My Latest Scan Documented: [The Uncut Version]

I have one last post that I wanted to make tonight before tomorrow.
I know once I get the news tomorrow I won't want to share this one.
One, I will either be too excited about my news to think backwards.
Or, two, I will be coping with other things.
Definitely praying for the first option.

But anyway... carrying on.

I mentioned in my last post that I documented my last scan.
So, here you go.
Just in case you ever want to know what one of these is like.
Of course you don't - but here it is anyway.

First, I shared the registration fiasco.
But once I got to the radiology dept. things moved pretty quickly.
Probably because it was 4:45pm and those people wanted to go home.
I don't blame them.

Anyway, I get there and my person calls me back.
Except it is not my normal person.
That threw me off right there.
Julie.
That's her name.
She has done all of my scans here locally.
We have been through a lot together.
She was the one who did the scan when I was diagnosed.
She was expecting then.
Then later on when they did the scan that showed the cancer wasn't completely gone.
Yep, she was there.
Finally, the one that showed I was clear.
Again, Julie was at the wheel.

I don't know Julie.
Other than when she does my scans.
But it is strange.
You just get used to a person and it just kind of throws you off when someone else does it.

The new guy, Daniel, was just as capable.
But I still missed Julie.

It's like the guy who does my pulmonary stuff.
That guy gets so excited about those pulmonary tests.
And thank goodness he does because there is not much there to get excited about and you need all of the encouragement you can get.
He is good at what he does.
And I am used to him.

Back to Julie.
If any of you at the hospital know who I am talking about - tell her she was missed.

On to the scan...
The first thing you have to do is change into your gown.
Thank goodness I get to keep my pants on.
Otherwise it would be even more awkward.

Me.
Looking super happy to have my scan.

    

Me. Again. Waiting in my gown in the hallway for the world to see. Or at least whoever walks down that hallway. Better than last time. There were about 20 guys waiting for some sort of testing for some sort of job. Awesome. Nothing like walking down the hall trying to hold your gown closed in the back. Awk.Ward. 

But there were pretty flowers in the waiting room.
That was nice.

And yes. I had to take pictures of them.
A little side note here.
My grandpa's favorite flower was the sunflower.
He passed away the day before my birthday 10 years ago.
From cancer.

I was also born in the sunflower state.

Perhaps these were a sign.
A sign of love.
A sign of peace.
A sign of hope.

I can only hope.

    
Me. Again. Laying in the scan thing. Super comfortable as you can tell. And this is my view. You have to pay a lot of money to get a view like that.

At least where I get my PET scans they have leaf impression things in the roof. Those are interesting for about the first 2 minutes at least.

When the scan starts a man's voice comes on and says, "Don't breath and don't swallow."
Somehow he always times this for when I have just exhaled and I have the shear desire to breath and swallow.
Why is it that when someone tells you NOT to do something it just makes you want to do it that s much more?
And then there is just the whole desire to breathe thing.

Oh, and one last thing. Don't wear bobby pins in your hair.
Had to pull about 20 of those bad boys out of my hair before we could begin.



This is the lovely machine that makes me feel yucky.

Two injections of iodine.
(That is also the stuff that makes you feel like you are peeing your pants - just in case you missed that post.)

Then I am done.

Pretty exciting huh.

Well, I am off to bed to get some sleep.
Hopefully you enjoyed this latest lesson in cancer 101.


Blessings.

feeling yucky.

I had my scan today.
Barely.
Something about a change in the system and needing to be authorized - which takes 4 days.
Which I wasn't.

Thought for a minute there it was going to be rescheduled.
Again.

But some very dedicated and kind ladies went above and beyond and made it happen.
They. Are. Awesome!

But now I feel totally yucky because of the iodine they inject you with.
Gross.

They have to do it twice for me.
(I am such an over achiever.)

Basically my scans are far enough a part that I forget about how bad it makes me feel.
So, the first time you are like - wow, that wasn't so good.
But then...
Then you get to lay there and anticipate the second injection.
Did I say gross already?

It's awful.
Plus, you feel like you are peeing your pants.
Awesome.
Didn't know if you knew that or not - or even wanted to know that.
But now you do.

No, I am not joking.
As the iodine travels through your body it totally makes you feel like you are just a peeing a way.
TMI?

