On Wednesday I had my 7th chemo treatment. It is hard for me to believe that I have been through this 7 times now. I think it is kind of been a blur...obviously a gift from God to minimize all of the pain I have endured.
I had someone ask me the other day what chemo was like and I was really caught of guard by that. At the time I had gone through 6 treatments and that was honestly the first time someone had asked me that question. I was totally unprepared and ended up giving a terrible answer I am sure but the question has been swirling around in my mind every since. I would love to find a way to describe what it is like so that people can have a real sympathy for it - not for me - but for your neighbor, friend, and family member. Everyone seems to know someone close to them that has cancer, gone through cancer, or will go through cancer and I continually pray that the Lord will use my experience to help others. That He will use my words to articulate what it is all about so that maybe you have just a little clearer picture on what that special person in your life is going through and you can be there to support them in a way that maybe you didn't know possible before.
So what is chemo like? Now I am going to throw a wrench in the whole works and not give a direct answer - It is different for everyone. :-) I know, I know, how is THAT suppose to help you help anyone. Well, it doesn't. But let me go on......My chemo rolls around every other week which does not give me a whole lot of time to recover. I feel like I finally get to feeling well again and try to cram everything I need to do in just a few days and then it is time for another treatment. Others have chemo every three weeks, every week, once a month, and so on and so forth. It just depends on what type of cancer you have and what stage you are at.
Also, there are many different types of chemo. Evidently there are people who can just take a pill (where can you sign up for that option I would sure like to know) but for others it is done through an i.v. My chemo is pumped into me with an i.v. and as I have shared before, I have a port that creates easy access and saves my veins.
I get several drugs pumped into me during each chemo treatment. There is of course the pre-chemo cocktail as I like to call it. For everyone else in the planet it puts them into a nice nap. For me - not so much. I sit there wide awake while they continue to give me the 4 drugs that make up my chemo concoction. My plan is called the "ABVD" - (sounds like a new investment plan - I wish) and cleverly each of the letters represents one of the drugs. This is suppose to be the good stuff when it comes to kicking the Hodgkin's tail. I sure hope so.
As they inject my body with all of the stuff I don't really feel much most of the time. Sometimes I feel a bit nauseated for a few moments but that is generally something that last just for a few moments. I have had stomach cramps in the past and other funky side effects but those aren't the norm. I do know after sitting for several hours when I try to stand up my legs feel heavy and I do feel weak and that is the standard for me for the next few days.
My dear hubby kindly loads me up after chemo, takes me home, and puts me to bed. I don't feel good but I don't feel terrible at that point....just blah. Sometimes I have nausea in the evenings. I have to constantly keep something in my stomach or it gets worse. My palate is pretty limited on what sounds good now. I seem to associate everything that I use to like with the nausea and - you guessed it - the thought of that particular item makes me nauseous all over again and so it must be avoided.
I think I struggle with the nausea more than most do. You aren't really suppose to have nausea with chemo now-a-days. But I am on about 4 or 5 different nausea meds and I still struggle with it. Thursday morning is about the same as Wednesday. I just feel blah. I may be having hot flashes, etc. but I am still able to cope pretty well. The hard part for me comes Thursday afternoon. 24 hours after chemo they give me a booster shot to help my immunity. I have heard that this can cause severe pain in people. It does cause me some discomfort but mostly it just completely knocks me out and I need to sleep a lot for the next few days. I do get some aches and pains along with it but to actually feel those I have to be coherent and most of the time after my shot I am not. I struggle with this for the next few days - usually Saturday, Sunday, and on into Monday. The times I am awake I feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time. I feel like my G.I. system is just completely shot. Everything burns when it goes down and everything causes me heartburn making it even worse. Pepto and Pepcid are close friends of mine now and they do an okay job of making the discomfort bearable.
I have done a great deal of research regarding chemo for Hodgkin's Lymphoma patients - for those who know me I know you are not surprised by this. I research everything. Anyway, I have read multiple times that Hodgkin's Lymphoma patients should expect to feel tire 1-2 days a month - the days of their chemo. Anytime I read this I generally want to write whoever decided to put that little tid-bit of incorrect info a letter explaining what really happens and ask them where they got such information. And it isn't just me - I did consider the fact that I might just be a big baby about the whole chemo thing, I really did consider that - but I do know other patients with HL and even though they all do handle it differently and it doesn't affect us all the same, they are a bit more fatigued than just 1-2 days a month. So, if you happen to ever read that in all of the research I know you are doing on HL - just throw that concept out the window. I can tell you it is not true.
