Moving Forward...5 Tips on How to Get Going

I was actually writing about something else today and this topic was just laid very heavy on my heart so I switched gears.

I feel very much like I am starting over in life. Now this is both good and bad. It wasn't like my life was bad before. I loved my life. But obviously that season needed to come to an end for me so a new season could begin. (scripture reference: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

This can happen for many reasons - not just because of an illness. We see this happen when people go through a divorce, a death of a loved one, a career change, maybe when your children grow up and leave home... the reason isn't so much of the focus here but more of what happens next.

I feel like I just woke up from a long sleep and everything is different now. The schedule that I had once lived by is non-existent. I had to let go of all the activities and groups that I was apart of before as well. My kids are different for this has changed them too. My relationship is different with my husband, my other family members, as well as my friends. Again, different doesn't necessarily mean bad... it is just that...different. And it all takes time to adjust.

But in the midst of all of these changes you can feel a bit overwhelmed. You wonder how you even begin to move forward. You look around your house, you look at your relationships, and you look at all you need to do -  and it can be very intimidating.

As I was processing this today, I thought of how easy it could be to do nothing. Just retreat. Just say that it is too big and give up allowing the illness, divorce, loss, relationship change, career status, or whatever else that may be causing this to consume you - to become your identity.

It would be so easy to isolate yourself and never become the new person God is calling you to be and never enjoy the fruits of the new season you are being called to live in.

So, how do you move forward? How do you re-prioritize, re-establish, re-commit to things in this new season. Here are a few steps that I have come up with for myself that may help you as well if you find you are in the same situation I am in.

1. Pray. 

Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how you need to move forward. Ask him for the strength to do it. It is so easy to jump back into the "old life" and there are probably aspects of that old life that you will go back to but there may be some things that you were meant to let go of too.

I remember our old pastor giving a sermon one time on the things you do. He said just because God called you to do them 2 years ago does not mean he is calling you to do them today. That is so true and we must be prayerful about each and every thing before we place it back into our lives. Just because it was there before does not mean that it is meant to be there now.

2. Prioritize.

So after you pray, then God will help you set the priorities that you need to have. With my situation, I am dealing with a limited amount of energy. So, I can't have the list of priorities that I once had. I will share my list of priorities with you now and how I am currently addressing them.

My Faith - I know for a fact that I cannot let this slip one bit. I need to be continually seeking and growing in this area. How am I going to work on this - church, bible study, and actually writing believe it or not. I feel like my writing is a very strong form of worship in my life and it definitely keeps me centered and focused on the cross.

My Family - This is where things start to get more complicated for me. I want to pour into my family but I start to run out of energy very quickly. So, it has become more about the quality of time I spend with them right now and not necessarily the quantity of time. Now, don't get me wrong. I am with my children all of the time as they are at home with me so that equates to a lot of time being under the same roof as they are. But ultimately, if the quality is not there then that is just what it is - time under the same roof.

My goal is to make the moments I spend with my children as meaningful as possible. So, that means that I really engage with my oldest son when he has one of his conversations with me about ancient history, how some battle was fought and with what kind of weapons they used. Instead of thinking of other things, my focus is on him.

The same goes for my husband. Even if I only get 15 minutes with him before one of us has fallen asleep at night then that 15 minutes needs to be as meaningful as possible.

My Friends - Ultimately I know that I have not been a very good friend this past year. The thing about friendships is that they take some degree of energy and investment on both sides. When I was unable to make that investment some of my friendships weakened or were even lost. It doesn't make it easy by any means.

Because this is such a difficult area it is tempting to just throw myself back into these relationships full force. But once again I remind myself that I am still operating on a very limited level of energy and I must ease my way back into things. That leads me to my next tip....

3. Baby-steps.

As I mentioned before, it is very easy to become overwhelmed and then not want to do anything. You freeze-up because you just don't even know where to begin. The key here is to just start somewhere. Anywhere. And move forward with baby-steps. You don't have to be 100% overnight.

