Who knew being a parent would be so exhausting! Now before I start hearing hoops and hollers from the grandparents out there telling me "I told you so!"....or "Now you see what we went through!" I actually did know parenting was exhausting. You see, I was 12 before my first sister was born and so I had a birds eye view of exactly what my parents went through in those early years. And you should have seen my sister! (Just kidding Audra.) She
was a tad bit of a handful - not very nice to our little brother at all. I use to take her everywhere though. I just adored her - in fact, people actually thought she was my baby which I became highly offended at that suggestion.
Anyway, by the time I had my first child I had no false illusions to what parenthood would be like. I knew about the sleepless nights and all of that business. God did throw me a curve ball when he blessed me with a special needs baby. My oldest son was born with a condition called Pierre-Robin Sequence. It is a lot to explain for this blog but the main element at that time was that he couldn't breath on his own so at 5 days old they had to put a tracheotomy tube in so he could actually breath. He had that for 14 months. During those 14 months he also had 3 more surgeries. (He has had 6 total as of now.)
Those of you who know my oldest son and didn't know about his early struggles are probably sitting there with jaws dropped open. If you saw him today you would never know that he had any issues except for a faded scar just above his shirt neckline. He is a brilliant boy who just announced a few weeks ago that he feels God is calling him to be a biblical historian. Yeah, he is 11 and I am pretty sure he is smarter than me but please don't tell him that. :-)
Anyway, my oldest - despite his medical issues, was a wonderful baby and toddler. He was so good and sweet, I hardly had to discipline him and I usually just had to explain to him why something was wrong and that was all it took. This is a child who told Jason when he was 3, "Dad, can I have a conversation with you?" Yeah, talk about intimidating for Jason!
Then my second son came along. From the very beginning he was a bit more of a handful. You would ask him to hand you something and he would throw it at you. And it wasn't some light toss. He has definitely inherited his dad's baseball arm and wasn't afraid to use it. He was a pretty chunky little thing and the doctor told me, "Oh, he won't roll or crawl on time." Yeah, he started rolling at 3 months, sat up by 5 months, crawled at 6 months, took his first steps at 7 months, and was running by 11 months. Then we hit the 2's and 3's and I did not think I would survive. Our 2nd and 3rd boy are 22 months apart and I often joke that if they wouldn't have been so close together that we would not have had our #3 or #4 child. Thank God for his wisdom!
Anyway, I have several friends that are a bit further along in their parenting journey that I really look at as mentors for how I want to parent my children. It was one of these dear sweet friends who told me "you're plucking weeds and planting seeds - just keep bringing him back to the cross and he will eventually get it." And she was right - he did. In fact, it was like it happened overnight. He just mellowed. Shortly after this I took him to my mom's house for a bit and when I picked him up I asked if she noticed how mellow he was. She said yes - she thought he was sick. Other family members asked us for 3 months if he was sick or not because "he just did not act himself." Now, he is the sweetest boy and wouldn't think of chucking something at me just to be spiteful. I no longer worry about him being arrested before he is 12. He is so sweet with his baby sister and I know he is going to make some lucky girl very happy someday. He will be a wonderful husband and father.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately on my journey as a mom. I adore my kids so much and even on the hard days I wouldn't trade it for anything. Especially on the chemo days and the days after when I don't feel like I am even being a mom, I wouldn't trade it - because at least I can see what I am fighting for. God has used my children in so many ways - they have truly been such an inspiration to me. There isn't a minute that goes by where I don't thank God for allowing me to be a mom and especially to these four little people who call me mommy.
As I go into these last 2 treatments I am already praying for strength. I know they will be tough but as I hear my children's voices echo through our house they will make it bearable and I will endure. And suddenly I realize that all along my children have also been planting seeds and plucking weeds in my own heart as well.
I thank you God for my 4 beautiful children - each of them so uniquely made by you. Thank you for choosing me to be their mommy. I feel so very blessed and just in awe of the gifts that you have given me. I pray for all of the other mommies and daddies out there right now who may be going through a tough time. Whether it is a toddler going through his 2's or a teenager going through their own set of struggles I pray that you provide them the wisdom and strength to get through it. Please encourage them in their journey and reassure them that they are plucking weeds and planting seeds. ~ Amen
