{Being Present}.... Rainy Days

A heavy afternoon rain that cleanses the soul.
A rainbow spreads out across the sky.
It serves as a reminder of a promise made long ago.

Gray clouds billow as far as you can see.
They try to darken your mood.
But as your eyes follow them you finally discover a break.

The light floods through.
A message from above.
A reminder of hope.

You hear the sound of rain drops dancing on the windows.
They seem so happy to have made their journey.
They create their own one-of-a-kind lullaby.

Lightening begins to dance.
It creates its own musical before your eyes.
You can't help but to wait for the next burst of light.

And as if these things weren't all enough....
There are puddles.
Lots and lots of puddles.

So thankful to "just be" today.
With the dark skies and the rain.

There is a Turtle in My Bathtub

I am serious.

There is a turtle in my bathtub right now as we speak… errr write.

Now before you turn me in for animal cruelty or give me some lecture on how irresponsible it is for me to have a turtle in my bathtub for 1000 different reasons let me explain….There is absolutely a good reason for this… or at least I think there is.

I was driving down the road and it had been one of those crazy kind of days. And I mean crazy!

I was operating on about 2 hours of sleep and with the birth of our 5th child only 4 weeks before I was a bit sleep deprived long before this day had arrived. But my baby was sick and a mama just can’t sleep when her baby is sick… or at least I can’t. So, I sat up and held him. I made him as comfortable as possible and just loved on him.

So I had taken him to the doctor that afternoon and then was on my way to the grocery store to get him some stuff the doctor told me to get for him. That is when I saw something on the road…

Yep, a turtle.

It was a narrow road and he was making his way past the white line so I immediately pulled over. Kind of like Dukes of Hazzard but in a very safe and responsible mom sort of way. Okay, so I used my blinker and merged over. But in my mind it was much more dramatic.

I don’t know much about turtles except they have shells and what I have learned from watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… which did not help me much in this situation I have to say.

Did you also know that they have claws and are seriously feisty??? No laughing if you already knew that. And maybe they aren’t called claws but they sure felt like it.

So, I pick the little guy up and set him in the floor of my van. I tried to find a box but what do you know…. my van that usually has so much stuff in it that a small army could live out of it for a week was completely bare because it had just been cleaned out. And I mean completely. Hmm… well, how much harm can a turtle do, right?

Well that whole concept of turtles being slow… not true my friend. Not true. That turtle was seriously doing laps in the van and I mean laps. It even tried to climb my seatbelt which kind of freaked me out, I am not going to lie. All I kept telling myself was to not get in an accident and especially not get in a wreck because this turtle freaked me out. That would be super awkward to explain to the police officer that is for sure.

“So ma’am, what you are telling me is that you hit the light pole because the turtle that you have loose in your vehicle scared you….”

“Yes….sir….”

“And why did you have a turtle in your car?”

I obviously had no plan here other than the fact that I was saving a turtles life and that seemed like a good idea at a time.

I blame my husband too. (Yeah, he will appreciate me throwing that in here too. ;-) ) He had just told the kids about how he had found a turtle when he was a kid and kept it for a couple of days and then turned it loose again. I was thinking that the kids would like to see this cool little creature and then we could have this festive celebration of the turtle while releasing him back into the wild… a much safer wild with no narrow roads with white lines to worry about….

Finally, I did make it home. The kids were amazed and shrieked with awe and wonder… score 1 for mom. They started looking and studying it… score another one for mom. (As a homeschool mom you are always looking for ways to inspire kids to learn… even if that means pulling the van over to the side of the road and waiting as 30 cars whip past you… okay so maybe it was only 3 cars but still… and rescuing a turtle.

So, my week continued on to be crazy. A couple more days with a sick baby and even less sleep. a 7th birthday for my 3rd son. Soccer practices, volleyball games, more schoolin’… and a turtle in my bathtub. I kind of feel like that just demonstrates my life. No matter how much I try to have it together… how much I plan… how much I prepare… this totally random stuff just happens and we have to make the best of it… or not. That is the choice we have. You have to roll with the punches or let them knock  you down. I do my best to make the best of it and wring every ounce of joy out of life that I can.

