Who Forgets They Have a Tattoo?

Sadly, that would be me.

This is a very random post but one I just couldn't forget about.
I have an idea that I might laugh at this someday and I am always up for a good laugh.
Especially at myself.

The other day I suddenly remembered that I have a tattoo.
3 of them to be exact.
So, that would technically be... I have tattoooossss.
Plural.
For those of you keeping track that is.
And I completely forgot that I had them.

Okay, to be fair to myself they aren't the type of tattoos that you go and pick out, selecting something that you like, or I would hope you would like it - at least at the time.
Then sit there in the tattoo chair and voluntarily endure the process.

Oh no.
Mine were from when I had radiation.
Mine were a lot less glamorous.
And have no cool story behind them.

I mean, it would not sound cool for me to say, "Hey, you want to check out my tattoos? Yeah, they marked the places where they had to shine the little radiation lasers at me. Yeah, I know. Pretty cool, right?"
Yeah, no.

But still.
Who forgets they have tattoos?
Again, me.
I need to stop asking that question.

They are about the size of a pin drop.
Except the one on my chest - they had to do it twice so it is technically two pin drops.
Living wild I know.
Couldn't just go for one pin drop tattoo - had to be two.

The two on my sides I have actually never seen.
I hope they did a good job.
It would be awful if they would have messed those babies up.
How humiliating.

You messed up my pin drop tattoos!
How dare you.

I still can't get over the fact that I forgot that I had them.
Who does that?!?

Do you think I have to check those boxes where they ask if you have any tattoos?
I would be lying if I said no.
But can you imagine me trying to describe them???
And worse yet, them trying to find them???

Ma'am, can you please describe your tattoos?
They are pin drops.
Rain drops?
No, pin drops.
What are "pin drops?"
You know, when you drop a pin and it makes a mark. That is what my tattoos look like.
But why would anyone get "pin drop" tattoos?
I don't know, just in case I ever want to play connect the dots or tick-tat-toe. They give me a good place to start.

Nooooo thank you!

:-)

Have a great week!

Being Intentional and Intentionally Being

Being intentional is something I have really been convicted of lately.
And when I say "lately" I really mean the last 20 months.

I thought I was good about this before.
But it has been redefined for me.
For that I am grateful.

None of us know how much time we have here on this earth.
We never know if the words we speak to our spouse, our children, family, and friends will be the last they ever hear from us.
In that light, we need to make them count.
We need to leave a heart impression every chance we get.

We get opportunities every day to make a difference in peoples lives.
Are we taking them?

Are we building relationships?
Are we caring for people the way we need to be?
Or just being too busy.
Or perhaps it doesn't fit into our own "vision".

I continually ask myself these questions.
What will my children remember from today.
What will my husband take away from this moment.

I am not perfect in this.
Far from it.

But in my heart of hearts I know that each of these moments are truly a gift.
They should be celebrated
Soaked up.
Taken in.
Cherished forever.

So, I wanted to share with you one of my "Being Intentional" moments....

I am a thrifter.
I drive my husband nuts.

But I have a few shops that if I ever get a "mommy moment" I will definitely take advantage and see what they have to offer.

I was at one re-use shop the other day and spied a treasure.
Then I spied the price - half price.
A sale at a re-use shop is like "happy birthday to me!"
You can tell I get a bit excited.

So, I found this delightful little tea set.
For.
Wait for it.
$2.50.
Can you believe it?



The special thing about this tea set is that it wasn't super girly.
It is black - about as manly as you can get there.
No handles - so big fingers can't get stuck.
Maybe you can see where I am going with this....

I actually bought it for my husband.
Some of you might be chuckling when you think of my big, broad, 6'4" husband being the proud owner of a tea set.
Okay, maybe that is worth a giggle.
Or two.

But hear me out.

My hubby and I don't drink a lot of coffee.
I only drink it, at the most, once a month.
Not that I don't like it.
So, don't start boycotting me or anything like that.

But sadly, I cannot drink it black.
That yummy vanilla cream is just so good!
However, I don't need it.
I am currently trying to live (and eat) as healthy as possible.
And coffee just sends me in the opposite direction.