Anyway, that is my chemo in a nutshell. I am 3 days past now - dealing with heavy fatigue, the gross feeling of nausea on an off, and the feeling that my entire G.I. system is on fire but I am getting through it. For those of you who have been dying to know what my chemo is like (I am laying the sarcasm on super thick here) now you have finally found the answer and can cross that one off the list. You can move onto much more exciting things like how hang nails form or why men have the ability to actually think of "nothing".
Praying this finds all of you happy, healthy, and blessed,
~Andrea
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Saturday, May 7, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
A Month of Kearyn.....Day 3
What can you say about a little girl that I never thought I would have. I continually hear comments like "you finally got your girl" or "your dream finally came true". Neither of these statements are accurate. Jason and I did not just keep trying until we finally had a girl and I didn't lay awake at night dreaming about what it would be like to FINALLY have a little girl. I really didn't think about this at all to be honest with you. I personally think if I would have just laid around lamenting about not having a girl I would have been doing a huge injustice to my boys. God blessed me 3 wonderful boys and I celebrate that every day.
You see, I knew I always wanted four children. That had been laid on my heart long ago by the big guy upstairs. Beyond that I didn't care if I had 4 boys or 4 girls or 2 boys and 2 girls or any other combination that you can fit in there. I just wanted 4 children and I trusted God's wisdom to give me what He - and only He - knew our family needed. There is also another factor that contributed to this as well.....we have lost 5 babies due to miscarriage. After my first loss I stopped caring about whether or not I would have a boy or a girl and the desire to simply have a baby cradled in my arms only compounded with each and ever loss.
Am I glad God gave me a girl? I think the more appropriate response would be that I am grateful that God gave me Kearyn. He gave us the exact baby that needed to be in our family and she happens to be a girl. It is so amazing to think of how He so thoughtfully pieced our family together - it was like a puzzle and each of my children provided a key piece to that puzzle. Without one of them - the puzzle wouldn't be complete but together they have created a beautiful masterpiece - a reflection of Christ.
You see, I knew I always wanted four children. That had been laid on my heart long ago by the big guy upstairs. Beyond that I didn't care if I had 4 boys or 4 girls or 2 boys and 2 girls or any other combination that you can fit in there. I just wanted 4 children and I trusted God's wisdom to give me what He - and only He - knew our family needed. There is also another factor that contributed to this as well.....we have lost 5 babies due to miscarriage. After my first loss I stopped caring about whether or not I would have a boy or a girl and the desire to simply have a baby cradled in my arms only compounded with each and ever loss.
Am I glad God gave me a girl? I think the more appropriate response would be that I am grateful that God gave me Kearyn. He gave us the exact baby that needed to be in our family and she happens to be a girl. It is so amazing to think of how He so thoughtfully pieced our family together - it was like a puzzle and each of my children provided a key piece to that puzzle. Without one of them - the puzzle wouldn't be complete but together they have created a beautiful masterpiece - a reflection of Christ.
{Andrea & Kearyn ~ 5 weeks old}
The Gressman Family Blog....Spring Edition
You may have noticed that The Gressman Family blog has received yet another face lift. Well, it is time for the "spring edition" of our lovely little blog so it seemed altogether appropriate to ditch the deep and dramatic red for something a little lighter. Even though we are not experiencing exclusive spring weather as we are still getting a snow flurry or two I am at least in the spirit of things. After all, the month of May represents a very special occasion in our family - our baby girl is going to be one! Be sure to keep up with the Month of Kearyn series as we plan on celebrating our precious baby girl all month long.
If you want to catch up on all of the things that happened in our family last month then check out the April 2011 post.
We are sure that our spring is going to be as action packed as ever. There are bound to be struggles but there are going to be some great victories and special moments as well.
Thank you to all of those who continue to encourage me in my writing. Every time I go out and about I seem to run into several people who tell me that they have been keeping up with "the blog" and although I am pretty sure I blush every time I hear those words, it is an honor that you all are still hear reading and walking along this journey with me.
I know I have said it a hundred times but it is so overwhelming - especially when I see all of the different countries that have people visiting the blog and when I see nearly all 50 states represented as well. It is amazing and I am grateful to be apart of God's plan in all of this.
If you want to catch up on all of the things that happened in our family last month then check out the April 2011 post.
We are sure that our spring is going to be as action packed as ever. There are bound to be struggles but there are going to be some great victories and special moments as well.
