Today was a good day. I was able to have lunch with one of my closest friends and we were able to just catch up. We haven't been able to do that in quite a while and it was just nice. While having lunch our babysitter who hasn't watched the kids in a while due to the upheaval in our schedule was able to watch the kids and they just enjoyed it immensely. They have missed her so much.
Then I came home and prepped a fun oriental chicken salad dinner for the discipleship team from the youth group. (I will post a couple of pictures here soon.) We played fun youth group games and it was just so nice to be able to reconnect with them. Since my diagnosis I have not been able to be as involved as I was before and I miss them.
Now I am sitting in front of my computer as I so often do in the evenings and I am trying to wrap my mind around my thoughts for tomorrow. I have been praying for strength lately. My body is fatigued. The last 2 treatments have been harder than the previous treatments - I know that is hard to believe as they are all just bad. During that 5 days or so I can now barely lift my head off the pillow.
I know I will get through it - God is here with me - I really do know that. But the chemo takes you right up to this line and for a while there you think that you might just fall right over the cliff. In desperation you almost start to grasp at anything you can to save yourself from going over the edge and then you have to remind yourself that the only thing strong enough to hold you is God himself. His grace is enough.
I don't have the deep since of dread that I had before last treatment. It feels like just something that I have to do - like going into labor. Although I know going through labor was much easier for me than chemo.
Anyway, I still haven't really identified how I feel about this next treatment. Maybe determination....I just want to get through it and get it over with.
Thank you all for your continued prayers. They mean so much to me. Love to all!
Andrea
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