Soon the turtle… no I didn’t name it… if I name something I automatically want to keep it… will be released at a pond where he (or she… I don’t know that either) can go on to do turtle things and live happily ever after (or so we hope) and I will clean my bathroom (turtles are surprisingly messy) and prepare for whatever adventure comes along next week. And I know that my kids won’t remember the day-to-day mundane tasks that we do in order to get through school and life in general but I know that they will remember things like the turtle in our bathtub…. and I hope they smile. I hope they even get a little chuckle out of it and tell their kids these funny stories too. Because this is what makes life interesting. That is what makes life fun.

So, if you managed to read this far… thanks. You will also be happy to know that the turtle was released and is on its happy little turtle way. :-)

See you next time Mr. or Mrs. Turtle. We sincerely hope you have a joyful life. And the next time you see the white line… turn around and go the other way. :-)

10,000 Prayers... And Now He is Here

It is funny how life can change for you so quickly.
One minute you are are walking along one path and you look up to discover it has turned into a completely different path.
Like when you are a mom of 4 and then suddenly you realize that you are now a mom of 5.

On 8.7.14 we welcomed our newest addition to our family.

Caysen Johnse or as we call him, "Cayse".

He is amazing.

He came by complete surprise to us. Normally I don't care for surprises but he is by far the best one I have ever received... and I find myself just staring at him in awe.

He is 3 weeks old today - which have gone by in a blink of an eye despite my best efforts to soak up every moment.

I find myself kissing his little head over and over again.
As I did this a day or two ago I thought to myself, "I have probably kissed him 1,000 since he has been born."
Then I started thinking of how many prayers I said for this little boy before he finally arrived.
At first I thought that I had probably said 1,000 prayers as well... then, being the math geek that I am, I roughly counted the number of days since that winter day when I realized that I was pregnant... no... 1,000 wouldn't even come close to the number of times I prayed for this boy.

My prayer was often very simple.

Please God, keep him safe and healthy, safe and healthy, safe and healthy. Please God.

I would say that same thing over and over again countless times each day.

I don't know exactly how many times I prayed for him certainly but I am sure God does.
I am so abundantly thankful that he heard my prayers and answered by giving us this perfect little boy.

Welcome to the world sweet boy. You are so very loved.

And I am Back...

Well, I am back...

After some time away I have decided to resume blogging on this blog. With our new addition (more about that later) I have felt the need to simplify and trying to keep up with and develop the vision I had for my other blog... well, it just isn't the season for it.

I don't want to give up writing, sharing, and documenting our beautiful life together so here we are.
And I am so excited.

So stay tuned... for what I don't know. I am just going to go with it!!!

Hope you all have had an incredible summer.

Blessings,
Andrea

I Have Moved....

A month ago I blogged that I was keeping a secret. Well, here is the "big news". I have moved my blog to my very own website.

I have wanted to expand what I am blogging about for a while and so I am finally doing it. You can find me here:

http://this-beautiful-life.com/

Remember to sign up for your email subscription on my new site so you can keep up on my latest posts!

Thanks for following me through this journey!

~Andrea

I am Keeping a Secret....

I have a secret.
No.
I'm not pregnant.
I know someone out there went there.
Yeah, you know who you are.
(Jason, you can start breathing again. :-)

Anyway....
I have a secret and I want to tell you so badly.
But I can't.
Not yet.
But soon.

I am so excited about this new adventure in my life.
It may not be that exciting to some but to me...
Well, it is a pretty big deal.
I have been planning this for over a year.
Probably longer if I really thought about it as the past 2 years have been kind of a blur.

But, I just wanted to plant this little seed...
And because I am just so excited... I wanted to share my excitement.
Even though I can't tell you what it is.
Yet.
:-)

So, keep checking back.
Oh, my blog has been banned from Facebook again.
For the SECOND time.

Evidently, my blog posts are just too hard core for the average person on Facebook to take.
I know, I know.
I need to tone it down.
But what can you do...

