Today we started our fast. By "we" I mean Jason and yours truly. Here's the short story...
I went on a fast about 2 weeks after I finished chemo. After about 5 days I got a lot of my energy back. Not all of it of course but I at least could go for walks and stuff. It was really nice after feeling so bad for so long.
I had these blister things on my fingers that I started to get about half way through my chemo treatments. They were awful. They hurt so bad and then they would itch too. I couldn't even turn the key to start the car without it hurting. But after about a week and a half of being on this fast all of those went away. Also, all of the numbness in my finger tips from the chemo went away.
Anyway, for just having gone through 12 rounds of chemo, I felt pretty good. But then they told me I had to have radiation. And one of the side effects of the fast is that you will lose weight (not complaining) but when you go through radiation you can't lose any weight so I had to stop the fast.
So, after having the radiation I have not been able to recover since - which is not abnormal. It is just that hard on you. I am tired all of the time. I wake up tired.
For example, today Jason and I went to the store. I had to chase Kearyn twice and Jason said he could tell I was "done for". Don't get me wrong - I am not telling you all of this because I want you to feel sorry for me. It is what it is and I am grateful for life. Period. However, I feel that it is important to document what I am going through so that people can have compassion towards others going through something similar.
The biggest thing I hear is that I "look fine." Well, I have said it many times - my insides don't match my outside. And how often does this happen in life. Everything looks fine on the outside and then we find out something and we are like, "Wow, I never knew. They looked totally fine on the outside." It doesn't even have anything to do with cancer. I think this has been a sharp reminder to me that I can never take that for granted in another person ever again.
We are all broken in some way. We are all dealing with something and sometimes we just need someone to understand and not take for granted that we look like everything is as it should be on the outside.
Being in this situation has forced me to be honest in a way that I struggle with. The "I'm doing fine," line just doesn't cut it. I have had to guard myself in a way that has required a brutal honesty on my part and then I pray that the person that I am telling listens. This has given me such a compassion for what others are going through - a lesson that I am glad I am learning, even if it is hard on me to learn it.
Back to the fast... I knew that I needed to go back to it but it isn't the easiest thing I have ever done. So, I have been praying for the strength and conviction to do it. That is when my hubby stepped forward and said he would do it with me and for this I am so grateful!
So, we started today. It is basically no white flour, no white rice, and no sugar of any kind. No big deal. ;-) The white rice and the white flour really isn't a big deal. But there is sugar in everything. Even you season salt has sugar in it. Then we can only eat chicken or fish. :-) There are also some supplements that you take as well, like lots of vitamin B, etc.
I know I need to do this. I cannot remain this tired for the next several months like they are telling me is the norm. I have a husband that wants his wife back and four children that want their mom back. I know that if I do what I need to on my part that God will bless me with the strength and energy that I need to be the type of wife and mother HE wants me to be.
I will keep you posted on how it goes...
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