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13.
It seems so much bigger than 12.
Another milestone.
Another bitter/sweet moment.

My oldest boy turned 13 this last month.
And although I am a little late with this post.
I still wanted to take a minute to reflect on my boy young man.

He is just a sweet kid.
We are so blessed.

He is smart.
Funny.
He loves God.
And just loves life.

I cannot imagine my life without him.
And boy, has he been through some stuff.

When he was born he couldn't breath on his own.
It took them 6 hours to get a breathing tube in him.
During that time he stopped breathing countless times.
Each time he would fight back in order to stay in this world.
For that, I am beyond words grateful.

He was little.
Only 5 pounds 15 ounces.
But his strength was indescribable.
To this day.
13 years later.
I am still left in awe.

He has shown me so much about myself.
About being a mom.
About being strong.
How you keep fighting.
No matter what.

He has had 6 surgeries.
A trach for the first 14 months of his life.
Countless doctors appointments.
Therapy of every kind.
He has been misdiagnosed 5 different times.
Yet, he presses on.
No matter what.
And if you look at him now you would never guess that he has had to endure so much.
He is just so solid.

Until now I have never really talked about this openly.
Not because I am ashamed.
I am actually the opposite.
Not because it was hard.
It was hard but God did so much through it.
But because I never wanted it to define who he was.
Not as a boy and not as the man he is growing into.
I never wanted people to expect any less of him because they knew he had some challenges in the beginning.
I wanted that God given internal strength to shine through no matter what.
And it does.




I will never forget the day he was born.
After taking hours to stabilize him they took him to another hospital that had a NICU.
I had to stay behind.
It was one of the hardest nights of my life.
I just wanted to hold my boy and I couldn't.

It was about 11pm.
His doctor called from the NICU.
He told me that he was stabilized and doing okay.
But that is when he said it.
He said, "This boy is going to be a smart one."
He said he could see it in his eyes.
How right that man was.

He is brilliant.
Wise beyond his years.
And he truly loves to learn.

I am so excited to see how God uses him.
Right now he thinks he may want to be a historian.
A professor somewhere perhaps.
Perhaps a biblical historian.

Whatever he does.
I know he is going to be amazing.
Because he already is amazing.
Each day I thank the Lord for him.
And celebrate these bitter/sweet moments.

Each day he is one step closer to heading out on his own to truly embrace what God has for him.
For that I am so excited.
I am so excited for him.
But I know it will be hard when he is not under the same roof.
It is all just bitter/sweet.

For today I will cherish.
As I know tomorrow will come sooner than I want it to.
And then tomorrow I will rejoice.
For I know I was deliberate in the way I cherished today.

My [Other] Birthday Today

Yesterday was my birthday and it was amazing. I will share more about that later. But today is another big day for me....

One year ago today I received my last chemo treatment. 

Wow. 1 year has gone by? Really?

I have a ton of emotions today. I am so grateful first of all. There are just really no words that will do this justice. I am grateful that I am still here. I am grateful that I am not in treatment anymore. I am grateful to be a survivor.

I feel an excitement that this is REALLY behind me. Sometimes it is hard to believe that I am really past this and sometimes I am scared to believe it. Like if I really believe it and then I find out it isn't real I don't know if I can withstand the heartbreak. But, that is where faith comes in.

I also feel sick to my stomach when I think about one year ago today and what I was doing. I really do. I honestly hate thinking about it because it brings back how awful I felt. I can even smell and taste how it felt - yes, chemo has a taste - and it is terrible. So, I really try not to go back there for long. However, it does enhance my joy and appreciation of today to do so.

Anyway, I know that many of you have walked along this journey with me. Some in the flesh and others by reading my blog. I appreciate you all. For if it weren't for your prayers and support I know that today could have been very different. And not just for me - but for the four little precious people who call me mama and the one big precious person that calls me wife.

I think I rejoice mostly for them.

Today is {My} Birthday

Happy Birthday to {ME}

Admittedly, I have never been a huge fan of my birthday. I just really didn't feel comfortable with people making a fuss over me. I felt awkward and unsure of how to respond. The normal person would just say "thank you" and move on but not me. I start analyzing how I should say "thank you". If I say it one way someone may think I am prideful and if I say it another way they may think I am not grateful. Oh the pressures! Why could I not have one of those cute southern accents where everything sounds nice when you say it?

Anyway, in a nutshell - prior to 2011 I had neutral feelings about my birthday. Oh, I also did not like that whole getting older thing either.