Thank goodness they warned me about it the first time I had one of these done or it would have been even more awkward.
Can you imagine?
Um... excuse me... I think I just peed all over and I have no idea why.

Alright, I will get off that topic.
Oh, the tales of cancer.

Anyway, back to me feeling yucky :-)
So, we've established I feel yucky.

The other day a lady sent me a note.
She was having a really bad day.
And I told her when I have days like that I just start to think of all the blessings I have in my life and it makes me feel better.
So, I am going to follow my own advise.

I am blessed that I even woke up this morning and was even able to take another breath.
I am blessed to have the wonderful husband that I have.
That we will be celebrating another anniversary tomorrow.
I am blessed to have the four beautiful children that I have.
That they love their mama the way they do.
I am blessed to have the rest of the family that I have.
My forever friends too.
I am blessed to have the energy that I have.
To be able to do what I love every day.
I am so blessed by the continual grace that God gives me - even though I don't deserve it.

The simple fact remains that I would choose to feel like this every minute of every day if it meant that I could watch my children grow up and grow old with my husband.

This is but a grain of sand in a sandy beach of eternal life but I plan on experiencing as much of this grain of sand that I possibly can.

So, I am going to put my big girl boots on, suck it up and stop whining.

Thanks for reading.

Cancer Tests Around the Corner: {Please Pray}

Yikes! God was super tricky on this one...

My scan was scheduled for Monday. (Yes, Labor Day.)
It was scheduled so long ago that I guess no one noticed it was a holiday.
Until yesterday.

I received a call saying they wanted to move it.
So, they moved it to tomorrow!
It really just hit me.
I have not had my normal prep time to pray, freak out and hyperventilate (just kidding - I honestly don't do that.)

But I didn't realize how much of a routine I have when it comes to these things. Here is a bit of a rundown:

1.) Ignore it.
Honestly, this is the only way to describe what I do. I really just don't think about it that much.
I have described it before as like waking up from a bad dream. You have to think about whether or not it really happened or not because it is all such a blur. That is me. I feel like I am just waking up but instead of saying, "Oh, that was just a dream..." I get to say, "Oh, that really did happen."

2.) Start praying about it.
About 2 weeks before, I do start to think of it just a little and every time I do think about it I just pray. My worry level is still very very low at this point.

3.) Pray more.
About 2-3 days before, I have to start praying more as I do start to think about it more. I do get those butterflies a bit and I just have to pray through it.

I honestly feel like I keep my worry in check pretty well. Of course, I am human. but as I have shared before, I feel like worrying about it is a giant waste of time. It does nothing for tomorrow and only robs my joy of today.

If, in fact, I had to go back into treatment do I really want my last days before going into treatment worrying about whether or not I will have to go back into treatment or not? That was a lot to just write - I can't imagine it continually swirling around uncontrollably in my brain.

The answer.
No.
Absolutely not.

I refuse to let cancer rob any more of my joy. I know I am stuck on this roller-coaster for a while but I can choose if I am going to enjoy the ride or scream out in fear the whole time.
It isn't always easy but it is still my choice.
And this is the way I am choosing to walk it out.

But...
I still wouldn't mind your prayers. :-)
Or thoughts.
Or whatever you do.
Just as long as it's nice. :-)

Thank you all for your continual love and support through this "roller-coaster ride". It means a lot that you still pray, still read, still care.

Blessings.

Pre-Test Result Jitters

Tomorrow is another big day for me. I find out if my scan results are clear again. If they are, I should be able to get my port out in the near future which makes me super happy. If not - well then that will mean treatment of some kind but I really haven't let my mind go there.

I have detected a pattern to my testing and results. This has been the longest I have had to wait for results. Usually I find out in a week or less but I had my scan on Feb. 20 and I will get the results tomorrow so that is over two weeks. However, I actually do not even think about the testing or the results until about 2 days before I have either. That is when the jitters start to set in a bit and I have to be much more diligent about not letting the "what-if's" kick in. There is just no point in going there. It does nothing for today and certainly does nothing for tomorrow - except rob my joy.

So, I busy myself with a thousand other things that deserve my energy more than worrying does. I truly have gotten much better at this over the past year that is for sure. Learning to surrender is never easy but is well worth it.

If you happen to think of it, if you could pray for me tomorrow a.m. that would be delightful.

