Say What You Need to Say

As I was praying about what to write about today I just kept hearing these words, "Say what you need to say," over and over in my head. That is generally a pretty good indication when I need to write about something - because it doesn't ever seem to go away until I do.

So, I started to think about what that phrase means to me....then I started to remember why I started blogging so regularly when I was diagnosed to begin with. It was a scary time for me. I didn't know what my diagnosis meant. But I did know that if something happened to me - if I didn't make it - I wanted my children to know and hear my voice through the things that I wrote. I am sure I have said this a hundred times but it was (and is) so important to me that they know how much I love them, how much I love their dad, and how much I love God - even through the yucky stuff. This blog has been a huge blessing to me because I have been able to "say what I have needed to say" in each moment I was experiencing and then some...

I have always been a fairly private person. That may seem contradictory as I feel I have been pretty open and honest on here for the world to read but that is not the way I normally operate. It is so much easier for me to help others than it is to receive help myself. Needless to say, relying on others as I have had to during the last few months has been another lesson for me entirely.

My heart has changed in many ways since my diagnosis. I don't hesitate to tell a friend that I love them - something I would have felt awkward about even a year ago (except for with the youth group kids - strangely I have never had a hard time telling one of the kids that I love them - but I know that is a God thing.)

But even though my heart has been opened up some since my diagnosis - I realize I still have a long way to go. There are still words that I need to say to those that mean the most to me. There are still words that I need to say to my husband and my children because I know that I can never tell them that I love them enough. They are truly why I am going through all of this - my love for them is strong enough for me to go through the worst feelings I have ever felt in my life time and time again just so I can see my kids grow up, just so I can grow old with my husband, just so I can hold my grandkids someday. As much as I hate it - as much as I dread it with ever fiber in my body - they are the reason why in 1 week and 2 days I will go through it all over again, and then again, and then again - until I am done.

I am so grateful that God gave me my family and friends. I am so grateful that He has allowed me to love so deeply and for them to love me in return. What a lonely life it would be without them all.

So, my question to you....are you saying what you need to say? Have you told those around you how much they mean to you? You may think they know but they can always hear it again. Say what you need to say....to who you need to say it to.