Thank you to all of those who continue to encourage me in my writing. Every time I go out and about I seem to run into several people who tell me that they have been keeping up with "the blog" and although I am pretty sure I blush every time I hear those words, it is an honor that you all are still hear reading and walking along this journey with me.
I know I have said it a hundred times but it is so overwhelming - especially when I see all of the different countries that have people visiting the blog and when I see nearly all 50 states represented as well. It is amazing and I am grateful to be apart of God's plan in all of this.
Monday, May 2, 2011
A Month of Kearyn.....Day 2 (Her Name)
One of the most common questions I get about our baby girl is how do we pronounce her name..... I can imagine some of you reading this now nodding your head in agreement wanting some clarification as well. So, here it goes. I could say something like "it is pronounced just as it is spelled" and that would be about as clear as mud but it really is pronounced as it is spelled. Here is a little further explanation though so you don't send me hate mail :-) Kearyn is pronounced K-Ear-In. The "ear" part in the middle is pronounced just like your ear you hear out of - hey that rhymed and it also rhymed with Kearyn :-) But that is easy enough, right?
How did we decide on her name? Well, there is a reason why God only gave me one girl and I am pretty sure it is because if I were to have more than one the others would have remained nameless. I have a bazillion boys names that I like but if my three boys would have been girls I have no idea to this day what I would have named them. I am just not good with the whole girl naming thing I guess.
We also set ourselves up for an even bigger challenge (you know us Gressman's - we can't make it easy) and we didn't even do it on purpose but the boys' initails are C.J, K.J, C.J., and so Kearyn also had to fit in that pattern as the next K.J. I did tell dear hubby that since she was a girl we could start all over with a new rule. We could throw caution to the wind and live on the edge by naming her something that started with a letter besides "C" or "K" but he used his veto card and said he really wanted her to have the initials K.J. So, after looking through thousands of "K" names the only name I liked was Kearyn. It actually came from the name Kiera which I really like but it is just too popular for my taste and the name Evelyn (my great-grandmother's middle name and a name I just love.) I later did find the name Kearyn spelled like Kieran but I obviously didn't like that spelling because I didn't use it. I feel like the "ea" is so much more femanine - maybe that is because there is the "ea" in my own name :-) - I don't know.
So, there you have it.....Kear (as in your ear, rhyming with hear) yn. It is not pronounced like Karen, Karin, Caryn, Carin, Caren or any other way you can spell the name Karen although I do know some lovely ladies out there with that name who I would not mind if my daughter shared a name with. :-)
You might be wondering about her middle name but we will save that for another discussion. After all, we have another 29 posts to go.
{Kearyn Jaedance Gressman ~ 1 day old}
How did we decide on her name? Well, there is a reason why God only gave me one girl and I am pretty sure it is because if I were to have more than one the others would have remained nameless. I have a bazillion boys names that I like but if my three boys would have been girls I have no idea to this day what I would have named them. I am just not good with the whole girl naming thing I guess.
We also set ourselves up for an even bigger challenge (you know us Gressman's - we can't make it easy) and we didn't even do it on purpose but the boys' initails are C.J, K.J, C.J., and so Kearyn also had to fit in that pattern as the next K.J. I did tell dear hubby that since she was a girl we could start all over with a new rule. We could throw caution to the wind and live on the edge by naming her something that started with a letter besides "C" or "K" but he used his veto card and said he really wanted her to have the initials K.J. So, after looking through thousands of "K" names the only name I liked was Kearyn. It actually came from the name Kiera which I really like but it is just too popular for my taste and the name Evelyn (my great-grandmother's middle name and a name I just love.) I later did find the name Kearyn spelled like Kieran but I obviously didn't like that spelling because I didn't use it. I feel like the "ea" is so much more femanine - maybe that is because there is the "ea" in my own name :-) - I don't know.
So, there you have it.....Kear (as in your ear, rhyming with hear) yn. It is not pronounced like Karen, Karin, Caryn, Carin, Caren or any other way you can spell the name Karen although I do know some lovely ladies out there with that name who I would not mind if my daughter shared a name with. :-)
You might be wondering about her middle name but we will save that for another discussion. After all, we have another 29 posts to go.
A Reprieve
I truly feel like God has given me a reprieve from cancer this past week. I have felt really well the past few days - I am sure it isn't 100% but I don't even remember what 100% felt like before so that really doesn't matter right now.