Blessings,
Andrea

Tomorrow: Test Result Day

As I hold my sleeping daughter, I am experiencing all kinds of emotions about tomorrow. Tomorrow will decide a lot of things. Tomorrow will mean that I either get my life back and can once again establish a normal routine for living or I will continue on as a patient with more treatment. I am obviously routing for the first option.

In the meantime, I have been spending as much time with my husband and children as possible. One thing that I have realized through all of this is that so many times we focus on a certain event in time - whether it is the wedding day, the due date, the birthday,..... or the test result day..... whatever it is... we focus on that day so much that we miss all of the joy in the days leading up to that moment. For the past 11 months I have been very deliberate in not doing this.

If I would have spent the last two months worrying about tomorrow - I would have missed so many incredible moments. I would have just been existing and not really living.

So, tomorrow can go one of two ways and I have done my best to prepare my heart for both. I know some of you will think that my preparing for either result may be a reflection of a lack of faith. However, this is not a faith issue at all. I have faith in God and that has never wavered. It is just about being realistic.

Of course I have hope that God has healed me through the treatment I have already received. I hope that with all my heart. But I am also realistic that God may not have that in store for me just yet and I need to be obedient in whatever he calls me to do. And I will. 


In the meantime I dream of a joy that I have never experienced before. A cancer-free joy. For until you walk through the valley you can never experience the joy of the mountain top.

Blessings and love to all who read this.

Andrea

What's Next with the Cancer Treatment Plan

I have been getting the question...."What's next?" quite a lot lately. I realized that I had not given a "formal" update on what the next steps are for me and my cancer treatment. So here you go...

They do not do any type of testing of any kind for a minimum of two months after radiation.  Evidently they need to make sure that all of the swelling and stuff has gone away or that can make the results come back wonky. (Yes, wonky is a technical term - at least in my world.)

So, my scan is scheduled for December 28th and they will be doing a PET scan then. I then have my doctors' appointments on January 4th where I will meet with both my chemo and radiation oncologists. That is when we are hopeful (and when I say hopeful I really mean HOPEFUL) that I will get a clear report.

If I get a clear report I will then see my main oncologist every 3 months with a scan every 6 months. They will gradually move my check-ups further and further apart as I get clear resutls. If I can hit the 2 year mark without it coming back then my risk factor goes way down - at least for the Hodgkin's. If I can hit 5 years without it coming back then it goes way, way, way down!

If for some unforeseen reason my scan does not come back clear on the 4th of January - I have no idea what will happen. They really don't discuss those types of things with you in advance. Really, there is no point because you would then just worry about it and you don't need that.

How am I doing with it all? FANTASTIC! I am so ecstatic to be done with treatment right now - life truly could not be any better. I am just adoring all of this time that I have with my family and I am soaking up every second of it. I just feel truly blessed.

Some have asked how I am doing with the wait for my results and honestly I don't even think about it. It is what it is and there isn't anything I can do about it - so why worry about it?

I think when you go through stuff like this you just get so use to all of the testing and waiting that you don't pay that much attention to it anymore. You enjoy the times that you aren't in a doctors office or aren't being tested for something so much and you realize that is what is important. It seems pointless to take these precious minutes of life that I have been given and spend them worrying. Life is too short for that.

So, there you have it. I won't find out anything until January 4th. We are praying that God will bless us with a clean bill of health in 2012! (All prayers are welcome!)

Blessings and Love to All!
Andrea

The Waiting...

So, most of you know I had my scan about 2 weeks ago and my doctor called me to tell me that there was still a spot in my neck and they couldn't tell what it was with that scan so I had to go in for a PET Scan this past Thursday.

For all of you hold your breath we still don't have the results. Oh, you can stop holding your breath too because you will probably pass out before I get the results. :-)

Anyway, it has become clear to me that the waiting is very hard on you all. I think it is harder on you than it is for Jason and me. This does however make me feel very loved knowing that you all care so much. But really, I am doing really well. I am at peace with everything (even if I get results that are not exactly what we hoped for.)

I know God is going to heal me. It is this overwhelming feeling I feel in my chest - it is so great that it makes me feel like my chest is going to explode actually. I don't know how he is going to heal me. I don't know when he is going to heal me. I just know that he will - and maybe he already has.

Thank you for reading and God bless you all!