6 Down - 6 To Go: The Ultimate Half Empty/Half Full Scenario
For those of you who missed it - last week my doctor told me that I would not just need 2 more treatments but instead 6 more treatments. This was a big bump in the road for me to say the least.
Here I am right now, just coming off my 6th treatment and I now have 6 more treatments to face. It occurred to me that this was probably the most ultimate half empty/half full scenario that I have ever faced in my life. I feel like I have always been a fairly optimistic person - realistic but optimistic. Meaning that I like to know the facts of the situation but in the end I know what my faith is in.... God.
Despite knowing where my faith is, despite being grateful for the gift of living and seeing my kids grow up, to be really honest - I'm tired. Even more, I'm tired of being tired! I look at my life and it doesn't even resemble what it was 4 months ago. I use to do so much and now it is all I can do to get out of bed some days. How can I be optimistic in the midst of this?!?!
Ultimately though, this isn't about me. This isn't about my will. This isn't about what I want. This is about God's will. This is about an obedience to God to walk it out every day as He has called me to do it and if that is through 6 more treatments - then that is the way it is. I don't even pretend to understand what God's plan is in all of this - but I trust it. I have to clue what He is trying to do inside my heart, or the heart of my husband, or the hearts of my kids - but I believe in it. I don't even know how I will get through the next 3 months to be honest - but I know He's with me and I know God's grace will be enough.
In the end - trusting, believing, and knowing is all the optimism that I need right now. That will get me through this moment, this second, this breath and that is what He has called me to do right now. Oh, one other thing provides me the comfort of all comfort - He understands. He knows my pain and He knows my suffering. After all, He sent his only son here to die for me. Now that is optimism.
Hang on honey, God will be your strength. One day at a time. Don't try to see it all at once. I know you are a bridge crosser, but don't try to cross the bridge til you get to it.God will give you the steps for each new bridge.Each new bridge has new surroundings, views, experiences. Don't watch your footsteps dear one, watch the view, watch God, watch your family.Our focus can sometimes stumble us, but as with anything we do, if we focus on the beauty, and not the pain, we are lifted, and our sorrows are eased.I am praying for you today, and every time God asks me to.I know it will be extremely difficult right now, but try hard to keep your body nourished so that it has the best opportunity to fight.You can do this Andrea, and with God's help....you will...and one day it will be a very distant memory. Love you friend! ~Teresa~
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