Anyway, if you want to keep up...
and if you were following my blog through Facebook...
you will have to pick a different method.

You can follow by email - look to the right over there (but don't forget to confirm - lots of people enter their email address and then don't confirm so it just sits there inactivated. How sad. :-(
-or- you can hit the little follow button. :-)

Anywhooo.......
Happy Wednesday!

Oh, because I feel kind of bad about not telling you my secret yet, I posted this super cute photo of my boy to enjoy. Love this little man! This is a sneak peek of my next post. :-)

Why I Believe in God - A Miracle

Periodically I am asked why I believe it God.
Sometimes this question comes from people that are searching for their own beliefs.
Sometimes this questions comes from people who are steadfast in their belief that there is no God.
Regardless of who is asking the question, I always have the same answer.

How can I not?

For what God has done in my life there is no way that I cannot believe in Him.
And that is just me personally.
That does not even come close to describing what I have seen Him do in other lives.

Sure I face criticism for my beliefs.
I had someone tell me that it was natural for me to believe what I do when I have gone through something like I have (meaning the cancer) because it is the human tendency to try to cling to something that could possibly give me the outcome that I desired.
Um... okay...
One important note though - I believed in God before I was diagnosed too....

Anyway, I am not here to debate my belief.
People are entitled to their beliefs just as I am entitled to mine.
But I do want to share one of the many many ways I have seen God in my life.

Jason and I have actually had people ask us, even our Christian friends, how we can believe in Jesus after what we have gone through... the cancer... the multiple miscarriages... and other things that we won't get into.

Again, our answer... how can we not?

One way I saw God's provisions... God's miracle... was actually through my cancer.

What some of you may not know is that I found my first cancer symptom when my daughter was just 2 weeks old.
It was not there before and then suddenly the day she was 2 weeks old I found what I would later learn was a tumor in my neck.

Why is this a miracle?
Some people may say it is the opposite....

Because I didn't find that tumor during my pregnancy.
Can you even fathom the timing of it all?
I STILL struggle with the magnitude of how powerful this is in my life.

I am pregnant with my daughter.
A pregnancy that I white knuckled the entire time because of the loss of our son the year before...
But I am able to go through my entire pregnancy with the cancer growing in my body and still deliver this healthy baby girl.
Then 2 weeks later I find my first cancer symptom.

I see women all of the time that have been diagnosed with cancer during their pregnancies and then have to make those critical decisions.
I was actually there once myself but that is a story for another blog post.
But I cannot imagine having to make those decisions being pregnant with her after we had endured such a loss just one year, one month, and ten days before she was born.
I know God knew that I could not take that.
And he spared me from it.

I am also grateful that he allowed me to carry her full-term and that she was perfectly healthy despite the cancer growing inside me at the very same time.
A miracle.
My miracle.
One of many.

But God is not a God of just miracles.
He is a God of the everyday things.
Each day I walk it out with Him and each day I know how lost I would be without Him.
And I am grateful.
Grateful for it all.

I know that this may not seem like a big deal to some but it is a huge deal to me.
And to my last breath on this earth I will rejoice for the gifts that He has given me.
2 weeks.
He gave me 2 weeks.
And it made all the difference for this mamma.
And one very special baby girl.

My Compulsion: {Editing} (I Know, Crazy Right?)

So, I kind of feel like writing tonight.
For fun.
Not for work.
I end up writing around 5,000 words day right now for my work and so it is such a release for me to be able to come on here and just write.
And not edit.
Well, okay, edit a little.
Who am I kidding?
I edit almost everything.
Including the marquee signs as I am driving by.
I can just see it now....

Officer: Ma'am, can you tell me again why you hit the tree?
Me: Well Sir, they used the wrong from of "their". They said "there" and they needed to use "their". I mean, [insert nervous laugh] who does that?
Officer: Well, THERE you go. Your ticket for careless driving and a $250 fine.
That would not be awesome.