This doesn't even have to relate to a major event in your life. Perhaps you have just slipped a bit or wake up one day and don't like the choices you have made but are unsure of how to get back to where you need to be. Just make one baby-step in the direction you need to go. Maybe this means that you get back into the word a certain amount of time each day. If you are like me and are needing to reorganize your house - well, just start with one small section and go from there. Again, it is important to just move forward - not necessarily how much you move forward.

4. Grace.

Be sure to have grace for others as well as for yourself. I have found that people rarely understand the trial that you are in unless they have been there first hand themselves. But this doesn't mean that they don't want to understand.

Each time I share some of my experiences with a friend and they realize truly how hard chemo was and how badly it affected me - their perspective changes. They provide me the grace I need not to be expected to jump back into everything overnight.

You also need to have grace for yourself. I talked a great deal about this in a post I wrote a couple of days ago. (You can read that here.) You cannot have unreasonable expectations for yourself and if you fall short, then it is even more critical to have grace for yourself in those times as well.

5. Enjoy.

This is critical for me personally. I do miss different aspects of my life before all of this but I have so much to be joyful for in this new season as well. Any time I start to feel a bit overwhelmed I just think back to how far I have come, the victories I have seen, and the many things I have to be grateful for now.

So, if you are in a similar boat as I am in - maybe this post can be meaningful to you. Moving forward isn't always easy but definitely worth it.

Learning to Have {Grace} for Me

Even I, even now, with so much to be grateful for, get frustrated. Mainly I get frustrated with myself. I just can't do all the things I want to. I feel like I am operating at 10% of full capacity and it just irritates me to no end.

The other day we were talking to some friends and this topic came up. He referred to me as a "high achiever". I had never thought of myself that way before. I just do what I do. But I do have to admit that he is probably right.

I will blame my parents. Just kidding. It sounded like a funny thing to say and so often in our society we end up blaming others for our issues but that is a whole other blog. Just for the record - I do not blame my parents nor anyone else. I completely own this issue as my own.

Anyway, they (meaning the cancer treatment staff) warned me against this. They said that when I finished my treatment that I would be expected to just jump back into life full force even though my body had just gone through the wash and rinse cycle over and over again for months on end. They were right. But it isn't everyone else that puts these expectations on me - or at least they don't verbalize it. I have found that it is actually me! (For those of you who know me well - I know you are probably not surprised. I am sure you are saying something like, "Um yeah, of course you are!" But for myself - this is a painful realization.)

You see, I have never been a very good patient (you can ask my beloved husband - I irritate him to no end). If he has a headache, he takes a couple of pain relievers and lays down for a bit. As for me - I forget to take the pain relievers (until he reminds me) and end up cleaning my kitchen because laying there in pain absolutely drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying my husband is a wimpy guy. I mean, just look at him! He is the strongest man I know and I have plenty of stories to back this up as a factual statement. However, he gets very embarrassed when I start breaking those out so I will save those for later ;-). What I am saying is that my behavior is not always "normal" in these types of situations.

Even after I had each of my children, I was up and ready to go two hours after I had them. That is just the way I operate. So, why would now be any different...

But now, I look around my house and see that it needs to be cleaned. So I clean it. Then I can barely get out of bed for three days. I repeat this behavior time and time again. Instead, I should do a little at a time... but nooooo.... I just don't seem to learn that lesson.

I have these expectations of myself and they are totally unrealistic for what I have just gone through - yet I still have them and I still get so frustrated when I fall short - even though I know I am going to fall short. It is a viscous, never-ending cycle. My expectations just continually exceed my ability at this time.

So, I am learning how to be grateful for the things I can do and to not beat myself up for the things I can't. I am learning that no matter how badly I want to do something - sometimes I just don't have the energy to do them. I am definitely learning how to prioritize in a major way. I am also learning that it is okay to allow myself the time I need to recover and baby-step my way back into this thing called life.  Ultimately, I am learning how to have grace for me.... something I am realizing that I have never had much of in the past.