This is just a quick update because I know so many of you are wondering how things are going today. It has been an emotional roller-coaster that is for sure but I will write more about that later. For now we have some bad news and we have some good news. I am going to give the "bad news" first because I personally can't stand suspense.
So here it goes - the bad news:
I found out today that I will have to have the full 12 treatments and today was actually only my half way point (being #6). Ugh - I know. I actually surprised myself at how well I took the news. It did catch me off guard and it wouldn't have surprised me if I would have crawled up in a fetal position in the corner and cried. But I didn't. I was strong. Or better put - God was strong and I was just along for the ride.
I believe there were 2 reasons that I did so well with the news. (I even felt bad for the doctor having to give me the news - what kind of divine experience is that?) Anyway, there were 2 reasons that I know I was able to handle this news so well. 1.) I just have the most amazing friends, family, and church family that I can possibly imagine. Today I could literally feel the prayers holding me up. There was no other explanation for it other than the power of prayer. I am grateful for you all - there are no words.
2.) Leads to my good news so I am not going to spoil it here but will "re-comment" on this after I give you the good news. So, if I forget due to my chemo brain yell at me (or simply comment below) and I will make sure I address it....
So, here is for the good news:
If I go the 12 treatment I will not have to go through radiation. This is a big deal to Jason and I as neither one of us had a peace about the radiation at all! I mean - NO PEACE! We have been praying for clarity and have asked our pastors, friends, and family to pray for clarity on this for us and today we got it.
There is just so much more long term risk to the radiation and since I do hope that I live at least 40, 50, or even 60 more years we really need to be wise when it comes to those long term affects.
So back to my #2 reason above:
When I was initially diagnosed and finally got past that initial fear (click here to read about some of that) God just gave me the most ultimate peace - a peace beyond all understanding (click here to revisit that post if you missed it). We just knew that chemo is what we needed to do in order to save my life. And let there be no mistake, that is truly what was at stake - my life. In 8 months - since I found the initial tumor it had spread to 2 additional spots. Thinking of what it would have done in another 8 months or 18 months is beyond scary to me. I am grateful to God that we didn't have to find that out.
Anyway, when we met with the radiation doctor (who is wonderful by the way) we really did not get a positive feeling about the treatment. Worse yet, it didn't seem like he was real positive about treating me either. He mentioned several times that we would have to see if the benefits would out weigh the risks and that I would need to be on board with the decision. When we left I felt very "off board" with the idea of doing radiation and Jason felt the very same way. I had several checks in my heart and at first I tried to dismiss these as being "petty" but then I realized, NO! God is putting those checks in my heart for a reason - I needed to listen and pray about them. Finally, we started to pray for clarity and also asked others to pray for that clarity too. This was a critical decision - on one hand not do it and possibly have the Hodgkin's come back and have to go through treatment again. On the other hand - possibly receive damage to my heart, my lungs, and raise my chances of a 2nd malignancy (namely breast cancer) significantly.
Today we felt like that decision was made for us. God used the wisdom of this team of doctors to protect me from harms way. What a loving God we serve. For that I have so much peace in my heart and gratefulness that he has spared me from having to make that tough, tough decision.
So, that is the bad news and that is the good news - pretty up and down day. I have a lot more to say so stay tuned if you would like or run away if you are tired of me rambling. Either way, I completely understand. :-)
Blessings to all!
~Andrea
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