Oh.
But I never edit emails from my friends. ;-)
Or Facebook messages.
Or Facebook posts for that matter.
Or my blog comments.
Or texts.
(I was on my way to never getting another email or any other form of communication from my friends again there for a second.)
Whew. That was close.

However, I am one of those freaky people that capitalize correctly AND uses correct punctuation when I am texting.
And I did it before my phone did it for me and if my phone messes up now I will go back and fix it before I send it.
Don't judge me.

Okay, I. Am. Hopeless....

Some of you may be wondering if I am so edit crazy why do I write in fragment sentences all the time.
Well.
That is my way of rebelling against my editing compulsion I guess.
I know.
Such a rebel.

The funniest thing is when I go back and re-read my chemo posts.
I will be like, wow, someone needed to spell check.
Or, how many commas can you miss in one paragraph?
It doesn't matter that I am talking about the fact that I feel like I am going to die or that I was in a chemo induced coma.
No excuses, right?

So, what are you compulsive about?
Oh, and I promise, I won't edit your comments. ;-)

Thanks for reading and giving me a little release tonight.
Now you know my secret shame.

{37 Pounds Down}

This is something I have not shared on.
Not sure why.
Just seems like it was one more thing I was battling.
And it seemed like a long time before I could see the hope of victory.
Not sure if that makes sense or not.

Finally, I had to let down my perfectionistic ways (no, that is not a word - I made it up).
And realize that just because I hadn't met my goal 100% does not mean that I have not experienced a victory in this area.
That it was still and achievement that should be celebrated.
And maybe, just maybe, it might inspire someone else.
You know I am all about that.

Enough rambling.

So, since I have finished my cancer treatment, I have now lost 37 pounds.
I am pretty excited about that fact.
I have had a number of people ask how I did it.

The answer.
Old fashioned diet and exercise.
More diet than exercise at this point because until the last couple of months I struggled so immensely with my energy level.
When I struggled to just make my kids breakfast there was no way I was going to have the energy to take a walk.
I know that sounds extreme but that was where I was at.

I also have the added bonus of no longer being in treatment.
No longer being pumped full of steroids - that is always a perk to anyone's weight loss plan right there.

Now I am not bashing the other diet and nutrition plans out there.
I have many friends that have used a variety of those and have had a great deal of success.
In my opinion, you need to use what works as long as it is nutritionally sound.

For me, our budget was a huge obstacle.
With as much as we owe in medical bills I just could not afford many of those options.
However, I cannot afford to be unhealthy either.
So, I had to work something out.

Here I am, 37 pounds lighter and pretty happy about that.

I will share some other helpful tips I found a long the way.
But today, I just wanted to take a moment and celebrate this achievement.

Are you on a weight loss journey?
Do you want to be on a weight loss journey?
Join me in mine!

What's Next for {Our} Family?

Yesterday we made our announcement "blog official".
And I didn't realize I would leave so many people hanging about our future plans.
Sorry about that. :-)
It was just a lot to get through that blog alone.

But here we are.
Switching gears.
Again, the bitter/sweet.

For a year or so now we have felt God tugging at our hearts to possibly plant a new church.
We prayed, prayed, and prayed some more because this is something way beyond anything we ever thought we would do.
Jason was pretty clear that he didn't feel like God was asking us to move to another state.
But maybe another town.

We literally started praying over town after town.
It was a pretty awesome process actually.
There were towns I felt okay about.
And towns that J felt okay about.
But there were only two that we both felt good about.
So, we prayed some more.
Then some things happened this summer and we thought everything was going to be put on hold for longer than what we expected.
But a couple of months back God really started pressing on our hearts again.
And eventually it became clear that this was a leap of faith that we needed to take.

So, we were down between the two different towns.
One is only about 10 minutes away from our home.
(Closer than the church we go to now, which is 30 minutes away.)
The other would be about an hour and would require us to move.
We were okay with either.

Finally, God faithfully gave us the exact confirmation that we needed to know this was the right decision.
But, here was our big plan...

We feel like God is calling us to plant a church.
And we have it narrowed down between two towns.