So, we drink A LOT of tea.
Unsweetened.
Plain goodness.


I know someone out there will now send me an email about how too much tea isn't good for me either.
But I will tell you what I tell my doctors.
I don't drink coffee, I don't drink soda - please don't take my tea away from me too!


Anyway, back to my tea pot.
Or Jason's tea pot I should say....





We have a special area in our bedroom with a small table and two chairs.
Perfect for your morning coffee tea.
Perfect for a couple to spend a few quiet moments hearing about their schedule for the day.
Perfect for reconnecting.
Perfect for being intentional.

That is why I got the tea set.
To be a visual reminder to always be intentional.

And it works.

We kind of take turns preparing the tea.
The other will come out and see it sitting there and then we will sit.
And talk.
About everything.
About nothing.

Because what matters most is that we are together.
And that we are being intentional.

{$22,000}

I have rarely talked about the financial burden cancer creates for a family.
It is not that it isn't always there.
There are constant reminders of the mounting debt that the disease is causing you to incur.

But it is kind of like... what can you really do about it?
It is not like I had another option.
My children needed their mother.
And my husband needed his wife.

The time for me to worry about my medical bills was not when I was fighting for my life.
(Although you don't ever really not worry about them.)

However, during the last several months this burden has weighed heavier and heavier on my heart.
Struggling with fatigue made it worse.
I couldn't go back to work and it almost felt hopeless.

Was I ever going to start feeling better?
How am I ever going to get these paid off if I don't have the energy to work?
It was awful.

And my husband is a youth pastor and we definitely live on a pastor's salary.
I am not complaining but it is just a reality of our situation.

Do not get me wrong.
We have have had support from our family and friends along the way.
Without you all I have no idea what we would have done.  

People held a couple of fundraisers for us and that was huge.
And others offered to hold fundraisers but, sadly, I just didn't even have the energy for that at the time.

A few weeks ago we sat down and laid out the massive pile of bills.
And with the help of my mom, thanks mom, we figured out as close as we could how much we still owe.

Right now we owe around $22,000.
That may not sound like a big number to some.
But it is one that I would like to do away with as soon as possible.

I am not asking for you to give us money.
That is not at all the point in this blog.
But I cannot sit around and do nothing and expect them to pay themselves.
I can't go to our big money tree in our backyard, unfortunately.
And the last time I checked winning the lotto was a long shot and actually required you to play it in the first place - which I don't.

So, I am going to start selling some of the little things I make here and there.
All of the profits will go to my cancer bills.
And, hopefully, we can get them knocked down just a little bit.

The reason why I am telling you...
Well, I do plan on advertising on here.
And I don't want you to be offended.
You have all been so faithful to follow me through this journey and that is the last thing I want to do.

However, if you would like to help please feel free to forward my blog to anyone you feel might be interested in purchasing the things that I will be offering. (More on that to come.)
God has been so faithful throughout all of this.
I know He will be here too.
And in the scope of life I do know what matters most.
But I would just really like to be rid of this $22,000 sooner than later.

Thank you again for all of your love and support.

Blessings,
Andrea

My 9/11...

Like every American.
We remember 9/11.
However, we also remember it for a very different reason.
It is our third little man's birthday.

The funny thing is that we have actually had people give us condolences because our son was born on 9.11.07.
My response.
Don't be sad for us.
We aren't.
We rejoice on that day.

Please do not get me wrong.
We deeply respect and honor those who lost their lives in the terrible tragedy.
And those who gave their lives trying to save others.
Our hearts ache for their loved ones.

In this household you will always find respect and honor for those who serve and protect our country.
Period.

It does not matter if they are here on American soil or defending our country in a foreign land - they are thought of often and prayed for often in our home.
It does not matter if they are in a branch of the military or if they are in law enforcement protecting our cities and towns.
Our home will always show them the respect that they deserve.

But we still rejoice
The birth of our son on 09/11, we believe, is what so many of those brave men and women give their lives for.

Hope.

The hope of a future.
The hope that there is something better yet to come.

Our son represents this hope, and so much more, to us.

He is like the rainbow after the flood.
A sign.
A sign of new life.
Our future.
A sign of love.