I have enjoyed this week so much and really it is the little things. Easter Sunday was rough because I was just a few days past chemo but the fact that I got up at 6:30am and was able to get all four of my children ready for church by myself was definitely a miracle. I enjoyed the fact that I could do this on my own so much - it is really hard to explain. I enjoyed sitting at a track meet all day watching my son compete. I enjoyed sitting in the rain watching my other son play soccer - I didn't even care that I got wet! I was just so thankful to be able to do these things. My baby girl has been teething which has been very rough for her and yesterday the only way she would fall asleep was if I was holding her - I enjoyed every minute of this and I never thought once of all the other things I needed to do. I was so wonderful just to hold her and stare at her beautiful face.
The past few days I really haven't thought about my treatment that much at all. It was like God provided me with the necessary distractions both mentally and physically just to get away from it for a while. As a result I feel completely refreshed and I am not stressed out about going into treatment #7 in two days at all. I know what the drill is and I know it isn't going to be any different this time around. I will look like death warmed over (and feel like it too) for about 5 or 6 days and then I will start to perk up again. I will have a couple of mediocre days before I finally feel okay again. Felling okay is good. I don't need to feel spectacular or stellar - I am okay with okay.
I am thankful for the gifts that God has given me this past week. I truly feel as if He is just carrying me through all of this now. He is giving me the inspiration I need to press on and move forward as I need to. He is giving me the courage to hold my head high despite it all and He is loving me all the while. God is good..... all the time.
I have enjoyed this week so much and really it is the little things. Easter Sunday was rough because I was just a few days past chemo but the fact that I got up at 6:30am and was able to get all four of my children ready for church by myself was definitely a miracle. I enjoyed the fact that I could do this on my own so much - it is really hard to explain. I enjoyed sitting at a track meet all day watching my son compete. I enjoyed sitting in the rain watching my other son play soccer - I didn't even care that I got wet! I was just so thankful to be able to do these things. My baby girl has been teething which has been very rough for her and yesterday the only way she would fall asleep was if I was holding her - I enjoyed every minute of this and I never thought once of all the other things I needed to do. I was so wonderful just to hold her and stare at her beautiful face.
The past few days I really haven't thought about my treatment that much at all. It was like God provided me with the necessary distractions both mentally and physically just to get away from it for a while. As a result I feel completely refreshed and I am not stressed out about going into treatment #7 in two days at all. I know what the drill is and I know it isn't going to be any different this time around. I will look like death warmed over (and feel like it too) for about 5 or 6 days and then I will start to perk up again. I will have a couple of mediocre days before I finally feel okay again. Felling okay is good. I don't need to feel spectacular or stellar - I am okay with okay.
I am thankful for the gifts that God has given me this past week. I truly feel as if He is just carrying me through all of this now. He is giving me the inspiration I need to press on and move forward as I need to. He is giving me the courage to hold my head high despite it all and He is loving me all the while. God is good..... all the time.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A Month of Kearyn.....Day 1
It is hard to believe that my baby girl is going to be ONE this month. On May 31, 2010 God blessed us with the sweetest and most precious baby girl that I could have ever asked for. She has changed each of us in such a significant way that it is painful to look back and even think of life without her. There was definitely a place in my heart that only she could fill and it was God's infinite wisdom who knew that and it was because of His divine love for us that he gave her to us to fill that void in our lives making our family complete.
I have watched her with each of her brothers with awe and wonder. She has given them gifts that will bless not only each of them as individuals but also their future wives and children. She has taught them patients and a new kind of love. My rough and tough boys actually had to learn how to be gentle. A certain chivalry has come about each of them as they literally protect their baby sister at all cost. These are just a few things that I will talk about this month. Stay tuned to learn more about our baby girl and to help us celebrate our precious Kearyn.
I have watched her with each of her brothers with awe and wonder. She has given them gifts that will bless not only each of them as individuals but also their future wives and children. She has taught them patients and a new kind of love. My rough and tough boys actually had to learn how to be gentle. A certain chivalry has come about each of them as they literally protect their baby sister at all cost. These are just a few things that I will talk about this month. Stay tuned to learn more about our baby girl and to help us celebrate our precious Kearyn.
April 2011
April 2011 was a busy month for us. Jason started the month off by having the privilege of marrying some dear friends of ours.....congratulations Ryan & Katy!
Two days later we had our own anniversary which was marked by a quiet dinner (minus 3 of the 4 children) which allowed for some wonderful time for conversation.