Yeah, that's all we had.
But we knew we had to be obedient to this.
God has already got us through so much.
We knew he would get us through this as well.

So, we took the leap of faith and J turned in his resignation.
That was a Tuesday.
Our prayer - close the doors that we aren't supposed to go through and open the one that we are.
Pretty simple right. ;-)

Two days later he received a call from a pastor.
He actually lives in one of the towns that we were considering.
And it was the town that we only live 10 minutes away from so we wouldn't have to move.

So, after J's conversation with this pastor over the phone it was left that if we wanted to start a church in this particular town he would consider letting us use his church on Saturday evenings to do so.
(Keep in mind, we had never met this pastor before.)

Wow.
A building.

So, we met with him and J laid out his ministry vision.
And he loved it.
The funny thing is that we were really freaked out because everything was going so fast.
We just honestly did not expect everything to fall into place like it was.
And that is when the pastor told us...
He had been praying for 9 years for God to bring him the right people to start this church.

Wow.
The answer to our own prayer was also the answer to someone else's prayer.
And he had been praying for a lot longer then we had.

So, we went and prayed some more.
J went on his shoot and it was so amazing because he planned this shoot like 7 or 8 months ago and it could not have come at a more perfect time.

He was able to have fun, get away, relax, and unwind.
Just what he needed.
When he came home he felt like taking this new church offer was indeed what God wanted him to do.

We have spent a great deal of time praying about what our ministry would look like if we were to ever get there.
So, J shared all of our own ideas that we have been praying about even before we realized that this call on our lives was going to be sooner than later.
And the pastor loved them - all.

Wow.
So much support.
So much encouragement.
We are in awe and overwhelmed by what God has done.

The craziest part -
My hubby is going to start as the senior pastor at this new church in 11 days.
That's right - November 17th at 6pm.

And we are just having so much fun with this.
We really are.

We will be at Grace until the end of the year.
So, J will do his normal duties at Grace and then just the Saturday night service until we are finished up there.

Then we will be off and running at the new church. :-)
And once the congregation is big enough we will branch out and find our own building and be able to offer a Sunday service.

So, that is the plan right now.
We would love your prayers as we go through this transition.
Both our roles will be changing significantly but we know God will work it all out.
Look at how much he has already done in 3 weeks!

Blessings to you all.
Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and just the tremendous amount of love and support you have provided our family throughout it all.
We couldn't have done it without you.

Now, back to the election.

Making it Blog Official - {We are Leaving Grace} -

Well, I haven't blogged in a while and I hate to start off with an announcement like this but it is time to make it "blog official". It was announced at church this past weekend so I felt it was appropriate that I finally talk about it on here.

But you read it right, we are leaving Grace - our home church of almost 7 years, and where my husband has served as youth pastor for over 4 years. I also worked there for over 3 years, until I was diagnosed with cancer. So, we have lots and lots of deep, deep relationships there.

This has not been an easy decision by any means. We have been praying about this for almost a year now. About 9 months ago Jason started seeking counsel form a number of his mentors. They began to lay down a path of confirmation. However, it took many more months for us to see the full plan that God has laid out before us and receive the final confirmation that we needed to know exactly what we were called to do.

There were many difficult parts to this equation but one of them was that I was still so sick for the first half of this year. It was hard to imagine that we were being called in another direction when I felt so lousy all of the time. But God's timing is perfect and I felt like he gave us just enough time to get my feet under me so that I can be the helpmate my husband needs in this next stage of ministry.

Still, even though we knew in our hearts God was calling us to another ministry and I had started feeling better, this was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. We have so many cherished relationships and even though we plan on carrying those with us wherever we go, it is still going to change things and change is often a scary thing.

Telling our youth group kids was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do in our lives. We love them dearly and as we watched tears stream down many of their faces it literally broke our hearts.

Anyway, I am very relieved now to have all of the "telling" done. It is hard to see disappointment on peoples faces over and over again. Even though they respect our decision and they are happy because we are listening to what God has called us to do, there is still sadness.

It is all just bitter/sweet.

