{Being Present}.... Rainy Days

A heavy afternoon rain that cleanses the soul.
A rainbow spreads out across the sky.
It serves as a reminder of a promise made long ago.

Gray clouds billow as far as you can see.
They try to darken your mood.
But as your eyes follow them you finally discover a break.

The light floods through.
A message from above.
A reminder of hope.

You hear the sound of rain drops dancing on the windows.
They seem so happy to have made their journey.
They create their own one-of-a-kind lullaby.

Lightening begins to dance.
It creates its own musical before your eyes.
You can't help but to wait for the next burst of light.

And as if these things weren't all enough....
There are puddles.
Lots and lots of puddles.

So thankful to "just be" today.
With the dark skies and the rain.

Why I Believe in God - A Miracle

Periodically I am asked why I believe it God.
Sometimes this question comes from people that are searching for their own beliefs.
Sometimes this questions comes from people who are steadfast in their belief that there is no God.
Regardless of who is asking the question, I always have the same answer.

How can I not?

For what God has done in my life there is no way that I cannot believe in Him.
And that is just me personally.
That does not even come close to describing what I have seen Him do in other lives.

Sure I face criticism for my beliefs.
I had someone tell me that it was natural for me to believe what I do when I have gone through something like I have (meaning the cancer) because it is the human tendency to try to cling to something that could possibly give me the outcome that I desired.
Um... okay...
One important note though - I believed in God before I was diagnosed too....

Anyway, I am not here to debate my belief.
People are entitled to their beliefs just as I am entitled to mine.
But I do want to share one of the many many ways I have seen God in my life.

Jason and I have actually had people ask us, even our Christian friends, how we can believe in Jesus after what we have gone through... the cancer... the multiple miscarriages... and other things that we won't get into.

Again, our answer... how can we not?

One way I saw God's provisions... God's miracle... was actually through my cancer.

What some of you may not know is that I found my first cancer symptom when my daughter was just 2 weeks old.
It was not there before and then suddenly the day she was 2 weeks old I found what I would later learn was a tumor in my neck.

Why is this a miracle?
Some people may say it is the opposite....

Because I didn't find that tumor during my pregnancy.
Can you even fathom the timing of it all?
I STILL struggle with the magnitude of how powerful this is in my life.

I am pregnant with my daughter.
A pregnancy that I white knuckled the entire time because of the loss of our son the year before...
But I am able to go through my entire pregnancy with the cancer growing in my body and still deliver this healthy baby girl.
Then 2 weeks later I find my first cancer symptom.

I see women all of the time that have been diagnosed with cancer during their pregnancies and then have to make those critical decisions.
I was actually there once myself but that is a story for another blog post.
But I cannot imagine having to make those decisions being pregnant with her after we had endured such a loss just one year, one month, and ten days before she was born.
I know God knew that I could not take that.
And he spared me from it.

I am also grateful that he allowed me to carry her full-term and that she was perfectly healthy despite the cancer growing inside me at the very same time.
A miracle.
My miracle.
One of many.

But God is not a God of just miracles.
He is a God of the everyday things.
Each day I walk it out with Him and each day I know how lost I would be without Him.
And I am grateful.
Grateful for it all.

I know that this may not seem like a big deal to some but it is a huge deal to me.
And to my last breath on this earth I will rejoice for the gifts that He has given me.
2 weeks.
He gave me 2 weeks.
And it made all the difference for this mamma.
And one very special baby girl.

{She Makes Me Smile}

I take LOTS of photos of my children.
Probably 90% of them never make it on here because I simply do not have time to post them all.
And, you probably wouldn't want to look at that many photos anyway.

Anyway, as I take their photos you never really know what you are going to get.
Sometimes you think they will turn out great to find that something funky happened at the exact same moment that you took the photo.
Then there are times that you are thoroughly surprised when you finally get to look at them.
It is like a little extra present.

This was one of those times.
I shared with you some of our Ouray pictures and then promised more.
These are of my sweet girl, Kearyn.
She just has this way of making me smile.

This day she had such a great smile on her face.
So bright.
So happy.
I just love these photos.

                        

She Makes My Heart Skip a Beat....

This girl...
Wow.
Sometimes there are just no words.





I can't come close to describing my love for her.
My daughter.

I really never thought I would have a girl.
I wasn't even sure if I wanted one.

I was afraid.
Afraid I wouldn't be the right kind of mom for her.
I still do fear that....sometimes.






I was a boys mom.
I was in a groove.
Then God rocked my world.
And gave me this precious baby girl.

