30 Days & Counting

I am planning on writing two posts tonight. This is the first....

Last Wednesday it was confirmed that I would need 3 more treatments. This did not come as a shock to me - I had already prepared my heart for this news. For me it is much easier to prepare for four and only have two than it is to prepare to have two to only later find out I need to have four. I don't know if that makes sense or not but in my world that is just kind of the way I work.

So, I have three more to go and my next treatment is in two days. I am having a difficult time preparing for this one but I will address that more in my next post.

30 days from now I will have my 8th and final treatment (God willing and I am really hoping He is willing). 30 more days - 3 more treatments - I am pretty sure this is going to be one of the hardest months of my entire life. I am exhausted already and yet, I am sure I will find a whole new depth to my exhaustion that I have never known before and will hopefully never know again.

I no longer recover on my off weeks like I did initially. My body is just tired all of the time.  However - despite it all - I am grateful for so much. That is what I want to focus on for the next 30 days - not my fatigue, not my cancer, not anything negative. Negative thoughts aren't going to get me very far but positive thinking will get me to the finish line. I know I will finish this - there is no doubt in my mind - there is no other option. It is just HOW I will finish this that is still to be determined. I am praying that I can finish it with the grace the God has so lovingly blessed me with time and time again. I am so undeserving yet so grateful.

What am I thankful for today: my life. 

The very basic thing that God granted me to be able to do any of this. He has given me my life, given me each breath, given me the opportunity to live this out to glorify Him and I am grateful for the opportunity. Thank you God, even on my weakest days, I would not trade it for anything.