The End of 2011...

With the end of 2011 happening in 6 minutes and my husband already asleep beside me  - it felt appropriate to write one last blog for 2011. I haven't written in a few weeks which is a great frustration for me. I had such high hopes for December..... {sigh}

The truth is that I am struggling daily with fatigue. I know most of you will say that I look "fine" on the outside but I can honestly say that my outsides evidently don't match my insides. Really, I feel like that has been the way it has been for this entire year. I also think that people are just being nice because I have seen pictures of myself when I was going through treatment and they were frightening.

Anyway, when I have a normal day of just taking care of my kids I do okay. But when I start adding things, that is when caution has to come in. It is like I get one extracurricular activity every 3-4 days and then it takes me the next 3-4 days to recover.

I know this is completely "normal" after all my body has been put through but just because it is normal doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it. I want to be back to normal so badly but it just doesn't matter how much I will my body to get there - it definitely has a mind of its own. 

They tell me that it will take at least as long as my treatment took for me to feel okay again. 10 months. Yuck. I don't have time to wait 10 months. Well, once again, this is evidently not on my time table. (You think I would be use to this by now.)

So, each day I have to take each and every item that I want to complete into consideration. I cannot just plow through things like I once did. It is frustrating.... but I do have to admit that there is a valuable lesson in this. (When I figure it out I will share it with you all... just kidding.)

I too am having to learn how to have grace for myself. I seem to overflow with grace for others but when it comes to myself... it just seems to be a different story. (I am just overflowing with life lessons lately aren't I.) 

So, with literally one minute to go before I ring in the new year with some farewell words to 2011 - I have to quickly say that I know 2011 will be a year I will never forget for obvious reasons. I would love to say that I will forever remember 2011 for..... {insert 10 lovely events here}... however that is most likely not going to be realistic. Most likely I am going to forever look back on 2011 and say that it was the year I battled cancer.

Here is hoping and praying that 2012 will be the year that I get my life back.

Happy New Year everyone. May it overflow with love, peace, and blessings from above.

~Andrea