So, if you are one of the ones that felt the bitter/sweet for us, know that we love you. We appreciate your support more than you will ever know. We will do our very best to keep in touch and we just want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being who you are in our lives. (Even if you are one who may not know us well and just read my blog, I still appreciate you greatly.) We would not have the cherished memories that we do without you. Blessings to you all.

The Gressman Family

P.S. I will share more about what exactly God has called to do here very soon. :-)

[five] years of creide + a letter to my [boy]

Two and a half weeks ago, on September 11th, our little Creide turned the [big 5].
Can you believe it?
Where does the time go?

This little man is super special.
I love his little heart so much.
His care for others.
His constant encouragement.
His joy for life.
His ability to make you laugh - constantly.

I will share more about his actual birthday day soon.
But for now I wanted to share some photos.
[five] years of having this little man in our lives.
[five] years of this joy.
Looking at them makes my heart swell with love.
But also brings a tear to my eye.

I will so miss my little Creide.
My Creidey-Bear.
My baby boy.

But I have joy in the Creide I have today.
I will do my best to soak up each day like a ray of sunshine.
My mama moments.

  

  

 

Despite how this may look - he DOES have a diaper on. :-)

        

  

\

~My Dearest Creide~

You are loved more than you will ever know.
You fill my heart with such joy every day.
Your sweet smile and fun loving spirit bring such a brightness to this world.
A brightness that this world so desperately needs.

You were born on such a special day.
September 11th.
And on that day you brought hope.
Each day since then you have lived that out.

I would not be surprised one bit if this becomes the theme of your life.
Bringing hope to those who need it most.
I can't wait to watch from the sidelines.
I will be your biggest fan.
[Okay, maybe I will share with your daddy.]
And I will cheer you on every step of the way.

You constantly make me laugh.
The things you say.
The things you do.
They belong only to you for you are truly one of a kind.

I love how you still enjoy cuddling with your mama.
Please don't grow out of that too quickly.
I remember when I was sick from my chemo and I would be sleeping -
I would wake up to you in my arms.

You were "quiet like a ninja" and would sneak in to cuddle with me.
You will never know how much that fueled my soul to keep fighting on.

I know my time with you is such a precious gift.
And when you read this on your own someday.
I hope.
- No matter what -
That you can look back on these growing up years.
And feel only love.

Keep on keeping on my little Creide.
The world needs more of you.

With all my love,
Your Mama

What is Love?

I was recently on StumbleUpon - another little internet addiction I am developing.
I saw this post where some experts asked little ones to define what love is.
Here are some of my favorite answers:

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." ~ Terri - age 4 

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."  ~ Danny - age 7 

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."  ~Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." 

~ Nikka - age 6 

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." ~ Tommy - age 6  

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." ~ Elaine - age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." ~ Chris - age 7 

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." ~ Mark - age 6 

[sorry, this might be TMI but it made me laugh so I had to share.]

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." ~ Jessica - age 8 

What a beautiful pictures these little ones create. 

It is my hearts desire to create the same picture for my own children. 

I am determined that they know how much they are loved and how much their father is loved.

That is why I started this blog. 

That is why I continued as regularly as I could when I was going through treatment. 

I didn't know what was going to happen. 

I couldn't predict the future. 

But I could do something about today.

And I could leave bits and pieces of me. 

Bits and pieces of my love for them to find later on. 

Life is so precious my friends. 

I cannot remember for the life of me where I heard it. 

If you know maybe you can give me a shout so I can update this. 

But the other day I heard something along the lines of:

{It is a privileged to be able to grow old with someone.}

I could not agree more.

Yet so many of us take this for granted.

One final story from this same site:

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. 

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. 

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. 

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 

"Nothing, I just helped him cry." 

To read the full article go to: "What Does Love Mean?" See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love"

{Photo of the Day}: Flower Series [no.1]

I have a slight obsession with taking photos of flowers.
And food.
Weird.

Anyway, I have been snapping away all summer and I wanted to share some of them with you.
This is my feeble at hanging onto summer.

Which one is your favorite?