April also meant two more chemo treatments. During the 1st chemo treatment of the month (#5 in total) I was told that I would need 3 more treatments for sure. That of course is not news you want to hear but I had expected it. It was during my 6th treatment that I learned that I now would need 6 more treatments for a total of 12. This was pretty tough news for me but I desperately tried to look on the bright side - if I go the 12 treatments then I hopefully won't have to have radiation. The idea of radiation was one that both Jason and I were struggling with and had been praying for clarity on whether or not I should have it. So we were thankful that God really took that decision out of our hands and made it for us.
We also remembered our baby boy that we lost 2 years ago. This was a difficult time for me especially since I was going through my 6th chemo treatment at the same time but God got me through it. I am so grateful for the love and support of so many of my friends who reached out to me in that time with an encouraging word, a warm hug, or even a soothing gift. I know so many of you know my pain out there and I thank you so much for your comfort in my time of need. Thank you for all of those who are praying for me as well. It really means so much to me.
April also marked some great things for our kids. Our 5 year old son is now participating in soccer. This is his first team sport and it is exciting for him. In his very first game he scored his first goal. I was grateful to be able to be there to watch this happen for him. He is a very natural athlete but he takes after his dad and does not like to run so his preferred position is goaly. But he does a really good job playing forward - especially when he puts his mind to it.
Our oldest son participated in his first track meet in April as well. He took after his mama this year and ran distance. He ended up running the mile, the 400 meter, and the 800 meter at his track meet (the exact same races I use to run! :-) It was so exciting to watch him and he did so good! Again, I was thankful that I was able to be there to watch him.
Our three year old is as funny and dramatic as ever and the baby is now teething once again - which has not been fun in the least for any of us involved. I cannot wait until she gets this one in. It breaks my heart to see her in pain.
We also celebrated Easter this month. I was just a few days past chemo and usually I am not up and around until at least the Monday or Tuesday after my chemo treatments so I basically willed myself well enough to go and I am so thankful that I did. Our church puts on a giant Easter egg hunt which the kids really enjoyed and then just being able to be present in church on such a special day was wonderful. I was pretty wiped out the next couple of days because of it but it was worth it.
So, that was April 2011 in a nutshell. I am sure I am forgetting a few things so if I remember something significant later on I will post about it then. We are now on to May.....it is sure to be an exciting month!
Two days later we had our own anniversary which was marked by a quiet dinner (minus 3 of the 4 children) which allowed for some wonderful time for conversation.
April also meant two more chemo treatments. During the 1st chemo treatment of the month (#5 in total) I was told that I would need 3 more treatments for sure. That of course is not news you want to hear but I had expected it. It was during my 6th treatment that I learned that I now would need 6 more treatments for a total of 12. This was pretty tough news for me but I desperately tried to look on the bright side - if I go the 12 treatments then I hopefully won't have to have radiation. The idea of radiation was one that both Jason and I were struggling with and had been praying for clarity on whether or not I should have it. So we were thankful that God really took that decision out of our hands and made it for us.
We also remembered our baby boy that we lost 2 years ago. This was a difficult time for me especially since I was going through my 6th chemo treatment at the same time but God got me through it. I am so grateful for the love and support of so many of my friends who reached out to me in that time with an encouraging word, a warm hug, or even a soothing gift. I know so many of you know my pain out there and I thank you so much for your comfort in my time of need. Thank you for all of those who are praying for me as well. It really means so much to me.
April also marked some great things for our kids. Our 5 year old son is now participating in soccer. This is his first team sport and it is exciting for him. In his very first game he scored his first goal. I was grateful to be able to be there to watch this happen for him. He is a very natural athlete but he takes after his dad and does not like to run so his preferred position is goaly. But he does a really good job playing forward - especially when he puts his mind to it.
Our oldest son participated in his first track meet in April as well. He took after his mama this year and ran distance. He ended up running the mile, the 400 meter, and the 800 meter at his track meet (the exact same races I use to run! :-) It was so exciting to watch him and he did so good! Again, I was thankful that I was able to be there to watch him.
Our three year old is as funny and dramatic as ever and the baby is now teething once again - which has not been fun in the least for any of us involved. I cannot wait until she gets this one in. It breaks my heart to see her in pain.
We also celebrated Easter this month. I was just a few days past chemo and usually I am not up and around until at least the Monday or Tuesday after my chemo treatments so I basically willed myself well enough to go and I am so thankful that I did. Our church puts on a giant Easter egg hunt which the kids really enjoyed and then just being able to be present in church on such a special day was wonderful. I was pretty wiped out the next couple of days because of it but it was worth it.
So, that was April 2011 in a nutshell. I am sure I am forgetting a few things so if I remember something significant later on I will post about it then. We are now on to May.....it is sure to be an exciting month!
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