Our life hasn't been the same since.
And what I think gets me most...
Is how close we came to not having her.






I have shared openly about our many miscarriages.
And how we lost our little boy 11 months and 10 days before my girl was born.

We came so close to giving up.
To throwing in the towel.
We almost let the fear rule our hearts.
And not try again.





We prayed.
God answered.




She is our thing of beauty in this sometimes dark world.
She keeps us going.
And she definitely keeps us on our toes.

Thank.You.God.

Photo of the Day: {daddy's hand}

[kearyn & daddy]

When I see pictures like this my heart can't help but to skip a beat.
For I know the time we have with our daughter as a 'little' is ever so brief.

It convicts my heart even more to cherish each day.
And to never, not even one second of it, wish my days away.

Life Just Happens Sometimes

I haven't posted in a few days because....well, life just happens sometimes.

My hubby and my oldest were on a mission trip last week. 

They went to a Navajo reservation where 31 kids ended up giving their lives to Jesus. 

Yeah, wow! God is good.

The very first night that my hubby was gone my baby girl came down with something.

She had a high fever for 3 days.

So, that required me to up the mommy mode and tone down the blogging mode.

She had no other symptoms other than a fever - which was good.

And, she still had her sweet, joyful attitude.

And her precious smile. 

Love that girl.
And her smile.

So, my hubby and oldest arrived safely home.
And I think it took 3 days for me to hear all of the amazing stories of how God worked while they were away.
It was so neat to see their joy and excitement.

Now we are back to "normal".
Or as normal as our household really ever gets.

I hope whatever is happening in your life that you have a very blessed day.
And weekend.
Happy Friday!

Photo of the Day: {Beautiful Reflection}

I love this little girl.

Of course, as her mama, I think she is beautiful.

Inside and out.

I love her joy.

It radiates from her. 

A reflection of her {Creator}. 

Photo of the Day: {The Foot of the Cross}

 I have to be honest...I love this photo - my daughter playing at the foot of the cross. It is this mama's prayer that each of my children are always able to find their way here and receive the comfort that it brings.

Happy Sunday.

Photo of the Day: {Freezing Time}

Do you ever wish you could freeze time? Sometimes I do and it mostly revolves around my children. You know the moment I am talking about... the one where you look down at them and see their sweet little smiles, their chubby little hands, or hear something cute that they just said. These moments melt my heart and I simply cherish them.

I say to myself, "I DO NOT want to forget this." 

They are precious to me and I am so blessed to be given so many. However, I think one of my worst fears is that I will forget. So, I randomly take photos like this one. Ones that if you looked through the thousands of photos on my computer that you would have no idea why I took them, who they are, or what the person was doing. But I do. And when I look at them the memory floods back to me and brings a smile to my face - and heart.

This picture is of my daughters toes. They will be this small and carefree for just a short time. A blink of an eye in all eternity. But I do not want to forget them for even one second.

 So, this is my way of {freezing time}. What's yours?

Photo of the Day: {My Girl}

{Kearyn}..... & Her Eyelashes

I love this picture.  

Swimming in Ouray....{Part 2}

As we were finishing our time up at the pool Kearyn found a floaty and I was able to take these photos of her. I just LOVE taking pictures of this girl. These are quite possibly some of my favorites. How could these not make you happy!

Swimming in Ouray.....{Part 1}

A couple of weeks ago Jason took some of the GCC Youth Group kids to Ouray for a fun swim day after a long week of serving at several different locations throughout our community. The kids and I were able to tag along. We enjoyed our time at the Ouray Hot Springs and just feel so blessed that we live in an area that offers so many things to do in such a short distance.

These are just a few pictures I was able to snap of Jason, Creide, and Kearyn playing in the water. Boy, do they love playing in the water - especially Jason, he is like a big fish and you can barely get him out of the water without throwing a fit.  (For those of you who don't know - Jason is the one with the facial hair ;-) I better stop now - he does read the blog. Love you Jason!)

Kearyn says: Check out my new swimming suit! Thank you Miss Jeanette!

Impromptu Photo Shoot....{Kearyn}

Saturday my in-laws called us to see if we wanted to meet them for lunch so we did. Coming out of the restaurant we had this impromptu photo shoot. I thought they turned out so cute I couldn't resist sharing.

Kearyn 13.5 months

Things That Make Me Happy..... Part 1

First up....my baby girl. These pictures just make me smile. She is sporting one of our favorite t-shirts made especially for her by Meriyah and Kylie and she is definitely a tie-die princess. 

Oh, what a sweet girl. If this doesn't make you happy I don't know what will.
I just love her. :-) 

Kearyn 9: I Love This Surprise!

