships like I did before. I have described it as looking at my life and it is in all of these pieces. Yet, I don't even know where to begin to start picking these pieces up to put them back together.
I know that even if I tried I would never be able to turn things back to the way they were before and I am not saying that I even want to. However, it is like I am starting my life all over again.
For now, I am just soaking it all in. I hug my children a million times a day and just savor each and every moment with them. I am so grateful to be alive. I am so grateful to have this time with them. It is truly a joy and I wouldn't trade even one second of it. It will be interesting though to see what God does with me from here.
I let go of all of my ministry activities. I stopped every hobby that I enjoyed. I could no longer maintain friendships like I did before. I have described it as looking at my life and it is in all of these pieces. Yet, I don't even know where to begin to start picking these pieces up to put them back together.
I know that even if I tried I would never be able to turn things back to the way they were before and I am not saying that I even want to. However, it is like I am starting my life all over again.
For now, I am just soaking it all in. I hug my children a million times a day and just savor each and every moment with them. I am so grateful to be alive. I am so grateful to have this time with them. It is truly a joy and I wouldn't trade even one second of it. It will be interesting though to see what God does with me from here.
Monday, April 18, 2011
30 Days & Counting
I am planning on writing two posts tonight. This is the first....
Last Wednesday it was confirmed that I would need 3 more treatments. This did not come as a shock to me - I had already prepared my heart for this news. For me it is much easier to prepare for four and only have two than it is to prepare to have two to only later find out I need to have four. I don't know if that makes sense or not but in my world that is just kind of the way I work.
So, I have three more to go and my next treatment is in two days. I am having a difficult time preparing for this one but I will address that more in my next post.
30 days from now I will have my 8th and final treatment (God willing and I am really hoping He is willing). 30 more days - 3 more treatments - I am pretty sure this is going to be one of the hardest months of my entire life. I am exhausted already and yet, I am sure I will find a whole new depth to my exhaustion that I have never known before and will hopefully never know again.
I no longer recover on my off weeks like I did initially. My body is just tired all of the time. However - despite it all - I am grateful for so much. That is what I want to focus on for the next 30 days - not my fatigue, not my cancer, not anything negative. Negative thoughts aren't going to get me very far but positive thinking will get me to the finish line. I know I will finish this - there is no doubt in my mind - there is no other option. It is just HOW I will finish this that is still to be determined. I am praying that I can finish it with the grace the God has so lovingly blessed me with time and time again. I am so undeserving yet so grateful.
What am I thankful for today: my life.
The very basic thing that God granted me to be able to do any of this. He has given me my life, given me each breath, given me the opportunity to live this out to glorify Him and I am grateful for the opportunity. Thank you God, even on my weakest days, I would not trade it for anything.
Last Wednesday it was confirmed that I would need 3 more treatments. This did not come as a shock to me - I had already prepared my heart for this news. For me it is much easier to prepare for four and only have two than it is to prepare to have two to only later find out I need to have four. I don't know if that makes sense or not but in my world that is just kind of the way I work.
So, I have three more to go and my next treatment is in two days. I am having a difficult time preparing for this one but I will address that more in my next post.
30 days from now I will have my 8th and final treatment (God willing and I am really hoping He is willing). 30 more days - 3 more treatments - I am pretty sure this is going to be one of the hardest months of my entire life. I am exhausted already and yet, I am sure I will find a whole new depth to my exhaustion that I have never known before and will hopefully never know again.
I no longer recover on my off weeks like I did initially. My body is just tired all of the time. However - despite it all - I am grateful for so much. That is what I want to focus on for the next 30 days - not my fatigue, not my cancer, not anything negative. Negative thoughts aren't going to get me very far but positive thinking will get me to the finish line. I know I will finish this - there is no doubt in my mind - there is no other option. It is just HOW I will finish this that is still to be determined. I am praying that I can finish it with the grace the God has so lovingly blessed me with time and time again. I am so undeserving yet so grateful.
What am I thankful for today: my life.
The very basic thing that God granted me to be able to do any of this. He has given me my life, given me each breath, given me the opportunity to live this out to glorify Him and I am grateful for the opportunity. Thank you God, even on my weakest days, I would not trade it for anything.
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