Emotions are Running High!

This past week has been super emotional for me. Every time I sat down to blog I would start getting teary eyed and just not wanting to face the emotion of it all I would find myself wondering off to do something else. The emotion is not bad - what we have gone through is very emotional. I have had times where I have laughed and times that I have cried - and I am so thankful that I am alive to do both. But when you have a husband and 3 boys who are very tuned into their wife and mother - if they see me crying they immediately want to rush in a fix what is wrong and this isn't something that can be fixed.

I can't even tell you why I am so emotional. Maybe because I am at the end and I have been waiting and dreaming of this all to be over for nearly 6 long months. Maybe it is because I am scared that this next chemo treatment will be worse than the last one and I don't want to go through that again - EVER! Maybe it is because I am afraid the cancer really isn't gone and they will deliver me the news that I will need more treatments - or worse. I find myself thinking about that and holding my breath slightly - hoping for the best but still fearing the worst.

Anyway, I am also super emotional because my friend Autumn came over on Thursday and dropped off meals galore to get us through this next chemo treatment (Wednesday). She had called in the troops and they filled our freezer with the most amazing meals. That probably makes me the most emotional. Despite the fact that I usually can't eat that much during my treatments and my taste-buds are completely dead.... my friends are taking care of my family while I can't and that brings so much joy to my heart it is truly overwhelming. It is overwhelming because they know my heart is for my family and they know that if they are taken care of that I will rest easier which will allow my recovery to come much sooner. Through that I feel so loved....thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all you have done to love on me but more importantly for loving on my family.

I really feel like God is just clearly reminding me how very blessed I am. As I watched the fireworks - one of my very favorite holidays - I just soaked it all up. I was so thankful to be able to experience that once again with my family. As I have my birthday coming up tomorrow for the first time since my early twenties I am truly grateful to be turning another year older. (Yeah, I never thought that would happen.) And for those of you who are secretly wondering how old I am and are just too polite to ask (for all of you who aren't my Facebook friends where it is so glaringly displayed) I will be 32 and I am very very proud of it. (Here I go again with the tears...)