So, I just had to share. I happened to go on FB (for those of you who aren't up on the lingo FB=Facebook) and found this lovely picture of my hubby and my daughter on there. I love it! One of our youth group kids took it when we just happened to be at the park at the same time a couple of weeks ago and I didn't even know it. It is just so good - they both are so happy! I love it! It gives my heart so much joy. Thanks for taking and sharing this photo Hannah!



Daddy and Kearyn Girl (almost 1 in this photo)

Kearyn 8: Looking Up

I just love this photo of Kearyn. To most it probably doesn't mean much - quality wise it isn't even that great for several reasons - 1. It was taken with my phone. 2. There is some funky lighting coming through the window. :-) But I love it anyway because of the memories it brings back.

This was taken on my birthday. We went to Grand Junction for the day and this was our last stop. We stopped at the park and Jason took the boys to run off some of that boy-energy (for all of you moms of boys you know what I am talking about). Kearyn needed to be fed so I stayed in the car. After she ate I started snapping some photos of her and then Jason came back to the car and snapped a few more for me.

I love this one because I know she is looking up at me - her mommy. Her little eyes so big and bright and she just looks happy.

Kearyn 6: Moments to Cherish

With 4 children, a wonderful husband, a great family, and the best friends a girl can ask for (you know who I am talking about) there are just so many cherished memories stored up in my heart. One of my favorite things to do is to go back and look at past photos and then just let the stream of memories come forth. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry - but most importantly - I just remember.

One of the funnest things about this blog is that I not only get to relive these moments but I also get to share them as well.

These little gems were taken when Kearyn was just 1 day old. I will never forget this moment. I was laying in the hospital bed just watching her sleep. I could barely take my eyes off of her. She was finally here - my little Kearyn Jaedance. I studied her face - memorizing her. Soaking every moment of this miracle up. Wow, what a moment.

She, of course, was completely unaware. Her only concern being that she was snuggled up in her mommy's arms listening to my heartbeat - such a familiar sound to her. I looked at the clock - 9am on the dot. She was exactly 24 hours old. I reached out to the bedside table and with the very tips of my fingers I could reach my phone without disturbing her precious nap. I took these three photos to capture that moment in time forever. Thank God for the convenience of the camera phone.

I will never ever forget that moment and thanks to these pictures I can reflect on that moment often. I do have to say - and I know I am suppose to because I am her mommy - but what a beautiful baby is she!

!

~Pictures by Andrea Gressman~ 

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

Kearyn Jaedance is ONE!

I cannot believe that a full year has gone by since the Lord brought you into our lives. We have done our very best to soak up each and every moment - even when times have been so incredibly hard. 

Your precious smile has kept us all going - a welcome distraction from the challenges we face. 

It has been a joy to watch your brothers discover the true meaning of what it means to be a "big  brother". They continually lay down their own will and desires for you - their baby sister. At one time these boys didn't know the meaning of being gentle but now they better not dare do anything to hurt you - accident or not - as they will surely face the wrath of the other two. 

I have watched your daddy turn from this rough-tough man to a pile of goo for his baby girl. You still look so small when he holds you in his arms. And he even puts bows in your hair. 

You have changed me as well. I once thought I could only be a "boys mom" and you have shown me that I have what it takes to be a mom to you as well. You have given me that much more to live for and that much more to keep fighting for. There have been so many nights when I have just sat and stared at your precious face and that has given me the strength I have needed to press on, to fight the good fight, and to never give up. 

There are so many things about this first year that you will never know and thankfully will never remember. But you will know the love that you have been so abundantly given by so many. That you will carry with you for a lifetime. 

Thank you baby girl for being you. 


Thank you God for giving her to us. She has truly changed our lives forever. I cannot imagine living life without her. 






~Photos by Sarah B.~ 

Kearyn 5: My Best Memorial Day Memory

First and foremost, the Gressman family wants to say thank you to all who have served our country so bravely and honorably. We know that we would not know the freedoms that we have today if it weren't for your sacrifices. For those of you who are currently serving  - we pray for you often as well as for the loved ones who support you.

As I was thinking about Memorial Day I started to think about my favorite Memorial Day memory. Well hand down it was Memorial Day of 2010 and it was the birth of my baby girl. Yes, it was quite the Memorial Day for our family - a memory that we can never forget. A perfect day - Kearyn's Day.

Mommy and Kearyn ~ only minutes old

What is your favorite Memorial Day memory? Comment here, email me, or Facebook me and I will post it here - anonymously if preferred.