So, each year for the past 5 (can you believe he is 5! - We'll discuss that more later) we have celebrated on 9/11 without hesitation.
Full hearted.
Rejoicing.

Thank you God for giving us this little man on such a special day to be a reminder to us of the HOPE you have given.

the blur of life: {Broken arms, birthdays, and sickness}

I can't believe how fast this last week has gone by.
And I tell you my emotions have been all over the board.
I went from the elation of getting good scan results.
To the pit in just over a 48 hour period.

It would not be appropriate for me to discuss the details of our struggles right now.
I know that is tough for some of you to take because you are so sweet to us and it is tough for me not to be open and share.
To bare my heart as you have all allowed me to do time and time again on here.
But I just can't.
Just please know that it is not cancer related - so don't panic there.
And yes, we will take your prayers.:-)

For wisdom.
Guidance.
Strength.
Clarity.
Healing.
Protection.
And anything else you want to throw in there.
You won't hear any complaints from me.

Anyway, our week was such a blur and I really don't like that because I feel like I can't soak up every minute of life.
And that is really all I want to do.
Life is precious.

First, God has really blessed me with some extra work right now.
For those of you who don't know - I am actually grinding it out as a freelance writer.
(Not a big surprise for some but probably a huge surprise for others.)
The typical response I get is, "You can actually make money writing?"

For those of you who have done freelance work or who work for themselves, you know how it goes.
You take the work when you can get it.
But I love it.
I get to do what I love.
And I get to stay home with my babies.
Which I love even more.
I am blessed.

I have had some frustration along the way of course.
Mainly because I had my client list going pretty well and then cancer decided to come along.
I worked for as long as I could.
Until I honestly had nothing left.
And then I had to say goodbye to most of my clients.
Some of them, miraculously, stood by patiently until I was able to return to work - which really only happened a couple of months ago.
Even then, I had to start out very small.
Only working a tiny bit each day or the fatigue was just too much.

For any of you who know me you can imagine how well that went over.
It didn't.
My whole life if I have wanted to do something I have just done it.
Cancer was different.
I couldn't will my way through it.
And the harder I tried, the worse it was for me.

Anyway, that was a rabbit hole and I definitely chased it.

I have been blessed with some new clients lately and it has just been a scheduling adjustment.
But I don't dare turn it down.

So, we were trying to go away for hunting camp so I had to work extra to get caught up enough to leave.
You know how that goes.

But here is a glimpse of all the other stuff that happened along the way.

Wednesday: 
Received the super cool news that I am still cancer free.
Creide fell off the trampoline even though we have a enclosure thing, which will be relevant here shortly.

Thursday:
I was supposed to decorate a wedding about an hour away. (For those of you who don't know, I used to decorate weddings before I was diagnosed.) Got to site to decorate and the manager of the location didn't let the construction people know about the wedding and so there was construction stuff everywhere. Glad I did not have either of those peoples jobs. Needless to say, I was unable to decorate.

Also discovered that the swelling from Creide's arm has not gone away and we begin to think he may have broke his arm. (The second broken arm for him in less than 3 years and he was only 4 at the time.) I take him to the ER. They do x-rays. Creide charms the ER staff and gets about 100 stickers because of it and they release us saying that it is good to go.

Friday: 
Get ready to go back to the wedding site that morning and receive a call that they were able to get it done the night before so I can scratch that off my to do list.

Get a call from the ER doctor saying we need to come back in for more X-rays. Upon closer examination of the first X-rays there appears to be swelling in the elbow.

Go back to the hospital and get more X-rays. They were all super cool by the way. Still could not tell if there was a break in the elbow but there was definitely fluid, so they decided to treat it as a break.

Continue to pack for trip.

Go to my oldest son's first volleyball game of the season. Oh, I forgot to mention that I co-coach his team as well.

Go home and continue to prepare for our trip.

Saturday:
Leave for trip.
Arrive safely.

Sunday:
I wake up sick with the head cold my kiddos had a couple of weeks ago.

Monday:
Even sicker

Tuesday:
Creide's birthday.

