Updates - Scan and Overall

Scan Update

Sorry for the delay in updating all of you. After my appointment this a.m. I grabbed lunch and by the time I got home with my kids I was absolutely exhausted so I attempted to rest a bit between adhering to the needs of a 6, 4, and 21 month old. Anyway, I feel like I somewhat got my second wind for the day. (This is a long day for us as Jason doesn't get home from work until late tonight.)

Anyway, the doc appointment went well. The spot in my chest that they are watching is smaller but not gone. Ultimately they would like to see it go away completely so I will definitely be praying that it does.  I got some of the details of my future care ironed out for the most part - what type of testing I will need and when. These are just general guidelines of course, it will ultimately depend on how I do.

Overall Update

Overall I am doing pretty well I think. On my good days I feel like I am operating on about 50% of my optimal energy level. When I have a bad day it feels like I go back down to the 10-15% range and that is pretty rough.

I am now 4 months past treatment and they say that it will take at least 6 more months to feel "back to normal" again. I find that having patience to allow my body to recover is one of my biggest struggles. I just want to feel better already!

Another hard part, as I have said before, is that my outsides don't match my insides. I can feel really bad on the inside but people just see that I look so much better than I did during treatment, so they think I am all better. (Really, it is not hard to look better when you looked like you were dying before.)

It takes a lot of honesty on my part to admit that I am not "super-woman" and that I am still struggling. My first instinct is to say, "Oh no, I am fine. Yep, feel great! Want to see me do a back-flip?" Then wind up in bed for 3 days because of that back-flip. :-)

It is also funny because I can now really see this in other people who are hurting or going through treatment as well. I can see that they really don't feel good at all - even though they are putting on a brave face and it has made me much more sympathetic to those situations.

Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you all for the prayers! Love you all!

Oh, I almost forgot (and I really did almost forget silly me after making such a big deal about this...)

I do get my port out! 

I don't have a date yet but I will definitely let you know. And then I think a "PORT PARTY" is in order.... Anyone want to help me plan it???

Blessings, 
Andrea

How Quickly We Forget...

I had my scan on Monday, some of you knew that and some of you didn't because of my lack of blogging lately. If this one comes back clear then I can get my port out. For those of you who don't know what a port is, you can go here and read more about it. This was actually inserted in my chest 1 year and 5 days ago and God willing within the next month I will have it out.

Of all of the stuff I have gone through, the port has been one of the most irritating. I know... sounds weird since I went through chemo and radiation to complain about such a small thing (and no, I should not be complaining at all) but my daughter has no concept of the discomfort she can cause when she crawls all over me and puts her full pressure on "the port". You want to see me instantly go to my knees and cry like a little girl - she can definitely make me go there in a second. Okay, I don't REALLY cry, its like a whimper. I don't want you all to think I am going soft or anything like that. :-)

Anyway, as I went for my scan and they injected me with the junk that supposedly makes me glow on the inside, I was instantly reminded of my "patient days" and how crummy it makes you feel. After the scan and then lunch to celebrate my FIL's bday, I came home and slept for several hours. Again, I was reminded of how much this stuff takes it out of me.

Then, another thought occurred to me (you know I couldn't just leave it there) - how quickly I forgot what it was like to be that full-time patient and how that is such a blessing. It is a lot like child birth. God obviously gave me a very short term memory there because we have 4 and 3 were in less than 5 years. Maybe that isn't short term memory and just craziness - who really knows. Just kidding. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Anyway, I just found myself becoming even more grateful that God has allowed me to forget the discomfort of treatment so quickly. It is truly a gift.

Anyway, I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone else out there. Maybe, just maybe, you too have experienced God's grace in this way before as well.

Blessings,
Andrea