I am Now Port Free :-)

As mentioned in my last post, I got my port out today. :-) And it was one of the creepiest experiences of my life. I was obviously all numbed up. The doc was really good at giving me more numbing stuff the couple of times I did feel pain. That was nice of him. But it was still very weird.

The best way to describe it was like when you run your nails down a chalk board and grind your teeth at the same time. Yeah, creepy huh? It was just super awkward and very strange to be awake during the experience.

He of course could not get the port out of the original incision so he had to cut a bigger one. The procedure took about an hour. Evidently you have to sew the port to the person when you put it in. I did not know that because I was knocked out when he put it in. He apparently did a very good job at attaching it to me because it took a great deal of time to un-attach it from me.

I am now super sore. I had forgotten how sore I was when they put it in - until now. Now I remember. My cute little precious baby girl is not helping much either. She still views me as her own personal jungle gym and is completely unaware of any hardship that I am enduring at the moment. The story of being a mom. :-) I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I will share more about my day tomorrow. Including some photo opportunities. :-) No, not of the port removal. That would be what I like to call an "over-share".

For now I am all doped up on Tylenol and ready for bed. Yeah, I go straight for the hard stuff. ;-)

Be blessed!
Andrea

Road to Recover: Step 2 {FASTING!}

Today we started our fast. By "we" I mean Jason and yours truly. Here's the short story...

I went on a fast about 2 weeks after I finished chemo. After about 5 days I got a lot of my energy back. Not all of it of course but I at least could go for walks and stuff. It was really nice after feeling so bad for so long.

I had these blister things on my fingers that I started to get about half way through my chemo treatments. They were awful. They hurt so bad and then they would itch too. I couldn't even turn the key to start the car without it hurting. But after about a week and a half of being on this fast all of those went away. Also, all of the numbness in my finger tips from the chemo went away.

Anyway, for just having gone through 12 rounds of chemo, I felt pretty good. But then they told me I had to have radiation. And one of the side effects of the fast is that you will lose weight (not complaining) but when you go through radiation you can't lose any weight so I had to stop the fast.

So, after having the radiation I have not been able to recover since - which is not abnormal. It is just that hard on you. I am tired all of the time. I wake up tired.

For example, today Jason and I went to the store. I had to chase Kearyn twice and Jason said he could tell I was "done for". Don't get me wrong - I am not telling you all of this because I want you to feel sorry for me. It is what it is and I am grateful for life. Period. However, I feel that it is important to document what I am going through so that people can have compassion towards others going through something similar.

The biggest thing I hear is that I "look fine." Well, I have said it many times - my insides don't match my outside. And how often does this happen in life. Everything looks fine on the outside and then we find out something and we are like, "Wow, I never knew. They looked totally fine on the outside." It doesn't even have anything to do with cancer. I think this has been a sharp reminder to me that I can never take that for granted in another person ever again.

We are all broken in some way. We are all dealing with something and sometimes we just need someone to understand and not take for granted that we look like everything is as it should be on the outside.

Being in this situation has forced me to be honest in a way that I struggle with. The "I'm doing fine," line just doesn't cut it. I have had to guard myself in a way that has required a brutal honesty on my part and then I pray that the person that I am telling listens. This has given me such a compassion for what others are going through - a lesson that I am glad I am learning, even if it is hard on me to learn it.

Back to the fast... I knew that I needed to go back to it but it isn't the easiest thing I have ever done. So, I have been praying for the strength and conviction to do it. That is when my hubby stepped forward and said he would do it with me and for this I am so grateful!

So, we started today. It is basically no white flour, no white rice, and no sugar of any kind. No big deal. ;-) The white rice and the white flour really isn't a big deal. But there is sugar in everything. Even you season salt has sugar in it. Then we can only eat chicken or fish. :-) There are also some supplements that you take as well, like lots of vitamin B, etc.

I know I need to do this. I cannot remain this tired for the next several months like they are telling me is the norm. I have a husband that wants his wife back and four children that want their mom back. I know that if I do what I need to on my part that God will bless me with the strength and energy that I need to be the type of wife and mother HE wants me to be.

I will keep you posted on how it goes...

Road to Recovery: 1 Step Forward - 2 Steps Back

As I mentioned yesterday, I was referred to a physical therapist - which I went to yesterday. It wasn't as productive as I had hoped but it did confirm that I am not crazy - at least regarding my physical condition.

Basically the PT said that is was very early on to be starting anything like this. He said that he would look more to 6 months past treatment. (I am not even at 2.5 months yet.)  He went on to say that he would give me a couple of stretches to implement into my day-to-day routine but he cautioned me that I should not expect much from my body at this point.

This is good and bad.

Good: It confirmed that I am still very early on in the recovery stage and even though I feel like I should be able to do a lot more, that I simply need more time and I need to give myself that time. It confirmed that the fact that I am so darn tired each and every day is not in my head either. That it is very normal for someone in my situation to feel this way. So, those are good things.

Bad: I want to feel better already! I feel like I have already given a year of my life over to this cancer stuff and I don't want to give anymore time to it. But, we can't always have what we want. God does provide what we need and he has been faithful in that every step of the way.

So, there is the low down. I am going to start PT a couple of times a week for the next couple of weeks and then they will let me work on that stuff for about a month. Then, they will reassess the situation and figure out what I need to do from there.

I am learning a great lesson of patience here....

Road to Recovery: Step 1

Now that I know I won't need anymore treatment, my mind has shifted to the road of recovery. This has become very important to me. Not only do I need to get my physical condition back to where I was before I diagnosed - but it actually needs to be even better.

There is a lot riding on this. My risk for a secondary cancer is definitely a factor. No, I cannot let that worry consume my thoughts but I do need do my part to reduce this risk factor wherever I can.

So, today I will start physical therapy. This was a recommendation from my oncologist and one that I am grateful for. I hope that they will be the first step that I need in order for me to get my strength back. I am pretty much at zero right  now and it just can't be that way. I need to be strong once again so I can take care of my family and my self.

I will let you know how it goes and let you know about some other things that I will be implementing in the next few weeks.

I hope you all are having a very blessed week.

Andrea