I manage to drag myself out of the camper to celebrate with him. Make a rockin' awesome batch of Peach French Toast for breakfast. Homemade mac n' cheese for lunch with pork chops, french fries, and mini-corndogs... all on a campfire. (Thanks to my hubby for all his help.) These were all Creide's favorites.

Wednesday:
Get up super early and leave to come home so Cale and I can make it back in time for volleyball practice.
Hubby has to work that night.
I have to take the two little boys their soccer practices.

Thursday:
Oldest boy has another vball game in a town about an hour away.

Oh yeah, I am still sick.
It is no wonder I am so tired.

That was like a marathon blog post.
Thanks for enduring if you made it this far. :-)

Blessings.



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Scan Results Part 2 - {The Details}

Okay, so this is a little blog catch up time. 
I actually wrote this last week on the day of my scan and for whatever reason I never posted it. 
But now I am going to. 
I like when things are fresh. 
They seem more real to me. 
Deeper. 
Raw. 
Even just a week later I read this and have already forgotten most of it. 
Anyway, here you go. 
Maybe it will be valuable to someone out there. 

{9.5.12}

Oh wow.
What a day.
I am literally exhausted but I cannot turn my brain off yet to go to sleep.

This morning was pretty rough.
I literally felt sick to my stomach.
And that is pretty unusual for me.

I wanted to believe so badly that everything was going to be okay.
And this is where it gets hard to explain.

I wanted to believe that everything was good.
That I was still cancer free.
But I couldn't 100% let my guard down.
I couldn't let myself get blindsided - just in case I received the news that I did not want to hear.
I had to be able to maintain my composure and my strength for my family.
I couldn't fall apart in front of my children.
I had to be strong for them and reassure them that it was all going to be okay no matter what.
That is all I could think about.
Them. Them. Them.

As we drove into town I was thankful for our long drive.
The beautiful morning.
Our mountains.
And our radio station.
Some incredible music played and really put my heart at ease.

We arrived and I said my hellos to the many familiar faces.
They have to be some of the nicest people on the planet that work at the cancer center.
How they do it day in an day out I do not know.

They called me back to the room.
They took my blood pressure.
137/86 - not so good.
And I was trying to stay calm.

Soon after Dr. O came in.
He is so awesome.
He knows we are believers and openly talks to us about that.
He is just a nice man all around.
He asks about my kids each and every time.
Then he shares about his own kids.
If I weren't there for the reason that I am, it would almost seem fun.

Then he gets to my scan results.

You are stable - he said.

That, my friends, is a very good thing in the cancer world.
Later on he mentioned that the spot in my chest (an enlarged lymph node) that they are watching actually appears to be getting smaller.
That is the second scan where they have found that to be true.
Thank you God!

We talked some more about this and that.
I just really felt so much joy.
So much relief.
There are just not words.

From there I went to doctor #2.
Said my hellos in that office.
They took my blood pressure again.
(Not even an hour later.)
119/72
Ummm..... yeah... just a wee bit stressed before.

I received a confirmation from this doc's office on the scan results.
And they set me up for my next round.

Blood work in 3 months.
Full body scan in 6 months.
That is when I will have to drink the liquid chalk. Yum.
But we will worry about that in 6 months.
Not today.

I will then have two more scans after that 6 months apart and then we will hopefully "graduate" to the once a year gig.
That would be nice.

As I left the docs office J and the kids were in the parking lot waiting for me.
They had the windows down and I could hear them cheering for their mama.
Brings tears to my eyes even now.
Even my baby girl was cheering.

How sweet they are.
They got caught up in all this ugly mess and had to watch their mom go through the lowest of lows.
Yet, they keep cheering me on.
That is why I fought to hard.
That is why I continue to fight.
My husband and my children are my purpose.
And I will continue to fight for them until my last breath.

I am so thankful for them and the way they stood by my side.

Cancer Update: Scan Results

I haven't even left the doc's office yet. But I wanted to give you all an update.

I am still cancer free.
Still a survivor.
Still in remission.

I am elated.
Beyond grateful.

I received an email update from a friend who is currently battling cancer. Her husband said it best...

God has given me the gift of more time.

Thank you God.

I will write more later but I just wanted you all to know for now that things are good.

Blessings.