Post 2011, I {REJOICE} on my birthday. I am overwhelmingly grateful just to have the opportunity to be here on this earth as a wife and a mother for one more year. I feel beyond blessed.

Now I dream of being 70. For if I am 70 I will have finished what I started here. I will have fulfilled my promise to my husband on our wedding day - the one where I said I would grow old with him. I will have raised my babies and seen them graduate, walk down the aisle, and have babies of their own. I will have even had the bonus of being a grandma myself and perhaps even a great-grandma. Wouldn't that be splendid. All of these things are such wonderful treasures that I long for. I just want to finish well.

So, today I am rejoicing at the fact that God has given me {33} years on this earth. Again, I just feel so grateful to even be here writing this for you to read. It is a good day. :-)

Blessings and Love to All! 


~Andrea

{Rejoicing Today} I am Cancer Free!

For those of you who have been keeping up on my blog you know that today was a big day for us. Today I found out if I needed more treatment or if my scan was clear....

I am so joyfully overwhelmed to announce that I am now a cancer survivor. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it... cancer survivor, cancer survivor, cancer survivor. Okay, I will stop now. 

I do think that I am a bit in denial still because it just doesn't seem real yet....

11 months and 2 days ago was one of the hardest days of my life. It was my "d-day" (diagnosis day). It was something that I certainly never expected to happen at 31 years of age. 

Throughout the last 11 months there have been many hard days. Days that I was so weak I couldn't even get out of bed. Days where I couldn't keep one ounce of food down. Days where every ounce of my body ached so badly that I almost couldn't stand it....but not today. 

After thousands upon thousands of prayers said on my behalf from countless different locations across the world - our prayers have been answered. I am cancer free. 

I was trying to think of a way to describe my feelings at this moment. Then I thought of a roller-coaster ride. There are the ups and the downs and being yanked from side-to-side and then you climb the big mountain. You are fearful with anticipation and then you get to the top where your fear peaks.... then you stop just for a moment and there is that moment where gravity hasn't taken affect yet and you just have joy.... That is where I am right now. Floating. Joyful. Rejoicing. 

This is not the end of my ride by any means. I have many months ahead of me of tests, observations, and gaining my strength back day-by-day. But for now I am just going to sit back and enjoy the rest of this ride. It has been a long one. 

All glory goes to God for without him I would not be here today. He gave me the strength and courage to walk this out day-by-day, moment-by-moment. He never left my side and I am truly grateful that he gave me this gift of life. That he has allowed me to stay here with my husband and children. I can do nothing else but weep with joy. 

After we left the doctor's office I just sat and cried. It was like I had so much emotion pinned up inside of me and it just came flowing out. I told Jason that this journey began with tears and ended with tears... but I definitely prefer these kinds of tears. 

My children are filled with joy today as well. I told them and my six-year-old asked me... "Can I say a cheer mommy?" Sure, why not! They chanted... Mommy's cancer free, mommy's cancer free. I am so grateful for them. I am so grateful to be their mother. I am just grateful!

Anyway, I can go on and on but I will finish this up for now. Just know that the Gressman house is definitely rejoicing tonight! 

Blessings and love to all!

Andrea

Come Rejoice With Me!!!

Hello Friends & Family,
I have planned a potluck for this Saturday so that I can see all of my friends and family before I get to far down the chemo path.

Please feel free to join me to just have some wonderful time of fellowship and praise the Lord together.

Here is the info:

Saturday, February 12, 2011
12pm - ?
Grace Kids Building @ Grace Community Church in Montrose
Potluck: bring a main dish and a side if you can

If you don't have time to eat that is okay too. Just stop by, I would love to see you!

Hope to see you there!
Love you all!

~Andrea

Update!

Dear Family & Friends,

We are truly rejoicing in the Lord today. My diagnosis was confirmed as Hodgkin's Lymphoma, also known as Hodgkin's Disease. I am at a Stage 1b. This is such a good thing and we are overjoyed! My friend said it best today, "It is the best case scenario in a worse case situation."

I will start my chemo on Wednesday and will be having it every two weeks. The doctor estimates that it will take 4-6 months in order to completely get rid of it. He estimates an 85-90% curability rate. It has not traveled to any of my other organs and my bone marrow test was negative.

This is truly a time to praise the Lord and truly rejoice. I hope you all rejoice with me as the Lord is so good and faithful with his everlasting love.

Thank you all for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers! I love you all!

~Andrea